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Thursday, June 26th, 2003
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11:59p - tired and uninspired
can't wait for baybeat...hope im not working on dat day..been ages since i last update.been busy with work.
nway...theres alot of things that been bothering me much.friends,love,family,money......
u noe how difficult it is to get over the awkwardness with your good friends after not meeting them for so long or after a small fight.thats what is going on between me, fatit and jaja..and soon may even be elya...i dont want dat to happen btw me and elya.as for jaja...we did not fight or anything.we had different path and soon contact each other lesser.fatit...we argued once over money and i fiund it hard to get things back to normal eventhough the only friend she trusted is me.its hard to be her listener again after wat happen.i felt guilty but it wasnt my fault the last time we argued.
and for my boifren..the feelings i had is not strong enough to make it stand and support enough reasons for me to stay.i hate it when my family is involved.he always make use of them to bait me to come back.i dont know what im holding on to.everytime i stand firm to my decision, it seems that he can sense it and he'll be so nice to me that i wld feel guilty to leave him.i dont want to lie to him or myself and dont wish to go on a pretence.its not good for both of us.and recently, he asked to get engaged!im so scared of him at times.that many ways he tried to keep me to himself only.he's so selfish that he's blinded by his own greed.he doesnt see the point of having a relationship anymore all he want is me and me and me.like he's so obsessed.he doesnt trust me at all and yet he wants to stay wt me.TRUST is the key to keep a strong relationship going on.he wants 24/7 attention.i cant afford it.im going to Aussie to study and he cant allow it to happen.i want to go out wt my friends and it always have to start or end my day with exchange of impurity in words.its so sickening.at times when he verbally abuse me, i just dazed myself and focus my thoughts to other better stuffs.but back to reality, i still have to face that stern look on him.i hate him at times.but rite now..the feelings have faded but its overcome by hatred but boredom.im so sick and tired of everything.i just want them to stop.for once let things go my way...for the past six years, nuthing had ever go my way...
current mood:  depressed
current music: tired and uninspired - the gloria record (comment on this)
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