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Sunday, February 1st, 2004
5:16 pm
haha, I got this in an email and I decided to post it for reading enjoyment...hahaha.

Why Women are Crabby
We start to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find anything that comes in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurts so bad it brings us to tears. Enter the almighty, uncomfortable training bra contraption the boys in school will snap until we have calluses on our backs.

Next, we get our "periods" in our early to mid-teens (or sooner).
Along with those budding boobs, we now bloat, we cramp, we get the hormone crankies, have to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.

Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) is having sex for the first time which is about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.

Then it's off to Motherhood where we learn to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we don't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learn to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we're having Rosemary's Baby. Our once flat bellies now look like we swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee our pants every time we sneeze.

When the big moment arrives, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions will invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we'll waddle with our big cartoon feet moaning in pain all the way to the ER. Then it's huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. Just one more (or 10 ) good push," warranting a strong, well- deserved impulse to punch the bastard (and hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10 lb. bowling ball through a keyhole.

After that, it's time to raise those angels only to find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morph into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines. The teen years. Need I say more? The kids are almost grown now and we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our mid-30's to early 40's while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday (which just happens to be the reason all that early hot man sex got you pregnant in the first place).

Now we hit the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take the HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men when men get off so easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks...

Now I love being a woman but "Womanhood" would make even the Great Ghandi a tad cranky. Women are the "weaker sex"? Yeah right.
Bite me. true.

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Wednesday, January 28th, 2004
3:35 pm
Well...running class is hell. I nearly collapsed today. I am so out of shape! First we ran a few laps, then did 60 push ups and a hundred crunches. I swear those push ups just about killed me...I couldn't even finish them all and I was trying with all of my strength. Anyway, then we went on a 15 minute run, which wouldn't be that bad except it's cold outside, my allergies have been acting up recently, and car exhaust fumes were in the air I was breathing. I swear, my lungs were hurting so bad from the cold/exhaust air. I only have mild asthma...but I really could feel my airways tightening and constricting, and it was really hurting and hard to take deep breaths. And my nose was running really bad, so I was sniffing a lot, which made it go back down my throat, making it more difficult to breathe. But it wasn't that bad...but I need to run a lot more so I can be more prepared for running outside. Now I'm freaking wheezing...I hope this goes away soon.

I have a quiz next time in my finance class, so I need to start studying for that. I also have one in my INFO class, but this class so far is pathetically easy. So far, we have discussed the fine art of using the "mean, median, and mode." Let me tell you, it was invigorating.

Last night Shelby and I went to this meeting for "Aggie women in Leadership," and there was a really interesting speaker. She had been really involved in the women's movement in the 60s, and it was really interesting to hear about all the amazing stuff she has been involved in. We also talked about violence against women and how the problem has been nearly untouched. If you have ever noticed, it is always the WOMEN who are responsible for their safety. Women should be careful, go to self-defense class, carry pepper spray, etc. But isn't it funny how nobody ever brings up the fact of why society never focuses on preventing rape and abuse by changing the male disposition on how women are viewed and treated? I think that's crap. Really to think that a woman can never feel comfotable to walk around alone at night and it is always up to a woman to protect herself. So we really talked about that a lot, and it isn't really something I have thought about a lot, but it really is a something that our society never really talks about.

There are these flyers around campus about joining a women's fastpitch softball team. I wonder if I should join...I really, really want to, but I don't know if it matters that I haven't really played in almost two years. Would I start working about again for softball? I don't would be fun, but it would take a lot of work to get my skills back up to the level they were at when I used to play. Maybe I will...I don't know.

Anyway, not much else going around here. About to go to my last class for the day. Hope everyone has a good one!

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Sunday, January 25th, 2004
9:28 pm
Shelby, Lacy, her friend Sue and I all went to see the movie "Win a date with Tad Hamilton" last night. It was so cute! We all loved it. It is one of those really good chick flicks. I would highly recommend it. :)

I worked from 8-7 today, it sucked but at least I am getting some hours. Now that I have more bills to pay I'll be needed to keep up with my cash flows, haha.

Not much else to talk about. Everyone have a great night!

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Saturday, January 24th, 2004
6:36 pm
So Thursday after I got off work, I drove to San Antonio. I got home and suprised my parents, and showed them my car. They were pissed at first, and they definetly freaked out. It was kind of funny to watch. But they got over it relatively quickly and I think they are happy about it. Erick and I got to spend a little time with each other, which was nice, but not a whole lot because he had military stuff he had to do. We took my car off-roading, it was soooo fun. I want to do it again, but he was the one who drove it so I would be a little nervous to go out and do it on my own.

Friday I went to the doctor so I could get new perscriptions for my allery/asthma meds, because I ran out of my nasal spray last week, and I guess I didn't realize how much it actually makes a difference. Without it, I have been a wreck and never can breathe. Thank God I have my medicine back. My mom and I also drove my sister up to a weekend camp. I drove back up this morning and I had to go to work. It was raining the entire drive back, which sucked. But I loooove my car so much and I love the feeling of being able to drive my very own car once again. Go places when I want. It is great.

So Erick's birthday is coming up. It is on February 14, Valentine's day! This will be my first valentine's EVER to have a valentine. Anyway, I want to do something really special for him. I wanted to make him a drawing or painting of stuff he likes (dragons/castles/fantasy crap), and then frame it, but it's not really...going. First of all, I have no interest in these subjects at all...and secondly I am procrastinating getting my ideas together, so I don't think there will be enough time.

But I want to give him something personal...or do something personal...suprise him. But I can't think of many good ideas. I think it would be really cute to sing a song to him at a bar at an open mic night, this one song that is sort of our little song, but I'm not a great singer (not horrible, but not great), and I can't play guitar or anything. But I want to do something cool like that.

If anyone has experience with anything like this, let me know. Because I've never given someone special a birthday or valentine's gift before, because I've never really had anyone like him. I really want to have that moment where I can see his face light up in happiness. So...I hope everyone is having a great weekend...peace out!

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Wednesday, January 21st, 2004
3:41 pm
Bold the states you've visited.
Italicize the state you're in.
Underline the states you've lived in.

1) Alabama, 2) Alaska, 3) Arizona, 4) Arkansas, 5) California, 6) Colorado, 7) Connecticut, 8) Delaware, 9) Florida, 10) Georgia, 11) Hawaii, 12) Idaho, 13) Illinois, 14) Indiana, 15) Iowa, 16) Kansas, 17) Kentucky, 18) Louisiana, 19) Maine, 20) Maryland, 21) Massachusetts, 22) Michigan, 23) Minnesota, 24) Mississippi, 25) Missouri, 26) Montana, 27) Nebraska, 28) Nevada, 29) New Hampshire, 30) New Jersey, 31) New Mexico, 32) New York, 33) North Carolina, 34) North Dakota, 35) Ohio, 36) Oklahoma, 37) Oregon, 38) Pennsylvania, 39) Rhode Island, 40) South Carolina, 41) South Dakota, 42) Tennessee, 43) Texas, 44) Utah, 45) Vermont, 46) Virginia, 47) Washington, 48) West Virginia, 49) Wisconsin, 50) Wyoming 51) Washington, D.C.

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3:41 pm
THE RULES! 1 - Leave a comment, saying you want to be interviewed. 2 - I will respond; I'll ask you five questions. 3 - You'll update your journal with my five questions, and your five answers. 4 - You'll include this explanation. 5 - You'll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed

1. Name one situation or event in your life you wish you had photos of but don't.

I would have to say I wish I had more pictures of all the pranking stuff I have done with people...signing yards, messing with people's cars, stalking jessica ney at sonic, things of that nature. Also, all the many times I have mooned people in various places and played pranks on the baseball team in high school (when I played softball). Those were the good 'ol days full of hilarious pranks, haha.

2. If you had a million dollars what would you do with it?

I know my answer is going to sound really dorky...truthfully, I would invest at least half of it. I would donate a few thousand to charity, I would buy a new car, I would definetly gamble with some of it, since I wouldn't really have to worry about losing money. Other than that, I would probably buy lots of clothes and shoes...because those are the main material things I love buying and I wish I could have more of, but I really can't buy right now.

3. What's the weirdest thing that has ever happened to you?

hmm, I have had lots of weird things happen to me. I would say one of the weirdest recent things was how I ended up together with Erick. I never in a million years thought that I would ever find someone who was right for me, and when I first met him he was the furthest thing from my mind. But we ended up together and we are very happy even though we are complete opposites.

4. If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be and why?

I would change my attitude. I tend to be fairly negative and pessimistic, sometimes down on myself and depressing, and when I get in a rut, I stay there. I would love to just be a really happy and positive person...who when is faced with a problem, can always rationally think of a plan to get themselves out of it instead of wanting to give up like I do.

5. What you were little, what did you want to do when you grew up?

An artist. That's all I ever wanted to be. When I was little, I can't think of a single time when I responded with anything different. It's all I could imagine.

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Tuesday, January 20th, 2004
8:27 pm
Well this weekend was pretty awesome. Erick came up Friday night, and we had a great time together. Saturday, we looked around at mopeds for me to buy, but they were a lot more expensive than I thought. I was going to buy one and use it until June when my parents said they would help me buy a car. So I was really frustrated when I saw that the moped thing wouldn't work out. But Erick told me I shouldn't wait for my parents, and I could afford something now, all I had to do was look.

So he and I looked online for a few hours at cars and trucks in my price range. Finally we found a few options and called the people who had them up for sale. Then early Monday, we drove to Austin to a dealership to check out one of the cars...and I now am the proud owner of my very own car!!!!

I got a '94 Ford Explorer Sport, 4 wheel drive, Eddie Bauer edition, it's a reddish/maroon color. I love it! The reason it was so cheap is it's a standard and it has 176,000 miles. But it is in good condition. Erick knows a lot about cars and he helped me check the vehicle backround and look at the engine and everything. I paid, including TT&L, about $2150. So I still have some money left in my savings account. Since it's all paid for, when I get insurance I can just get liability. I still need to get some insurance. I have been looking online but I don't know much about it so I'm a little lost.

I couldn't have done it without Erick. I am so thankful I have him there to support me and give me the push I need to start taking more control over my own life. He said I still have this "umbilical cord" attatchment with my parents. I guess I do some, because they support me financially. But I am so grateful for him and all he has done for me.

Today was my first day of class, I only had one, marketing. It seems like it's going to be an awesome class, and something I can really enjoy for once. Then I went to work for a few hours. After that, I got a parking pass and bought my books for this semester. It's amazing what you can actually accomplish when you have a car!! I am soooo happy I have a car. It has been about nine months since the last time I had my very own car. And the best part about it--is that it is COMPLETELY mine. I paid for everything, the title and registration is in my parents can never take it away or have any control over me in that aspect anymore. And that is a sweet deal. :)

Well, tomorrow I will be going to my other four classes for the first time. Ironically, I have two books for running...and zero books for statistics...? Does this not seem odd to anyone else? I suppose I will find out tomorrow what the hell is going one. Anyway, hope everyone had a good weekend! Peace out.

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Thursday, January 15th, 2004
9:37 pm - I hate work
Yeah so I haven't really been updating much. There really hasn't been much going on around here, so sorry for my lack of commenting and such. The main thing that has been going on is work, and me hating it. I am getting sooooooo tired of work...I want to quit so bad, but I know I won't. It is a relatively stable and flexible job and I think I will keep it until I get a car at least.

But today, I seriously didn't even think that I would make it through the day. I hate the customers. They suck and they are sooo annoying. They think I am their slave and a lot of people have this attitude that they can treat me like shit because they think they are better than me because I work in fast food. So many people have zero respect for others. I never knew how many people never understood the concept of throwing away your own trash and putting things back where you found them.

I am the that person who has to clean up after everyone when I am on front counter. I mean, people just leave their trash everywhere, on the table and all over the floor. There are five trashcans around the store. How lazy can people be?! It is like five feet away and they just leave trash everywhere. And then when people come in with their screaming kids, they can't even put the high chair back where they got it from. It is sooo annoying. I mean, it's common courtesy to put things back where you got them. The part that really annoys me is when people are getting their drinks. If they drop a lid, they will just leave it there. Or they leave their straw wrapper or salt wrappers on the counter. There is a trashcan on this same counter. Less than a foot away from anywhere they could be standing near this counter. Yet they still cannot manage to bring themselves to throw things away IN the trash.

Another annoying thing people do is leave their newspapers. Just throw them away! Nobody else is going to read them!! I always have to throw them away anyway you stupid people. Today I came into work and there were at least six sets of newspapers throughout the store. I don't get why people do this! And they also leave napkins and ketchup on the tables like someone else is going to come and just them after they leave. They won't! All they do is get thrown away so just throw them away yourself.

And I hate it when I am taking people's orders and I'm being really nice, and they can't even pretend to be a little nice, say thank you, or anything. Some people have such attitude problems. And they will just sort of throw their money at you like you aren't even worthy enough for them to hand it to you. It really pisses me off. It's just that people are so rude about everything. If an order is wrong, or it takes a long time, they just yell at you and treat you like you are nobody. First of all, most of the time the person who is in the front isn't even the one making your food. And secondly, our managers ALWAYS fix whatever is wrong, and most of the time give people free meals. Yet they still bitch and go on and on about this and that. Get the fuck over it! And when I ask them if they want to talk to a manager, they say no, and then continue to bitch at me. I am so tired of it!!!

The second area that annoys me is my coworkers. It is such a superficial atmosphere full of gossip and somtimes I just cannot stand it. There are so many stupid things that go on and it sucks. First of all, it's racist. My manager is hispanic, and all the hispanic people who work there get paid $7-8 an hour and they always fuck around, talk on the phone, and NEVER get in trouble. But I and everyone who is white gets paid around $6.25, and James only gets paid $5.60 and hour which is really shitty. Also I think my boss is having an affair with one of the hispanic girls. And the main reason why it is stupid that they get paid more is they cannot speak one word of English. I can do their jobs plus more and I get paid less. They cannot deal with customers at all because they don't speak English...which is why it doesn't make sense that they get paid more because they don't have better job skills than I do.

But besides that, I always feel like I am always doing all the work and if I feel like if I barely fuck up I always am more focused on. I am just so tired of all the bullshit. And not to mention that I am pretty much getting sexually harassed every day. There are now reports of three or four guys that think I'm good looking and like my ass, and all of the male managers have said things to other people about me behind closed doors. But mainly this on guy named Martin is really getting on my nerves. He says stuff to me alllll the time. At first I didn't really care, but now I'm getting tired of it.

Like one time I had my hands on my hips and he was like, "Ohh, I wish I could be grabbing that right now." And another time I was like, "how can I be attractive in this work uniform?" and he was all like, "I'm trying to picture you out of your uniform." And he goes on and on and on about how I have the perfect body and things like that. One time I did a little dance when I was walking (nothing really sexual), and he was all like, "you know they say how a girl dances is how she is in bed...and you can really move." And uh not to mention that he's married. In fact, I think I am the ONLY person there who doesn't cheat on their significant other. Pretty much everyone else is open about the fact that they cheat, which is really scary.

And also, the psychotic coke addict lesbian Debbie is a whole other story. Thank god she wasn't there today, or I would have gone insane. Now I have nothing against lesbians, but she secretly touches my butt when she walks by, and she's not anything close to attractive in the first place. And she orders me around constantly on her hyped-up, coke-induced highs, and starts to lose her rational thoughts and control when she is coming down from these highs. I think everyone knows she's an addict, it is so obvious and there is really nothing else it could be. It is not normal. And appartently she calls up all the time and asks the other managers for money (she is like an assistant manager), probably to buy her drugs with. And she's always trying to sneak into the bathroom throughout the day.

And she always when she counts people's drawers at the end of the day, they are always short and she tries to make it look like their fault even though it is always hers. One time I asked her to get me some ones, and I gave her a twenty, and she never got me the change. Then she tried to say that I never gave it to her...and I was like bitch, I saw it in your hand!!! And these are pretty regular occurences, too.

Anyway, I guess I'm done bitching for now. The point is, I hate work, and it's all I've been doing for the past few weeks, so I hate it even more, so excuse my bitterness. Hope everyone's day at work was a little better than mine, haha.

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Sunday, January 11th, 2004
12:16 am
Sometimes I really wonder what I mean to people. I feel like I have lost so many friendships within the past two years, and if they are not lost, they have deteriorated. And when I try to make new friends, they end up blowing me off or treat me in ways that make me think they don't care about the friendship. Two good examples of this are Christi and Heather. Both girls I thought I was getting along great with and they were people I could hang out with all the time and develop a really good friendship with. Well both of them ended up blowing me off repeatedly and neither seem to care.

I tried to hang out with Christi after helping her move all her shit into her dorm and letting her stay at my apartment, but every time I asked her to hang out after that she had some kind of excuse. Funny how I haven't talked to her in a month or two, and tonight she IMs me. I was thinking...she must need a ride back to College Station or something. Turns out that she was asking me if she could stay at my apartment tomorrow night. I told her I wasn't sure, because I felt like the only time she ever talked to me is when she needed something. She said something like last semester she was depressed and didn't want to hang out with anyone. While there may be some truth to this, I still don't completely buy it. I'm not an idiot.

Heather and I hung out a lot before the break. It was so much fun and we got along great. Then when I got back, the next thing I know she makes plans with me three days in a row, and each of those three times she never showed up, and never called to tell me she wasn't going to show up. Later I found out she is dating some new guy and hanging out with some other girls she knows. Well whatever, at least fucking call and tell me you're not going to come.

I hate to feel sorry for myself, but sometimes I just feel really lonely, especially with Erick not here. He's become such a big part of my life that it's hard when he's away. And it hurts my feelings when I feel like someone doesn't want to hang out with me or be my friend. I don't know, maybe I'm just too sensitive or something. I guess I just want to know what people think. Am I one of those people that is cool to hang out with when it's convienient or when there is nobody better at the time? I really don't know.

I miss Kate. I miss Gabby. I miss Mayra. I miss Garrett. People that mean a lot to mean and I know that I mean something to them too. Everyone is so far away. College Station is in the middle of nowhere, and I feel like I am in the middle of nowhere, too.

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Friday, January 9th, 2004
9:04 pm
Yeah so Houston was an interesting trip. We got there last night and ate dinner at Hasta la Pasta. It was really good of course. Then after meeting up with a few people, we went to go get some alcohol before we went to this party. Well little Lindsay was the only one of us who was 21, so we waited out in the parking lot for her outside the grocery store. Well, the cashier followed Lindsay out and was watching her, so we were like...what do we do? So we just drove off and decided to circle around and come back. It was sooo hilarious because Lindsay is just walking around with this cart with no car to go to, and pretending like she's walking towards one.

Anyway, we went to this party with Sirrine and there were a lot of people there that Shelby and Sirrine knew. It was alright, except for this stupid redhead kid kept trying to steal the alcohol I bought. It was really getting on my nerves and it put me in a really bad mood. Seriously, this kid was so drunk and it turned him into an idiot. Anyway, there were a few more interesting chains of events throughout the night, such as a game of strip-spin the bottle. There were way too many naked people, but I didn't ever get to that point, thankfully. Even if I did, I wouldn't have wanted to get naked in front of all those strangers. All I know was there was a lot of scary shit that I did NOT want to see, haha.

We ended up leaving around 4am...then at Sirrine's house we put in "Red Dragon" to watch. Shelby and Sirrine fell asleep, and even though I was extremely tired, I couldn't stop watching the movie. It was so intense and it really started to scare me. It was a really good movie, though. Then this afternoon, we went to eat at Taco Cabana and then drove back to College Station. I am really tired, but I took a bubble bath so I feel really good now. Anyway, that's about all for now. This has been too much craziness for my boring life to take in...I need to go to sleep. Nighty night.

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Thursday, January 8th, 2004
10:21 am
Well last night was fun. Shelby and I were playing darts in my apartment all night and just hanging out. Tonight me, Shelby, and Lindsay are going to Houston to visit Shelby's two friends Sirrine and Krystal. And we're going to eat at Hasta la Pasta...yummy! It's going to be really fun...I'm looking forward to this little road trip. But right now I have to go to stupid work. Oh well, at least it's only for 4 or 5 hours today. Hope everyone is having a great day!

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Sunday, January 4th, 2004
1:39 pm
Gotta love Texas.

The high today is supposed to be 77. this really January?!

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Friday, January 2nd, 2004
4:52 pm
Well yesterday was really good. Erick and I went shopping when he and Shelby got home because he needed to get a few things. I bought a new belly ring (pink) since one of the ends on the one I had fell off somewhere and I could never find it. I also bought some new pants for work, so I could wear something a little less grandma-ish. It IS only work, but I still have to wear them every day.

After that, Erick and I had a nice dinner at Cheddar's. I got Lemon pepper chicken and it was so good. It was the first time I actually liked the food I got there. Then we rented Bruce Almighty and ate Snickers ice when we got home. Erick left to go back to San Antonio this morning after he dropped me off at work. Work SUCKED. It was long and I had a headache all day. I miss Erick already. We had some really good times over the break and it's hard to from seeing him almost every day to seeing him in two or three weeks. But I think he and I got to work out a lot of stuff also during the past two weeks which has brought us closer.

Well I guess that's about all I have to talk about right now. I think I'm going to go eat something, watch a movie, and just chill out.

Note to self: go on a diet.

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Thursday, January 1st, 2004
3:28 pm
Well my New Years was pretty good I guess. It was better than the last few years, that's for sure. Last year, I went with Kate to her ex-boyfriends apartment because there was supposed to be a get-together. Well it ended up only being the four of us, and I ended up hanging out with this guy who didn't bathe or brush his teeth. Sadly, I actually dated him. *shudders*

The year before that, my friend Nicole invited me over to her friend's house who was having a "big party." I get there, and it's her and her boyfriend, the dude and his girlfriend, and then there's me. So I had the pleasure of sitting all by myself there while everyone else was making out and doing god knows what while completely ignoring me. I went home before it even turned twelve.

This year me Shelby, Lacy and her friend, Erick and I all went out together. We drank a little here before we went out, and we headed over to Shelby's co-workers house. It was pretty fun, there was a little bonfire lit and we got to shoot fireworks. Except I didn't really get to light any even though I was the one who bought them. I guess we were all drunk...I have never seen Lacy like that and it was hilarious. Shelby kissed her coworker "hot Billy" at midnight. They were really going at it, longer than anyone else. All her other co-workers were staring, haha, I wonder if she will catch shit about it tonight at work.

I had to work this morning at 7am, which sucked. But I made it through the day and got to go home a little early. But actually there was no point, since Shelby and Erick went to go see stupid Lord of the Rings. I don't know when they'll even get I'm just sitting here all by myself.

Anyway there is another thing that's bothering me lately. I feel so fucking stressed all the time because I feel like I'm being pulled in so many directions. I have several friends who are a little annoyed with me because I didn't have time to hang out with them over the break. I was only home for a week so I've had several calls the past few days where people have been irritated with me that I didn't call them. Well nobody called me, either.

The second I got home I was going and going. I only got to sleep in one day. The other days I had to get up really early and go do stuff. I'm trying to squeeze in time with my family, running errands, trying to maintain a strained long-distance relationship by spending time with my boyfriend, including spending time getting to know his family since they just moved a few days ago. And now I'm back up here working. I HAVE to work. I can't just stay home for a month like everyone else. It's not like I WANT to fucking work...I would love to sit around on my ass for a month and have some fun with my old buddies. But I CAN'T.

Not once has anyone made the effort for me. I am only one person and I can't please everyone. I have offered SEVERAL times to more than 4 or 5 people that they can come visit me in College Station for a weekend and stay in my apartment over the break or next semester. Has anyone replied back and said they would make the effort? NO. So it's not my fault. I already feel like my life is so fully scheduled all the time and I'm doing the best I can, honestly. So if that's not good enough then I don't know what else to do. This is HARDLY a break for me...I don't need this constant stress. I really do want to maintain my old friendships, but it's hard, and I'm not sure how much old friends really care about me anyway. I mean, Christi didn't find it very hard to use me and then blow me off, and I've known her for several years. So who the fuck knows. Anyway, Erick and Shelby are I'm going to attempt to relax for a bit. Maybe go to the mall or eat or something.

Despite the bitterness in this entry, it was a pretty good new year.


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Tuesday, December 30th, 2003
4:36 pm
So today was my first day back at work--it sucked! My legs were hurting sooo bad when I left around 4...probably because I haven't done anything in a week...and riding my bike to work and then standing for nine hours wasn't something my body exactly welcomed.

So I thought I was going to have to work tomorrow...but I switched shifts with Heather and she is working for me tomorrow, and I'm working for her next Monday. I'm sooo glad. This will work out a lot better for me.

So last night Shelby and I ate McDonald's and rented "Freaky Friday." We are such Disney Channel losers!! But I thought it was sooo funny; I was cracking up the whole time!! I also bought a DVD last night--Legally Blonde 2. That brings my grand total of DVDs that I own to 5.

AND...Shelby let me drive her mustang!!! ahhh it was so nice...but too bad it's not a five speed. Much more fun. I'm suprised she actually let me drive her car--and on the very first day she had it. Shelby letting me drive her Galant was one thing...she was hoping that car would get wrecked! But I had a lot of fun driving it-I was really really careful though.

Anyway, that's about it for now. I might hang out with Heather later after she gets done with some crap that she's doing. But until then, I think I'm just going to eat something, sit on my ass, and watch TV. Yep, it sounds good.

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Monday, December 29th, 2003
3:30 pm
Well this break has been very interesting and eventful so far. And very busy. Last week when I was in San Antonio, Erick and I drove up to College Station and moved some of his stuff in here, since his parents are moving and he doesn't have room for a lot of it in his barracks. One night we went out to dinner with his parents, and his sister and her boyfriend, to Ruth Chris steakhouse. It was sooo nice I felt uncomfortable when I first got there. On Christmas eve, I convinced Erick to go to church with my family and I. I knew he didn't want to be there, but it's something my family does every year so he did it to make me happy. Then we had dinner at my house with my family and grandparents. After that, Erick and I went and looked at Christmas lights around town.

Christmas day I spent the morning with my parents, and then we all went over to my grandparents' house. Then around 2 Erick picked me up and we went to his sister's apartment to have dinner with his sister and her boyfriend and his parents, and later we played that "battle of the sexes" game. Anyway, here is what I got for Christmas this year:
From my parents:

  • a new purse

  • John Mayer CD

  • electronic dartboard

  • blank CDs

  • a mouse with purple rhinestones all over it

  • new tennis shoes

  • $20 and a few other miscellaneous stocking stuffers

From my Aunt, I got some bath and body works stuff, some Victoria's Secret Perfume from my sister, some watercolors and art stuff from my brother, an aromatherapy lavender kit from Erick's sister, a $40 gift card to Foley's from Erick's parents, one of those rotating lamps with ocean scenery from Kate, and from my Nana and Grandpa I got $100 cash, a gift certificate to EZ's, and a maroon A&M jacket. My roomate got me some stuff from Barnes and Noble...a "bathroom reader" book, a pressed flowers kit, a mini water garden, and a "black book" for cocktails...I really like everything. Erick got me a white gold necklace that has a diamond and pink colored stone on is pretty and I really like it, and I know he spent a lot on I was kind of shocked because I didn't spend that much money on him. He also got me a really sweet card. :)

Friday I went to the mall and spent my gift card and I got two sweaters. Then my mom and I went to Target to get some stuff for my apartment. Every time I come home my mom always wants to take me shopping for this stuff, which is nice because I don't have to buy anything for a while. Just stuff like toilet paper, shampoo, deodorant, vitamins, etc.I bought a few CDs with some of my Christmas money. I was going to just save it, but I haven't bought CDs in I can't remember how long, so I decided to get something I really wanted. Friday night my mom, dad, brother & his friend, my sister and her new boyfriend, and Erick and I all went to a Spurs game. It was sooo much fun, but we were up so high it was scary.

Saturday my sister and I went out to eat for lunch, and later that afternoon Erick and I drove back up to College Station. We took several hours that night rearranging my entire room to fit all his stuff in here...but it actually looks really good now. Yesterday we bought this extra cabinet thing to hang in my bathroom for more room, so we ended up moving some stuff in my bathroom, too...but I really love how it looks now. Then we set up my dartboard in the hallway and played for a is soo fun.

Then we ended up going to Best Buy. I told myself if I didn't get a DVD player this Christmas, then I was just going to buy one. So I did. I got a Sony for $99 and I bought a "Legends of the Fall" DVD. We set it up along with Erick's VCR that he is letting us keep here. Now we can finally watch movies!! So last night after helping Shelby rearrange her room, Erick and I watched Legends of the Fall.

This morning Erick drove back to College Station to help his mom finish moving...and he should be coming back up here tomorrow night. Then he'll be up here for a few more days and then he has to go back to doing army stuff. I have to go back to work tomorrow morning...ugh, I really don't want to go!! This time off has been so nice, and I really have gotten used to actually sleeping, and being lazy.

Oh and my roomate got a new car...I am soooooo jealous!!! She got a 2002's yellow. Oh I would die if my parents would buy me that car (which they never will). Anyway, it's really nice. Hey, she even said she would let me drive it sometimes....awesome!

Anyway, that's about it for now. The break was so busy I didn't have time to update, but hopefully now I will have a little more time to keep up with commenting and such. Hope everyone had a great Christmas!!!

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Wednesday, December 24th, 2003
4:03 pm
I got my final grades!

I am so happy-I was expecting a B in Anthropology, I have no idea how I ended up with an A, maybe there was a curve or something. Anyway, everything turned out better than I expected!

Well sorry I haven't been updating much, the holidays have been pretty hectic while I've been back in San Antonio. I'll try to make a real update soon. And if I don't get to this tomorrow,

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Thursday, December 18th, 2003
9:42 pm
I got an 83 on my accounting final...what a relief!! So I have a B in that class. So that brings me to a predicted 4 Bs, and one A. Decent grades; I could have done better. But next semester I want to improve that. I snagged a kineseology class for next semester...running. I'll probably drop the second marketing class I'm signed up for (since I would be taking the prerequisite class at the same time). So I'd only be taking 13 hours, which I think would help me keep my grades up a LOT. Plus, hopefully I'll be getting a car sometime during next semester, so I'll be able to keep my fat ass in shape by still getting a little exersize.

So, last night was so much fun! I am so glad I finally got to go out and have a good time, without worrying about anything. Heather came over and we went to target and bought new shirts. Then we came back here and chilled for a while, had a drink before we left. Then we went to her boyfriend's house and took a shot. Then we went to the party at the guy's house from my Economics class. It was a really good time. I had two or three more drinks while I was there, not much at all, but I guess since I hadn't eaten since like 3 in the afternoon it hit me really hard. There was a live band there, and they were pretty good (from what I can remember), and Lindsey and Shelby ended up coming to the party also.

After we left the party, the alcohol was still catching up with me and I started to feel kinda bad, so Heather and I decided to call it a night. We went to Whataburger to get some food, and then I went to sleep. I had to work at 11, so it wasn't that bad. But I was sooo hungover this morning, I did not feel well at all. I felt bad pretty much the entire day, but I started to feel a little better over time. Tomorrow will be my last day to work until after I come back home from San Antonio. I need this break so bad!

Debbie was being extra annoying at work today. She kept making me do this Orange-Glo crap on the side of the counters when there was so much other crap I needed to be doing. And every time I had to stop to take a customer's order, she would run up to me and say "have you done this side yet?! I thought you were going to do these counters!" And I have no idea why the hell she was freaking out about the damn Orange glo. I hate that stuff.

Anyway, I'm waiting for Erick to call...I tried calling him at work after I got off at 7, but he hasn't answered. I have no idea where he is or why he hasn't called me back. He normally does and I'm getting worried!!! I just wish I knew where he was...I hate not knowing if it's just some military thing he has to do, or if he went out with all his buddies and forgot about me. He's done that before, where they all went out somewhere and never bothered to call, when he knows I expect him to around this time. I don't know why he can't just call.

Everyone probably thinks this is a really stupid thing to be concerned about, but I can't help it. Maybe I'm just a stupid person. I just want to be near him. I just hate the feeling knowing I have no control since I don't see him every day and I'm not around him...and now that I can't talk to him on the phone I feel even more helpless because I'm void of information and any kind of connection with him. I guess it's just a way I try to deal with this distance. I don't want us to grow apart because we never talk.

And it's like, if I ever want to talk to him, I have to have no life. I am always having to just wait around for his call and I don't like that. But at the same time I want to talk to him. The past few days I have been hanging out with people, and last night we went out, so of couse we didn't even really get to talk. And that's my fault, but what the fuck am I supposed to do? I get so depressed if all I do is just sit around and let the next exciting even in my life be talking to him on the phone. I feel like I'm losing something either way. Lord I just want it to be Saturday so I won't have to worry about all this crap for two weeks...please just let it come already!!!

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Wednesday, December 17th, 2003
5:12 pm
Well I checked my grades for management, and I got an 89 on the final, so my overall final grade is an an 86 or an 87, depending on rounding, and possibly an 88 because for extra credit I have one point added onto my final grade. I'm really happy that I did well, but it still sucks a little because I know I could have gotten an A in this class. I blew it on the fourth tests. I got a 94, 92, 84, and then a 68, and an 89 on the final(which is weighted twice as much as the other tests). If only I wasn't such a procrastinator. I honestly didn't study much at ALL for that final, so I should just be happy with what I got.

I should know my accounting grade by tomorrow. I am the MOST nervous about that grade. If I get a C, my parents will kill me. Especially since my dad knows I'm so good at math. My parents always freak out if I don't get perfect grades. They'll probably want me to quit my job...which I won't, because I need a damn car! I always tell them, "fine, I'll quit if you buy me a car." Which they won't, so they know they can't do anything to make me quit my job.

We are doing this secret santa thing at work. I got this guy that I really don't know at all, and he barely speaks English. I tried asking some other dude at work for ideas, but he doesn't really speak English either and I sure as hell can't really speak Spanish. The gifts are supposed to be around $10. I have NO idea what to get him. I got a few things yesterday when I went to the mall with Heather, but I'm not sure they are "right." I don't want to get someone a crappy gift or something they think is retarded. So does anyone have any ideas?

Well, I am going to take a shower and get ready. Heather (from work) and I are going out tonight, it's going to be so much fun!!!! I haven't been out in forever! :)

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Monday, December 15th, 2003
12:47 pm - I don't know why I'm talking about this
Well I just got done with my anthropology final. It went suprisingly well, considering I didn't start my cram session until 8pm last night. I studied for two hours, took a break, studied for another hour and a half, then went to sleep around 12. This morning I got up around 6 and got ready. Then I studied from around 7-8, then I was finished with the novels for my exam, and I reviewed on the bus to school. I went to the library and studied my lecture notes from around 8:45 to 10:15. Then I went to class and looked a little bit over it before the test. I am actually going to miss that class. We always make fun of the retarded books we have to read. But it was actually a really interesting class to me. The test went alright, I was mostly sure about everything, so I know I at least got a decent grade.

I sold back all of my books except Accounting (need to study from it), and I got $82.50 for all of them. Now, I should give this money to my parents since they paid for them. But I need it!! haha, I will probably tell them and let them decide if I should keep it or not.

I was complaining on the phone last night to my mom about "how hard" it is working and going to school without a car. Which it is. I also emphasized how yesterday when I had to ride my bike to work, it was covered in ice, and how the roads were icy, and how it's dangerous and scary. My mom was like, "well, I guess we'll have to have a little talk when you come home." Could this be an indicator of a possible car?!!!! I hope so. But somehow I doubt it. My dad probably thinks I should "learn my lesson" and practice more on "budgeting my life." It's all about budgeting with my dad. Just ask Kate, haha.

I have a really big problem during the winter of picking at my cuticles and dry skin. I admit, it is really gross. But I can't kick the habit. Today I put lotion on my hands to try and help it. I remember why I hate lotion so much. It always keeps your hands smelling weird. And when you eat, it's like you're eating the lotion because the smell is right there invading your nose and inhibiting the aromas of the food. ewww I hate it. Not to mention the sliminess of lotion.

I woke up this morning and I was wheezing (sp?)...actually, I still am. Too bad I don't have my inhalor with me, or even at my apartment. I really should get another one, I don't know what happened to my old one. Oh well, I'll just have to hope it goes away or something.

Alright, I'm really hungry so I guess I will have to go find some food somewhere. What should I eat??????

Hope everyone has a great day!

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