>>>why oh why<   
10:59pm 14/01/2004
mood: blank
music: "all that she wants" ~ ace of base (I heard it on the radio coming home tonight so, i blasted it and danced and suddenly i was like 11 again...it was fun times, and wow! that song is totally not for 11 year olds, but me and my bff thought we were cool w
OK, so I knew that one day, I just didn't think it would be now and i didn't expect to feel this way about it either. There is this guy "D" that i've known since June. I actually don't really "know" him though! OK, here's the deal I went searching on Yahoo and put in "dashboard confessional" and found this guy "D" and ended up reading all of his poems and songs he wrote on his livejournal and one letter he'd written to his grandmother (who had died several years ago) and it almost made me cry. So I emailed him and we've been talking ever since. He's just this totally amazing guy who's smart and funny and talented, and ever-so emo. Well, he IMed me and he told me that he's engaged to this girl who is only 16. OK, he's 22 and she's 16, what is going on? I mean they aren't getting married for 2 years (when she turns 18), but I mean he's just amazing and even though we've never met, I always thought he'd make someone an awesome husband b/c he's just that way, you know? I mean I know I never had a chance since he lives like 500 + miles away, but still! I am happy for him though b/c everyone deserves to be happy and all, but you know, it's weird! I mean I guess i'm just a big dork-head, but i felt like talking about it and you always listen (lol). Anyway I guess I won't bother you about him any more.

So, yeah why is everyone in love these days? I mean what is going on? I guess love is in the air or something, but I'm just sad b/c I wonder if i'll ever be in love:(...i mean sure, i like several guys right now: 1) is engaged 2) won't return my phone calls 3) totally broke my heart and hasn't contacted me in like 3 months and 4) well, he's the only one that i think i still have a chance with. Why the hell are guys so weird? and why don't they act more like girls? Ahhh....why are things so confusing? And why the hell can't i find a guy who's not a complete asshole? I mean i guess i will someday, but i just wish that someday was like now!

Well, i found out today that i'm not going to be able to take classes this summer b/c well the main class i need to graduate is only offered in the spring and fall for some reason, so it's another semester for me which means that's just added like 4 months onto living here with the fam...that kind-of sucks and i'm kind-of happy about it. Anywho, it'll be nice to have a break in the summer and at least that way i can go with the fam to KS to visit our other fam.

OMG...at my field placement today this lady was talking about how she was watching the today show and they were talking about "blogging" and all i could do was stand there, i mean i wasn't going to be like "oh, yeah i have an online journal thing...it's great" b/c the lady was saying how bad it was b/c anyone could read these things and find these ppl and stalk or kill them i guess, but i mean mine has no info, except my name and the state that i live in, i mean only idiots give out more than that, you know like addresses and phone numbers and such. Anyway, i just thought i'd mention it.

I was at school and stuff all day, but I'm happy b/c i get to work tomorrow and see "K"...and well, he's totally the man for me now, i mean he's been the main guy i've been thinking about for like what 6 months or more? Yeah, he's so great and i just can't get him off my mind. Well, i guess i'll go for now, i need to go watch Roseanne and think about "K" and be happy for "D"...so, have a great night and remember>>>Someday we'll all find true love:)~Sarah