[a violence of love and of sorrow]'s Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]
[a violence of love and of sorrow]

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(2 stars | fall from the sky)

When the sunlight paints us gold [09 Dec 2004|02:13pm]
Amanda! I miss you! I need your sweet love of death.

Yes.

So my life is just going I suppose. Its cold. Horray!

(fall from the sky)

no [24 Nov 2004|09:36pm]
Ladies and gentlemen...this is mambo number 5.


YOUR FACE

(1 star | fall from the sky)

THIS RUINED MY DADS BIRTHDAY [03 Nov 2004|11:45am]
Bush was re elected. God damnit.

God.Dammit.I.Hate.Everything.

What.Has.Happened.To.This.Godforsaken.Country?

ARE PEOPLE SO GULLIBLE THAT THEY'LL ELECT AN APE IN A FANCY SUIT WHO WENT TO HARVARD WITH A C AVERAGE AND ALL HE DID WAS JOIN THE BIGGEST PARTY FERTERNITY ON CAMPUS, IS THE BIGGEST MORON ALIVE AND DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HE'S DOING WITH THE COUNTRY?!

Kerry's speech this morning was so sad. You could see in his face that he is so worried for the well being and sanity of America. He knows that Bush isn't right for the job, or to be in politics PERIOD.

SO WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE CONSERVATIVE CHRISTIANS IN THE SOUTH WHO ARE SO NAIIVE AND STUPID? SURE, BUSH APPEALS TO THEM, BUT SERIOUSLY, A POTATO COULD DO A BETTER JOB AS PRESIDENT.

IF YOU THINK HES EVEN CLOSE TO SMART, FUCK YOU.

I'm moving. Preferably to Antarctica, or another planet.

(fall from the sky)

Chase est tres chaud [28 Oct 2004|11:02am]
*sigh*

Les garcons...magnifique,mais horrible aussi.

(fall from the sky)

RIIIICOLAA [21 Oct 2004|07:39pm]
My throat is officially dead. I'm not going to try and ressurect it, it can heal itself this time.

Bastard.

Im watching the "American Kennel Club Dog Show"...The best of the best man.

I hate the fact that they made a Garfield movie.

(1 star | fall from the sky)

beeeeep [03 Oct 2004|07:54pm]
HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMANDA!!!

(fall from the sky)

OPEN YOUR EYES [15 Sep 2004|11:33am]
So North Korea is using Anne Frank's diary as a way of preparing little children for war and telling them that Americans are Nazis and that George Bush is the Hitler. The teachers are teaching them to prepare for war and to fight every last American to the death. When interviewed, the children (who are about oh I dont know, 9-15 years old) tell the reporter that the only way peace can be achieved is through crushing and destroying America, and making sure that every last American is dead. This NINE YEAR OLD GIRL was the one who said "Peace will not be accomplished until we make sure that every last American is destroyed."
So right now people are trying to correct this misconseption from the stupid DICTATOR of the country who has the well off people worshiping him and putting "our respected" or "beloved" before his name, and the other people and their children starving to death from mal-nutrition.
THEY are the ones living in a fascist dictatorship, completley unaware like OH I DONT KNOW...the GERMANS DURING WW2? They are so oblivious to it all, even Anne Franks cousin who lived through the Nazi era said that North Korea is JUST like Nazi Germany, and the people are being brainwashed.
I feel like flying over there and sliting the leaders throat, but I know that I wouldn't come back alive.
This just infuriates me.

(fall from the sky)

knife goes in, guts come out [06 Sep 2004|03:16pm]
[ mood | just here ]
[ music | muder by death- deserts on fire ]





(fall from the sky)

they could not believe that such a body was for real. [05 Sep 2004|12:05pm]
September is sad. One of the best kitties ever might have cancer and my nan had a lump in her chest and was in the hospital last week. The test results come back in the middle of the week. Kitters' comes back on tuesday.

blegh.

Other than that...been hanging out with Evan Chris Amee and Liana a lot. Their very cool kids. I'm hanging out with Corinne today..She really has been putting on a brave face, but I know how she feels...It's not a bubbly feeling.

WOAH. I love these "crazyworld" smoking commercials.

(fall from the sky)

a new bottle of black [19 Aug 2004|02:23pm]
hold me down, aveda
hold me down,it feels so right.

I cant articulate it
consisitantly fustrated


my god, I love this band.

(4 stars | fall from the sky)

thinking of all of you and me [17 Aug 2004|12:14pm]
washington was alright...my nan probably isnt coming for christmas...clarks told me to call back in a week...I still don't know whats going on with tower...full house is fun to watch...I have a burning in my stomach..theres so many singers coming out who sound the same...ugs are really stupid shoes...theyve actually put pregnant and not pregnant on pregnancy tests because people are blind...mini wheats are good...christian childrens funds are a load of crap...

time is going by sooo slowwwly...

(fall from the sky)

Hot plated glass [12 Aug 2004|01:03pm]
[ mood | lethargic ]
[ music | hot hot heat- In Ciaro ]

Forever bewildered by your lack of decency to be a kind person...

Blegh. I feel like I want to explore..I want to be away somewhere that fits my mood...I want to swim in the carribean, looking at the neon coloured fish that swim by... I want to sit in a topless truck and watch the beautiful untouched animals of the south american safari. I want to sit on the majestic cliffs of New Jealand with a breeze in my hair and gorgeous horizon and an icy view. I want to sit in a French cafe sipping on a cappacino (even though I don't have a huge taste for coffe) looking at the people walking by wondering where they are going. Eating some french bread with a bar of delicious French milk chocolate. Or even sitting in my Aunt's kitchen drinking a cup of tea and munching on a piece of toast and laughing and joking with them all day. Occasionally having a bag of twigletts or a cadburys bar. Then walking into town, arms linked with a cousin or Aunt... looking up at the silvery blue-grey clouds that hang over the place...always on the edge of raining.

Anyway...I stayed at corinnes and had dinner with her parents and a friend of theirs. I feel really at home there...Corinne is having a really shitty week and I feel bad for her.

Going to Seattle tomorrow...whyyy

(fall from the sky)

i'll be thinkin im drinkin too many drinks... [10 Aug 2004|03:26pm]
[ mood | calm ]
[ music | hot hot heat-bandages ]

My senior portrait is today...hope this one picture turns out well.

>>bandages on my legs and my arms from you<<

Eyla called me today. I miss her.

>>dont worry now, dont worry because its all under control<<

blegh..Im actually looking forward to school starting again, to being a repolished person. Hopefully.

(fall from the sky)

GOOD TIMES IN THE HOOD [09 Aug 2004|12:27am]
CSSSA pictures!!!!!!!!!

thuggin it (kate, sanja, me, sloane)

awwww

KATE!!

Sanjy-baby and myself

sexy

AWW me kate and kent

I LOVE THIS PICTURE SO MUCH

meee
I miss them all so much
YAEL, how do you make the pictures smaller?

(fall from the sky)

[08 Aug 2004|11:06pm]
FiReEmBlEm90210: HALL YEAH!!!
comedytragedy9: hall?
comedytragedy9: you FREAK
comedytragedy9:
FiReEmBlEm90210: what can i say??
comedytragedy9: aww
comedytragedy9: you know what we do to freaks/
FiReEmBlEm90210: iv been in a mental instiuition while u were gone
comedytragedy9: ?
comedytragedy9: we toast em and put jam on them
FiReEmBlEm90210: give them a cookie??
FiReEmBlEm90210: ....
FiReEmBlEm90210: thats...
comedytragedy9: that was so random
FiReEmBlEm90210: sounds....
comedytragedy9: excuse me for that
FiReEmBlEm90210: GOOD
FiReEmBlEm90210: i wanna eat miself
comedytragedy9: uhhh

FiReEmBlEm90210: cant i eat miself
comedytragedy9: i want to eat you though
comedytragedy9: *shifty eyes*
FiReEmBlEm90210: ....
comedytragedy9: jkjk
FiReEmBlEm90210: we can both eat me
comedytragedy9: HA *takes a bite out of your arm*
comedytragedy9: *munch munch* mmm rasberry jam

FiReEmBlEm90210: DONT U HAVE ANY MORALS!?!?!?!
FiReEmBlEm90210: u sicko, how could u eat me, a freaky toast with rasberry jam
FiReEmBlEm90210: ??
comedytragedy9:
comedytragedy9: but i love you
comedytragedy9: your so tasty
FiReEmBlEm90210: u have 2 start from the top and work ur way down
FiReEmBlEm90210: everyone knows that
comedytragedy9: EVAN REVAK! I DONT WANT THAT KIND OF SASSY TALK FROM YOU
FiReEmBlEm90210: *snap snap*
FiReEmBlEm90210: dont go there girlfriend

I love that kid... hes my white rabbit, and im mary-anne, his unwilling closet slave. never mind

(fall from the sky)

TAKE ME NOW [01 Aug 2004|07:45pm]



*drool*

(1 star | fall from the sky)

*BLLLUUURREUUUGH* [01 Aug 2004|05:14pm]
[ mood | crappy ]
[ music | phantom of the opera ]

I feel quite shitty. I've thrown up like 4 times in a row. I'm trying to distract myself by listening to music or something..

I felt sick yesterday too. AND im supposed to perform african drumming and dancing on tuesday, sheila's play on tuesday (in which I sing music of the night), pie jesu on uhh wensday I think and gamelan on wensday. or monday. AND im rehersing a musical theater scene, which I tried out for while sick and got a shitty part. ugh.

Kent was playing with a little plastic sheep that he bought that when you press the bottom of it (the base part) the head and legs collaps and flop around, and he was doing that while making retarded sheep noises. I was laying on the floor of the party shop clasping my stomach trying not to pee myself or vomit.So was everyone else (except the vomiting part).
lovely.
Kent is also a 6 foot 2, gay black guy who has an incredible singing voice and love phantom of the opera like me. I couldn't stop laughing. <3

Anyway, my voice lessons have been going really well. I have to rehearse pie jesu with jessie (one of my roomates), and practice music of the night more. My voice teacher gave me a version of pie jesu which is a solo version with a different melody. It seems really nice. I want to find more choral "mass, choral reqium" type of songs, and musicals too.

God i'd love to be on broadway. Even if I was just in the chorus or something. meow.

Ugh, must go lay down now. Feeel sick.

(1 star | fall from the sky)

[31 Jul 2004|11:46pm]
I seriously need to shut the fuck up


Just don't EVEN bother with me. I am the most annoying person I know of, I seriously don't understand why anyone wants to be associated with me.

And before you jump on me, just don't.




God..I don't want to sleep, eat or even move. I'm so ashamed of myself. I don't want anyone to know who I am. I feel so useless here. Or anywhere

WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT?! JUST SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!

(1 star | fall from the sky)

I don't feel right [31 Jul 2004|11:20pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

I miss my mum.
Walking around at the mascarade tonight, watching all the people dancing around together and having the time of their lives, I once again felt a cloud fall over my head. Like always. I try to talk to kate, but she walks off as though she doenst have the time or want to bother. Later on I see her with Sanja and Claire dancing and following THEM around for a bit of attention. I said whats up to some guy who I thought was hot, and he decided to say nothing and walk away really quickly. I watched other people have fun, I wanted to, but once again the raincloud was there and I felt so alone...It was as if my personality had morphed in two seconds.

I feel like maybe I'm not as important of a person as I thought I was. Not important persay, but maybe my primary instinct was right...people really don't care. They have a million other things they would rather be thinking about, or doing then worrying about my friendship. And good for them, I dont expect them to be aroudn me 24/7, but if Im alone, at least talk to me if Im really interested in talking to you, for fucks sake.
People are fake, people have one other person that means so much more to them than me. EVERY single person. Im not trying to write this to get people to say NO lucy you mean sooo much to me, im writing it because its how i feel. So don't act like im feeling sorry for myself.
I always feel alone or unwanted, whether I want to or not. And it wont go away. I want to pull my brain from my head and shout at it to stop misbehaving, to let me not care about the little things, but my ear isnt big enough. Just like my "liking" of myself.

I miss andrew for some reason...OK...I don't know why but I feel like I like him when I'm away from him. I don't know why, but I suppose the "absence makes the heart grow fonder" saying is true.
Anyway, im not writing more about it, it really doesn't matter.

(2 stars | fall from the sky)

dusty picture frames [26 Jul 2004|11:10pm]
Robbie called me...to ask if Spencer had been prank calling his friend antoinette. Someone named spencer prank called me the other day and it didn't sound like the spencer I know.
Spencer said he had no idea what was going on.
So it wasn't him. Robbie said hed call me another time, he was going to the movies.
He had an air of being happy to talk to me...meughhh

For some shocking reason, I don't care if he calls me or not. Im sick of moping over memories and missing people and being depressed over shit like that.

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