Poem for Billy---hell this whole update is for Billy *smiles*
What goes through my head during a hug.
Here I am , I belong to a strange world
Were paths are made
And souls are sold
I live in this Place
With peace and calm
Where I am pulled in by your deceptive charm
Here I am
I live in the freedom
Not in their cage
I am at peace
I’m at a spiritual bliss
The non sexual warmth of my kiss,
In my arms
That was what I missed
Now I got it, the doors opened to this
A world of unimaginable beauty.
and now the update....
So yeah, Umm....*nods* yeah... I really hate updating. Im either worried my entries gonna be to long or too unintresting, or revealing more than i wanted too. I worry too much.
So yeah, it real sucks about Tonys dog. he's my top priority to give a paul hug to.
Now i have to go to the pet store and buy a new dog for him. *smiles* i could get a poodle, or one of those real ugly dogs. heh.
spending some time with billy is great, Love ya Billy *smiles*
umm thats it i can officially can not carry on this journal entry any longer, i will update tomorrow.
Current Mood: anxious
Update! update! This is so unlike me.......
I’m half freaking out a little 'cos I haven't bought the twins a birthday present yet. But to be honest, they seemed to have distanced themselves from us lately, which sucks. But *shrugs* I’ll survive.
Oh I'm getting to hang out with Billy a lot now, which to me is the coolest thing in the world. But its not cool when i read his Journal and see how he's feeling. So really from this point im gonna be talking to Billy. (But feel free, to gossip about it *chuckles*). Just let me get in to serious Paul mode *serious face*
I have read lil' Billys journal over and over again, some of it makes sense some of it doesn't and my aim now is to try cheer him up. So here goes.
“I think there’s something wrong with me”
Bill, by what I read it doesn’t seem there’s anything wrong with you babe (I’ve kinda taken to calling you that, its cute. I won’t do it in public thou! *grins *). Its just emotions, and the way you feel and it doesn’t make anything ‘wrong’ about you, I don’t think anything could make you ‘wrong’ to be honest.
Okay im gonna skip a few lines, heh. Y’know like in maths class where you used to skip a few questions until you came to one you thought you probably knew the answer to.
“so i'm sitting here.. alone.. as usual”
I thought you preferred being alone, if you don’t come find me Il keep you company.
Im trying my best here. So why am I getting the feeling im going about this all wrong, and missing all the points * sighs* for a guy who reads Shakespeare I sure as hell can feel dumb sometimes.
Next Billy talks of him being good natured, loving and caring. Which I most definitely agree with. He apologises for leading anyone on and says how he never wants to hurt people. I think people know that Billy. They Know you would never want to hurt them, and if you accidentally lead them on…don’t worry im sure they’ll forgive you.
Still thinking im doing this all wrong *sighs a bit more dramatically *
“hmmm i'm probably not making any sense”
I can answer that, you were making more sense than I am now, babe (theres the ‘babe’ again, they just keep appearing! *Smiles *).
“if i lead you on i'm sorry.
if i scared you i'm sorry.
*hangs his head and whispers* i never meant to..”
You are a sensitive, sweet, perfect person. You need’nt apologise for anything. You haven’t lead anyone on intentionally, or scared anyone, and if you had they already know you never meant to. Theres no need to say it. * lifts your head up *
Im still doing this horribly wrong * sigh is as dramatic and heavy as can be*
Y’know I give up. Billy you got issues man * chuckles*
No seriously here’s my final thought. (*nods * yep like in Jerry Springer *giggles *)
I tried, I really did. I just don’t quite think I understand you, Billy. But don’t worry ‘cos im gonna try understand you. Try. Try. try
If you ever feel down and wanna talk, im usually around. Don’t be scared to talk to me. Were best friends. I hate seeing you so low, it’s just not good *shakes head *.
Oh one last thing. Billy you know I love ya, man right.