Umm.. it's my name..   
07:29am 22/12/2003
mood: restless
music: Zao - At Zero
Z - You're always fighting with someone
A - You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind.
C - You definitely have a partier side in you, dont be shy to show it.
H - You are not judgemental.

..i got the name thing from Rynnay.. thank you rynnay.

Tom was here last night. That was neat. Him, I, and his girlfriend saw The new Lord of the Rings movie... I seriously dont get the hype, i thought it was boring and annoying. It never fucking ended. And i was girlfriendless what fun is that? Everybody has a damn make out party and I sit there half asleep with a box half full of milkduds, and a soda.. I went to the bathroom cause i thought I was gonna freak out because I was so nerveracked..blah.

That's it. I <3 you.
god dammit.

( Tell me I'm wrong.)

02:40am 20/12/2003
mood: indescribable
music: Mindless Self Indulgence - Molly
So, yeah. I went to see Jaynie yesterday, finally. We watched some movies, went to the store, blah. I was only a nervous wreck for the first..hour. But then I was ok. WHen she answered the door I almost puked.. I was so mixed up and overwelmed. I wanted to kiss her so bad, but I didn't. It's probably better that way.. Maybe another time. She's so fucking beautiful. I'll probably see her again on the 9th at the show. But dammit..
I sat close to her on the chair and I just wanted to grab her and Kiss her. It's like fucking cold turky. Anyways, I guess thats about it. Thanks again, Ryan for taking me.

(3 hate mail | Tell me I'm wrong.)

holiday burnout   
10:27am 16/12/2003
mood: lonely
Well... we couldnt play the show cause asa is GROUNDED..fucking lame. Anyways..yeah
The show was ok i guess. Atherton did pretty good. I wasnt paying much attention to the other acts.. I was spacing out a lot thinking about things, people, life, and shit like that. The one guy fucking played forever...but it was pretty funny when his drinks kicked in, yes. But i dont know. I'm becomming impatient with a lot of things. I really want my band to play a show, and I'm tired of, well, myself. I saw Adam tonight. It was good to see him again. So, is there anything else I want to get off my chest? Probably...but why should i tell you bastards?


(7 hate mail | Tell me I'm wrong.)

08:10am 14/12/2003
mood: gloomy
music: MCR - Demolition Lovers
Ok, first off..
Show on tuesday at pizza city in Lock Haven if things go smoothly...go to it
Then a show at the charter school in SUgar Valley ..go to that too.

Asa has been sick.. Hopefully we can practice tomorrow. He has gotten better but he gets tired quickly if he's too active... and he gets to be very active on the set. But hopefully we can have stuff together for Tuesday. It's just a small show in a small place, but i want it to be good.

..I've been thinking a lot. I don't like this fighting..It's not even amusing anymore. It's just becomming old and I'm tired of it... Stew if you were my true friend, you'd support me in whatever I do.. I support you.. though I may not like what you are doing. But think of this stew.. If you and Jaynie were not in this war.. would you be as pissed for me liking her? Seriouly, I dont want to fight with you and it seems this is the only way I can say these things without you stopping me..Maybe you will read this. Maybe not.. then I guess I wrote this for nothing. But I'm really tired of all this, and I can't help the way I feel. I've tried to get over it, though you say I didn't. But you wouldnt know, because you are not me. You don't have my don't know.
Stew and Jaynie, I love you both. Stewie, you and I have always had a rough relationship.. but I still think of you as a great friend.
And Jaynie, you were everything I wanted and still do. Nobody made me feel like you did.
And stew.. I met you when I met Jaynie, back when you two were best friends..
..don't you miss being best friends??
...just a little bit.
I do..

I love you two. :'(

..Ok now that I got that out...shoot me, please.

(4 hate mail | Tell me I'm wrong.)

Stewie's always there to understand......   
05:05am 10/12/2003
mood: angry
music: Sick of it all
yeah right..
This is out of the blue hell...

Lolita X Core: so i heard you wanted to go back out with jaynie?
SuperNever13: ::shrugs::
SuperNever13: im sure youve heard a lot of things.
Lolita X Core: yeah i know.
Lolita X Core: like, how she was telling you that thane was beating her?
Lolita X Core: and how her and jeremy are a joke?
SuperNever13: she didnt say "beating"
SuperNever13: i know there not a joke
SuperNever13: she told me
Lolita X Core: OH so she finally fixed a lie?
Lolita X Core: WHOA.
SuperNever13: she told me a while ago.
Lolita X Core: and how when she cheated on you with skinny dan, that she told me that he raped her and that was never true?
SuperNever13: i know.
Lolita X Core: and how it was to cover up cheating on you?
SuperNever13: she eventually told me this all.
Lolita X Core: oh EVENTUALLY?!?!
SuperNever13: yeah.. like the day later
Lolita X Core: doesn't count.
SuperNever13: after i found out
Lolita X Core: still doesn't count.
Lolita X Core: and this is whie i get pissed at you for even TALKING TO HER.
SuperNever13: ..where the fuck did this come from?
Lolita X Core: oh ive been thinking about it, and i figured that you should know cuz you wonder whie i get mad at you, so yeah figured i'd tell ya now before you im me and i just bitch at you anyways.
Lolita X Core: that and i talked to someone last night about stuff, and yeah it was a final straw when i heard that you wanted her back...pathetic.
Lolita X Core: so yeah zach, if you wanna ruin yer life again, go wanna be looking for something you can trust, not a lieing piece of shit.
SuperNever13: you have a few corpses yourself stew.
Lolita X Core: yeah so?
Lolita X Core: i dont' wanna sit here and listen to you bitch when you do fuck yerself oevr again
SuperNever13: well i wont.
Lolita X Core: yeah well ive never lied about something as serious as being raped.
Lolita X Core: ha, my ass you won't zach.
SuperNever13: and i dont even know what to do, im about to walk off the earth because im sick of everybody
SuperNever13: and i cant get away with murder on somebody else.
Lolita X Core: well you know how to fix it, yer just scared of what people think.
SuperNever13: where the hell did that come from?
Lolita X Core: it came from me dipshit!
Lolita X Core: anyways, im going over there.
SuperNever13: how can you say im scared of what people think?
Lolita X Core: im done talkign anyways
SuperNever13: no..
Lolita X Core: Ugh, yeah i am.
SuperNever13: your gonna explain yourself
SuperNever13: no
SuperNever13: your not going to bitch me out and run
Lolita X Core: um, im not running.
SuperNever13: ..where are you going?
Lolita X Core: you do care what people think zach, thats whie yer shy about shit, and you don't make decisions
SuperNever13: lock haven?
Lolita X Core: um, no.
Lolita X Core: im gonna clean my house fuckwad/
Lolita X Core: i'll talk to you later.
Lolita X Core: maybe.
SuperNever13: ok, prick
SuperNever13: go
Lolita X Core: yeah fuck off
Lolita X Core signed off at 5:35:40 PM. friend stewie would never hurt me. She's so understanding..

(1 hate mail | Tell me I'm wrong.)

damn snow   
08:32am 05/12/2003
mood: aggravated
music: Society's Downfall - Are You That Blind? (yes, it's my band)
the show was cancled because of the damn snow. Dammit dammit dammit. I hope it dies. Die snow. Damn snow.......fucka

::smacks head of desk::

(1 hate mail | Tell me I'm wrong.)

09:05am 03/12/2003
mood: confused
music: Taking Back Sunday - The Blue Channel
I don't know what to do. um... about the thing... ah fuck im not even gonna write about it, you'll just tell me I'm wrong so, bye.


(1 hate mail | Tell me I'm wrong.)

02:13am 02/12/2003
mood: anxious
music: AFI - I wanna get a mohawk
Yesterday was interesting. We had band practice. Bass player didn't show up. We may use joel for the show on friday or just play it with no bass player. Thats Ok though, we actually sound pretty good even without one. I had a bad cough during practice though. At one point i coughed so hard, i puked. blahaha. We have like 4 origianls, and we got some covers down. It should be a pretty good show. It's at the charter school in sugar valley. If you want to go, contact me and I'll see if i can get you directions.

Last night was confusing. Stewy hates me..again. umm... Jaynie and i are.. well.. i have no clue. we are getting a long finally. And uh... I don't know what's going to happen. But um.... yeah.... feelings are strong :/


(2 hate mail | Tell me I'm wrong.)

happy thanksgiving?   
12:36pm 27/11/2003
mood: blah
music: Neil - This is called living
The show last night was nice. It was the first all acoustic show i went to. I liked it. It was great to see Neil again. I saw an old friend. Biz. I didn't even relize it was her at first. I walked up to her and i was like "Biz!" "yeah" "I just relized who you are" "Oookay.." "Do you know who I am" "No.." "It's me, Zach!" "OH MY GOD!"
It was kind of funny. I talked to some new people. I talked with one of the guys who runs Fast Action Records. He said whenever we have a demo.. send it. So that's cool. I basically just hung out with random people. It was fun.

...But there is some sad news..
Dwayne passed away yesterday. Everybody was crushed. It's really a sad thing. David is going to be crushed when he finds out he died. He's going to fell responsible because he was the driver.. It's terrible. David was fucking awsome and this is going to change him forever..It turns out he CAN see! (stupid fucking rumors)

Thanksgiving sucks.

(2 hate mail | Tell me I'm wrong.)

Best friends DOSN"T mean friends forever.   
10:06am 24/11/2003
mood: sad
music: sound of the wind outside and the T.V.
well... David is in a coma from the crash.. I had a weird moment with shorti... um.
Kelly hates me. She thinks i tried to change her. I dont like her pot smokin' jigga boo ass crack boyfriend.. and she thinks if I dont like him, it mean we can't be friend. Well god dammit, we were best friends before they happend, so she just wrote me off for her fucking boyfriend. Shows how much she really cares, right?
Anyways yeah.. I've just been sad and shit today..
Back to David.. I think he is going to be ok.. He is responding to some things. When his girlfriend's name is mentioned around him he moves a bit.. I plan to see him soon. It's going to be weird for me.. I've never visited anybody in a coma before..
anyways.. bye

(3 hate mail | Tell me I'm wrong.)

by goerge, he's got it!   
10:49am 19/11/2003
mood: blah
music: Billy Talent - Lies
You are an Official Punk Rocker! You love to go to
shows, get bruised and cut, and love every
minute of it.

>>Your True Music Image<<(punkrocker? thug? diva-licious,emo-kid,Metal head,indie rocker?)
brought to you by Quizilla

..yay ::devil horns:: sucked... i got in fights... blah.
..i dont like fighting, really, i dont..

(2 hate mail | Tell me I'm wrong.)

blah practice bummer, blah?   
10:16am 11/11/2003
mood: annoyed
music: AFI - Death of Seasons
well, practice was kind of a bummer... only james and i showed up. Asa's mom was being dumb, and wouldnt let him go, and pat just didnt show. On the happy side. James and I came up with some pretty good shit. My throat hurts like hell now. I reached pitches in my screams i didnt even know i could do. We were just seriously rocking hard. It was fun.. But yeah.. Should be better with a drummer and bass player. :-\

On a lighter note... well, its not really light..
I'm no longer even in stewies life. Its all about edward fucking whatever his last name is... Im surprised she hasnt already taken her last name as her own.. hell she probably did. But we'll see how much i really mean to her..
Because im sick of fucking trying to keep myself in her life, when i know i havnt been for a long time..
Oh well, it was fun while it lasted...right.

( Tell me I'm wrong.)

Ohio..just like Pennsylvania, only its... Ohio..   
10:40am 06/11/2003
mood: blah
music: Thrice - Deadbolt
I'm leaving school early for Ohio tomorrow to go to some camp in well... Ohio. May be playing at the talent show there so.. blah.
I'll be back Sunday night.

(1 hate mail | Tell me I'm wrong.)

subject to change?   
06:39am 02/11/2003
mood: jealous
music: Thursday - Standing on the Edge of Summer
Blah, bored, so i figured I'd type in this thing. Halloween was pretty good. I saw Adam. He was visiting for a little bit from west cheaster(yeah, i think thats right) Then he came to the show the next night at the new coffee house. It was cool. Nobody bought any coffee... blah. It was cool though. I was surprised at the number of people who showed up. Everything went smoothly until somebody tried to swipe one of the booth benches, but i caught them just as they were about to leave...thats right, bitch. The band is comming into place. (it's about time) We now have Asa as a drummer. so, it should be good. We plan to get stuff together once Asa and I get back from Ohio. We may be doing something up there at a talent show of some sort at this camp...thing. Atleast I plan to. I need to figure out what I wanna do though. Some acoustic stuff most likely.

I've kind of been thinking about things. Faith even. How I really don't feel it anymore. It kind of sucks just a bit..
I havn't heard from Abby since I left. So, thats a downfall. I havn't gotten email or anything.. I tried calling one night and the line was busy both times. Maybe I'll try tonight?
I dunno, a lot of shit has been in my head. I don't enjoy myself much. I try to act like it. But its kind of... blah. numb? I dunno.. It's like I really feel I don't belong here. In the summer things were going great. Everything was looking up all the time. Then shit all happend at once and now I'm kind of at the bottom again. I got in a fight with Ryn last night.. This time I feel it was completly my fault. I was being a dick. I just got jelous.. I get jelous all the damn time, of everybody. Anybody that talks about there boyfriend or girlfriend I get pissy. Just because I'm jelous. I even got jelous of stewie. It's not that I don't care.. I do care. I'm just jelous. I'm the funny guy. I'm the good friend, the sweet guy, the guy who's always there. Well, where the fuck are you??

Though you were never really there.
You were always in here..

(5 hate mail | Tell me I'm wrong.)

06:30am 27/10/2003
mood: gloomy
music: MxPx - I'm ok, Your ok
I got home last night around 11:00. I miss TN already. It was great. I got to see Abby, and all my other friends. I saw Becky and Laura. It was nice. It was like I never was gone.. I miss it down there so much. I miss Abby like woah. But thats what you get for being stupid and liking southern girls, right?
I can't wait to go back.

Anyways. School sucked..
Everybody has damn DVST stickers from the show. That just pissed me off. I mean, they're a good band and all but... yeah. History, memories, fuck. It just put me in a bad mood all together. Tobad I have to hate the band when they really are a good band.. It's just..that dammed bass player.

anyways..umm... bye

(1 hate mail | Tell me I'm wrong.)

10:31am 20/10/2003
mood: anxious
music: My Chemical Romance - Cubicles
Im going to TN on Wed. I wont be back until Sunday around 12:00 in the morning. Im staying over at my nan and paps tomorrow and I'm leaving with them early in the morning. I'll be staying in my uncle's dorm room at the college while I'm there. It should be neat. I can't wait to see Abby. I cant wait to see any of 'em. I'll be seeing Kate. I havnt seen her since she moved. It should be cool. ..yes i dont miss my uncle so much. Ha. I mean. He comes back and visits so much, i forget he lives in TBN half the time. But damn.. Abby... Can't wait....


(3 hate mail | Tell me I'm wrong.)

"Bullets and KIsses" By, me..   
02:49am 11/10/2003
mood: Artistic/pissed
Just when you're smiling in his arms,
I'll be watching you through the scope of a gun.
And as you begin to laugh,
I'll be cocked and loaded and ready to go.
And as you begin to kiss,
I'll pull the trigger and kill to birds with one shot.
And as you both fall,
you're blood quickly begins to mix with his!
Oh, now you are both one.
At least you died happy,
not me.
So, as I'm walking home from the scene of everything i ever had.
I start to laugh.
Then my laugher slowly turns to tears.
Oh, God. What have I done?
I raise the gun.
The safety's off,
I close my eyes and scream my last...

..some new twisted shit from me... tell me what you think.
(note: Dont go calling the fucking officials on me, it's just a damn song!)

(7 hate mail | Tell me I'm wrong.)

its all gone.   
09:42pm 09/10/2003
mood: I hate you.
music: My Chemical Romance - Our Lady Of Sarrows
Jaynie is seeing somebody new...
I don't know what to think about life anymore.
I know it's just a girl.
But it wasnt just a girl.
She chaged my life.
Good and bad.
I can't just let this go.
I've tried...
So the night ends with may a friendship.

JaynieShady: so since you are both pissed at me im going to go
SuperNever13: what???
SuperNever13: who is "both"
SuperNever13: ??
JaynieShady: who do you think?
SuperNever13: what, your new toy?
SuperNever13: fine.
SuperNever13: just fucking go.
JaynieShady: he is not a toy
SuperNever13: im sick of fucking trying
SuperNever13: yeah, you said the same thing to me
JaynieShady: you werent a toy either
SuperNever13: then what was i??
SuperNever13: what was i to you?
SuperNever13: eh?
JaynieShady: its bad enough you know, that i saw cheyenne today, that was hard...and now yur spazzing out on me
JaynieShady: you were everything to me
SuperNever13: i might as well be dead!
SuperNever13: only reason i am alive right now is for the sake of my friends
SuperNever13: i want to die
SuperNever13: because of you!
SuperNever13: sorry if that seems harsh but....
SuperNever13: its true.
SuperNever13: im a walking bullet waiting to hit a target.
SuperNever13: and blow..
JaynieShady: im going to go shower....
JaynieShady: i need something
JaynieShady: really bad....
JaynieShady: goodbye zach
SuperNever13: yeah well.....
SuperNever13: .
SuperNever13: bye jaynie....
SuperNever13: .
SuperNever13: god.
SuperNever13: sometimes i just think.
SuperNever13: of like.
SuperNever13: ..
SuperNever13: things.
SuperNever13: i cant explain.
JaynieShady: just save yur breath, you know its a waste...
SuperNever13: ..
JaynieShady: im going to go shower and visit and old friend of mine that relieves stress
JaynieShady: see you around
SuperNever13: atleast you addmit your done and kicked me out of your life
SuperNever13: no you wont.
JaynieShady: i didnt say that
JaynieShady: but i need to find my blades...good bye
JaynieShady signed off at 9:30:55 PM.

(1 hate mail | Tell me I'm wrong.)

Soup with Ali   
07:49am 07/10/2003
mood: amused
music: The Used - Choke Me
ohh darling you: brb im going to make some soup
SuperNever13: :-*
ohh darling you: hehe
SuperNever13: soup!!!!
ohh darling you: lol
SuperNever13: thats a funny word...
ohh darling you: that reminds me of a time in 6th grade..
SuperNever13: ?
ohh darling you: i was saying something about soup...
ohh darling you: for a crossword puzzle
ohh darling you: and britt thought i said
ohh darling you: 'tit soup and dumplings'
ohh darling you: HAHAHHA
SuperNever13: lol
ohh darling you: so we kept asking ppl if they wanted any
SuperNever13: haha
SuperNever13: grand
ohh darling you: and chris asked the teacher what it was
ohh darling you: because he had never heard of it
SuperNever13: rofl..
ohh darling you: he asked right in the middle of social studies and britt and i died laughing
ohh darling you: what an idiot
ohh darling you: anyway brb lol
SuperNever13: lol ok
ohh darling you: the water has to boil
ohh darling you: buhuh
ohh darling you: i always burn myself with soup
ohh darling you: im clumsy
ohh darling you: i burned my tounge twice this weekend
SuperNever13: burning soup
SuperNever13: ouch
ohh darling you: once on a slice of pizza and once on some hot cocoa
ohh darling you: but with soup, i normally burn my skin
ohh darling you: i like the way your tounge feels
ohh darling you: when its burned
ohh darling you: rofl
SuperNever13: lol it feels cool..
ohh darling you: lol yeah
SuperNever13: but then it sucks cause you cant taste for awhile
ohh darling you: yeah but i never burn my whole tounge
ohh darling you: see when i make soup
ohh darling you: i always scald myself
ohh darling you: when i pour it out
ohh darling you: cuz
ohh darling you: i only eat the noodles
ohh darling you: not the broth
ohh darling you: lol
SuperNever13: haha
SuperNever13: your like sitting me down and explaning you and soup
SuperNever13: lol
SuperNever13: "now see..."
ohh darling you: rofl
ohh darling you: yes
ohh darling you: its very important that you know this
ohh darling you: you may be tested on it later
ohh darling you: take notes!
ohh darling you: rofl
ohh darling you: :-*
SuperNever13: heh
ohh darling you: lalala


(2 hate mail | Tell me I'm wrong.)

05:41pm 04/10/2003
mood: bored
music: The Casualties - Punk Rock Love
What's your supposed style?
Your supposed style is PUNK - deep down you know
Avril's a poser, plaid is your best friend and
you practically live in Hottopic.

What's your supposed style?
brought to you by Quizilla

guhdammit, plaid is not my best friend... I just really like my plaid pants.
and what the hell..... "poser" is spelled "POSUER" not "poser" posuer. bahaha

I called Jaynie today.. She couldnt come over.
NO! We are not back together. We were just going to hang out. But whatever, maybe some other time.
I saw Rachel and her friends....yeah.

Anybody wanna do anything tonight?

( Tell me I'm wrong.)