Blurty for Emily.

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Wednesday, January 8th, 2003

(Any advice?)

Subject:*Sigh*
Time:6:45 pm.
Mood:accomplished.
Music:Hoobastank - Ready For You.
It's so strange. One minute I'm all "wow me and Tom are sooo... not going anywhere" and then the next, I'm back in a good mood, not worried about things. The thing is, I don't think I've given him anything to worry or be mad about, just last Sunday there was a silence in the car. But hey, everyone has silences every now and then. It's not a bad thing, there just wasn't anything to say right then. And besides, even if it was kinda awkward, who cares, it was one time. Cripes, no need to go getting all weird on me. So I should have nothing to worry about, right? I'm trying to be myself and laugh and smile like normal, so he won't have anything to hold against me. I'm trying to give him space, so he can't say I'm clingy or something. And I'm trying to be laid-back about all the stuff I used to bitch at him about. So far it's going pretty well. If he has something to say to me, he better bring it on. Because this time, no matter what happens with me and him, I'm gonna keep my head up, keep smiling, keep living life. A boyfriend is only one small piece of the pie that is my awesome life. With or without, I'm the same girl, I'm Emily, I refuse to spend my days wallowing in sorrow.

FortYawuh251: he sayeth, "'tis a new year, mofo"

Friday, December 27th, 2002

(Any advice?)

Subject:Overreaction?
Time:6:22 pm.
Mood:happy.
Music:Alison Krauss and Union Station - Daylight.
Ok I definitely feel better now. Attempting to work through my "blah" mood, I cleaned my room for a while and jammed to a mix Tom made for me. Sugar Ray, Weezer, Slick Shoes, Everclear... they all have a strange way of making me happier. Plus, my room is cleaner now.

I started on the U.S. History take-home test a little while ago too. The whole thing's multiple choice so it should be a breeze. I really really need to start second semester with a 100 test grade in that class. I'm sick of myself slacking off when I get home, starting homework at like 11, and then getting practically no sleep. It's not fun being a perpetual zombie, and it's not fun getting grades that definitely aren't up to my standard. So.. this semester I'm gonna get my ass in gear and stay on top of everything. I'm hoping for a class ranking in the top 5.

While I'm on the subject of inspirational resolutions, I really need to start running again too. It's annoying hearing people like Shawn and Wren talk about how they run like 6 miles a day, when I just sit in my house and act like a bum. I know I'm thin and don't need to lose any weight, but that doesn't make me healthy. I definitely need to keep exercising so I'll be in shape for volleyball next year. We have to win states, and I have to be ready. Running every other day, weight training every other day. Man I wish I were a member of a gym.

I got my schedule at work today. Dang. I'm gonna be a rich gal when I get my next check. I'm working practically every day this week which is madness considering that I used to only work weekends. Maybe this means I'll be able to get a cell phone, or new front speakers for the stang, or the Kenwood receiver I've had my eye on. Who knows. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure as hell can buy really cool stuff.

We're having homemade cheeseburgers tonight for dinner. It's crazy how food can completely turn around your mood. :o)

(2 Wise ones | Any advice?)

Subject:Strange emptiness
Time:2:21 pm.
Mood:contemplative.
There's this weird feeling I used to have a long time ago that I didn't fit in. Sounds like a common fear, but it was this crazy intense thought that none of my friends really liked me. Kind of an ongoing left-out thing. Sure, I was invited to do stuff with people and I enjoyed myself, but something just didn't seem right. I don't know what it was. But it's back. I thought I had a great group of friends this year, and I thought I was doing fine... but I don't know what it is. I feel like they're all drifting away from me, and I'm left here stranded and alone.

I'm totally not trying to sound depressed and freakish, it's just a feeling I've had over the break that just won't go away. It's bothering me.

Blurty for Emily.

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