Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Precious Suicide's Blurty:

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Monday, July 4th, 2005
6:51 pm	The Keys to Your Heart You are attracted to good manners and elegance. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance. Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily. What Are The Keys To Your Heart? Current Mood: blah Current Music: perfect drug by NIN (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 1st, 2005
7:35 pm	************* Your wise quote is: "Love is life. And if you miss love, you miss life" by Leo Buscaglia. Yes, love is indeed what you desire in your life. If you have it or not is another matter, but it is in your eyes the most important feeling. You tend to be a romantic dreamer and want you and your love to have that kind of perfect love that you hear about in fairytales. However that can be hard to find, but it doesn't mean you are going to stop looking. What wise quote fits you?(pics) UPDATED brought to you by Quizilla Current Mood: blah Current Music: the torture (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, May 15th, 2005
7:38 pm	Juan left this morning to washington. One whole week alone....ick.....idk wat to do...prob. nothing...just stay home...im trying to find a better way to deal with my anxieties and stress something non hazardous (i.e. drinking, cutting) and non fattening (i.e. baking and cooking). although i might have to cook chocolate cake or brownies for sophie cuz she wants them but watev... and i think this week is when we're bringing food for the club...watev...anyways...maybe i'll excersise...........................................................................................................welll.....thats not happening .....so...i think i'll just lay and sit and draw and sing and do other stuff to pass the time...and wear juans tshirt...he left it so im not gonna give it back until i have a trade of and i dont want to take it off...it smells like him...i like it...well im going now...so watev Current Mood: blah Current Music: system of a down- sugar (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 11th, 2005
11:26 pm	Yesterday was me and juans 1 year anniversary! I'm so happy when im with him... I just want to scream. We went to cheesecake factory and then i went with him to Abercrombie and Bitch. lol at least it wastn Hoe-lister. We had fun and I was just happy to be with him. I gave him "all the worlds that reminded me of him" and my childrens book. He got me chocolates which i ate during school cuz i was sooo hungry and they were sooo good and a shirt with a pic of the heart i made him in the front and with writting on the back (ex- happy anniversary laura 143 may 10, 2005) so yea. I was wonderful. Diane's making my layout....yay....i am soo stalling...today i went to the library with danny and claudia and joe and mary and we hung out.. me danny and claudia did our project and now im puttin finishing touches...iim waiting for yani to send me the song so i can see wat im gonna do with it cuz its too long. Maybe i should just get an instrumental...thats my last resort...so yea watever....anyways...im stalling cuz 1. i dont want to do it.... 2. im bored... 3. my neck/shoulder blade hurts......4. i miss juan cuz he hasnt been home all day.....agh... im gonna try to do work Current Mood: exhausted Current Music: jack and ginger- FATA (yay!!! new song!!!) (Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 13th, 2005
9:48 pm	the day passed........i spent it with juan...i tried my hardest to be happy all this time....but sometimes i cant hence the icon.....anyways...last night i was crying like crazy at like 2 or 3 in the morning...i just couldnt hold it back....other than that and the want to drink and cut...ive been fine...but ive been spending a lot of time with juan so its helping.....i washed my hair.......well thats it...other than that life is blah....idk if i have lunch money.......yea i do...nevermind....watev....i dont want to write...bye Current Mood: depressed Current Music: closer to mario (Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 22nd, 2005
7:17 pm	hahahah yea right The Goddess of Ice and Hope. You are a creative wonder. Always calm and collected, you hold the awe of many people and you are exceptionally logical. You are an inspirational beauty. Which gorgeous goddess are you? For girls! (breath taking pics!) brought to you by Quizilla ...hm....hope...the evil that stayed in the box....lmao...yea right....if only....the pic is preety tho Current Mood: amused Current Music: i never told u wat i did for a living- my chemical romance (Comment on this)
7:12 pm	i didnt feel well today...i felt down and physically sick...so i didnt go to the fair with deya....among other things....anyways....stuff is blah...i think im like sick or sickly at least cuz i havent been feelin well...im gonna go make a cookies and cream milkshake to see if i start to feel better...laters Current Mood: depressed Current Music: helena by my chemical romance (1 Comment |Comment on this)
7:10 pm	updates are becoming more frequent now arent they You are the depressed/dreamer anime girl.You either lost somebody you love or somebody broke you heart so bad that you can't pick up the shattered pieces without hurting yourself.You think nobody can heal your wounds but don't stop looking because you never know who loves you enough to try hell the one special guy could be right infornt of your eyes and you don't even know it.You also love to day dream because it seems like the only place that makes you happy.BBut little do you know that people all around you are trying to make you happy and you won't let them in fearing you'll get another heartbreak or get hurt worse.But just try and if things go wrong just brush it off and try again.It never hurts to try. If You Were An Anime Character What Would You Look Like?(Girls Only) brought to you by Quizilla (Comment on this)
Sunday, March 20th, 2005
9:41 pm	u kno how u always have a name just in case some person asks urs and u dont want to give it to them? well i do but im dumb....me and deya went to the fair with my brother and his ppl but that doesnt matter cuz we were alone the whole time so watev...then at the feris wheel this guy that worked there just smiled at me and he goes well ur gorgeous and im like um...thanx? and me and deya just laughed during the ride and then when it was over he opened the door thing for us and hes like wats ur name and i could barely understand him cuz he had like an accent i think he was swedish...but them im like..thinking and smart me says laura...lol.....im bad at that...then he like was blocking my way to leave and im like scuse me and i leave and deya after and then we laugh ...then we went to the roller coaster thing thats just a giant circle and this aussie guy there was all flirty and hes like smiling at me and then hes like enjoy the ride...im like yea sure...and me and deya laugh again and keep walkin and it was sooo wrong cuz theyre like older...then we saw maria at the fair and we ate lots of dippin dots....n fair ppl like me....lol....its sooo wierd....deya teases.....lol....they lie....gorgeous...pfft....hideous....anyways...i missed juan sooo much today...like everything reminded me of him....he has to come back and go with me to the fair and win the play boy bunny shaped pillow for me...seriously...cuz i couldnt win....damn....and i saw ppl eatin the big bird leg things...dont kno wat kind of bird but watev...and i thought of juan and how much he would enjoy eatin it...lol....and the corn.....and the butter.....and the cookin show that the ppl have there...cuz its free food...and good food...potatoes..... and then some of the toys and games reminded me of him.....and there was a fishin clinic for kids and that reminded me of him cuz he likes to fish....and like a domino thing...and he was playin dominos last night....god...i love him.....tommorow im either rentin movies with deya or going to the movies with diane and deya and ppl....need to keep myself busy....god...i get so depressed...especially on rides...cuz even tho i love deya nd shes my best friend (girl) its like....i wish juan was my partner at rides cuz hes mind and yea...its like no single riders and im not single im taken...and i want to be with him..a.nd watever....im just depressed in general....i havent talked to him since like the afternoon...he hasnt called or anything...how wrong....im gonna go call him...laterz... Current Mood: depressed Current Music: mad world... (Comment on this)
Saturday, March 19th, 2005
10:29 pm	juan...is gone...and im alone...ergo..the icon.......i feel lonesome....and it hurts... idky...like physically my ribs and stuff...i got a monitor for juan today...lol...ive turned into him....i hung out with deya and yea....tommorow we're goin to the fair with my brother....im like all blah...its 10:35 and i havent talk to juan since like 2 or 3 so im like blahh!!!! ....watev....i dont want to talk...ive felt like cutting AND drinkin sooo bad...like never before..its crazy...listening to slipknot....i love their music...this song is so awesome...and beautiful...."ive never wanted anybody more than ive wanted u"....that is sooo to juan....but not the rest of the song cuz its like all breaky uppy.......watever....im gonna like go..so yea...bye guys Current Mood: depressed Current Music: the nameless- slipknot (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, March 11th, 2005
9:56 pm	hey guys..i.ts been a while...guess wat i found.... bOyS aRe ChEaTs AnD LiArS tHeY'rE sUcH a BiG DiScRaCe ThEy WiLl TeLl YoU AnYtHiNg To GeT tO 2Nd... BaSeBaLl BaSeBaLl He tHiNkS hEs GoNnA sCoRe iF u LeT HiM gO aLl ThE wAy ThEn YoU aRe A... hOr-TiCuLtUriSt sTuDiEs fLoWeRs gEoLoGiSt sTuDiEs RoCks AlL a GuY rEaLlY wAnTs FrOm YoU iS a pLaCe To PuT HiS... CoKrOaChEs bEaTlEs BuTtErfLiEs AnD bUgS nOtHiNg MakEs HiM hApPiEr ThAn A GiAnT pAiR oF... JuGgLeRs AnD AcRoBaTs AnD a dAnCiNg BeAr NaMeD cHuCk AlL a GuY rEaLlY wAnTs To Do iS... FFFFFFF-fOrGeT iT nO sUcH LuCk ... obviously i didnt write it cuz 1. its from the hot chick and 2. it has that wierd typing thing...lol...im here playin against my wall...things are there...im getting down tho....some of u kno y....anyways....im gonna like...go somewhere...or stuff.....get my mind of stuff....bye.. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, February 17th, 2005
9:46 pm	In your eyes, people can't seem to see anything because your eyes are covered up by tears! You are constantly hurt and depressed... No one seems to understand how you feel because everyone is scared to get close to you... You long to be able to reach out and tell someone everything, and all of your problems... But you have no one to tell, or they just don't seem to want to hear what you have to say. You've been hurt many times that you don't seem to have any tears left to shed, or if you do, they're an endless river flowing... You've started to hide and bottle up all or your problems and feelings, hoping that maybe they just will go away... You want company, but at the same time, you're scared of it. Your sanctuary is your room where you can just be alone and try to throw away all of your aching pains. You're dark and mysterious and people like you for that reason. Even if you think you're all by yourself in the dark, someone is always there with you. Your special someone wants to admit and show their feelings towards you, but they're afraid of how you'll take it. Get out more and enjoy life because, it is far too long to frown your way through :) What Lies Behind Your Eyes? (With Pics, See All Results!) brought to you by Quizilla (1 Comment |Comment on this)
9:21 pm	im having trouble....and problems....with everything....im sooo depressed...but its crazy....one minute i act all happy and smiling for ppl and shit....then the next.....im like crazy depressed ready to cry....i cried in school today...and yesterday...and last week...and 3 times the week before....just....ahhh....i just dont kno y tho...this is soooooo frustrating.......strawberry gashes reminds diane of me...awwww...i wonder y...hmph.....im just gettin so sick of myself...now im crying again....im reading dianes blurty and she mentioned brad....direct quote-" talking to katie was good for me, talking about brad was good for me....... you know? i can let him go now...im not so pissed at him as i was... but i still am pissed. somehow, in his death he accomplished what he couldnt while he was alive. his death got laura to go to a psychologist... for all thats helping... but he did it, he did what he wanted to do. but friday night wasnt good at all" y does life suck???? i just want to die...but i dont want to leave juan...or diane....i feel like the worst person in the world....sometimes i feel like i distance myself from the ones i love...is this tru........if it is and ive hurt u for it im sorry...i just dont want to be hurt anymore....i dont want to be abandoned......or....................................................idk....unloved...... Current Mood: depressed Current Music: let me go (1 Comment |Comment on this)
9:19 pm	Your inner soul is calling for help! You always seem so depressed, lonely, and feel like an outsider. You may have a cold, sad exterior, but in all reality you are hurt inside and bottling up all of your anger. Everyday you wonder why are you still here when there is nothing left? You use to once be a happy, loving soul, but it was damaged by 'them' and seems like it never can be fixed again. However, you have yet seemed to realize that there are people out there that deeply care for you. They secretly have a thing for you because they find you to be dark, mysterious, and full of secrets, not to mention being the prettiest person in the world! You like to enjoy your time by yourself expressing your feelings through forms of art, and enjoy nice quiet scenaries that just dazzle your mind with awe. Your bedroom is basically your sanctuary where you can hide out, hidden from those who gave you all of the pain. Try to loosen up and have some fun! Never start frowning because you never know who's falling in love with your smile :) What Is Your Inner Soul Trying To Say? (With Pics, See All Results!) brought to you by Quizilla Current Mood: depressed Current Music: el tango de roxanne (Comment on this)
Saturday, January 29th, 2005
12:57 pm	here...sitten.....my bday passed...it was cool...thanks to everyone who helped put it together and for those who went.......right now....my head hurts...n im grounded for the weekend.....i wnat to download the movie...god damn i love that movie.....laterz Current Mood: bored Current Music: god only knows (Comment on this)
Sunday, December 19th, 2004
8:22 pm	im so blah ahh right now......im going crazy trying to find the san andreas game for juan and it just isnt workin........and my father is like screamin and me cuz hes in a bad mood for no reason......and juans not being very cooperative with it.........and im just blah........................and i dont want to do anything......just die..........................this is crap.....i hate stuff................idk wat to do............i feel useless and crappy.....and cold...........all of a sudden...............im gonna go over there................... Current Mood: depressed Current Music: short stories with tragic endings--FATA (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, December 18th, 2004
11:42 pm	i have found it....the thing i really do want other than the sims 2 although im not sure if i want the sims 2 that much considerin i might not get it...lol...but omg....im not gonna get this either lol....its so like....cool..and purty and yea.......but no..........lol.......o well............ive realized i havent had a drink in like 2 months about.....so im proud........and yea........thats it.......just thought i would like write something..........laterz :sings into the darkness:flat out of change now, im sure u wont accept the charges....its all the same cuz by the morning ill be half way to colorodo or some place like that..........uve said so much without ever partin ur lips........past 3 am and im still far from sleep....this is a habit that i cant break and my only company is skippin stones................*she keeps on asking do u think it hurts much to die!!! its hurting so much more to stay alive now...shes gonna find out how much it hurts to die......she laced her perfume up with death i feel it in my lungs...............* :song change: u break my heart into a 1000 pieces and u say its becuz i deserve better? u break my heart u break my heart u break my heart u break my heart into 1000 pieces and u say its becuz i deserve better.....emotionless grey skies bleed somber dreams of sorrow blackened unseen heart tears a virgins godlike innocence from its pristine palace...........:fades away into darkness: Current Mood: indifferent Current Music: chloroform perfume + take her to the music store--FATA (Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 14th, 2004
10:31 pm	i feel different...........idk.......like a dif person........its not good......or bad.................its just different.................a little numb but not really.......................i feel like beyonds strange and i dont kno y.........i found out that drinking kills ur skin and shit cuz it imflammatoryies it or some shit like that.......well....then its good that i dont do i right?.....see....another good reason........yay................im like here................................idk......questions r floatin.....but in the air they will stay..........im talkin shit now that no one knos bout like wat but yea.....now its journal for laura time...........i'll be ur crying shoulder.....i'll be love suicide :continues singing along:.....greatest fan of ur life!!!......person has been online a lot lately....i dont kno how i feel about that......obviously not good but stil.....its wierd....anyways ....i talk to michael and he initiated the conversation...i was surprised and slightly amused....i left a delightful message on that girls greatest journal the one yani showed me....juan says im the kind of ppl that cause depression in others........im glad he thinks so highly of me..........im gonna like.....go over there....steal some icons.....so.....im gone....now....:fades away: Current Mood: indescribable Current Music: i'll be.......and now......broken like an angel (Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 24th, 2004
11:36 pm	FUCK THIS SHIT!!!!! FUCK THIS KYLE!!! YOU CANT DO THIS TO ME EITHER!!!!! fuck drinking alcohol cant help. all i want to do is cut. I just want to cut and bleed and just die right now....nothing is working....i feel like i cnat breathe and im losing my breathe and it hurts.....why are people such bitches?! i thought i was getting better and after this....i just dont kno wat to do anymore....i want to soooo bad...im not even crying and this is fucking crying material...this is bad....i cant fucking do this again...i dont kno if i'll make it this time...im still trying to cope with brad i wouldnt handle it if kyle did it to me too.....he told me hed try not to.....and if he did hed send me a not....but i hope he doesnt....i really hope he doesnt.....and i just...cant...my head hurts....my chest hurts....my jaw hurts....i cant breathe im just blah but other than that im just numb everything else is numb....and i just want to bleed and feel pain...kno that im still capable of at least that....i feel like im ....i feel like......why is he doing this to me?! now i wont be able to like live peacefully until next time i talk to him.....make sure hes alrighyt....i just have to leave Current Mood: JUST GUESS?! Current Music: no music can make me feel better...... (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 23rd, 2004
7:32 pm	my icon is purty....i started writing the journal thingy that i was talkin bout last time and its coming along nice...im on the night when conner tried...and yea...well anyways....im letting go of a lot of repressed anger and emotions but theres a day that i cannot remember...i dont kno y...its like totally blocked out....like the thing...idk.....im pretty sure thats the day when things got out of hand and he told me bout the girl and he hurt me and we broke up but im not sure wat truely happened or where or y or anything....its really wierd and when i start to think about it my head begins to hurt....so lets not think about it....and im trying to move beyond that...its like a short story kinda thing/book which i have to finish my book thing....watev...i will one day....lol....i have to do so much shit with my life....lol....anyways im bored and ive done the thing i needed to do and yea...my head hurts from trying to remember but i dont....so its like...no...u get me? i want something...im not sure wat....almost tofurkey day and like yea....tommorow BB has the thanksgiving food thing and francesca will be there so i wont be alone....to think that i would have missed all of this if i wouldve gone along with my plans in april??? with the running of the away and stuff....but now im actually feeling a little better and things are going pretty well with juan and everyone else and me and my dad havent argued in a while my mom either....and yea....things seem to be going o.k...now watch next time i post i'll be like either crying or sad or just blah....just watch cuz life is wierd like that.... the emotion is awake becuz im like learning about myself and trying to realize things bout ppl and me and im waking up for the first time in a long time.....im not being....stupid or messed up....this is a point in my life where im happy with myself and wat im doing....im clean of everything....no drugs (prescription or otherwise), no alcohol, no self- mutilation, no self hatred (well maybe a little self-esteem issue here and there but its not the immense hatred i felt in the past), no nothing bad....i just feel....great!! i feel revived......I was thinking about Brad earlier and I kno that he would be proud of me. He would be sooo proud. I could just hear him now "Go Chickadee!! I love you!!!" or soemthing cute like that ...lol...im gonna go cuz my head is trying to kill me and yea....so im gonna go....bye!!!! Current Mood: awake Current Music: breakdown by instruction (Comment on this)