||Dashboard Confessional- Vindicated
Mesmorizingly, this morning was perfect, totally unblemished.
There were miniscule snow flakes perfectly sprinkled on the streets beautifully.
The air, frosty.
Spent with all the people I love most.
I watched people make the same mistakes without thinking to remind them, theyll learn.
I wish I had someone do that for me, watch out for me, I could have secret conversations with them, and they could tell me if my mistakes are worth making.
Well, I guess if I had true faith in God, God could be that one.
But it's not the same.
I don't believe in God, I question it, but not faithfully.
Hope, dangles on a string, like slow spinning redemption, winding in, winding out...
I'm just lying here in total ignorance and denial.
It was this morning, it was.
Until I got to my lessons.
I've fallen back down to depression.
Hannah's depressed again.
But there's a difference with me this time.
Now everyone knows it.
In every poem I write.
Every word I say.
Every phylosophy I believe.
Trying so hard to let go, but hold on, if I let go quickly, I'll slip away too.
Everyone used to like me so much.
Or paranoia, partly.
Lack of love.
I can hardly take it anymore.
Sickly feelings of regret.
I hate it.
Watching m hands type this is almost a reality check, tells me I'm twelve.
A fucking depressed twelve year old.
Me and Hannah.
I know how it started, me and Hannah talked of our past depression.
Unwanted memories flown back.
I hate depression.
I hate you if you think I'm too young to know what it is.
I've had shit in my life, serious shit.
The scars from self harm are healing, they're shiny, makes my arms look greasy.
More reason for people to hate me.
I feel fat.
I do not want to become anorexic, I have an ok figure, but it isn't, perfect.
Today is National depression day, 23rd was national Pie day, good huh?