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Tuesday, August 31st, 2004
11:48 am - i smell chinese food
i'm writing this at em's apartment with the sliding door open, and all i can smell is chinese food...she lives right next to rice kitchen...dangerous. thank god i'm not eating that shit anymore...but it's delicious...mmmmm...

anyway, living alone is weird. it's very nice and quiet and peaceful, but weird. it's the first time i've ever lived alone, period. am i growing up? i think so. my apartment is nice, and i'm on my way with the decorating...i don't know how i'm going to pay for everything, but i guess i'll jump off that bridge when i come to it.

on a more amazing note, i saw the mraz up here at msu on saturday, and it was fucking awesome. my love for that man is never ending...he was amazing, i was fucked up and there was also a couple sitting in front of us that was dry riding for the entirety of jason's set...which made us and all of the people around us cry laughing. yay!

anyway, em and i are going to class in a bit. i want to kill myself already...this is a bad sign.

current music: water - lauryn hill

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Saturday, August 21st, 2004
12:04 pm - san diego in my mind...
jane just fucking met and talked to jason mraz last night in san diego. she just moved to phoenix, arizona and decided to drive the 6 hours to san diego to catch the show, and met a guy who was friends with him, and brought her back stage to meet him, and jason probably wanted to bone her...her ran back to get his polaroid so he could take a pic with her. i'm so pissed i don't know what to do with myself.

why why why

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Tuesday, August 10th, 2004
11:28 pm - wicked dreams
i had a fucked up dream last night. i haven't remembered a lot of my dreams lately, but this one was super messed up with lots of different plots going on. i had my puppy lola with me everywhere in the dream. i also had a son, but i didn't remember being pregnant or going through labor. i think he had really light blonde hair. i also was at the high school, and i was told by mrs. freeman (my old choir director) that she was directing the musical "wicked" at the high school, and that she had cast me as glinda the good witch, and nobody had told me, and that they were all waiting on me to learn my lines and songs. also this little black girl (i have no idea who she was) kept getting me in trouble for talking. i called her a bitch. i also remember singing some songs...and i've never seen wicked, so i must have made them all up in my head. i wish i could remember how they went...

jane is leaving at 5 am tomorrow to move to arizona. i'm sad.

current music: helpless - k.d. lang

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Saturday, August 7th, 2004
11:31 pm - la vie en rose
i just watched "french kiss" with kevin kline and meg ryan, (don't say it's lame...because you are wrong,) and i'm obsessed. i NEED to go to france IMMEDIATELY. it's so fucking beautiful, i don't know what to do with myself.

i've been planning for a while to go to europe for a month next summer, after i graduate from school...and now i know i absolutely must go...even if i have to put the whole trip on a credit card and pay it off for the rest of my life. sus and em are probably going to world youth day (catholic extravaganza) which is in germany and paris this year. they'd be there for 17 days, and i would meet them there and stay with sarah and matt, who are now married and moving to germany for a year and a half for matt's work. free place to stay in stuttgart!

so i would spend a couple of weeks with sarah, because she'll be bored off her ass as she has no friends there, and cannot work becuase she can't get a work visa. i really want to go to prague again. i went to europe once before, but i was on tour with my choir from western, and there were so many assholes on the trip, and i was in a horrible depression, so i didn't enjoy the trip as much as i should have. but anyway, i guess i was an asshole too for taking it all for granted.

anyway, after i meet the girls in paris, i want us to spend a couple more days least enough time for me to see the musee d'orsay, which has a huge collection of monets, most importantly my favorite of all time. then i want to go to amsterdam and party and get fucked up, then to london and the english countryside, and if we have time, i'd love to go to ireland.

i cannot fucking wait till school's over.

current music: dream a little dream of me - the mamas and the papas

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Thursday, July 29th, 2004
10:03 pm - i'll burn alone
work sucked tonight. i wish i had unlimited amounts of money so i wouldn't have to worry so much...i have a real love/hate relationship with tha benjamins. and i hate working...a lot. but, the upside is that i have a crush on one of my friends from the restaurant, so it's always fun to come in and have him be there. too bad he's quitting to go work at the mother fucking olive garden.

"Got you. You're mine now. For the rest of the day, week, month, year, life. Have you guessed who I am? Sometimes I think you have. Sometimes when you're standing in a crowd I feel those sultry, dark eyes of yours stop on me. Are you too afraid to come up to me and let me know how you feel? I want to moan and writhe with you and I want to go up to you and kiss your mouth and pull you to me and say I love you I love you I love you while stripping. I want you so bad it stings. I want to kill the ugly girls that you're always with. Do you really like those boring, naive, coy, calculating girls or is it just for sex? The seeds of love have taken hold, and if we won't burn together, I'll burn alone."

(that's a quote from the rules of attraction...if you haven't seen it, i think you's fucked up. you'll freak your beans. it also helps if you're stoned while you're watching...but i guess that helps anything...)

current music: how soon is now - the smiths

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Wednesday, July 28th, 2004
3:53 pm - i don't think i'm ever going to be able to stop biting my nails...
that sucks. it's really addictive. and gross.

my brother is the biggest fuck up/idiot/lazy ass mother fucker/bastard on the planet. he needs to get his ass seriously kicked. my mom still has to fucking wake his ass up in the morning most of the time AND clean his room. he is a waste of space, and i fucking don't like him at all. seriously. i know it's sad, but it's true. maybe when he grows up and starts acting like a semi-adult we'll be able to relate, but his lack of respect for anything makes me fucking sick. loser.

on another note...
summer is dwindling away as we speak...but i only have 2 more semesters...and then i will be a college graduate, thank god. then i'm going to have to get a big girl job, which is scary as heeeeeell. or i could just go back to school to get my masters and act like a kid for a couple more years...who knows?

puppy time is next tuesday! i'm about to piss my pants. i've decided on a name...lola belle...belle after my old dog who got put to sleep last summer...she was fucking awesome.

jane's 23rd birthday is today...and she's leaving in less than 3 weeks...this is fucked up. why do things have to change? eeew. i don't like it. finky's fucking leaving become a canuck. boo!

this was really disjointed. oh well.

current music: head over heels - tears for fears

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Monday, July 19th, 2004
11:21 am - makes me feel fine
nothing much going on now...i'm working a lot at the shack, which makes me feel dead inside a little. it's a decent job, but people are so fucking rude and ridiculous sometimes, it makes me feel like i have no idea what's going on.

2 weeks and counting until i get my little bundle of joy (puppy)! i'm about to freak out, i'm so excited. still haven't decided on a name, but i figure that i'll wait until i get to hang out with her a little, to see what she's like...then i'll be able to get a better idea.

em and finky took off to toronto on friday to visit fink's potential roomies for the fall. apparently they had a great time, because they were supposed to come home on saturday afternoon, and i don't even know if they're back yet, and it's monday. i would assume they are, because they both have 9 to 5's, but who knows...they've dropped off the face of the earth, sort of. i tried to do just that this weekend, and i was almost successful. i spent all day friday and all day saturday reading, laying in bed and watching tv. i didn't call anyone and no one called me. (sad, but also gave me a sort of clarity...i don't know, it was weird. anyway, i'm back now...)

i'm going canoeing today with ryan, or at least that's the rumor...who knows if we'll actually follow through...but it sounds like fun, right???

current music: summer breeze - mraz

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Saturday, July 10th, 2004
11:46 am - name that dog!
so everyone...i bought a dog. it's been a long time coming, me having my own little puppy...i'm super excited! i put a deposit down on a baby boxer pup, a little girl who is brown with a white stripe going up her forehead with other white markings and little black freckles in her nose-area. she has a cropped tail, (to avoid accidents caused by her excessive energized tail wagging,) and upcropped ears, which are cute. i get her in 3 weeks, (the pups are too young yet,) on august 3, and i can't fucking wait! for those of you who don't know what a boxer is like, get ready for it...

anyway, my problem is that i really can't decide on a's hard, and it has to be perfect! so i need some creative and help me out.

on another note, i'm going to see the vb show tonight. i can't wait to see shaina sing her ass off and the other cutes too, but i feel like there's no way the show can measure up to the others in the past b/c of all the drama that went down with m.l. this year. it makes me sad, because when i was in high school vb was pretty awesome! (for the most part...the jessica years were sketchy b/c she is a heinous bitch from hell, so...) but i want them all to sing their hearts out and put on a great show nonetheless. i'm hoping for the best...there's bound to be rays of sunshine. break a lizzeg!

current music: here's where i stand - camp

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Friday, July 2nd, 2004
8:44 pm - oh yeah...
ps- school is fucking over for the summer and i four-pointed my classes. ta da!

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8:30 pm - there might be hippies there, so you'd better watch out...
today em and jane and I went on a adventure to pickerel lake to do some swimmin'. it took us forever to find it because we're assholes and have no idea what's going on...also, pickerel lake is in dexter, really far away, in the boondocks.

jane's mom warned her before she left about those hippies...and there they were, playing the guitar, throwing sticks for their dogs and playing bongos...seriously, bongos...ha ha could not have been more picture perfect if they had little joints permanently affixed to their mouths. delicious.

the lake was kinda full of fish and seaweed...i kind of had to go to a happy place so i wouldn't go into convulsions thinking about what gross things were lurking around waiting to touch/bite me. yikes. that shit creeps me right out. but we swam out far enough that i didn't worry too much, and we were floating around having a gay old time. on the way home, i felt the way i always did as a kid after a day of swimming...super exausted and starving as heeell.

i want to go to the lake every day.

current music: walk on the wild side - lou reed

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Friday, June 18th, 2004
7:18 pm - seems like a dream to me now...
i haven't updated in a little while...i feel that lack of follow-through creeping up on me again. but maybe it's just that i don't have anything that interesting to say.

my friend jane is moving to arizona in a month and a half. it's going to be weird to have her out there for so long. she's also living with two boys...i wonder how that's going to be for her...

lastly, my grandpa passed away today in saginaw. my parents went up to see him this morning in a rush because he got really bad. then my mom called be to tell me 15 minutes after it happened. i'm sad, but i feel like i should be more emotional about it. to my credit, i was never super close to him...especially toward the end when he was in the grips of alzheimer' grandma is awesome i'm thinking that i'll be able to get closer to her b/c he is was always so weird with them.

my dad is really sad...i think that he has a lot of regrets about the way their whole relationship went. i definitely want my parents to be a huge part of my kids' grandparents weren't really the lovey type. i'm going to make my parents show my kids how much they love them all the time!

my dad also was upset about how bad that my grandpa eventually got...he looked terrible and only weighed about 80 pounds...down from 190 in his fifties and sixties...the cancer just ate away at him. my dad told me that he never wants to get that bad, and said "smother me with a fucking pillow if that's what it takes" to put him out of his misery...

so anyway, this is weird. i'm going to end with the lyrics from a great song by paul simon, who is amazing:

"Let us be lovers we'll marry our fortunes together."
"I've got some real estate here in my bag."
So we bought a pack of cigarettes and Mrs. Wagner pies
And we walked off to look for America.
"Kathy," I said as we boarded a Greyhound in Pittsburgh
"Michigan seems like a dream to me now
It took me four days to hitchhike from Saginaw
I've come to look for America."

Laughing on the bus;
Playing games with the faces;
She said the man in the gabardine suit was a spy;
I said "Be careful his bowtie is really a camera."

"Toss me a cigarette, I think there's one in my raincoat."
"We smoked the last one an hour ago."
So I looked at the scenery, she read her magazine
And the moon rose over an open field.

"Kathy, I'm lost," I said, though I knew she was sleeping.
"I'm empty and aching and I don't know why."
Counting the cars on the New Jersey Turnpike:
They've all come to look for America
All come to look for America
All come to look for America

current music: fire and rain - james taylor

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Wednesday, June 16th, 2004
2:42 pm - oh, the girl from dairy queen...
i just heard a jammin' tune written for one of my roommates by an adorable lovelorn was really cute and/or funny...big emphasis on was totally emo to the core. i have a friend named eddie at work who played me a cd he made with his band, and i was dying laughing...he has a good voice and i was totally impressed at his ingenuity, but the songs were gaaaeeeeeey to the max. good for him though. who am i to judge?

sus is here in e.l. i'm skipping class. we're layin around like a couple of losebags. i really have a problem sticking to my resolution to go to class...oops. instead of learning, i'm sitting in my living room dicking around on my guitar, writing in this journal, smoking cigs and now we're going to go get ice cream...but not from dairy queen. we're productive.

current music: lay me on the water - gavin degraw

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Tuesday, June 15th, 2004
1:55 pm - awww shit
i fucking hate school, by the way.

jackasses are invading our house. they come around like little shit fairies, spilling paint, slobbing food/drink, polluting our ears with their creepy-creep banter. they are tools.

on a lighter note, i'm gearing up for my first official full moon party, july 2nd, 2004. (and yes, that evening is a full's not just a clever name.) it is not only in honor of one of the last summers of our young lives together, but also for susannah's 22nd birthday. get ready for it. kegs, burgers, dogs, smoke, you name it. whoo hoo!

anyjews, i'm out of here...i have to learn.

current music: suite judy blue eyes - csn(y)

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Saturday, June 12th, 2004
7:35 pm - you're a stoner if...
you say things like this:

"trying to tell you what it feels like when i'm high is like trying to paint the sky...with my tongue."

so...i wonder what we're going to do tonight...hmm...

current music: the weight - travis

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Wednesday, June 9th, 2004
1:33 pm - here in "the cave"...
em has left the cave. the cave is my bedroom on grove street in east lansing. it is 7 feet by 9 feet...really really small. our whole house is like a hot box...but not the cave, because, you see, the cave is the only room in the house with an AIR CONDITIONER. emily and i moved into hibernation at approximately 5 o'clock pm yesterday, and stayed in that state until about 20 minutes ago. it's freezing in here, it's 1000 degrees out there. amazing.

now it's raining, and i'm going to have to make an appearance at my psy320 i'm going to leave you with this a quote from a comedian named Brian Posehn...he was talking about seeing "the passion" and how all religions think that their truth about god and heaven is the only truth. he said that he hopes that everyone is wrong, except one guy:
"there's one crazy mental patient guy walking around going, 'heaven is a chocolate train, and there's a monkey conductor that farts lollipops!'"
And then the train pulls up with a monkey in a striped conductors uniform, and he says "welcome to heaven!" and farts and reaches down and pulls out a sucker.

current music: no more mr. niceguy - alice cooper

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Monday, June 7th, 2004
1:44 pm - hot as balls...
it's really hot in my house in el...but it's cool, because it's e.dizzity's 21st birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY EM!

we're going to the bar(s) tonight...kinda lame b/c the bars in east lansing are pretty gay...

i'm skipping my 3 o'clock because i'm lazy as heeeell. i'm also missing a quiz. oops. oh well. grades aren't everything, right? right.

everybody have fun tonight!

current music: the district sleeps alone tonight - the postal service

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Saturday, June 5th, 2004
2:56 pm - ...
"he always fucks those smoking cigars..." - sus

current music: Pass the Dutchie - Musical Youth

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Friday, June 4th, 2004
12:12 pm - never have I ever been so excited that someone invented IMAX...pure genius.
The plan for today:
1. I'm going to burn my pale, pale flesh off in the amazing sun.
2. Try to do some reading for my health psych class, which is astoundingly boring.
3. Go to Shaina's grad party for a bit with Finky, Sus and Brian...I can't believe that she's graduating...I feel like an old lady...probably b/c I am...oops.
4. Then, I'm off to see HARRY POTTER AT THE IMAX AT HENRY FORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel SUPER gay that I'm this excited...but I can't's going to be awesome, and I'm probably going to piss my pants in anticipation. And at the Imax? Come on, are you kidding me? Sensory overload. WHOO HOO!

Check ya later...

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Thursday, June 3rd, 2004
7:41 pm - feels like the first time...
So...I am inspired today. I suck at keeping a hand-written journal...I really don't like hand makes me whine. Yet I have always been in love with the idea of a's so romantic. Cut to a shot of about 10 journals that I bought, wrote a few entries in, and then got sick of/forgot about. I have no follow-through. Hopefully this will be a different story.

I have been reading Shaina's journal for a while now...because I am a HUGE loser and have too much time on my hands and I really love to hear initmate details about EVERYONE'S lives. If it isn't my business, I want to know about it. So maybe someone will start reading my thoughts daily because they have nothing better to do...who knows? Stranger things have happened.

I'm now going to use this space to rant. Here goes:
I'm a server at a restaurant. I'm awesome at my job. I hate trash. I make $2.65 an hour. That's TWO DOLLARS AND SIXTY-FIVE CENTS AN HOUR. So it goes without saying that my paycheck is basically bullshit. The only real money I make comes from tips. This is where the trash comes in. I don't care who you are...if you tip a server under 10% for good service, YOU ARE TRASH. I'm sick of hearing "They don't know any better." or "They really don't know that 10% is a bad tip." That is fucking BULLSHIT. It's not my fault that God made them that stupid...fucking ignorami. When I have to sit there and watch some asshole woman count out fucking CHANGE to tip me 9%, I want to FREAK OUT. I want to chase her ass into the parking lot pelting her with nickles, dimes and quarters, screaming, "Keep your fucking change! You obviously need it more than me you dickhead!" Good LORD. Oh yeah...another one that I like a lot are the folks who think it's really cool to tip one dollar for each person in their party...4 people, 4 dollars...regardless of their total bill. FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC. If I have to suffer some losebag's shit with a smile for an hour, then I want a decent tip...I mean, they don't all have to be 20%, but 15% is GLADLY accepted. Please...all who read this...tell a friend...I don't want to have to go crazy and kill everyone with my seething anger. So there you go. I'm done...for now.

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