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Thursday, November 13th, 2003

Subject:build me up, let me down...again
Time:6:58 am.
Mood: thoughtful.
Music:Brand New.
Today there was a teacher meeting, and I got to be there. Hells yeah! hah I was able to sit there and they got to tell me how brilliant I was but that I was hanging with "the wrong crowd." I tried to tell them that I am the wrong crowd, but no one ever fully listens. They think they know everything, they tried to tell me they were there for me. They saw the cut on my arm- I didn't do that one, I swear! I have this fucking physco cat. Then I was able to leave, and I just thought "did I wake up for that?" Because the teachers came and got me out of A1 and I was just like, "Shit, this is my napping period." I was kind of pissed but then again, eh whatever.
Emails, emails, emails.. what to do, what to say? Nothing. I don't know what to do about this mess that I am in now. It's like I send them, and they mean so much to me- but somehow I know it means so little to you. I get the fact that you don't want to miss me, but what am I going to do? Sit here and be miserable alone? I don't want you to be miserable because of me, I've changed. I'm not so "oh my god, i want to die" I'm more "wow, i love everything." But then I could be having the greatest day ever, and I sign on, and I check my email, there's one from you and the day just... gets.. better. So much better than what it was before. I love that feel of my heart falling right through to my stomach. You build me up the way that you know only you have the power to do..I don't want to be let down.
Corey and myself force fed a certain eating disorder friend today. Ah, I'm hoping she listens to us and takes what we say to heart. We both love her so.. I don't want her depressed and sickly all the time. I miss the way things were.
Missy and I are fine, Michael and I are fine. Alyssa and I aren't talking. Corey and I are best friends. Rachel and I are best friends. I miss you. And, yet...my life couldn't be better.
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