Me-Someone-Who Cares?'s journal

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Thursday, June 23rd, 2005
3:53 pm - Wow
i remembered my passcode/word thingy so now i cant write in here again. i dunno i have a lj tho so i guess i prolly wont be writing in here much. i love my lj. i think im just gonna write in here if i have to say something about someone i cant say in my lj or something. i dunno im talking outta my ass right now. im so bored!!!! i hate being bored!

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Friday, March 5th, 2004
1:49 pm - WOW!!!! IT'S BEEN AWHILE!!!!
holy shit i havent written in here for a long time. i just wanted to update. ive been using livejournal. i think its A LOT faster than blurty. but ah well. anywho, i dont know where to begin. i dont really know where i left off. well, i havent talked to mike in a long time. i dunno i guess he moved. i hate him but i love him. i dunno im confused about that situation. i wonder if he'll ever call again. i hope he does. but then part of me hopes he doesnt. i dunno how to feel about him. i wrote 3 new poems. they suck. i dunno i think my poems kinda suck. i should post em in here. when i could find them that is. lol anywho, my cousin had her baby. isabelle rose. shes like 2 months old now. ive only seen her once. well i really dont have much else to say. for anyone who reads this if u want u could check out my livejournal. im under lovehurts22

deana

current mood: hot
current music: Madonna-like a virgin

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Tuesday, December 23rd, 2003
4:42 pm - YEAH
um ok, mike wouldnt tell me how he feels about me. he said he doesnt like that sappy shit. well fuck him! he irks me! i wanna kill him! lol he may come over today. i hope he does. i love him sooo much! but hes a asshole! lol i really cant stand guys! i think i wanna not date anyone for a long time after mike. he kinda ruined me for other people. lol i should tell him that. i have something in my eye! roar! im thirsty and hungry. i think i ate enough for today. i might not even come to my aunts house 2morrow. cuz if i talk to mike imma ask him if he wants to come over. i guess kinda a last thing before he moves. i wanna tell him some things but he doesnt even wanna hear about that stuff. aight imma go. i got a livejournal now. so, i think imma write in that now. im not sure. i usually dont have anything to write about anyways. lol bye!


deana

current mood: thirsty
current music: christina aguilera-the voice within

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Tuesday, December 16th, 2003
3:05 pm - *ROAR*
ok i talked to mike and hes suposed to come over later. yay! i finally get the chance to talk to him! i better not blow it cuz i will be sooo hella pissed if i do. i rented some movies. freaky friday, the league of extraordinary gentleman, and terminator 3. and nicole bought me pirates of the carribbean so yay! i looove johnny depp in that movie! hes such a great actor! i loved him in blow! thats where i was like wow johnny depp is a really good actor. then i saw him in pirates and once upon a time in mexico and wow! he blows me away! hes so great! hmm wish mike was like that. yeah right! lol hes just a evil bastard that needs to die! die evil bastard die! ooh and he better come over today b/c imma get some alcohol and maybe some weed if my connection comes through. which my connection better come through or imma kick his skinny ass! lol anywho, i am soooo cold! brrrrr! i really dont have much ti write in here. i dunno what to say. i havent updated so i thought i would. but hey guess what? theres really nothing going on with me. there never is. i am so boring! lol ok i am about to ask this woman if she has a blanket. lol i am freezing my ass off! and my ass is a valuable thing so i kinda wanna keep it. now, if i could freeze my stomach off that would be a different story. lol ugh well i guess imma go b/c i dont have much to say. i'll write more soon. laterz

~deaners~

p.s. yeah i forgot nicole is talking to ray again. ugh unibrow! he needs to wax it! its sooo nasty! lol aight now im done. lol i think. maybe not. who knows. lol

current mood: cold
current music: christina aguilera-fighter

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Sunday, December 7th, 2003
2:55 pm - Quick update:
ok, mike called me on wednesday. we talked for awhile. but of course he said he would call me the next day and he didnt. bastard! lol friday was fun i went to sam. it was zach, sam, zeke, and me. it was pretty fun. sam farted soooo loud and sooo long! i almost died! lol it was great! good times good times! lol anywho, im sposta meet this girl christie today. im skerd. she seems really cool but i dont really know her so im skerd! lol anywho, im tryin to hurry up and type cuz i only got like 3 minutes. kimmy sent me my christmas stuff. i loves it! i loves her! i went to the mall on saturday with nikki. then we went to eat with her boyfriend. it was fun. ok i have no more time! i'll write more next time!

deaner

current mood: blah
current music: kelly clarkson-low

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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2003
7:03 pm - Why did god invent guys????
yeah mike is a evil bastard who needs to be destroyed! ok he called me tuesday and then wednesday. and he said he would call friday but nope he didnt. and he hasnt called since then. so, imma write him another letter telling him to give me my movie and to come get his and to basically fuck off. im so sick of his shit. i hope he rots in hell for what hes done to me. its like i try to hold back the tears but then i think about "the good times" and then i start to cry! grr!!!! tears and crying suck! why doesnt he love me? why doesnt he care about me? why doesnt he feel the same way about me as i do him? god i seriously wanna kill myself! i hate him! i hate him! i hate him! but i love him! what should i do? im so lost in all these emotions and tears. the fuckin tears are drowning me! i watched natalies kid johnny today. he is sooo bad! but hes cute! he was like tearing the house up and shit! well, i got like 9 more pics of natalie. i love her sooo much! i wish i was her! shes sooo gorgeous and talented and grr!!! i wanna be her! anywho, natys mom gave me $10.00 to watch johnny. which was good. i only watched him for like a lil over a hour. he kept wanting bread. he ate like 6 or 8 pieces of bread. the kid is prolly gonna be shitting bread. lol i dunno what im gonna do about mike. i love him but he doesnt care about me. if he did he would call and he hasnt so i guess he doesnt care. i dunno! sooo confused! need help! need to kill mike! need to hurt him the way hes hurt me! aight im dont cuz imma start cryin in like a minute if i keep on typing shit about him. bye!

deana

current mood: sad
current music: nirvana-smells like teen spirit

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Wednesday, November 19th, 2003
3:07 pm - FUCKER FUCKER FUCKER!!!!
YEAH MIKES A FUCKIN FUCKER! I FUCKIN CANT STAND HIM! I HATE HIM! HE HASNT CALLED ME! ITS BEEN FUCKIN ALMOST A GOD DAMN WEEK. HE BETTER CALL ME TODAY AND IF NOT THEN ITS OVER. CASE CLOSED. NO MORE MRS NICE GURL. IMMA START BOXIN. I MEAN WTF? YA KNOW? HE CANT FUCKIN CALL ME? GOD I HATE HIM. HE DOESNT EVEN GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ME. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!! IM JUST SO FUCKIN PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW. MY FRIEND KYLE WOULD BE LIKE WELL, ITS BETTER TO BE PISSED OFF THEN TO BE PISSED ON. WELL IM GETTING PISSED ON AND ITS PISSING ME OFF. LOL IF THAT MAKES SENSE? PROLLY NOT. I WANTED TO HANG OUT WITH STEVE YESTERDAY BUT THAT DIDNT HAPPEN. I BETTER GO OUT TODAY OR IMMA BE HELLA PISSED! I WANT A FUCKIN CAFE CARAMEL FRAPPUCINO THINGY FROM STARBUCKS. STEVE WAS LIKE OH I WISH I COULD GO WITH U BUT IM SOOOOO TIRED! WELL FUCK U TO! YA KNOW! MY FRIENDS ARE ALL A BUNCH OF BASTARDS. EVERYONE I KNOW CAN SUCK MY ASS! I FUCKIN HATE PEOPLE. I WISH THEY ALL WOULD DIE! IM SO SICK OF SEX TO. I MEAN ITS EVERYWHERE! ALL I SEE IS TITS AND ASS. IM SOOO SICK OF IT. MAN I WANT TO KILL SOMEONE. PREFERABLY MIKE. I SWEAR IF HE CALLS ME TODAY IM GONNA BE A TOTAL BITCH TO HIM. HE DESERVES IT. RIGHT? RIGHT. ANYWHO IMMA GO KILL MYSELF B/C IM WORTHLESS AND MEAN NOTHING TO NOONE BYE!

DEANER BEANER

current mood: pissed off
current music: soad-toxicity

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Monday, November 17th, 2003
6:27 pm - THERE IS NO SUBJECT!!!!
CRAP I LIKE NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT AND SHIT. I NEED TO GET LIPOSUCTION OR SOMETHING. I HATE BEING 800 POUNDS. OK I WENT OUT WITH MY FRIEND STEVE ON SATURDAY. AND WELL, I KINDA TOLD HIM I HAD "FEELINGS" FOR HIM. HE SAID HE KINDA HAD "FEELINGS" FOR ME TO. BUT, I HAVE NO IDEA WHATS GONNA GO ON WITH THAT AND I LOVE MIKE SOOOOO FREAKIN MUCH THAT I DONT THINK I COULD EVER BE WITH ANYONE ELSE. I DONT THINK I COULD BREAK UP WITH HIM YA KNOW? HES LIKE THE GUY IVE LOVED AND CARED ABOUT FOR SO LONG. ANYWHO, I HAVENT TALKED TO HIM SINCE THURSDAY. HE BETTER CALL ME TODAY OR IMMA BE HELLA PISSED. I MEAN HES USUALLY BUSY ON THE WEEKENDS SO I DONT GET PISSED WHEN HE DOESNT CALL BUT IF HE DOESNT CALL TODAY IMMA BE PISSED. YEAH I KNOW I ALREADY SAID THAT. LOL I NEED FOOD! IM LIKE STARVING! I WANT A HAMBURGER! NICOLES SISTER MELISSA WAS IN A CAR ACCIDENT. SHES OK BUT THEY SAID SHES LUCLY TO BE ALIVE. THE CAR WAS WRAPPED AROUND A POLE AND SOME PEOPLE HAD TO PULL HER OUT THROUGH THE WINDOW. AND THE PEOPLE THAT HIT HER STOLD HER CELL PHONE AND THEN RAN OFF. NOT DROVE OFF. RAN OFF. FUCKIN IGNORANT ASS PEOPLE. HOW DO U HIT SOMEONE AND LEAVE? I MEAN ARE U THAT MUCH OF A HEARTLESS BASTARD? GOD THIS WORLD IS SOOO MESSED UP. PEOPLE DONT CARE ABOUT ANYTHING OR ANYONE BUT THERE SELF. ITS DISGUSTING! MAN I NEED TO GO HOME AND TAKE A SHOWER. I TOLD KIMMY I WOULD CALL HER TODAY. I PROLLY WILL BUT LATER AROUND LIKE 9 OR 9:30. I FEEL NUMB. LIKE IM NOT EVEN HERE. I GET LIKE THAT SOMETIMES. I FEEL LIKE IM NOT REAL. I DUNNO ITS WEIRD. NICOLE AND I WENT TO QUEST BUT AT LIKE 8 AND WE PLAYED CARDS WITH JENNY AND SCOTT AND WE ALSO HAS S'MORES BUT I ONLY HAD LIKE A BITE OF ONE B/C THEY WERE ALL STICKY AND SHIT. LOL YEAH, STEVE HAD TOLD ME HE WAS GONNA CALL ME SUNDAY. WELL, THAT NEVER HAPPENED. SO I THINK I KINDA MADE THINGS WEIRD BETWEEN US. I DUNNO IF I SHOUOLDA SAID ANYTHING. BUT, HE KINDA DRUG IT OUTTA ME. HE WAS LIKE OH U GOTTA TELL ME! U GOTTA TELL ME! SO THEN I DID. SO ITS HIS FAULT! LOL WELL, IM FINNA GO! BYE!

DEANER BEANER

current mood: numb
current music: daniel bedingfield-if your not the one

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Friday, November 14th, 2003
2:49 pm - I'M SOOO IN LOOOVE!!!!
I SPENT THE NIGHT AT MIKES ON WEDNESDAY. OMG IT WAS GREAT! I LOVE HIM SOOO MUCH!!!! I HAVENT TALKED TO HIM YET BUT IM GOING TO. I KNOW I WILL B/C I ALMOST DID. WE WERE WATCHING THAT 70'S SHOW AND THE ONE GUY MADE "SPECIAL" BROWNIES. HA IT WAS FUNNY. ERICS PARENTS WERE ALL STONED AND SHIT! HA THAT SHOW IS GRRREAT!!!! I WENT ALL TONY THE TIGER ON YA FOR A SEC. LOL I TOLD MIKE I WANT TO MAKE "SPECIAL" BROWNIES. I THINK I WILL NEXT TIME I GET SOME WEED. IVE NEVER HAD THEM B4. THEY ARE PROLLY GOOD AS HELL! LOL HA YA KNOW WHAT???? I SHOULD GIVE ONE TO MY GRAMMA! THAT WOULD BE SOME FUNNY ASS SHIT! MAN I GOTTA DO THAT! IMMA TELL MIKE THAT WHEN I GET MONEY FOR WEED IMMA MAKE SOME "SPECIAL" BROWNIES AND GIVE MY GRAMMA SOME. MAN HE'LL BE LIKE I GOTTA COME OVER AND SEE THAT! HIS DOG BAILEY IS CRAZY!!!! HE WANTED TO PLAY FETCH BUT WITH A ROCK. LOL SO I HAD TO KEEP THROWIN THIS ROCK. IT WAS HILARIOUS. AND THEN HE KEPT LICKING ME AND SHIT. OH YEAH AND BAILEY TOOK MY UNDERWEAR AND WAS UNDER MIKES MOMS BED WITH THEM. IT WAS SOOO FUNNY! LOL THAT WAS CLASSIC! GOD I LOVE MIKE SO MUCH! AHHHHH I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!! YEAH U GUYS PROLLY WANNA SHOOT ME RIGHT NOW BUT GUESS WHAT? I LOVE HIM! LOL OH YEAH I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT QUEST ROCKED LAST SATURDAY. THEY HAD THE MOODY DRAMA GROUP OR SOMETHIN THERE AND THEY WERE SOOO GOOD! THEY REALLY MADE ME THINK. AND I WAS LIKE KINDA CRYING. WELL, I THINK IM FINNA GO. IF I REMEMBER ANYTHING ELSE THAT I FORGOT TO MENTION I'LL COME BACK AND POST. BYE!!!!


~DEANER BEANER~

P.S. I LOVE MIKE!!!! LOL :)

current mood: happy
current music: tlc-red light special

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Monday, November 10th, 2003
2:17 pm - Pain, Hurt, Sadness GO AWAY!!!!
OK I AM LIKE SO FUCKIN PISSED AT MIKES ASS. I SWEAR HE IRKS ME SOOO MUCH! I WANNA KILL HIM SOMETIMES. I MEAN SERIOULSY IS IT THAT FUCKIN HARD TO CALL ME? HE BETTER CALL TODAY OR I WILL KILL HIM. YES THAT IS A THREAT GOT A PROBLEM WITH IT? DIDNT FUCKIN THINK SO! LOL ANYWHO MY FUCKIN BACK HURTS AND I JUST FEEL SHITTY RIGHT NOW. AND I KEEP HAVING THIS DAMN DREAM ABOUT MICHAEL MEYERS AND ITS REALLY STARTIN TO FREAK ME OUT. ITS MAINLY THE SAME. LIKE IM WALKING HOME AND HES FOLLOWING ME AND THEN I GET HOME AND LOCK ALL THE DOORS AND THEN I WAKE UP. BUT THE ONE I HAD LAST NIGHT WAS DIFFERENT THERE WAS OTEHR STUFF IN IT. SO, I DUNNO WHATS GOIN ON WITH THAT. BUT IT NEEDS TO STOP B/C IT FREAKS ME OUT. I TALKED TO KIMMY YESTERDAY. I LOVES HER!!!! SHE IS THE COOLEST AWESOMEIST PERSON! SHE ASKED ME IF I WANTED TO GO TO OSHKOSH WITH HER AND 2 OF HER FRIENDS. I WISH I COULD GO B/C I WANNA MEET HER AND I WANNA GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE. I MEAN I JUST WANT TO FORGET ABOUT MY PROBLEMS YA KNOW? I WISH I HAD MONEY FOR WEED CUZ THATS WHAT WEED DOES TO ME. IT MAKES ME FORGET EVERYTHING. WELL, AT LEAST IT MAKES ME NOT THINK ABOUT IT. I WANNA GET REALLY DRUNK AND REALLY HIGH SO I DONT HAVE TO THINK ABOUT THINGS. MAINLY MIKE. GRR! WHY DO I LOVE HIM SOOOO MUCH???? I MEAN ITS NOT LIKE HE CARES OR ANYTHING. I NEED TO TALK TO HIM SO HE BETTER CALL AND COME OVER TODAY OR IMMA BE HELLA PISSED. AIGHT WELL IM FINNA GO. BBBBYYYYEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!


DEANER BEANER

current mood: sad
current music: pink floyd-wish you were here

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Friday, November 7th, 2003
1:13 pm - BORED!!!!!!!!!!!!
ok i am like so bored!!!! i dunno what to write! i talked to mike yesterday. i dunno its like i love him to death but it seems so i dunno just like he doesnt care. and he keeps giving me bruises from when he tickles or pinches me. and that shit hurts. i was gonna type something and i fuckin forgot what it was! dammit!!!! i wish i lived kinda by kimmy so we could hang out b/c shes like the coolest!!!! i loves her!!!! lol :) man i have like nothing to write about. i just really need to talk to mike about alotta things. i want to get everything str8 with him. i dont wanna play games and shit. i mean thats so stupid. ah well thats guys for ya. stupid pigs!!!! lol hehe yeah i know im nice. anywho, i think this is all cuz i dunno what to say. laterz!!!!

deaner beaner

current mood: dorky
current music: get low

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Tuesday, November 4th, 2003
4:17 pm - THE AMERICAN EAGLE ROCKS!!!! WOOHOO!!!! :)
OK WE WENT TO GREAT AMERICA. JASON, NICOLE, ADAM, AND I. AND OMG IT WAS FUN! IT RAINED THE WHOLE TIME BUT IT WAS STILL FUN!!!! THE AMERICAN EAGLE IS LIKE THE BEST RIDE! THE FIRST DROP IS LIKE THE BEST!!!! I THINK JASON IS PRETTY COOL. HES FUNNY. INSTEAD OF SAYING NASTY HE SAYS NERSTY. WHICH IS GOING TO GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AND IM GONNA BE SAYING IT NOW. DAMN U JASON! LOL ANYWHO, WE WENT TO THIS RESTAURANT CALLED THE LONESTAR SALOON AND WE HAD THIS FINE ASS WAITER WAIT ON US! WOO HE WAS CUTE! AND HE CALLED ME HONEY!!!! I WAS LIKE SOOO HAPPY AFTER THAT! HE WAS LIKE "U COULD PUT THAT ON THERE HONEY"! AHHHHHH IT WAS SOOO CUTE! HA HE DIDNT CALL NICOLE ANYTHING! I FELT SPECIAL! I LOVE WHEN GUYS CALL GIRLS HONEY OR SWEETIE. I THINK IT IS THE CUTEST THING. OF COURSE MIKE NEVER CALLS ME ANY OF THAT. HE CAME OVER YESTERDAY BUT NOT FOR LONG. WE JUST TALKED AND THAT WAS ABOUT IT. OMG HE CRACKS ME UP THOUGH. HE TRIED PICKING ME UP. I WAS LIKE UH HUN I DONT THINK SO! LOL ITS LIKE DO U WANNA KILL YOURSELF? :) MAN MY FEET AND LEGS STILL KINDA HURT. WELL, MY RIGHT FOOT DOES. WE DID SOOO MUCH WALKING BUT I LIKED IT CUZ I WAS EXCERSING AND I NEED TO DO THAT. MAN I WANT MY COUSIN MELISSA TO HAVE HER BABY ALREADY. I WANNA HOLD IT! I LOOOVE BABIES! THEY ARE SOOO CUTE! I WANT ONE!!!! WELL, NOT REALLY I JUST WANT TO HOLD ONE FOR AWHILE AND FEED IT AND BURP IT. I THINK WHEN THEY BURP ITS SOOO CUTE! I DUNNO IM WEIRD I KNOW. MAN I WANTED TO TALK TO MIKE BUT MY GRAMMA WAS IN THE LIVING ROOM AND I DIDNT WANT HER TO HEAR WHAT I WAS SAYING TO HIM SO IT'LL HAVE TO BE ANOTHER DAY. AH WELL IM FINNA GO. LATAS!!!!

DEANER BEANER

OH YEAH I CALLED KIMMERS AND SHE SOUNDS LIKE A SUCH A CUTIE!!!! KIMS IF YA READ THIS U SOUND CUTE!!!! :)

current mood: tired
current music: You Are My King (christian song)

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Thursday, October 30th, 2003
3:53 pm - Mike and Me ARE TOGETHER!
alrighty, mike and me are together but hmm...not sure how long it will last b/c it kinda seems like he doesnt care. i mean i love him and all but jeez give me a break. he made me cry yesterday b/c he had to leave and i wanted him to stay over. i dunno why i was crying. im such a retard. but then i called nickers and she made me feel better. well, i felt like a bitch b/c i called her at like 4:30 in the morning. but at least she answered. man my stomach hurts. me need food! i havent eaten anything all day. grr!!!! my lip hurts! grr! ok so nicole, jason, adam, and i are goin to great america for fright fest on sunday. its gonna be off the heezy for cheezy! lol i cant wait to go. oh yeah zeke called me and wanted to tell me something but he wouldnt spit it out and i didnt have time to waste so i told him to call me when he can actually tell me. and sam and i talked but i told her that i will call her when im ready to talk to her b/c right now its just not cool. i mean i love her to death but that shit she said to me really hurt. ah well! grr!!!! my stomach is making gurgly nosies. lol its saying feed me feed me!!!! lol ok i need a life. my friend joe said that mike needs to realize what he has. and that he should be happy that im his girlfriend. awwwwwww!!!! or something along those lines. it was a really nice compliment. made me feel special. ok i dont really have anything else to write so i'll write more later or another day. bye!!!!


deaner beaner

current mood: NOT MYSELF
current music: kelly clarkson-low

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Friday, October 24th, 2003
2:34 pm - SAM UR A BITCH! AND IM GETTIN FUCKIN DRUNK TONIGHT!
aight sam said some really fucked up shit to me last night and im like never ever ever gonna forgive her! i was like crying for an hour. yeah and u think u have friends ya know? grr!!!! anywho, mike came over yesterday. he didnt stay to long. he had to walk his dog and he wanted me to watch some movies so he brought those over to. his dog bailey is sooo cute! he was jumping on me and licking me! (bailey not mike!!!! lol) it was sooo cute! mike was crackin up. anywho, yeah mike and me are sposta get drunk tonight. he wanted me to get(well actually my mom to get) captain morgan or some shit like that and coke. i dunno. he said it tastes like vanilla coke. so i guess i'll try it. i was thinkin about gettin a bottle of cuervo and drinkin that but wooo i would be hella fucked up. i cant drink that shit anymore. its way to harsh for me and the last time i drank it i was throwin up all over so i dont think i should get that what do u think? also never drink beer and southern comfort together. u will be throwin up! lol i kinda dont even wanna drink. i kinda dont even want mike to come over. i dont know what the hell is wrong with me today. i feel so out of it. and i really just want to go home and sleep. so i think i'll tell mike to come over and watch movies with me and then i'll just fall asleep. sound like a plan? i thought so! lol anywho, my head is like killing me! i need aleve or advil or something!!!! im sposta be goin to great america on halloween or that sunday but im not sure yet if were gonna go. we better cuz i have my heart set on going. nicole was like well i dunno if i wanna use my car well bitch ur the only one with a working car so i guess were just gonna have to use it now arent we? lol well, i think this is all i have to say for now. laterz

current mood: okay
current music: Evanescense-bring me to life

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Thursday, October 16th, 2003
7:00 pm - Painful Yet Pleasurable!!!!
OK MIKE CAME OVER TUESDAY NIGHT AND STAYED TILL TODAY. HE LEFT AT LIKE 5:30AM. I LOVE HIM SOOOO MUCH! OMG IT WAS SOOO FUNNY WE GOT STONED TUESDAY NIGHT. I WAS SO FUCKIN HIGH! LOL I WAS STANDING THERE LAUGHING MY ASS OFF FOR NO REASON. MIKE WAS LIKE WTF? LOL IT WAS SOOOO GREAT! MAN OF COURSE WE HAD SEX SO DONT EVEN ASK! THAT SHIT HURT!!!! I AM SOOOO SORE FROM IT. AND IF I KEEP PUTTING SOOOOOO IN HERE IM SOOOO SORRY! THATS JUST MY NEW THING. DONT ASK ME WHY CUZ I HAVE NO FUCKIN IDEA! AW SHIT I GOTTA CALL JASON M, JASON P, AND SOMEONE ELSE WHEN I GET HOME! GRR! STEVE BETTER CALL ME AND TELL ME HOW HIS LITTLE DATE THINGY THING WENT! I NEED TO GET MORE HYDRO CUZ THAT IS SOME GOOD ASS SHIT! I REALLY NEED A LIFE! I AM SOOO BORED/BORING! WHEN IM DRUNK OR HIGH IM COMPLETELY FINE/HAVIN FUN BUT WHEN IM NOT ITS LIKE BLAH! YA KNOW? YEAH I KNOW YOU KNOW. LOL ANYWHO, I CAME TO A CONCLUSION. SAYING I LOVE YOU TO SOMEONE IS A LOT HARDER IF YOU REALLY MEAN IT. CUZ IF U DONT MEAN IT ITS JUST LIKE I LOVE YOU. LIKE ITS NOTHING. BUT IF U DO REALLY LOVE SOMEONE ITS A LOT HARDER TO SAY IT. AND MIKE AGREES WITH ME ON THAT ONE. HES LIKE WOW! DEANA=SMART. LOL I WAS LIKE SHUTUP! I WANT TO SEE CABIN FEVER AND COLD CREEK MANOR DAMN IT! I RENTED SOME MOVIES. DAREDEVIL, THE MATRIX RELOADED, AND THE HOURS. I WATCHED DAREDEVIL WITH MIKE. IT WAS PRETTY GOOD. THERE WAS A PART WITH COLIN FARRELL AND THIS OLD LADY AND OMG IT WAS SOOO FUNNY!!!! I WAS LAUGHING FOR LIKE 20 MINUTES AFTER IT HAPPENED. I TOLD MIKE I WISH I COULD DO THAT TO MY GRAMMA! THAT WOULD BE FUCKIN AWESOME! MY MOM AND HIM WATCHED THE MATRIX RELOADED. I HAVENT WATCHED THE HOURS YET. THIS DUDE AT THE VIDEO STORE YESTERDAY WAS FLIRTING WITH ME. I DUNNO WHY. I LOOKED LIKE SHIT. AND I HAVE THESE 2 NASTY ASS LOOKIN HICKEYS ON MY NECK. (THANKS MIKE!!!!) WELL, I SHOULD GET GOIN. LATERZZZZZZZZZZZ OH YEAH AND I DONT KNOW IF I MENTIONED THAT I EMAILED SCOTT CUZ I WANTED TO MEET UP WITH HIM ONE DAY BUT HE E MAILED ME BACK AND SAID THAT WE COULD MEET UP NEXT TUESDAY OR THURSDAY. WOOHOO!!!! LOL HES SUCH A CUTIE!!!! AIGHT LATERZZZZZZZZ

current mood: In Very Much Pain Down There!!
current music: chingy-right thurr

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Saturday, October 11th, 2003
2:56 am - MIKES BACK!!!! (but for how long?)
ok yeah member how i said mike called me saturday? well then he called me monday but i wasnt home again. so he said to call him back so i did. well, he came over we ended up having sex(which by the way my grandma caught us and had a huge fit) and then we were outside talking for awhile then he left. i also talked to him about some things. i told him i loved him and he said it back but not at first. right after i said it he kissed my neck and then my lips. and i was like ok thats your response? and then he said "i love you" but kinda fast and i dunno it seemed like he didnt mean it. but i asked him if he was serious and if he really meant it and he said yes. but who knows? then he called me tuesday and i wasnt home so i told my grandma to tell him to call back and he said he would but he didnt. then he called wednesday and i wasnt home so i told her to tell him to call back at 10:30 and he called back at like 10:23 and we talked and then he came over. we stayed outside the whole time. he was really pissin me off though cuz he kept makin me want sex! the bastard! lol he like kinda put me on the picnic table and uh god i wanted him so badly!!!! but i was like ok if my grandma walks out and comes back here she would have a huge fit and prolly kill me. lol so, we didnt. even though we both REALLY wanted to. but hey there is a up side. haha shutup u guys are perverted! lol no the upside is that she is leaving tuesday night until thursday night! so mike can come over and actually come in the house and he can actually stay with me. lol woohoo! lol i do really love him though. i will always love him. oh yeah ya'll are prolly wonderin about zeke. well, we broke up. i told him that it wasnt workin and that i needed time to "think" about things. well, i also told him about mike but, not that we had sex just that we kissed and well, i could tell that he was hurt/upset but oh well shit happens. im not perfect. and i know i hurt him and i know i'll prolly go to hell for it but hey i cant help the fact that i love mike. anywho, my head really hurts! oh and member how i said i cheated on zeke with brandon? well brandon told me that i give good head. i was like ok thanks i guess. lol i mean i dont know if i should take that as a compliment? i thought i sucked at it. haha thats funny! lol anywho, i think i should get goin. im prolly forgetting a lot of things and if i think of them i will come back and write more. laterz!!!!

current mood: okay
current music: kid rock and sheryl crow-picture

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Monday, October 6th, 2003
6:42 pm - MIKE CALLED ME!!!!
ok mike called me on saturday. i wasnt home. hmm...wonder what he wanted.? well, i didnt tell zeke or sam that he called b/c they would kick my ass if i try to talk to him again. they both hate him! i wouldnt even say hate. i would say despise him or even loathe him. but i do want to talk to him and tell him some things and find out what the fuck he wanted ya know? man i am so tired! and i dont feel good! grr! this sucks! i want to go somewhere but everywhere u go u need money and well thats something i have but i owe it to people and so therefore i have no money! whatever! anywho, people really piss me off! saturday was pretty fun. went to quest. ha me and steve or steveizzle beat leticia and this gurl lauren in fooseball! woohoo for us right? hell yeah i was happy! i was like im not good at this game and then i whooped their asses. of course with steveizzles help but he didnt help much. lol it was all me! damn im good! and then guess who i talked to for a lil while? yes scott! lol we were talkin and he is like the cutest person! he kept burping and trying to do the moon walk so i know hes a dork just like me. i love dorks they are sooo cool! i told thid dude jason that im gonna start a dork club. i'll be the president and then we can get all these people to join and it would be like the coolest thing in the world! lol he was like yeah sure ok deana what the hell kinda drugs did u have cuz i need some. lol i talked to jason for fuckin 6 hours yesterday. from 11pm to 5am. it was pretty cool. ya know how u have those awkward silences? well, there werent to many of those. there were only like 2. and for a 6 hour conversation thats pretty damn good right? right. lol anywho, we talked about sooo much stuff. we have a lot in common. ah well he lives kinda far though so i dunno if were gonna meet up one day. anywho i think i'll go now cuz my damn head is like really hurting! grr!!!!

current mood: surprised
current music: 3 doors down-here without you

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Saturday, September 27th, 2003
1:59 am - I HAVE A FUCKIN COLD!!!! GRR!!!!
ok i feel like hella shit! runny nose, cough, sore throat, stuffed up nose. totally not cool! and omg guess what? i HATE work! i highly doubt im gonna be there much longer. i was gonna quit yesterday but then i decided that i would wait until like maybe the middle of next week. i mean give it a couple more tries. ya know? i was soooo happy cuz zeke came back early from ohio to "take care of me" aww!!!! what a sweetie! i'll prolly get him sick but oh well. lol anywho, i dont understand why nicole always has to watch johnny when natalie wants to go out. can someone explain? i mean natalie is the one that had him so why the hell does she get to go out ALL the time? thats fucked up. and i dont even think nicole cares that she has to sit home and watch johnny. i would be like bitch u had the kid now u take care of him. i know nicole loves him but she shouldnt have to watch him ALL the time. anywho, my friend micky had her baby on my birthday. i was happy! i was supposed to go to michigan to see him but nope! i think she is coming here today. hopefully cuz i want to see the baby. ok this hankerchief is like completely up my nose! grr! sam wanted me to go to this guys house with her tonight. i guess its her friends friend but he likes sam. i dunno! confusion! lol but im like uh sam your with zach so why the hell would u wanna go over there anyways? ya know? ah well. i might go with her if micky doesnt bring the baby. cuz i have nothing better to do. lol im a loser what can i say? theres this guy kyle at work and hes pretty cool. actually all the people that were in my training group were pretty cool. im gonna miss them! *starts to cry* i dont think my grandpa is gonna want his hankerchief back now. even if he washes it. lol he'll be like no thats ok u keep it. lol i think we may also do movie night tonight. i dunno whats goin on for today. well i think i should go. bye!!!!

current mood: sick
current music: some song kimmy put on my mix cd

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Monday, September 22nd, 2003
11:41 am - IVE GOTTA TAKE A BIG LONG PISS! LOL HEHE
yeah cause u guys totally want to know about that right? i knew it ya damn perverts! lol man yesterday was pretty fun. nickers, jeff, and me hung out. it was soooo fun! we had a good time. speshlee at steak-n-shake! haha that was classic! then i seen melissa geel! i havent seen her in the longest time! it was nice to see her! then it was like 5:40am and i went to jakes. we just chilled. drank a lil. well i did they drank a lot and snorted coke. and i wasnt to happy about that one! no so very not happy! anywho, i do really have to pee. lol mother fucker! i have to fuckin start working today! man fuck that i so dont want to work! i really dont! somebody shoot me now. in the head! i was like so embarassed b/c they sang happy birthday to me at quest. it was cool though. jeffs big mouth had to open and he told jen that my birthday was monday. grr! so everybody please say happy birthday to me cuz if not i will kill u! lol i wont really kill u but i will make u pay for the damage youve caused. lol yeah i need to lay off the drugs. hmm...jake and mike r uber crazy! they were cutting themselves! and mike totally cut his finger like really badly and that wasnt cool. i thought he was going to need stitches. not cool! blood everywhere! yuck it was nasty! grr i think i gotta go take a shit now. no more pee pee now its poo poo. lol i think i should do that b4 i shit my pants. ya guys think that would be a good idea? lol well yeah im gonna go b/c i have nothing else to say to u people! so nah! lol byesssssssssss!

current mood: tired
current music: some band. the songs called brand new day.

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Wednesday, September 17th, 2003
7:16 am - A LOT WENT ON!
nicole and me went to the bowling alley friday. ray was there. i really think she still wants to be with his unibrow ass. lol ah well. thats her. we also went over to jake and mikes. well jake doesnt live there anymore but he was there friday. they were goin out so we couldnt stay long. tell me why i want jakes ex roommate mike? i think he is sooo hot! maybe its b/c of his bald head. haha guys i know what ur thinkin u perverts! lol man friday he was wearing this kinda tight shirt showin off his muscles and damn that was nice! lol grr! everytime i talk to my friends its like always about them! its like the world doesnt revolve around u. ya know? oh yeah i dont think mike moved b/c we went past his house and i think i seen him sitting on the porch with one of his friends. that bastard! lol i will go there and slap the shit outta him. lol i mean if he can hurt someone as much as he hurt me and not feel anything or care then well hes a asshole. lol b/c people have feelings. im not even gonna think about it b/c it really upsets me. i kinda just want to be alone right now. i dunno zekes cool but i just really dunno. omg quest rocked! i love jeff, jen, steve, john, phil, and all of them! they are sooo nice and funny! i never thought i would feel accepted there. i think jeff likes nikki. im not sure though but it seems like that. he is pretty cute. i actually sang! even though i didnt know the words or the beat. lol but i sang woohoo i need a gold star. somebody give me a effin gold star. lol grr i sometimes feel like some people are so fake. even some of my friends. i hate that. i hope i dont act fake. and if i do slap me in the face really hard. lol heres a short list of things i hate. lol its not like u guys care but i want u to know. lol ignorance, fake people, people that think they are better than everyone, spiders, guys(sometimes-depends on who it is), peas(lol), seinfeld, tomatoes, my teeth, and lastly my fat. lol thats what i hate the most. actually i hate spiders the most. sunday i went to church. fun fun fun! lol no it was ok actually. steve was there. i want to get to know him better. i love him! lol i cant wait till next saturday! quest totally rocks! actually after quest is what rocks. we all talk in like a small group and its just hella fun. monday i went to natalie and nicoles sisters house and omg we went outside and there were sooo many effin spiders. it wasnt cool. i was sooo scared! i hate them! they all need to die! seriously they need to kill them! they were huge to. in webs! ahhhhh so not cool! lol natalie, nicole, and me all have to go back thursday for that job. hopefully i get it and its not that hard to do. brandon came over monday.(well actually it was tuesday cuz it was after 4 in the morning.) and brandon and i smoked some weed. damn i was sooo high i couldnt even see str8. i kept losing my balance. they were all laughing at me. u guys are really gonna slap me for this one but i had sex with brandon. i was horny. lol yeah i know i have a boyfriend but zeke and i never had sex so i was really horny and he wanted to and i wanted to. ha that was funny when nicole and i watched fear. "you lyin fuckin whore" lol that was classic! mark wahlbergs accent is pretty funny. if youve seen the movie u know what im talkin about. god theres so much more to tell and i have to go right now. the next time i'll be able to write is monday so hey tune in then if u want to read what else happened k? k. bye ya'll!!!! lol

current mood: cold
current music: britney spears-im a slave 4 you

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