Yarp Yarp Yarp   
12:14pm 09/03/2006
 
mood: aggravated
So tired. Still. I've been taking it easy the past couple of days to try to rest up, but last night completely screwed me over. I was aiming to go to sleep by about 1:30am, which would be earlier than any night this semester...then S. asked me to look over his grant application essay around midnight, I agreed, thinking it wouldn't take that long--and then he doesn't show up until 2:30am to go over it. And because I love him and wish him the best, I fucking picked it apart until 3:20am, at which point I promptly lost all reason, snapped at him about making me lose even more sleep, cried hysterically about fearing injury due to fatigue-induced carelessness, he told me my fears were ridiculous--which made me cry and snap at him even more, and then I kicked him out so that I could finish crying and go to sleep. It was horrible.

And now? Exhausted. Didn't go to my first class today because I needed to take it a bit slower this morning, but that means I'm going to have to stay up later going over the lecture notes posted online. Still worried about the extra 2-hour Thursday rehearsal that starts tonight. Still worried about the toll of dancing 5 hours a day so many days in a row, but as my therapist aptly pointed out to me, I'm only fine with eating if I dance more than 3 hours a day, so I need to keep dancing that much so that I can feel okay about eating.

Lonely. I feel so isolated. S. is still all wrapped up in applying for travel grants, Jamie is consumed by her project for her film class, other close friends are studying abroad, I never see A. anymore...

And my face is a mess because my skin stops healing when I don't sleep enough, and I'm worried about how I'll look on the beach over Spring Break.

This fucking sucks. All of it.		  
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  starry_chaos
 
 
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