Below are the 17 most recent journal entries recorded in Penguin's Blurty:

Saturday, July 19th, 2003
5:13 pm	God I hate it when shit like this happens!!!!!!!!!!! Katie thinks I want her to fucking take care of me. That's the biggest load of horseshit I've ever heard spewed from her mouth!!! I mean, come on. She acts like I don't know what type of person she is. If I needed comforting, it wouldn't be her I'd go to. It'd probably be Jillian. Jilli's a natural mother, even more so than I am. I can't believe Katie's all up on her high-horse like this. She needs to get the armadillo outta her ass before my foot joins it. I'm so goddamn pissed off at her right now its not even funny!!!! And now, quizzes, for those of you who have survived the rant: Dude, you're a punk's studded belt! Rock on! AaA-What accessory are you?-AaA brought to you by Quizilla You are The Cheshire Cat A huge grin constantly plastered upon your face, you never cease to amuse. You are completely confusing and contradictory to most everyone. What Alice in Wonderland Character Are You? brought to you by Quizilla you are the EMBARRASSED EXPRESSION. Oh, someone's got a crush... hehehe! Don't worry about it, everybody feels that way sometime, they just hide it better. What is your Anime Expression? brought to you by Quizilla I'm Mysterious Cute!! made by Jen I'm Hello Kitty Water Fairy! made by: Jen © What's your Inner Goddess Color?? © Jen Which are you? made by Jen Which are you? made by Jen You are... The anthem! You don't care what people think about you,cus (i quote benji) "Your're not in that crowd for a reason... cus you're better than that!" ???What GC song r u??? brought to you by Quizilla You are Bella, the Romantic Goth! You would love to live in the time of Byron and Shelley. People probably call you Elvira or Morticia. But you are above them, those poor foolish mortals. Where are you on the Gothic Spectrum? brought to you by Quizilla Glitter - Graver: With your cheeky grin and outgoing personality its apparent that you are the go-getter of the scene. When you dance people watch in awe, even though youre good and your friends keep telling you, it hasnt turned you into a stuck up bitch. You dont mind lending people clothes, money or hearing them out. You are a night personbut only if its punctuated by strobe lights! You have that easy going nature which sometimes leads people to take advantage of you, but you know how to deal with scum, short, sharp and to the point. You wear your tight pants and fluoro accents well with black and you are damn sexy in them too. Your motto is Friends are Forever What is your style of Gothic Beauty? brought to you by Quizilla Current Mood: pissed off Current Music: Down With the Sickness Disturbed (Comment on this)
12:19 pm	Good news: 3 DAYS TILL BRANDON COMES HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL, just thought I'd get that outta my system. And if you think I'm excited, Katie Child Killer is my excitement times 10 billion. LOL, poor girl is going thru Stitch-Cuddle-Withdrawls. Poor girl. Anywho, boredom reigns. In an hour, I'm supposed to go out to Hobby Lobby with mum, but that's still an hour away. **YAWNS** Until then, I'm stuck here, watching this damn computer screen and doin' nada. Sheesh, I wish I had a life. Rachael Same Name As My Dog is home from C.A.M.P. She's not doing 5th Session, so we're gonna partayyyyyyyyyyyy!!! LOL! Thank god for that. I was getting bored, just sitting here and talking to Katie Child Killer, whom half the time, isn't even online. Yeah. whatev.... Talking to Dani on Uproar about her asshole husband. They're getting divorced!!! (HAHAHAHAHA TAKE THAT MOTHER FUCKER) Then she's moving to Florida (pooh). Its all good. She says the kids are doing fine, which is great, and that she's doing even better, which is awesome. I hope she's havin' an awesome time!! Well, esta all for now. Quizzes later, etc. Bye!!! Current Mood: crazy Current Music: Minerva Deftones (Comment on this)
Friday, July 18th, 2003
9:40 pm	I was a good penguin today. I took the first step into fixing myself/salvaging what is left of me to fix. I was sitting alone in my sister's room, messing around with her nail polish, when all of a sudden I see her knife sitting on the shelf. Mind you, Becca isn't the outdoorsy-type, nor the kind that would have a knife of any sort, so that kinda worries me. I'll hafta talk to her about it later. Anywho, I picked it up and just sat there holding it, turning it over in my hands. Then, for some weird reason, I just put it back down and walked out, without cutting. I am beyond extremely proud of myself. :) Thus, having posted a good thing for today + 3 other entries, I say g'night. :) Current Mood: accomplished Current Music: Fly From the Inside Shinedown (Comment on this)
5:36 pm	Little Brothers are Annoying... Must kill little brother. He is good for nothing but annoying me. I was sitting there, talking to Katie Child Killer and Tash, when my little brother, James, kindly pulls the plug on the comp. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I was about ready to strangle the little shit. Luckily, I have love for those who are "challenged," and being challenged includes having ADHD, so therefore I can't kill him. Damn. Not much more to update. My neice, Jordyn, had a soccer game tonight. It was way out in the middle of no where, and my brother Brian (her father) and his girlfriend Shelly (her mother) went to the game, but didn't take me cause they didn't feel like bringing me home and then driving all the way back to Shelly's house. They're so good to me. :-\ Katie Child Killer is going to watch movies with a couple of her non-C.A.M.P. friends tonight, and Brendan (my other brother) and Dave (another brother) don't feel like doing anything, so I'm screwed as far as social interaction goes. I guess mum and I are just gonna kick around the Forum or something. Maybe we'll go see Bry as he works, and annoy the hell outta him!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA **evil glimmer in eyes** Bye!!!! Current Mood: calm Current Music: Show Me How To Live Audioslave (Comment on this)
2:12 pm	What's your usual [mood]? Are You Naughty or Nice? Which [Rainbow Colours] are you? Which [5 Elements] are you? Which [Seven Dwarfs] are you? Which [Charlie's Angels] characters are you? Computer Nerd What Kind of Geek Are You? brought to you by Quizilla The Lost Soul What sign of the Black Zodiac are you? brought to you by Quizilla Goth What Kind of Goth Are You? brought to you by Quizilla You're a fallen angel : you used to be happy but things have changed. Now you wearing your sadness inside your heart, and you feel unforgivable... Evil, of course...but what did you do so wrong...? Like I said to one of my friends : there can be hope even outside the light... follow this spark, follow my light, the one of the hellfire... If you were an Angel... which would be your path? brought to you by Quizilla Tinkerbell Who 's Your Inner Sexy Cartoon Chick ? brought to you by Quizilla What fashionable underground band/style are you? this quiz was made by the sunni bunni bear You're the smirk,a frown-smile hybrid that's a little bit cocky and usually associated with evil or arrogant,but attractive people.You probably just don't give a damn,but it's everyone else's fault if you don't because you're too awesome to have any real faults. What Kind of Smile are You? brought to you by Quizilla Current Mood: giggly Current Music: Enter Sandman Metallica (Comment on this)
1:34 pm	Kinda sorta maybe just a little freaked last night. Ok, so that's an understatement. I went into the full out, screanming my head off, crying my eyes out, kicking and trying to destroy every living thing around me mode. My father was trying to hold me down while he cleaned my cut. NOTE TO FATHER IF YOU EVER READ THIS: NOT SMART TO HOLD DOWN SOMEONE WHOSE BEEN RAPED. Not like he knows I have been, not like he'll ever know, but I think he'll not be holding me down for a while now, nor will he be interfearing in the cleaning of my cuts. Argh... Other than that: Joined Katie Child Killer's web-board thingie. Its called "Bus"....I don't get why, but ok. Its a pretty cool community, which offers a lotta help for us SI-ers. Well, es all for now. Soon I am going to see Mom-2, Dad-2, and all the bro's, my sis, and maybe my niece. SPIFTILICIOUS, I GET TO GET OUT OF THIS GODFORSAKEN HOUSE!!!!! lol. bye. k. Current Mood: happy Current Music: I Stay Away Alice In Chains (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 17th, 2003
3:16 pm	Well, I can safely say I hate overly-involved parents. That's the way my parents have been for a decade and a half, you'd think I'd be used to it, but nooooooooo. I just have to disillusion myself into believing that they're gonna LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!! Just doesn't work that way, I guess. Damn. My father and mother saw my cut. They freaked out, pulled the whole "I just want to understand you better"-inquisition, and the "Why can't you just stop" lecture. **sigh** Arg....I hate parents... Other than that: word on the street is, I wanna call Brandon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But he's not home, so I can't call, unless I wanna annoy his folks, and I do that enough when he is home, so I figure I'd better give it a rest for a while. LOL. As soon as he gets home though (after Katie Child Killer has sufficiently deprived him of oxygen) I wanna have some time to hang out with the dude!! Ok, that's all. Quizzes, later. ;) Current Mood: annoyed Current Music: Fly Away Lenny Kravitz (Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 16th, 2003
6:35 pm	I'm at Katie Child Killer's house. I'm taking care of her. LOL. When I first got here, her front door was locked. But you know me! I'm penguin, you can't keep me out even with rabid dogs, alarms, and pits of mud. So, I climb over the fence, go thru the mud, deal with 4 dogs, and go in the back door. Well, as I come in the back door, Annie, Sasha, Sadie, and Ember come in after me. 2 of them make it to the rug. The rest of them just track mud all thru the kitchen. Once I get the four of them back outside, I go into Katie's room and wake her up. She's like "ehhhhhhhhhhh" and I'm like "Rise and shine, sunshine!!" We promptly move into the living room, where Katie moves to the couch. I then attempt to make hot chocolate, which explodes in the microwave, further dirtying Beth's kitchen. (I'm sure, by the way, that Beth will kill me the next time she gets her hands on me.) After the hot chocolate is done, I mop the kitchen floor and clean the microwave, quite successfully, I might add. I then procede to make Katie some ramen. I MADE IT WITHOUT DESTROYING THE MICROWAVE!!!! Mwaha, I can cook, after all!! Her brother then came home, then. Her brother is way kewlies!!!!!!!!!! He's really funny, and I enjoy talking to him. He's like me, in the fact that he teases Katie about Brandon, and vice versa. =p Its just, great. At this point in time, I'm watching "Ever After" with Katie. My mum shall be here in about an hour. Hopefully, it'll be before Mark gets home. I don't want Katie to get in trouble for my stubborness and fortitude. LOL, if that is what you can call it. Well, that is all for now. Off to take more quizzes. TTYL, and tah tah for now!! Current Mood: thoughtful Current Music: Ever After (Comment on this)
2:53 pm	'Afternoon, all. There's really nothing much to report in this entry. Other than the fact that my poor Katie has a fever. That sucks. Later today, I'm thinking about dropping by and surprising her with some soup, a present, and watching bunches of good movies. Eheh, she'll prolly be weirded out, but I feel like playing mother so NYEAH.......lol, that made no sense online. I called Carlie last night. I miss her so much. She has the cutest little voice. I can't wait till I see her again. She says its scary that I might be getting my learner's permit soon. Its only because when I'd push her in her wheel chair, I'd always run her into things. I got better by the end of the week, though. It just took me a lil while to get used to pushing her. I'm a good driver, really I am. LOL!! =p All for now. TTYL. *******MUAH******* Current Mood: sleepy Current Music: Closer Nine Inch Nails (Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 15th, 2003
10:47 pm	Yet Another Annoying Survey * Name On Birth Certificate: Kathleen Deirdre McCarty * Nicknames: K, KK, Kat, Kate, Katy, Fish, Kat-Fish, Penguin, Hey You, Psycho Bitch, K.D. Lemonwood, Amalthaea, Inwe, Trippin’ Daisy, Black Sunshine * Birthday: 12-19-1986 * School: Eagle Academy N.E. * Color of eyes: Greenish-Hazel * Height: 5'2 ½” * Shoe Size: 8 or 8 ½ * Brothers/Sisters: 4 brothers-Brian, Brendan, Dave, and James; 1 sister: Becca * Who lives with you: my mum and daddy * When is your bedtime?: lately? Like 1-2 a.m.-ish * Heritage: Friggen Irish all the way, damnit!! ------------------HAVE YOU EVER------------------ * Been so drunk you blacked out: No * Missed school because it was raining: Yeah * Put a body part on fire for amusement: ehh…No * Kept a secret from everyone: **giggle** Yes * Had an imaginary friend: Yes * Wanted to hook up with a friend: Yes * Cried during a Movie: Hell yeah * Had a crush on a teacher: No. * Ever thought an animated character was hot: Yes. * Had a New Kids on the Block tape: erm…nah * Been on stage: Yes * Cut your own hair: Yes * Been sarcastic: this is a brilliant question, Captain Obviously A Shithead ------------------FAVORITES------------------ * Shampoo: eh….suave coconut flavour…lol * Soap: dove * Color: Rainbow, black, silver * Day/Night: Midnight * Summer/Winter: Winter * Lace or satin: Lace * Cartoon Characters: Kermit, Rainbow Bright, Love-a-lot Bear, Minnie Mouse… * Fave Food: Chocolate, and Pasta * Fave Sport: FOOTBALL * Fave Advertisement: ehh…me no cares * Fave Ice Cream: Peppermint * Fave Subject: Art or Math * Fave animal: PENGUINSSSSSSSSSSSS * Fave place: …..Somewhere…… * Fave Drink: Caffeinated beverage….SODAAAAAAAAAA * Fetish: ehh……… -------------RIGHT NOW------------------ * Wearing: erm….black tank, sports bra and jeans * Hair is: in pigtails under a red bandana * I'm feeling: lonely and bored and enraged, actually * Eating: nada * Drinking: Nothing * Thinking: hoping Brandon’s having fun in Atlanta, that Katie is feeling better, that my Carlie-girl and Anna are having a lovely chat, and that I’ll get what I want eventually * Listening to: 99.5 Kiss, specifically “Last Resort” by Papa Roach * Talking to: the voices that inhabit my head ------------------ IN THE LAST 24 HRS------------------ * Cried: Yes. * Worn a skirt: No. * Met someone new: No. * Cleaned your room: No * Drove a car: No ---------------DO YOU BELIEVE IN------------------ * Yourself: Never * Your friends: Yes * Santa Claus: No * Tooth Fairy: No * Destiny/Fate: Yes * Angels: Yes * Ghosts: No * Alternate lifeforms: No ---------FRIENDS AND LIFE------------------ * Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend: No * Who have you known the longest: my Sis and Bros' with 11 yrs., Karla and Chris with 3 yrs a piece, then Jilli, Lilo, Tabatha and Danielle with 1 yr. each, then Katie, Brandon, Amy, Jessi, Rach, Reily, John, Blake, and Terry with about a month… * Who's the shyest: erm…I didn’t realize I had shy friends……maybe Terry * Who's the weirdest: Katie and me :D and occasionally Rach, Jessi, or Brandon’ll join us in our insanity * Who do you go to for advice: Brandon and Katie * Who do you cry with: Pretty much anyone who invites me to, but mainly Brandon and Katie * When did you cry the most: I always cry. I’m a lil sissy * What's the best feeling in the world?: being loved, being in love, being held, and erm…….i plead the fifth =========== * last cigarette: Never * last car ride: tonight * last kiss: uhm….2 wks ago… * last bad cry: Monday of last week * last good cry: a few minutes ago when I talked to Carlie * last library book checked out: not in a while * last movie seen: Spice World, right Katie? * last book read: in the process of the Order of the Phoenix * last cuss word uttered: Shit Fuck Damn * last beverage drank: Diet Coke (goddamnit I’m turning into girlie-Brandon) * last food consumed: hunny bunches of oats cereal * last crush: again…no comment * last phone call: uhm, about hour and a half ago to Katie * last tv show watched: ER * last time showered: eh….this morning at like 3 a.m. * last shoes worn: black boot-lookin’ heels… * last cd played: Linkin Park * last downloaded: Don’t dl * last annoyance: damn loud ppl at the movie theatre… * last disappointment: my own idiocy * last soda drank: Diet Coke * last thing written: this survey * last key used: house key * last word spoken: “love you” * last sleep: last night * last sexual fantasy: ehh….fifth again * last weird encounter: uhm…Katie is a constant encounter so does that count? * last time amused: Brandon constantly amuses me * last time wanting to die: erm…..fifth…. * last time in love: now…. * last time hugged: Friday * last time scolded: last night * last time scolding: not recently * last lipstick used: I believe its “garnet chrome” mixed in with black liner… * last underwear worn: my boy-cut light blue underwear with a FLAMINGO on them :D * last bra worn: grey sports bra * last time dancing: flagpole Friday morning * last poster looked at: ehh….none * last show attended: don’t go to shows… * last webpage visited: Blurty 1 MINUTE AGO: I was doing this survey 1 HOUR AGO: In the car 1 DAY AGO: was talking to Brandon 1 WEEK AGO: at C.A.M.P., probably bawling my eyes out 1 YEAR AGO: was at C.A.M.P. I HURT: everyone close to me I LOVE: someone…. I HATE: Myself I FEAR: being alone I HOPE: I’m not always so slow I FEEL: alone I HIDE: as much as I can I DRIVE: Myself crazy I MISS: someone… I LEARNED: that I’m a stupid fuck I NEED: to see someone I THINK: I am an idiot. the end. 'night Current Mood: enraged Current Music: Faint Linkin Park (Comment on this)
8:14 pm	Catching Cabin Fever Another day of pure cabin fever. I didn't get out of the house until 6:00 p.m. and that was only because my parents thought we had a dumb meeting for a school I'm not even remotely considering going to. It turns out that this meeting is on the 22nd. Too bad, I'm still not going to that school. I'd rather go to Judson and get knocked up or shot up than go to another school that requires you to wear uniforms **shudders**. I've had enough of that for one life time, thank you very much. I went to the mall today!!! **does valley girl hair-flip** Like, it was, like....TOTALLY AWESOME!!!! **glares** The two good sides were that I got my new charm bracelet. Its a double twist medium link chain, and I got 4 charms on it, with one on back-order. The charms are: a tiny shamrock, the deaf sign for "i love you", a K for my name (that's the only hit as to what my name is that you'll get), and a dog paw. On back-order, I have a PENGUIN CHARM!!!!!!!!! I'm beyond excited to get it. And next summer, when I get my Camp C.A.M.P. charm, I'm gonna have it soldered onto my bracelet. On my way, wandering through the mall, I found something for Katie Child Killer with the Prettyful Pink Nails. I think she'll think its spiffalicious :). We were supposed to go shoot pool tonight, but she felt sick, so I let her not come. Its all good, I've got 3 whole weeks to drag her to all my hang-outs and have fun with her, Brandon, Rachael, Anneke, John, BJ, and Jessi :D. I love having friends, even if they are just acquaintances. Its great to get outta the house and stop staring at the computer screen for once. Today, I actually wrote out my list of "why's" for Brandon. Every time I cut, he always asks me "why" and I'm never thinking clearly enough to give him a straight answer. Now that he's gone for a week and I have some time to think, I can clearly sort out why and stuff. 'Cause he deserves an answer, ya know? Maybe now I'll be able to give him one, even if it is just jumbled up, crazy ramblings. I can at least say I tried. Well, here's some quizzes for you, and then I'm off :D You're a Kick-Ass Fairy! * *What kind of Fairy are you?* * brought to you by Quizilla You are the Seductress - You lure lovers and worshipers to you with your charisma, and sensuality. You are taken for a harlot, but know this is not the case, as you simply posess the ultimate in feminine charm. Which Royo Goddess Are You? brought to you by Quizilla You are Annette Hargrove Clever, beautiful, smart. *~*What Cruel Intentions Character Are You?*~* brought to you by Quizilla You Are Orange. (((~*~What Personality Color Are You?~*~))) brought to you by Quizilla You are Jenna Jameson! One of the most popular pornstars around, you are a funny, down to earth person who is able to make friends and break hearts easily. Which pornstar are you? brought to you by Quizilla your anthem is "echo" by incubus. you are a hopeless romantic and will do anything to find your one true love/soulmate. what is your anthem? brought to you by Quizilla Your HARE DAEMON represents your passive, kindhearted, and honorable nature. Though you are occasionally shy with new people, friends admire your unshakable tranquility, even in the face of chaos. What Animal Would Your Daemon Settle As? brought to you by Quizilla slightly sassy. don't try so hard. 10 sass points.. because i pity you. How Sassy Are You? brought to you by Quizilla Oi your a true punk! You know the history of punk and why it started you! You kick ass! Way to go! Your an official punk! Oi Rock on! .::Are you a real punk?::.(Fixed!) brought to you by Quizilla You are Fantasyland, home of the Sleeping Beauty's Castle, Peter Pan's Flight, Pinocchio's Daring Journey, and many more storybook rides! You love all things that have to do with love, romance, fairy tales, and magic! Which Disneyland land are you? I'm Mysterious Cute!! made by Jen The crazy girl in the shadows. Find out what anime girl you are. *clever* What fuzzy creature are you? that's all, folks Current Mood: indescribable Current Music: Unstable Adema (Comment on this)
Monday, July 14th, 2003
9:26 pm	A Logical Reproach Ok, you remember how I said I'd probably post an overly emotional entry and then you'd get the logical overview/correction. Well, this is one of those overview/corrections. Brandon wasn't fucking me over, or at least that's what I am led to believe at the moment. I'm just gonna have to swallow my fuckin' S.A.D., minus the pill and get over it. Let him be mad at me, let him avoid me. I can get on with one less friend, right? I don't have to be this dependant, right?? I'm trying to convince myself that the answer to the first one is yes and the answer to the secon is no, but its hard. My mind is just reeling around what happens if he hates me. I don't know. I just need to not think right now. Yeah, Katie and I kinda got into it. I need to learn not to assume anything with Katie. She's one of those unpredictable ppl. **sigh** Made her something today. I hope she'll like it whenever she gets to stay over. We need to do that. It’d be fun. I’m getting to talk to my Peanut and most importantly my CARLIE!!!!!!!!!! I miss her so much and am sooooooooo excited to talk to her!!! Oh my goodness, you wouldn’t believe how two girls can steal your heart in just 6 days. Its miraculous. LOL, I’m actually crying as I talk to her. I’m such a little sap, its not even funny!!! Even though Carlie, Anna, and Katie are probably laughing their asses off at what a weirdo I am… Well, this is the end of this entry as you know it… ‘Night all. Current Mood: ecstatic Current Music: Price to Play Staind (Comment on this)
5:16 pm	I can't believe I am friends with such a lying little prick. He told me he couldn't go out today, that F.T. wasn't happening....and yet I call his house to have his father tell me that he is indeed at F.T. Joy, joy, how great I will take this. (sarcasm) How did I get so fucking lost in my own little delerious world that I can't see he's walking all over me. Jesusfuck, when will I learn that all men are pricks, especially the ones that seem to be the nicest?! Current Mood: aggravated Current Music: Freak on a Leash Korn (Comment on this)
4:10 pm	Well, I had a bit of an...interesting experience last night, apparently. I dissociated. For those of you who don't know, dissociation is where your mind stops functioning, but your body continues to do so. Its so friggen scary to go to bed with nothing on your leg and wake up with the word "die" carved into it and blood on your sheets. **shudders** It was 7:30 a.m., and I tried to call Brandon on his celly (which he said he'd always pick up) but no use. I've been attempting to call periodically throughout the day, to no avail. I guess I'll just wait till tonight to talk to him. Whatever. There's nothing else much interesting about today, other than that Jer says I was talking to him while I dissociated. That's really REALLY freaky. But yeah. And now, here's one of those really annoying freakily forward thingies..... [[ Name ]] Kathleen Deirdre McCarty [[ Nicknames ]] KK, Kat, Katy, Kat-Fish, Spiff, Amalthaea, Inwe, K.D. Lemonwood, LazyTrippinDaizy, Penguin, Psycho Bitch, Lou, and Bird [[ Birthday ]] December 19, 1986 [[ Age ]] 16 [[ Astrological sign? ]] Sagittarius [[ Chinese zodiac sign? ]] Tiger [[ Location ]] San Antonio, Texas [[ Sexual Preference ]] I’m an Almond Joy (if you ppl can’t figure it out, too bad) [[ Marital Status ]] Single and browzing [[ Current Haircolor ]] Light brown with a few blonde and red highlights in there [[ Eyecolor ]] Greenish-brown [[ Height ]] 5'2 ½” [[ Parents still together? ]] Yes (miraculously) [[ Siblings? ]] Not blood related, but friends I’ve known for 11 yrs., yes….there are 5 of them [[ Nieces/Nephews? ]] Yes, 1 niece. [[ Kids of your own? ]] No [[ Grandkids? ]] I’m 16, you freak… [[ Pets? ]] One Dog [[ In school/graduated? ]] In school Preferences [[ Black and White/Color ]] Color, duh… [[ Black/White ]] Black [[ Red/Blue ]] Red [[ Dogs/Cats ]] Dogs [[ Roses/Daisies ]] Daisies [[ Beer/Liquor ]] Liquor [[ Boxers/Briefs ]] Boxers [[ Hair: Short/Long ]] Long [[ Boots/Shoes ]] Bare feet :D [[ Food: Mexican/Italian ]] Mexican :D [[ Dark/Light ]] Dark [[ Day/Night ]] Midnight [[ City/Country ]] Country [[ Sheets: Solid/Animal Prints ]] Solid Favorites [[ Color ]] Black, Deep Purple, Red or Silver [[ Animal ]] PENGUINS!!!! [[ Vehicle ]] Ford Pickup [[ Flower ]] Iris [[ Beer ]] uhm….I guess Shiner Bock [[ Liquor ]] Jack Daniels [[ Soda ]] Dr. Pepper or Sprite [[ Food ]] Pasta or Pizza, maybe Egg Rolls [[ Book ]] The Narnia Chronicles, A Wrinkle In Time series, Road Rules, LOTR Series, and HP Series [[ Author ]] C.S. Lewis, J.K. Rowling, Madeline L’Engle, and J.R.R. Tolkein. [[ Band ]] GREEN DAY!!! Good Charlotte, System of a Down, Evanescence, 3 Doors Down, Linkin Park (yeah, I mainstream guys), Korn, Hooked on Tonics, Gorillaz, Saliva, Alanis Morissette, Vitamin C, Avril Lavigne, Goo Goo Dolls, Foo Fighters, Tool, Nine Inch Nails, Mudvayne, Seether, Monster Magnet, No Doubt, Staind, Memento, Union Underground, Powerman 5000, Barenaked Ladies, Lee Ann Womack, Jimmy Eat World, Depechemode, Chevelle, Shakira, Bush, Aerosmith, Disturbed, Pacifier, Trapt, Audioslave, AC/DC, Nickleback, Kid Rock, Lifehouse, The Offspring, American Hi-Fi, Stone Sour, Savage Garden, Marylin Manson, Orgy, Hoobastank, Default, Godsmack, Cake, Un Loco, Cold, Metallica, and Hed P.E. [[ CD ]] my mix cds [[ Song ]] Goo Goo Dolls, “Iris” [[ Movie ]] 2 Weeks Notice, Steel Magnolias, Save the Last Dance, When Harry Met Sally, Sleepless In Seattle, You’ve Got Mail, Divine Secrets of the YaYa Sisterhood, and many others I can’t think of right now…. [[ Director ]] Beats the shit outta me [[ Country ]] maybe Ireland or the good old U.S. [[ State ]] Texas, baby!! [[ City ]] New York, St. Louis, or San Antonio [[ School Subject ]] Art or Math [[ Movie genre ]] Romance, Comedy, Romantic-Comedy [[ Extracurricular Activity ]] erm…I do swimming and soccer and football [[ Color your hair? ]] I think it’d look cool like a strawberry blonde, with more strawberry than blonde [[ Have tattoos? ]] Nope [[ Piercings? ]] Nopers [[ Have a boyfriend/girlfriend/both? ]] Not at the moment [[ Floss daily? ]] Eheh……no. [[ Own a webcam? ]] Yes, but don’t use it [[ Ever get off the damn computer? ]] occasionally… [[ Sprechen Sie Deutcsh? ]] I know this phrase and a few others, but that’s it… [[ Hablar Espanol? ]] Si, yo hablo espanol. Como estas? [[ Quack? Quack quack? ]] Quack quack quack quack quack, quack quack… [[ Been arrested? ]] Not yet… [[ Stolen a car? ]] I stole a golf cart once….does that count? [[ Stolen anything? ]] other than the golf cart? No… [[ Smoke? ]] Not likely [[ Pot? ]] uhm….not stupid enough…. [[ Drink? ]] On the rare occasion [[ Posed for nude pics? ]] Eheh……I don’t feel like breaking any cameras [[ Considered a life of crime? ]] Nope [[ Considered being a hooker? ]] Been there, done that, ain’t no fun [[ Maybe a pimp? ]] Ehem, no. [[ Cheated on someone? ]] Once or twice… [[ Been married? ]] I’m 16 and don’t live in Kentucky, so no. [[ Been divorced? ]] See previous answer and infer this one. [[ Are you psycho? ]] Yes. [[ Split personalities? ]] At times, they can be considered split. [[ Schizophrenic? ]] Not yet, although the voices are telling me to say yes. [[ Obsessive? ]] I can be. [[ Compulsive? ]] At times. [[ Obsessive Compulsive? ]] Occassionally [[ Panic? ]] Yes. [[ Anxiety? ]] Definitely [[ Depressed? ]] Wow, thank you for the brilliant report, Captain Obvious! [[ Suicidal? ]] no, I’ve gotten over that phase. [[ Homicidal? ]] Towards stupid people? Yes. Extremely homicidal [[ Genocidal? ]] No [[ Pedophile? ]] No [[ Obsessed with hate? ]] At times. [[ Mutilate animals? ]] No. [[ Idolize infamous criminals? ]] No. [[ Dream of mutilated bodies, blood, death, and gore? ]] erm……yes…this is the ideal way to waste my time… [[ Dream of doing those things instead of just seeing them? ]] uhm. No. [[ What are you listening to?]] System of a Down [[ What are you watching? ]] the computer screne [[ What time is it? ]] 2:55 p.m. [[ What are you wearing? ]] long sleeve shirt and pajama pants (yeah, I know its hot, but trust me, you’d want to hide what I am too) [[ Wanna cyber? ]] riiiiiiiiight….i’ve been waiting my entire day to hear those two little words… [[ Hey baby, nice shoes... ]] why, you’re so polite…I didn’t realize bare feet were considered shoes now days… [[ What're you drinking? ]] nothing [[ Eating? ]] I don’t eat. [[ Got both hands on the keyboard? ]] yes [[ You sure bout that? ]] yes [[ Who are you talkin to? ]] my lil Peanut, Seanie, and Jer [[ What other windows do you have open? ]] AIM Express [[ How bored are you? haha ]] My head is imploding due to extreme boredom [[ Be anywhere, where would you be? ]] F.T. [[ Who would you be with? ]] Brandon and Katie [[ What would you be doing? ]] going on roller coasters Word Association [[ dog ]]: shows [[ brown ]] hair [[ hot ]] boy [[ water ]] boy [[ bed ]] roon [[ flower ]] petal [[ cold ]] warm [[ love ]] you [[ cow ]] moo-chicken-moo [[ black ]] white [[ car ]] truck [[ sex ]] lust [[ phone ]] cell [[ ring ]] wedding [[ God ]] evil sadistic lil prick [[ friend ]] Katie [[ swim ]] fish [[ rock ]] ‘n roll [[ sweet ]] sour [[ bad ]] naughty [[ tree ]] christmas [[ school ]] boring [[ summer ]] Camp C.A.M.P. [[ picture ]] frame [[ fast ]] car [[ boat ]] water [[ shower ]] hot [[ feather ]] bed [[ ear ]] ring [[ vomit ]] puke [[ baby ]] girl [[ light ]] dark [[ blood ]] red ------------------- Home Life. Describe Your... [[ Room ]] clean, semi-large, yellow walls, purple flower border, green easy-chair in the corner next to my stereo, bed in the middle, yellow comforter, bunch of green and purple pillows, desk next to my stereo, shelves above my stereo with lots of stuffed animals. [[ Kitchen ]] place with food… [[ Bathroom ]] shower, mirror, warm, messy [[ Livingroom ]] t.v., dvd player, couch, blankies [[ Refrigerator ]] caffeine, H2O, food [[ Pet ]] she’s a Brittany, pretty, furry, cute [[ Parents ]] dad can be a bastard, mom’s great normally [[ Siblings ]] Brian’s a tad cocky, Brendan’s an ass normally, Becca’s a little bit on the stuck up side (but very pretty), Dave’s normally very cool, and James is a little shit. [[ TV ]] Digital Cable, Spifty remote, HBO, DVD player [[ Radio ]] Big, 3 disc changer, FM/AM radio, buncha other stuff I don’t know how to work ;) ------------------- Do You... [[ have a boat? ]] nope [[ have a pool? ]] if i did, would i be here?? [[ have cable?]] hasn’t this been answered multiple times?? YES!! [[ watch mtv? ]] what’s the point of watching it when all it is is MAINSTREAM SHIT!! [[ sleep nude?]] erm…no [[ have a waterbed? ]] no, but I could make do with one [[ like cookies? ]] yes [[ have sex? ]] yes, but its not as if I enjoyed it [[ have DVDs? ]] yes [[ like cheese? ]] mmmhmmm [[ have a watch? ]] my watch was stolen by Joshua Bentamen……and lost… [[ sing in the shower]] **giggle blush** yeah… [[ have a mobile phone? ]] damn straight I got a celly [[ what's your cell number? ]] a few select ppl know it, and you ain’t one of ‘em [[ keep a photo album?]] yuppers [[ drink water? ]] **sings** H Y D-R-A-T I-O-N spells HYDRATION HYDRATION :-p [[ like roller coasters? ]] of course of course [[ drive? ]] not yet, but I’m workin’ on it [[ have a best friend? ]] yup yup, and her name is Katie [[ like the heat? ]] nope ------------------------- Have You Ever... [[ gotten a tattoo? ]] no, but I want to [[ skinny dipped? ]] yes. And a few of my friends are still traumatized by the sight… [[ gotten your tongue stuck to a cold pole? ]] duh…who hasn’t?? [[ had pop rocks and coke together? ]] YESSSSSSSSSSS [[ played truth or dare? ]] am I an American teenager?? [[ kissed more than 1 person in 1 day? ]] uhuh :D [[ made a prank phone call? ]] again, who hasn’t? [[ flashed someone? ]] depends, how many mardi gras beads you got on ya? [[ sped? ]] how can I speed if I don’t drive? [[ set anything on fire? ]] yesssssssssssss [[ eaten snow? ]] hasn’t everyone at some point in their life? [[ puked on someone you really liked? ]] eheh….yeah **looks away** [[ eaten pure sugar? ]] uhuh uhuh [[ dreamt about having sex with someone? ]] yes of course [[ mixed sodas together ]] :D DUH [[ had sushi? ]] Yes and mmmmm [[ worn a thong or speedo bathing suit?]] no and you won’t ever catch me doin’ it, either [[ had deja vu? ]] i think so [[ had deja vu? ]] WOW....i think i just did... [[ hung up on someone? ]] yes and repeatedly [[ had the cops called on you? ]] eheh…heh…no [[ said, "I love you" and not meant it? ]] nope ----------------------------- Finish the Sentence [[ I would like to go to... ]] Ireland [[ want... ]] to have someone special of my own [[ I need... ]] to be loved [[ More than anything I... ]] don’t want to be alone [[ If I won the lottery... ]] donate money to Camp C.A.M.P. [[ I see... ]] darkness [[ My dream concert would be... ]] Green Day, Good Charlotte, System of a Down, Trapt, Hooked on Tonics, Mudvayne, Godsmack, Goo Goo Dolls, Disturbed, Chevelle, Union Underground and The Offspring [[ The last thing I did was... ]] read my driver’s manual **twitch, twitch, head implodes due to severe boredom** [[ The last person I hugged was... ]] Brandon on Friday night [[ The last person I yelled at... ]] Katie on Friday afternoon [[ I cried when... ]] Last night (we’ll not go into why… [[ Last night... ]] I dissociated and cried [[ Right now... ]] I’m wondering where everyone is [[ Love is... ]] something wonderful that I’ll probably never get to experience… [[ I hate... ]] my life [[ I love... ]] my best friends Katie and Brandon; my friends Jessi, Amy, Lilo, Karin, and Chris; my babies Anna, Carlie, Megsy, and Mari; and my family [[ My favorite phrase is... ]] "fuck off and die" or “bite me, bitch” don't you just love these??? if you want, fill it out and post it in the comments section Current Mood: confused Current Music: Control Puddle of Mudd (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 13th, 2003
9:07 pm	Well, so much for F.T. tomorrow. I think Brandon's mad at me/avoiding me/hates me; one of the three, I'll let him pick which. Although, I've been picking up the avoidant vibe from him for about a week now. Go figure. I'm crying and I need to stop before I get sick again. Right now I just want a nice exacto-knife and a dark black little corner so I can bleed myself to death. God, I don't handle rejection well.......... Current Mood: disappointed Current Music: Don't Speak No Doubt (Comment on this)
5:02 pm	I'm tired, sore, and I miss sleeping in blue overflow. Nothing wakes you up like feeling a daddy long legs crawling on your face. That, or having Katie in your face yelling, "Get your fucking ass outta bed NOW!" in her most horribly scary i'm-a-bitch-on-my-rag-and-you're-gonna-die voice. Although, she could still technically do that, only over the phone. Whatever... I miss Brandon. He promised he'd call last night, but he didn't, the little shit. LOL, I love you Brandon. But that just makes me go to believe that promises aren't worth shit anymore. **sigh** Whatever. Life's decent. I'm attempting to make small-talk with my ex. It ain't goin' too great. All we can talk about are the many women he's cheated on me with. **sigh** Yeah. The swelling in my eye has gone down. (Thank you God!!) Here's a sketchy lay-out for the week: Monday - F.T. with Brandon, Tuesday - Sleep over at my place with Katie-girl, and the rest of the week is free. Wanna make a date?? If I know you, you know where to reach me. If I don't know you, why the fuck are you trying to make a date with me in the first place? I went friggen shopping today. That's so unlike me, its not even funny. I got a pair of khaki shorts to where tomorrow and a black tank-top. I was gonna get a black haltar, but with it I couldn't have worn a bra, and the top made my boobs look friggen HUGE. Like, eye-popping, I'm-gonna-fall-out-of-your-shirt huge. And plus my mother (my OWN mother) said I looked like a whore in it. So I didn't get it. That's all for now. Here's a few quizzes: You represent... anger. Mad at the world, eh? You have a tendency to... freak out easily. Overly emotional about everything, you're most prone to bouts of cruelty and moodiness. Other people may be afraid of the fact that you explode so easily, but at least you're honest... even if you're honest about not liking anything. What feeling do you represent? brought to you by Quizilla Romantic. You are the hopeless romantic, sweet and caring. Little is more important to you than love. What is you Love style? with cute anime images brought to you by Quizilla Your anime hair color is green. What is your anime hair color? brought to you by Quizilla You are Justin!! If you could be a member of Nsync, which one would you be? brought to you by Quizilla ~Find Your Beauty Aura~ Which Piercing are you? Which Elemental Goddess are you? brought to you by Quizilla You are Peace. You are at peace with your self and the world around you. You have balance in your life and exude tranquility from every pore of your body. People are constantly asking you "what is your secret?" What Emotion Are You? brought to you by Quizilla Angel of Sorrow...everything just comes and goes. Nothing really matters right now...you've lost hope. What kind of angel are you? brought to you by Quizilla You are a black mermaid! What mermaid color are you? brought to you by Quizilla witch What magical gurl are you? brought to you by Quizilla borderline Which Personality Disorder Do You Have? brought to you by Quizilla You excel at History of Magic. You seem to have the mind for history, while everyone else is getting a little shut-eye you're alert and taking notes. Which Class at Hogwarts Would You Excel at? brought to you by Quizilla red chucks what color chucks are you? brought to you by Quizilla Bring Me To Life *What Song by Evanescence are You?* brought to you by Quizilla GRYFFINDOR! Which Harry Potter house are you in?? brought to you by Quizilla Romance *What Type of Movie is Your Life?* brought to you by Quizilla Circle 1, Limbo Congradulations you didn't do anything wrong in life with the exception of not getting baptised, bummer. The rest of eternity will be boring for you since you have to spend it in the eternal waiting room Which Circle of Hell Are You Going To? brought to you by Quizilla Take the Spirit Quiz and visit Castle Diqueria. Current Mood: bouncy Current Music: Bring Me To Life Evanescence f. Paul McCoy (Comment on this)
Friday, July 11th, 2003
11:36 pm	To Begin in the Middle My name is of little importance to those of you who may read this journal or care about it, even, for that matter. I seriously doubt anyone will read this, much less take an interest in the life of a psychotic, petty, hypocritical little teenager such as myself. Enough with the self-deprication. It gets old, but it is my life, and thus is the way I deal with it. Writing has always been some sort of a passion for me. I take time out of my life just to sit for long periods of time and vent my feelings, putting pen to pad and thinking things out in ink. It generally makes things make sense. That or talking to Katie and Brandon. Those two keep me saner that I have any right to be. LOL. When reading these entries, you'll probably catch the irrational, emotional side of me first in the early entry, and then a logical approach/repeal to the previous entry. Don't be appauled by dramatic, over-use of emotion. If you are so offended, bite me. Well now, on to the real entry. I just got back from working my third week at Camp C.A.M.P. Its a camp for physically and mentally disabled children, and I am a councelor there. A few think I'm actually half decent at it, but the majority say I'm a fuck-up. Go figure. (It took 'em long enough to figure it out!!) Anyways, this week was autistic week. My camper's name was Clayton. He was nine with a mental age of a 5 yr. old. Joy! (sarcasm). He was great the first few days, not obstinate at all. But then hit Wednesday, and we started taking after other boys in our tribe. He started screaming "no" at me every chance he got. He started hitting, pinching, and attempting to bite me. He never got a good hold on me, the lil sucker. LOL. Well, I loved Clayton to death, but the week was trying, both emotionally and physically. I'm glad its over and I have some time to recoup. I feel bloody aweful. We had a lost camper this morning. He wasn't really "lost", just not where he was supposed to be at 4:30 a.m., lol. Well, I was woken up, and running around in a dark, residential area, looking for the kid, tryin' to make sure my Katie-girl was alright in the process. It doesn't help being at Camp, when you know one of your friends is having a difficult time. You can't ever fix anything and focus your attention properly. Anywho, back onto topic. At 4:30, Brad (the Camp main-guy-person) comes knocking on our door, telling us to get up, lost camper, etc. I get my shoes on, and go running to grab my flashlight as everyone runs out of the cabin. In all my semi-sleepy-stupor genius, I manage to trip over my bed and hit my eye right on a bolt sticking out from Katie's bed. Yup, go klutzy me, right??? LOL. So my eye hurts. And then, when I got back to the cabin, I puked from nerves. The camper was one of my good friend's brothers. Kinda struck a nerve. Anyways, I couldn't go back to sleep after that, so I've been up since 4:30 a.m. Go me! I got two letters while I was gone. One was from my lil Peanut. She drew me a picture of a penguin!!! **grins** Its really adorable. And her letters always make me laugh out loud. I need to write her one back. The second one was from Jer. It was written back in May when we were still an "item" and was filled with all the sweet sappy things we used to say. I kinda feel really shitty right now. Actually, I really feel like cutting. But I made a promise to Brandon that I wouldn't, and so I won't. I'm going to keep myself pre-occupied. Actually, I'm talking to him and Katie right now on AIM and I do feel strangely better just speaking with them. They always have the ability to lighten my mood. This is all for tonight. As I look at it, I'm thinking what a hella long entry it is. Gah, Carlie was right, I do write too much. LOL. 'Night all, sleep tight. Current Mood: sore Current Music: Swing Swing All American Rejects (Comment on this)