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(3 To | Eat my heart out) Been a while [26 Dec 2003|11:57pm] [ mood | Denial ] [ music | Radiohedhead ] Holy shit I forgot this journal existed. Hmm. OH well. So whatsup Chelsea? Ha.. she's the only person who reads this. Right now I'm selling out and listening to MTV's countdown thing or whatever... most played song on Mtv.. I guess... I dunno. Hence the listening.. I'm not watching. Why would you wanna watch a music video, when infact, your really selling yourself to television programs... Artists don't need to make videos, yet they do, and we watch them. Sure, it's for smusement, but please.. save your money for something else... I'd find your buying of a butterfly dildo thats got a birds pecker on it more useful and appreciative.. altho I wouldn't wanna know. Ah.. I just realized I sold myself to MTV. Fuck. Before I disgrace myself even more, I'm gonna stop typing and find something better to do.. Oh look.. Radiohead... *resists listening*

(Eat my heart out) [09 Oct 2003|09:31pm] Whoa. Been a while. I'm in marching band. Color guard. Who. Um. Mom still has cancer... Your dad still sleeps in my room... annnnndd.... -end-

(5 To | Eat my heart out) [12 Aug 2003|05:58pm] Well it's been a while. I think. I don't know the last time I updated. My Mom does, in fact, have breast cancer. If I wrote this 2ce I'm sorry. She had surgery on Thurs. and they took out the lump. And now she has this tube thingie that sucks out all the liquids that form after surgery and its gross. It's too gross to describle. It's like, a neon red. Ok, ok, I'm done. Heh. But she's doing better now. She's gonna get raidiation an dthen they'll see if she needs Kemo. I doubt she will. Radiation gets rid of pretty much everythign and she didn't have too big of a lump. It was an early stage so I think she'll be good. And my sister does nothing to help her, so I'm stuck doing 5 things at once. Hey. I always end up complaining about something. Meh. I should stop.

(Eat my heart out) [08 Aug 2003|02:35am] [ mood | upset ] Eh... my mom had breast cancer. It's not getting through my head. I dont know why. But its not. I think its that 6th sense lingering in my head telling me she'll be ok. But I could be wrong. She's at the hospital overnight. Wonder if she's sleeping. I hope she learns to have fun with life and not live it so miserably. She always has, so she probably had this coming. I've seen this coming for her. I just knew somethign terribly wrong was gonna happen to her. And she'd embrace life, and learn to not take it like its something to be wasted. I'm talking to Marissa and its getting pretty deep. E H RejEcT: Hey OasisIsGlory: he hey E H RejEcT: whats up OasisIsGlory: nm OasisIsGlory: u? E H RejEcT: nada OasisIsGlory: fun E H RejEcT: oh yeah OasisIsGlory: Yummy OasisIsGlory: yummier E H RejEcT: whats that OasisIsGlory: look E H RejEcT: nice OasisIsGlory: lol OasisIsGlory: mmhmm E H RejEcT: yeah E H RejEcT: dude i gotta get up in 2 hours OasisIsGlory: hah OasisIsGlory: why> E H RejEcT: going on vaca to penn w/ ant OasisIsGlory: ooooh OasisIsGlory: tahts cool E H RejEcT: yep OasisIsGlory: dont screw around now... OasisIsGlory: if you have a babay OasisIsGlory: ill kill you E H RejEcT: ehhh E H RejEcT: no thanks OasisIsGlory: lol OasisIsGlory: j.k E H RejEcT: i dun think so E H RejEcT: lol OasisIsGlory: yeah.... E H RejEcT: yeah... OasisIsGlory: uh huh E H RejEcT: mmhmm OasisIsGlory: go to bed E H RejEcT: no thnx OasisIsGlory: so you can wake up E H RejEcT: im good OasisIsGlory: fall asleep in car> OasisIsGlory: ? E H RejEcT: 2 hyper E H RejEcT: yup OasisIsGlory: lol OasisIsGlory: aww E H RejEcT: lol E H RejEcT: he he OasisIsGlory: i hate you OasisIsGlory: you can han out with boys OasisIsGlory: and go on vacation with boys OasisIsGlory: and be seen around boys E H RejEcT: yeah i sleeping over right now E H RejEcT: aww E H RejEcT: i sorry mon OasisIsGlory: yeh, and sleep over a boys OasisIsGlory: you suck OasisIsGlory: lol OasisIsGlory: its ok E H RejEcT: :-\ OasisIsGlory: You live with whatcya get right? E H RejEcT: no your parents suck E H RejEcT: yeah OasisIsGlory: yeh they do E H RejEcT: sooner or later you'll be good OasisIsGlory: lol E H RejEcT: lol OasisIsGlory: Lol, sooner or later E H RejEcT: hopefully sooner and not later OasisIsGlory: hopefully E H RejEcT: yeah OasisIsGlory: lol OasisIsGlory: so whatcya gonna do in PA? E H RejEcT: idk... lo., E H RejEcT: *lol E H RejEcT: im not sure OasisIsGlory: that works OasisIsGlory: lol E H RejEcT: yeah OasisIsGlory: moo E H RejEcT: quack OasisIsGlory: aflack E H RejEcT: hahaha OasisIsGlory: Moo. OasisIsGlory: I;ve had a looooon day E H RejEcT: whys that OasisIsGlory: Ive been up since 11 am OasisIsGlory: thats eaaaarly E H RejEcT: yeah it is OasisIsGlory: lol E H RejEcT: damn OasisIsGlory: yeh i know right? E H RejEcT: i havent been up that early in a while OasisIsGlory: me too E H RejEcT: yeah OasisIsGlory: earliest was about 12 30 E H RejEcT: yup OasisIsGlory: lol OasisIsGlory: Hey, I got a ? E H RejEcT: whats that OasisIsGlory: If you don't mind... E H RejEcT: oh gee... what OasisIsGlory: How did you handle it, when PAtrice told you she had cancer? OasisIsGlory: Like... did it phaze you at all, or was it like, fuvksosaiuhc::cry:: E H RejEcT: well it was kinda of a different situation you see b/c i found out when she was still in surgery and i couldnt tell her i knew until about 2 weeks after b/c no one told her for two weeks while she was recovering so i had to keep it in but yeah i cryed and went thru all the phases of not wanting to believe it E H RejEcT: why OasisIsGlory: Oo.. OasisIsGlory: Well OasisIsGlory: my mom just got diagnose with boobie cancer OasisIsGlory: and its not hitting me E H RejEcT: Well to be truthful w/ you it hasnt exactly hit me that patrice has died OasisIsGlory: I feel bad and stuff, but its not hitting me E H RejEcT: it takes a while E H RejEcT: yeah its okay OasisIsGlory: really> E H RejEcT: yeah E H RejEcT: its hard to believe and accept OasisIsGlory: Thats comforting E H RejEcT: yeah... OasisIsGlory: I dunno, maybe its cuz she'll be fine afterall, so I'm not worryiing E H RejEcT: how bad is it? it is early or is it bad? OasisIsGlory: early E H RejEcT: oh thats good OasisIsGlory: alyssas was early OasisIsGlory: and shes cancer free OasisIsGlory: so maybe my mom will be too after radiation E H RejEcT: yeah depending upon how early they find it and how they treat it it can be good and taken care of E H RejEcT: i didnt kno what was the out-come of alyssa's she is cancer free OasisIsGlory: Then I guess not being fazed it a ok OasisIsGlory: You didnt? E H RejEcT: no E H RejEcT: yeah its ok OasisIsGlory: I didnt either, I found out by hearsay, like I was with them and they told someone else and I wa slike, heyyy, I didn;t know E H RejEcT: yeah i never head anything and i didnt want to ask OasisIsGlory: Yeh, Me either, I woulda felt rude n sctuff E H RejEcT: yeah OasisIsGlory: But know we both know OasisIsGlory: now* E H RejEcT: yeah n thats great OasisIsGlory: yeh it is E H RejEcT: yeah OasisIsGlory: But they say theres no core E H RejEcT: there isnt OasisIsGlory: so i think they have found a cure OasisIsGlory: surgery E H RejEcT: yeah but that always isnt a cure it doesnt get all the cells and they delvope and grow w/ out treatment OasisIsGlory: it can come back, but theres a cure for the common cold, and that cancome back OasisIsGlory: true OasisIsGlory: It leaves you thinking doesnt it... lol E H RejEcT: theres no cure for common cold is there... E H RejEcT: yeah it does OasisIsGlory: yeh, antibiotics like benadryl, or tylenol E H RejEcT: thats not a cure OasisIsGlory: well... it helps u get better? E H RejEcT: but it always relapses a cure is someting that makes it not relapse OasisIsGlory: oh yeh, didnt thinkof it taht way E H RejEcT: but they have ways of keeping cancer away for a long time and helping with the pain OasisIsGlory: yeh, thankfully at an early stage its easier E H RejEcT: doesnt nessecary mean its not going to happen but its a better chance that it wont OasisIsGlory: yeh OasisIsGlory: I looove the 21st century OasisIsGlory: heh E H RejEcT: yeah i kno E H RejEcT: ha.... OasisIsGlory: thin about it, back then, like 1805, you had cancer, and you wouldnt even know it E H RejEcT: thats true OasisIsGlory: its weird E H RejEcT: but i think its better to not know and not go thru the pain of trying to stop it and fix it... OasisIsGlory: yeh thats what I was thinking E H RejEcT: thats my way of looking at it E H RejEcT: i'd rather not know OasisIsGlory: like, it doesnt hurt b4 any surgery, but then after and with radiation and keme and stuff, thatd when you suffer E H RejEcT: yeah OasisIsGlory: yeh, plus you never know if your better off with it or without it OasisIsGlory: radiation ruins other ttissues, so that can always blow out E H RejEcT: b/c if you think about it your going to die anyway and never know... why know when your going to E H RejEcT: yeah OasisIsGlory: yeh, so embracse and accept E H RejEcT: yup E H RejEcT: but everything has a way of working out so just live and let live OasisIsGlory: death is such an easy concept... OasisIsGlory: agreed E H RejEcT: yeah... OasisIsGlory: That's harsh.... E H RejEcT: what OasisIsGlory: Death E H RejEcT: yeah it is OasisIsGlory: i mean OasisIsGlory: its just like that E H RejEcT: yeah... its so... final OasisIsGlory: i dont wanna die... E H RejEcT: who does OasisIsGlory: miserable people E H RejEcT: thats true E H RejEcT: but E H RejEcT: they suck E H RejEcT: and i hate them OasisIsGlory: I dont wanna be miserable either OasisIsGlory: lol yeh E H RejEcT: b/c so many people die who wanna live and they kill themselves for stupid reasons OasisIsGlory: yeh, like a g/f or b/fbreaking up with them E H RejEcT: yup OasisIsGlory: You knwo what no one has herd yet? E H RejEcT: what OasisIsGlory: Some one killing themselves over a pet E H RejEcT: thats true E H RejEcT: thats kinda riduculas tho OasisIsGlory: lol yeh E H RejEcT: haha OasisIsGlory: Welp.. sleep is calling me E H RejEcT: so go sleep OasisIsGlory: Lol OasisIsGlory: I will E H RejEcT: ok E H RejEcT: bue OasisIsGlory: HAve fun on yoru trip E H RejEcT: thankz E H RejEcT: ttyl OasisIsGlory: Np OasisIsGlory: adios E H RejEcT: peace out Gonna sleep now. C ya'll.

(Eat my heart out) [05 Aug 2003|01:54am] [ mood | crappy ] [ music | KateBush_LeavingOnAJetPlane ] Eh... so much happened today. First sadness but then overruled my forgetness. First, my mom might have boobie cancer. Heh. I really hope she doesn't. She was saing she can't belive that that's how she was gonna die. And if she has it, then me or my sister might get it. I hope not... And I so hop emy mom doesn't have it. No one's really supposed to know, so please don't go telling people. She told me to be strong when she told me. I was and it hasn' fazed me. I'm hoping it's because she doesn;t have cancer. I wouldn't feel nothing if she did. I have like, this instinct on bad news. If I get sad, it's bad. If I don't, I'm perfectly fine. I hope it's nothing. I could always be wrong. Well, that got rolled over and my dad and I went shopping. I saw Rob and Kerry(sp?) at the bookstore. Rob and I snuck in a hug. Of course I had to see if my dad was looking. So paranoid around him. Then we went to.. Walmart. On the was I saw Ryan and Michelle. Good to see them all, even if it was for a few breif seconds. I got yarn for my feather and beads thing. Then we went to Bob's. I got a small size of the fishnet shirt I already have, and I'm giving the medium to Kelly. Then my Dad got me pants. They were 25 bucks. That's expensive to us, so I kept asking him if he we sure. He said he'd rather get me something I like, expensive, but on sale, rather than buy something cheap, that I won't really like and never really wear. Good thinking. Then we went home, and I went out again with the mom and sister. For boredom's sake. Plus, they were gonna go to Khols, and there's these wickid awesome Superman undies. Well, Supergirl. So much fun. I got 2 pairs. Onr red with the logo in the front and one black with the logo in flames and on the back. And I got a shirt. It says something about Betty's Bowling. Lol. And, you will never ever belive this. I can't myself. But it has PLOLKA DOTS!!!! POLKA DOTS!!! Well... umm. ::red cheeks:: Well, it's black with white dots... and it's. NOT a dress... :/ Ok. I'll tell you. A skirt. Heh. I only got it for it's dot. Theres like this instant attraction that goes off when I see polka dots. Atleast its nto a dress!!!! I saw a polka dotted dress, atleast I didn't get that!!. The shirts too big so I'm gonna have the mom fix it. I didn;t exactly buy the shirt and the skirt... I bought the undies tho! Heh. Then we went to The Gap. I know, another bad store in a row. I had my fingers in a cross the whole time. It was for my brother, We got him a shirt and boxers that ended up being too big, so we gave em to Josh. They looked big enough for him at the store. Shoulda got medium. Fuck. I felt bad cuz he really needs boxers. Then we went to Brooks. And home. Sean called and I think I pissed him off. He was like well I'll see ya sometime soon maybe, and I go alright you better, and then he goes allriiiight. Eek. Then Loorgia, Josh, and Josiah showed up. We ate, had our fun, and then they left. UNexpected. Josiah was pissing me off the whole time. Then I felt horrible. I felt like my bro never really cared. I hate the way he acts. I was folding the wires for his digital camera and he goes, "Don't touch it" like I was gonna ruin it. What the hell? And he never stays home. And he just comes here to sleep, and store his stuff. Heh. My DDad was talking to him and my sister walked by and she said sh thought he was crying. The Dad was telling me about when he went to the hospital when he was younger. He got hit in the eye by a baseball and had to get stitches. My Dad asked his if it hurt and he acted tough and said he was fine. Then the doctore said that he couldn't play for a week, and he started crying because he would miss his game. I never thought of him like that. I never knew my brother could cry. I've never seen his cry. So I went to go see if he was but his eyes were just red, like always. So I couldn't tell. I still feel pretty crappy. I don't know wether or not he cares or not, or if he;s just words. I don't even remember much of my brother when I was younger. He was never home. Even as a child. He was always out playing. And we drove him outta the house. We kiss his ass so bad now. We shouldn't. We buy him stuff outta nowhere, we do what he tells us, we give him his space. We give em whatever. Me and my sister don't even get that. He's given my parent money, to help with bills and such, he bought me a book, he's giving my sister money for her cell phone, but he hasn't been there as a brother. And I have NO male figure in my life whatso ever. I yern for it. I honestly do. I can't look up to my Dad, he's never home. As a kid he used to work. When he didn't have a job, he was doing other things. Like working on the computer or out getting buisness card in this profit organization thing. So we never had any talk time. ANd all we did was fight. Then he got this job and is never home. My brother, I could look up to him, and I do in a way, but I don't know him as well as I'd like to. Well, he leaves tomorrow. I think it's best. Because it doesn't leave me confused and get me or my isster upset by him being an asshole. Or my parents beacays ethey wanna have dinner with them or something. Well, I feel like crap so I'm gonn go ponder in my bed. C ya.

(Eat my heart out) [01 Aug 2003|03:53pm] [ mood | sad ] :( Kinda down right now. Plus I'm sick. Damn you sister. And I'm homesick. I need Hamden back. I'm gonna die. I'm so close, and I never even get to go there. Kelly gets to go back more than I do, and her mom has worse problems than my parents do. And her mom makes every effort to take her, even thought they're in Bristol. And we live merely 20 miles away, and I get no effort from anyone, but my Dad when he's here but even he has a problem. Either he tell's me that I'm doing too much, or he finds some reason. How can I be doing too much when I never do anything. If I go out one day, and I wanna go back out a day or two later, that's too much. If I go out one day, then again the next week, and I wanna go out the next week, that's too much. I never see anyone. I never do anything. What the fuck is he so fucking worried about? I don't understand how you can never let a kid out. I would kick my kid out the house if he never went out. It's my fucking summer, I want to do something. Why are they so fucking restricting. Right now I don't even wanna talk to anyone from Hamden. Cuz I get too sad. I don't wanna be sad. I hate being sad. Fucking emotions. I just want Hamden back. Why can't I ever see anyone!? No one ever calls me. People have called, aske me to go out and I had to tell them I can't. Then they try again, and don't call again, because they know the ansewer is no. Always no. And I never hang out with anyone outside of school so they don't bother cuz it's like, well, she's never out so whatever. I hate this so much. I need Hamden back. I need to see my friends. I need to get out. I need freedom. I need a fucking life. I hate you "Mom" and "Dad". You call yoursleves parents?

(Eat my heart out) [29 Jul 2003|05:14pm] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | {Recover}-[MyOnlyCure] ] Ok. Noone reads this journal... so can I blurt it out here or not? Hey... thats why they call it blurty... anyways.. Umm... fawk. I don't wanna jinx my luck. That would suck. It might happen for Kelly too... That would so kick ass. I hope it happens. I would love life and kiss it. Meep...

(Eat my heart out) [25 Jul 2003|03:36am] [ mood | sad ] Ah. I love rain at night. It just rains a hella load about 4 nights ago. I wanted to run around outside, but I'd be herd walking out the door, plus, something about going out alone at 2:30 in the mornings just a little creepy. I wish it wasn't tho. I'd love to go a strolling at night. Especially in the rain. Its so fun to get wet, little by little by little. I love how my hair just et soaked and drips and sticks to my face. And when your clothes get wet. I think its so fun to run around wet. I have yet to find out why, but it just is. I can't wait till I lie alone or in a house esay to sneak out of. Then I'd run around, and take midnight walks. But knowing my parents they would think I went out to meet someone. They're always so suspicious. And paranoid. And over protective. Wow. My parents get in the way of everything. I hate writing a journal entry about somethign liberating and happy and then have thoughts of my paents ruin it. This sucks. I like beds. So I think I'm gonna lay down on one and contemplate my "future". Some futre.

(Eat my heart out) [24 Jul 2003|04:53am] [ mood | Hectic ] lithium halo: Hello Monica. OasisIsGlory: Hayyylo Scoot lithium halo: How are we tonight? OasisIsGlory: Quite alright OasisIsGlory: and yoruself? lithium halo: Just fine. I thought I'd drop in and say hello before I got offline lithium halo: And now I am going to bed. OasisIsGlory: Wait OasisIsGlory: Seeing as to how your not in new yourk OasisIsGlory: go to the carnival tomorrow OasisIsGlory: You know you wanna lithium halo: Indeed, I am not. I went to see the Yankees play. And now I am back. lithium halo: Actually, the idea of a carnival doesn't appeal to me. OasisIsGlory: If you could see my face you would see that I don't care if your not into it OasisIsGlory: Just gooooo lithium halo: Why do you want me to go so much? OasisIsGlory: I don't know OasisIsGlory: I just havn't seen you in a while OasisIsGlory: so it would be nice i guess lithium halo: That's sweet. lithium halo: However, on top of other reasons, I am broke. OasisIsGlory: im waiting for that but lithium halo: And I'm not very stealthy. OasisIsGlory: so what OasisIsGlory: you dont need money to hang otu at a carnival OasisIsGlory: and theres stairs OasisIsGlory: you come up with every reason not to go dont you? OasisIsGlory: haha OasisIsGlory: i bet i have no way toget there is next lithium halo: Actually, I don't lol. OasisIsGlory: Ah I knew it lithium halo: Believe me Monica, I would love to see you. Unforntunetly, the circumstances prevent such. lithium halo: My mother works very early in the moring, so she goes to bed fairly early. OasisIsGlory: what time lithium halo: Usually around 8 lithium halo: And she doesn't get home from work until 5-6 OasisIsGlory: am or pm? lithium halo: PM lithium halo: She goes to sleep around 8PM lithium halo: Doesn't get home from work until 5-6PM OasisIsGlory: would she be bitter about driving you thee and then picking you up at like... 7 30? lithium halo: I could ask her... OasisIsGlory: go for it lithium halo: What time do you want me to arrive there? OasisIsGlory: wheneveryou can OasisIsGlory: by the way its at the church near the fir dept. lithium halo: Where is that on rt. 80? OasisIsGlory: yup OasisIsGlory: just keep gogin past Krousers lithium halo: Toward Universal drive? OasisIsGlory: whers that? lithium halo: Is it on the road toward Circuit City? OasisIsGlory: wheres that? heh OasisIsGlory: in N Haven> lithium halo: I'm sure my mom knows where the Fire Dept. is. lithium halo: Lol. OasisIsGlory: haha ok OasisIsGlory: in EAST HAVEN OasisIsGlory: remember that lithium halo: Like I said, I'll ask her. OasisIsGlory: alrighty lithium halo: I doubt it though, my mother is not very generous about giving rides. lithium halo: Especially since she is working so much OasisIsGlory: well... tell her ts just this once OasisIsGlory: and that you barley go out OasisIsGlory: so she should be happy OasisIsGlory: always works with my mom lithium halo: I go out alot :-( lithium halo: lol OasisIsGlory: does she give you rides everywhere lithium halo: No. lithium halo: True. lithium halo: Do you work at the Carnival or something? OasisIsGlory: nope lithium halo: Oh. lithium halo: Lol. lithium halo: Ok then. OasisIsGlory: what made ya think that? lithium halo: Because you've been there everyday. lithium halo: OasisIsGlory: and theres stairs < explain. OasisIsGlory: haha OasisIsGlory: well there is OasisIsGlory: their not hard to see OasisIsGlory: so you coudl sit, cuz you said you said you werent stealthy lithium halo: -confused on how they are related to the conversation at all, but ignores it entirely- lithium halo: Oh ok OasisIsGlory: there ya go lithium halo: I'm not too quick at quarter to 3 at night ;-) OasisIsGlory: ah no worries lithium halo: I have one question. lithium halo: Are you going to shoot me? OasisIsGlory: lmao OasisIsGlory: why would I wanna shoot you? lithium halo: I don't know. lithium halo: You seem very persistant to have me come out there and see you. lithium halo: I was trying to find underlying reasons. OasisIsGlory: Lmao OasisIsGlory: that funny OasisIsGlory: thats* OasisIsGlory: why the hell would I wanna shoot you? lithium halo: I don't know! lithium halo: It was just a theory. OasisIsGlory: Silly lithium halo: Lol. lithium halo: Well, I'll ask her. lithium halo: I doubt it, but I will ask anyways. OasisIsGlory: Good.... make sure you do lithium halo: Lol, see... things like that make me think you have some plan to seriously injure me. OasisIsGlory: Haha, I'm sorry lithium halo: Is that why you directly metioned the stairs? To push me down them? OasisIsGlory: Nooooo OasisIsGlory: theyre not long enough to push someone down OasisIsGlory: your so paranoid lithium halo: Lol, true. OasisIsGlory: lithium halo: And I'm not very stealthy. OasisIsGlory: OasisIsGlory: and theres stairs lithium halo: Ok. lithium halo: So, how don't have any plans to kill me then? OasisIsGlory: not at all lithium halo: Ok, cool. lithium halo: :-) lithium halo: What if I show up naked? Would you shoot me then? OasisIsGlory: No, I'd laugh OasisIsGlory: And the probably dry hump lithium halo: Lol. lithium halo: I really need to get a bunny costume. OasisIsGlory: Go for it haa lithium halo: I really need to get a life lol OasisIsGlory: Well I'd agree if I knew how you were now lithium halo: Lol., lithium halo: Well, I hope I can get a ride. It would be nice to reminiesce with an old friend. lithium halo: No matter how much of an asshole I was back then. OasisIsGlory: haha OasisIsGlory: you ashsole OasisIsGlory: you werent an asshole lithium halo: Yes, I was. OasisIsGlory: how? OasisIsGlory: Juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuust my breaking up with me? lithium halo: Well, it was a pretty asshole-ish thing I did. OasisIsGlory: How so? lithium halo: Ask you out, and then dump you. Then ask you out again, and then dump you again. lithium halo: Both within like 3 days. OasisIsGlory: haha lithium halo: I blame it on too much violence on TV. OasisIsGlory: it had to happen someday OasisIsGlory: Violence? lithium halo: Yes. OasisIsGlory: ? lithium halo: Nevermind, lithium halo: I blame it on the suckyass Hamden environment. lithium halo: Anyway you look at it, I was a big-gigantic-asshole. OasisIsGlory: I dont lithium halo: Why? lol OasisIsGlory: Youd have to twist my nipple and crotch grab me a few times in order for me to call you and asshole OasisIsGlory: Im very lenient.... lithium halo: Ah, lol. lithium halo: Well, I won't be doing any of that. OasisIsGlory: Riight OasisIsGlory: haha lithium halo: It was still a crappy thing to do. OasisIsGlory: I can't believ you OasisIsGlory: your still beatinf yourself up abou tit lithium halo: No, I stopped beating myself up about it a long time ago. lithium halo: But regardless of how long ago it was, it was still a crappy thing to do to someone. lithium halo: I don't like leaving a bad impression on anyone. OasisIsGlory: well dont worry lithium halo: Be happy. OasisIsGlory: Exactly lithium halo: I think with all the punishment I've taken from girls since then, I am entitled to my one screwup ;( OasisIsGlory: Yeah, you just got it ahead of time lithium halo: Exactly lol OasisIsGlory: :-P lithium halo: Well, I think I have a big big screwup on my hands right now in fact. OasisIsGlory: whys that? lithium halo: I'm getting somewhat...involved with my ex's sister. OasisIsGlory: aha OasisIsGlory: niice lithium halo: No, not nice lol lithium halo: Of course, it's hard for me to feel bad with the way she treated me. OasisIsGlory: howd she treat you? lithium halo: Summary: Really fucking crappy OasisIsGlory: poor escoto lithium halo: Eh, I'm not much of a boyfriend. lithium halo: I probably deserved it. OasisIsGlory: if you say so lithium halo: Indeed. I did. OasisIsGlory: Well then OasisIsGlory: YOu deserved it lithium halo: Lol, exactly. lithium halo: But I still feel bad about being involved with my ex's sister lithium halo: I feel like I'm breaking some kind of moral code lol OasisIsGlory: well you are OasisIsGlory: but it happens lithium halo: I told her that me and her could never actually date for a long time until all this passes, but she doesn't seem to be bothered by that. OasisIsGlory: Thats good OasisIsGlory: and funny lithium halo: Indeed. lithium halo: I don't expect much to come from it, however. I am a very closed person, and I am not looking for a relationship in any way, shape or form. Relationships are the suck... lithium halo: You see that... 15 and I'm already bitter ;-) OasisIsGlory: But they do... so your not quite itter OasisIsGlory: b* OasisIsGlory: and what 15 year old doesnt wnat a relationship? OasisIsGlory: It just a whole ass thing by then lithium halo: The only thing I miss from a relationship is cuddling. lithium halo: Only thing. lithium halo: So, the advantages massively outweight the disadvantages. OasisIsGlory: Lol yeh OasisIsGlory: cuddlings always nice lithium halo: Very. lithium halo: My favorite part of a relationship indeed. OasisIsGlory: ha, I;d have to say mine too lithium halo: It's such a loving feeling. OasisIsGlory: mmhmm lithium halo: But believe me, I've taken a sharp look at those around me and unless someone pops into my life suddenly - I won't have that loving feeling for awhile. OasisIsGlory: well you just like getting to know poeple for a while OasisIsGlory: and a spider or seomthign ust crawled down my back.... lithium halo: Kill itit! OasisIsGlory: nooo OasisIsGlory: spiders are good luck lithium halo: Good luck for what?. OasisIsGlory: I dunno OasisIsGlory: all I knwo is taht theyre good luck OasisIsGlory: I must say they are tho lithium halo: I don't believe in luck. OasisIsGlory: well every since I found a few in my room I'v gotten goo luck lithium halo: Such as? OasisIsGlory: Well me and my mom are getting along better now lithium halo: Ah. lithium halo: Anything else? OasisIsGlory: Uuuummmmmm OasisIsGlory: I have people skills.... lithium halo: Lol. Well. As long as you feel they are helpful to you/ OasisIsGlory: hah... lithium halo: I've bored you enough with me, tell me about you. lithium halo: How has monica been? OasisIsGlory: ^ lithium halo: I'll take that as a very good OasisIsGlory: haha OasisIsGlory: well OasisIsGlory: on ana off lithium halo: Well, I'm happy for you OasisIsGlory: how about you OasisIsGlory: cuz enough about me lithium halo: Lol, that was quick. lithium halo: We all have our sob stories. Overall, it's been a pretty horrible experience ;-) lithium halo: I try not to dwell on it too much. OasisIsGlory: Like? OasisIsGlory: well its good to talk about it and let it out OasisIsGlory: plus im bored OasisIsGlory: could be entertaining lithium halo: I should warn you. lithium halo: I am a very, very different person than what I was when I went to HMS. OasisIsGlory: Oh well OasisIsGlory: I've gotten used to chaned people lithium halo: I'm largely anti-social. lithium halo: I don't like most people I come into contact with. lithium halo: I have a rather inflated ego. OasisIsGlory: Used to taht too lithium halo: Not that I think I am better than everyone else, just that I am skilled in lots of different areas. lithium halo: And I focus more on my studies now than anything else. lithium halo: I don't try to be friends with everyone [an expeiment that failed so horribly at HMS] lithium halo: I, personally, have a very close knit circle of very good friends. lithium halo: -lets long breath out- lithium halo: There you go. OasisIsGlory: lol OasisIsGlory: good job lithium halo: There is more, but OasisIsGlory: no holding back lithium halo: I don't want to turn you completely off from me ;-) OasisIsGlory: ha OasisIsGlory: Well if its harsh enough to turn me off OasisIsGlory: then im guessing assing up liek crazy and pimpin' it lithium halo: Lol. OasisIsGlory: and masturbating at photos of yourself lithium halo: No, I don't do that lol OasisIsGlory: and alotta other stuff you'd cry about lithium halo: Ok, well... lithium halo: I am, for the majority of the time, very serious. I am calm and controlled, I don't get excitied or emotional about anything. OasisIsGlory: What about cute little bunny rabbits and yellow chicks and wittle puppy dogs licking your face lithium halo: I have no peeve with people that don't know the stuff that I do, but I get very angry when people spread their ignorant views. lithium halo: And I won't hesistate to be honest about how wrong and stupid you are. lithium halo: And am, often times, maliciously sarastic about things. OasisIsGlory: ooOh ok OasisIsGlory: so are you like... one of those Goth kids now? lithium halo: No. I don't like gothic people. lithium halo: I cannot understand why people so young could have ideals like that about the world when they haven't seen enough of it to judge. OasisIsGlory: Like? lithium halo: I am very happy with my life, and I wake up with a smile on my face and a boner every morning. OasisIsGlory: Lmao lithium halo: Scratch that last part ;-) OasisIsGlory: Nah, to late lithium halo: Actually, I do on most mornings - but I never remember my dreams. lithium halo: But that is too much information for you lol lithium halo: Now I have to kill you. OasisIsGlory: haha OasisIsGlory: You can't kill me lithium halo: Lol. lithium halo: Ok. lithium halo: And I should add, most people don't like the new and improved Scott. But I couldn't give a rats ass about the people at my school, because most of them are big-fat-disgraces to humanity. lithium halo: And you probably won't either. lithium halo: But I still won't care.... don't take that personally ;-) OasisIsGlory: Oh well OasisIsGlory: Worth a shot lithium halo: Indeed. lithium halo: My mothers alarm just went off. lithium halo: But in a totally unrelated subject, I am going to bed. lithium halo: I will let you know about the Carnival OasisIsGlory: well alright OasisIsGlory: well OasisIsGlory: call me before 3 OasisIsGlory: 466 0848 OasisIsGlory: cuz i might not be online lithium halo: Goodnight :-) And dream of big women. OasisIsGlory: how bout men? OasisIsGlory: and you women> lithium halo: Ok. lithium halo: Goodnight :-) And dream of big men. OasisIsGlory: Nighty night... make sure you call OasisIsGlory: or ill hunt you down and kill you lithium halo: I will. lithium halo: Lol OasisIsGlory: dream of that OasisIsGlory: see ifyou wake up with a boner lithium halo: LOL lithium halo: Goodnight Monica :-) OasisIsGlory: Goodnigt Scott lithium halo signed off at 4:02:28 AM. Bullshit he's coming. Haha. He better come. I'll kill him. Straight up with a jack knife, lmao. If he's self centered thats his deal... it would just be coo to see em again. Went to the carnie vaall today. Rick climbed, had fried dough *love*, had soda, and walked around the curch over and over and over and over and over again. Joey doesn;t stop walking. Ever. I found this highly amusing as I stalked him. I made his stop and stand for a min but again, presumed o walk away. Lmao. Twas halarious. I miss Amanda... =( I just went to her poem site. She put up new poems today, only means that she got her internet back... Gotta go, it's almost 5 and the sister needs to go to school. Adimaos.

(Eat my heart out) [18 Jul 2003|02:31pm] [ mood | bored ] [ music | {HappyTreeFriends}-[Theme] ] So I've changed my mind. I don't wanna move to Westport... I dunno if I put it in this journal or not. Meh. Its such a... stuck up town. They've got make up stores galore. And a Claire's. That was the best store in their shopping center. We had to walk about 3 miles just to get to it. Luckily we got the shuttle bus to go back. I spotted some skaters when we went on the bus and I got saddeend. Maybe there were cool people in Westport. But for the most part, blech. They looked at Irvin, he's Puerto Rican or some shit, like he was gona steal something. I think we we're the first people not white that they'd ever seen. (It was My sister, Irvin, Kara, and I] I think everyone was looking at Kara like... Whoa... she's hanging out with tan people. Boy was I glad when we got to New Haven. I missed the delicate stares or daaamn she's fine and not what the hell is that thing!??!? Well okay... not that much since New Haven makes me pretty incomftorble. Heh. When I woke up yasterday I was so freakin sore. I couldn't walk. Then I had to go to Color Guard practice. I felt a little better after that. I'm gonna love it. You use like... almost every body in your muscle. And we all know I never ever use my body. Never. I've never done anything that requires physical activity in my life. I just hope my right arm doesn't bluge while my left arm stays all wobbley. ::Plays with fat:: Mmm... my sisters getting me this awesometastic, super spiffy, prettiroonie belly ring... Its a dragon, and it's like.. 16.90 with shipping and handling. Yummie... http://bodypunks.com/product.asp?name=BPIBCH112 How do you do the whole link thing? Ok I got it but now how doyou do the whole link in a word thing... oOo well. Jeepers creepers, where'd you get them peepers, jeepers creepers, where'd you get them eyes? So if you base a movie on a song, and you get a dumb script like that, then why the hell aren't Kelly and I famous for writing Psycho Killer. I think it was a damn good script for a bunch of 5th graders. I don't think it followed any storylines but oh well. I'm so bored. I need something to do. I'd practice my flag skills but then I'd get bored after 5 minutes and be timid about it because I'm outside... all by myself.... If I had a house like Kara... it woudl be cool, but no.. I have a condo that's not really a condo. Heh. Moooo.

(Eat my heart out) [Don't mind me I'm just rambling a whole of a hell lot] [15 Jul 2003|04:43am] [ mood | happy ] [ music | {ScaredOfChaka}-[LieAndACheat] ] Sooo... its pretty damn late. And I'm like.. the only one up. Other than Mike and Zach. My sis is sleeping. Her 2 weeks of vaca are done. I'm using the sisters laptop... which I havn't used this late at night in a long long, almost much too long of a while. Its fun I guess... staying up late. Just... it gets kinda borgin by yourself. I wish there were things to do. Fun things. Zach suggested I runa round outside.. I said good plan but then my mom would wake up and accuse me of running away. I could... stand on the porch... but then those icky long bugs would creep me out and then I'd be bound to step or put my hand on one of them. Well.... in about 2 hours or so I'll be doing something. ::gets nervous because the sister's moving around:: I'll he going ot the sisters new school. They moved to a new location. She todl me Westport so I got all excited. But it's actually somewhere else in Norwalk. She's nto sure weather or not to take me because the directors gonsta be there and he might like it, or he might saystuff about... insurance or something. Like if I get hurt and its the schools fault they'll get in mondo trouble because I'm not a student. Butteh last time I went there the guidance or whatever you wanna call em people said it was quite alright. Muaha. Herm.... OoO well. I'd go some other day but tomorrow I have color guard practice and Thursday Loorgia's going ot teh Bronxx Zoo and wanted to know if I wanted to go. I do... but then again... Riding in a car for about 3 hours with her son. And god knows who else... The whole zoo part would be fun but not the whole people part. Those people I mean. Yeh yeh... they're nice and all but with Josiah pokin... random parts of my body and pulling at my clothes... that reminds me of when I was at Karens party and this little Spanish boy smacked my ass when I wa climbing the stairs into the pool. Ha... I was like what the HELL are you doing? He was like 2 years old... Anyways... Umm... yeah... so I coudl go on Friday or next week but then I'd have to wait till Tuesday because she doesn't have class on Monday and that would just kill me because I hate waiting.... I'm an impacient little girl.. what can I say. I wanna go on a road trip. Really badly. I wanna go like.. everywhere. I just wanna drive around and where ever I end up I'll just hang out there and meet people and hang out and stuff. And I def. wanan go somewhere where you can surf. Cuz surfing def.on my agenda. {Ha... my sisters alarm clock just went off. Hey.. she's not mad.} Then I wanna go somewhere where theres.. beach parties and cool concerts, [I sound like a bad summer tour ad] like Oregon. They always have the best shows. Or New Jersey... both states I used to live in. I def. wanna go to Cali.. and Fla... MmMm... I can't wait. This I won't becom impacient for because I know it won't happen anytime soon and can't. So therefore I have pacients. And plus, if you've got pacients for this kinda thign it ends up being oh so much better. I wanna go with like.. buch of close friends. Like the ones I'm still friends with aftee the whoel high school epidemic and don't plan on going to college right away or at all. Then I wanna rent an apt, suite, studio, whatever and then begin my life. Well a job too. Maybe like.. a waitress or a ... I dunno. Whatever the hell I can do. I'll most likele move in Hamden or East Haven since they're teh only towns I know. Then I'll get a band together or get my already fromed band back together and [maybe even go on teh road trip with them] get us kicked into gear, or start on my photography career. See... I know what I wanna be, and I know what I want to do... so I don't need to rush my high school life like everyone says to. Well... they don't say to but they basically tell you to by making us :plan ahead" and do all these programs and take all these classes just so you know what you wanna be. If you don't then g'head. And maybe even do something with my colorguard skills. Like.. take up sword fighting. Its the same kinda thing almost. Your twirling around a long heavy thingin pretty ways. I know, I know, sword fightings a lot different, but they're kinda alike. Like theres this one move I learned on TV a long time ago... I think it was like.. a Carson Daley show back in Hamden when I didn't have cable and some guy was on it and he showed everyone a few things he learned for a movie. And I've kept that in my head for some reason for like, 2 years now, and now I'm practicing that move with my flag.... I think its a color guard move too. Wow I can write alot when its... late at night/early in the morning. Staying up late makes you see things differently. Like how you stay up while everyones sleeping, it makes you realize what little sleep they get. Even if they go at like 10 it makes you think they still got very little sleep. It's funny how the world runs. Well hey.. whaddya know.. it's light out. I like whatching sunrises. I didn't quite watch it but, I did see steps of it. This is fun. Better if there was someone to chat with [a reason why I can't wait to movin into a place with someone I'm higly compatible with]. Now I wanna have a sleep over with like... 5 people or something. Just stay up all night and talk, watch TV, watch the sky, whatever. Maybe even pull pranks on the people who fall asleep. Wow I'm so lonely. I never see anyone but my family. Myabe thats why I [WARNING: FORBIDDEN WORDS AHEAD. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.] didn't mind school so much. Because I saw people. At home I only see people I'm sick of. It would be differently if we got along but we don;t so I like seeing different people. As soon as I get a car I'm doing whatever. I;m gonna go to whoevers house is welcome. Maybe I'll hang out there. Maybe I'll pick them up and drive around. {Takes a pee break.} Hehe... I hope my futures fun. I try hardto stay happy... for the most part I do. I rantin my journal and then I feel better immediately. I bitch alot yes.. but I don't write abotu all my feelings. My poetry's even changed. I don't write so much about sadness anymore. Not so much. I wroteone today calld Hug. Or hugs I forgot. But it's about someone elses pain, not majorly, but somewhat and how I'll be there for them. Dedicated to all my friends. I got a comment from Sgail, in my poem "How You Feel When Life Gets To Be Too Much and You Can't Fucking Stand It". It woke me up. Sgail email hidden Again, full of pain and feeling and honest hurt. There again, the hurt doesn't belong to you. You didn't make it, you don't own it, and you don't deserve it. In the words of the Silver Lady, "That which you cannot find within yourself, you will never find without." I wish you peace, from your own torment. You did nothing to deserve this. Give yourself a rest. Sgail This guy's really wise. And if I could meet him.. or get advice from him, talk to him.... I think he'd be... like... I dunno. It would be cool just to get to know someone like him. Have like.. an online pen pal or something. He wrote this story, called "The Black Diary Vampire Story". Its really good stuff, I absolutely recommend that you people read it. Atleast those of you who appreciate good litterature. He left it as a cliff hanger. I hope he gets around to writing more of it soon. www.postpoems.com/members/sgail/?fid=4909 He's got really good poetry too. It's 5:47. I gotta get in ready in about 15 mins. Well my sister just showed me a hickey she got from Irvin. Ha. Awww www... its a kitten. They rescued it froma drain pipe after 2 days. Poor thing. I want a kittie. Or a puppy. I want some sort of cuddly animal. {Happy Tree Friends comes to mind haha!} Cuddlyness is fun. Hehe... especially with soft furry things... I want a soft furry blanket too. And Pillows. Soft furry pillows. Or soft ones. I guess people too. Havn't really cuddled with too many people. Heh. Well if he's soft then right on... teehee. Wow... this is a really long entry. If you've read all this I'm surprised you've lasted this long. If ya did... comment so I feel special. Haha.. heh. I think Getting ready would be smart thing right now so off to an education I'll never need!

(Eat my heart out) [13 Jul 2003|08:59am] [ mood | angry ] Just when my family fucks up and gets along, they fuck up again. It's our trademark. Don't I feel special. My mom's a fuckgin nut case and my sisters a malignant pain in the ass. I can't stand these people.. vultures... whatever. They have like.. this secret pact to ruin my life. Friday I went to Nate's house, in spite I wish I could write a happy entry about that (especially the poo water) but it got ruined, and my mom and sister turns up had a fight... expected. But somehow I get into the middle of shit and my mom finds some reason to be pissed at me. Yesterday she yelled at ME for keeping the phone busy, because my brother was calling and he got a busy signal. Was I on the phone? No. Was Nazia? YES. Not me. So why the hell do you come to me and yell at me just because you don't wanna see, I know you don't wanna admit it but she is, your daughter's fucking face. I am so sick of hearing it. I cannot take it. No more... I'm gonan put on a fake smile so I get the fuck along with you. I am getting my ass outta here as soon as I can. I'm so fucking sick of it all. I'm just gonna save this 20 bucks here that my sister gave me and buy a train ticket or something. Maybe to Westport. It's a nice town. Nice people. And near the train station theres this, this row of stores. And there's this little coffe shop. They make great muffins. And they have Orangina. Oranginas nice. And the guy there.. he was old and he was italian, and so was ther other guy.. younger. And they had a mirror on one side of the store. So it made it look kinda bigger. People there are nice... I'd like to go there. Maybe live with some random old person or something. For a while. Not forever. To get away from home.. that I'd like that. Maybe even get a place there. I think about if we hadn't moved, if we were still in Hamden, how different things would be. Or if we moved to a different town, would I have grown to like it? And how much better off I'f be if we moved somewhere where I know I'll never see my friends again. Sometimes I wished we had. It kills me. That my friends are so close, so much closer than thery could've been, but I can't see them. Why can't I see them? All I want is to see them. If I end up graduation in East Haven, I'm not attending anything. No graduation, no prom, no nothing. I want to graduate in Hamden. They have that whole jumping in the fountain thing. I've been looking forward to that for so long. I remember being waaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay younger, and driving by people jumping in, and then being at my sisters graduation and seeing all her friends jump in. And I want to do that. I've been seeing me do that for so long. I could never wait to get into high school. I always imagines going to Hamden High. Not East Bumblefuck high. This pisses me off. Emensely. And I cannot stand living here. This just makes everythign worse. Maybe if the family situation was better it be living better off here. But no one here changes. No one. Atleast nto for the better.

(Eat my heart out) Mellow Yellow [10 Jul 2003|08:29pm] [ mood | mellow ] I'm feeling a bit mellow. Which I don't understand. Yeah there's my sister in the act, but thats not it. I am not feeling too well but I don't think that's it. I don't get it. I've never felt this mellow. Meh. Nocturnal habits? Aggitating mom? Annoying sister? Harumph... Who the hell knows. A nap sunds good right now. I'l probably clean a little too.

(Eat my heart out) [10 Jul 2003|02:25pm] [ mood | scarred ] Ah! My sisters dirty! Don't they have rules for when you have sex???? Like, Don't do it with your door wide open and your sisters slighty open and while she's sleeping!!!!??!?!?!?!?!? Gyah... Ew... yuck..... ::puke:: I pretended to have head cold so I wouldn't have to go to Karen's. I'm staying home, and rocking back and forth in a little ball curled away in my bed. OO and on a lighter note... I got bangs. :D

(Eat my heart out) [08 Jul 2003|05:15pm] [ mood | devious ] [ music | {AtTheDriveIn}-[OneArmedScissor] ] Ok... so the mom wakes me up at 10, asking if I want to go to Nate's. Then she wakes me up with a vaccum cleaner. So I lock my door. She walks in. I dunno if she says anythign cuz I'm half dead. I wake up at 3ish and shes not home. Meh. Now she's home. And she says I can't go cuz it's late but Friday she can take me. Eh. Well atleast there will be more people as Nate says. Treu. But then Friday's gonna take forever to come. Trust me. Why is my computer Mooing? Haha... the reminds me of Caitie. I wonder if she still likes cows. I gave her a cow once. It got killed. But then her mum fixed it. Found sme more embarrasing moments for ya Mike... can't wait to see your binder of Pokemon cards. Muahaha...

(Eat my heart out) Good tidings. [07 Jul 2003|09:30pm] [ mood | peaceful ] [ music | {AtTheDriveIn}-[Ticklish] ] The mom and I... in a fight but I'm ok. I'm not pissed. I'm not upset. I've got candles lit and insence burning. Quite relaxing. But my mom says shes not gonna do anythign for anyone else. So I'm not either. She was like " You said your going to take out the trash" and I was just like, "Well, you can do it yourself." She goes "What?" "You can do it yourself, I'm not gonna do it, I'm only gonna do things for myself and no one else, just like you, so you can take out the trash" And she was just like, "Whatever" Hehe. I'm just laughing. I don't even know why any- thing got to me before. But now I laugh. We'll have our fights, but I'm not gonna care anymore. Cuz when I get outta this joint... I'll show her. Not sure what yet. But I'll show her. Well, I'm off to my room. Its nice there. If you could join, I'd ask.

(Eat my heart out) [06 Jul 2003|04:26pm] My draggy! Get one!

(Eat my heart out) [06 Jul 2003|03:40pm] [ mood | hot ] [ music | {OneSideZero}-[InsteadLaugh] ] Hmmm.. Oh its much too much too much too hot. My room is in direct sunlight and we have no airconditioning. Blah. I hate this kind of summer. 70-80 drgree summer is nice, but not 90. I'm glad I don't have much psysical activity to do or else I'd die. Heh.

(Eat my heart out) [05 Jul 2003|08:51pm] [ mood | pissed off ] I'm getting a bunch of shit from people. And its pissing me off. If you even care theres the dead journal to explain that shit. O I just hope mysister fucking dies. Or moves out. She needs to getout of my life cuz I can't stand her. Everytime I come home from having a good day or a good day before someone has to fuck up the next day for me. All the fucking time. Every single time. I hate my family. I honestly do. Read my DeadJournal. Go back in further posts. Is there anything about me appreciating that I have this "family" at all? Its not even a family. Its a "See who can bitch out and piss off someone the most Fest". I can't wait till I'm 16. Emancipation up the ass. She'll never know what hit her. Atleast if my sister gets out before then. Cross your fingers for me. This is gonna be a loooooong ride.

(Eat my heart out) [05 Jul 2003|01:51am] Went to the Hamden fireworks... spent the whole time with Mike, Zach and Tom. At times Brian but he left to hang out with Caitie. I think I herd stuff about them liking eachother. Hehe. I came up to him and bit him. lmao. Oh yeh.. he remebered. It was fun. Don't feel like trying twice so read my DJ. Link's up above if you havn't noticed it. Blindie.

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