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[09 Jan 2007|09:01pm] |
a new life..
and im happy
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| dinosaurrrrrrr...rarr.. |
[30 Jan 2006|12:22pm] |
the meaning behind the dinosaur phrase is pretty amazing. Although it was a silly & random thing that happened at the time, it represents that I was happy for the most part this weekend AND completely myself again [with a few mishaps here and there, but we'll just call them minor details for right now].
With that being said...as of right now, I am happy and close to being myself again. The past few weeks have been extremely hard on me and took a big toll on my physical and mental health, however, it's getting better. Regardless of the events that occurred last night, something clicked and made me realize that this sad attitude is not who I am and it needs to change. So, surprisingly, as I dragged my ass out of bed early this morning I was in a good mood and it has continued through the day so far.
I've realized that I have tried the best that I could, and although my attempts failed, I should move on. Whatever happens, happens. I don't need to get worked up about what is going on every second of every day. Eventually things will work out...& right now, im okay with that and im okay with not knowing/understanding everything that is going on around me.
I'm done being a sulker mcSulkerson and staying in my dorm room all the time. I think its about time that I have a life again....so everyone make plans with me!
On another note....people need to smile more. When I'm in a good mood and just myself, I usually walk around and grin about stupid stuff and smile at people who I make eye contact with. Today was one of those days (even at 7:30 in the morning). Im sure that most people who see me smiling at them think that I'm on drugs and they usually just give me a weird look...but I think that people should really smile more. Its not going to hurt for you to be nice once in a while, I promise. Although, I guess the real reason I want this is so that I get more smiles in return and less "what the fuck" looks.
I bought a cell phone finally. I dont exactly have it with me as of right now, but it should be delievered to me tomorrow. There, now everyone can stop making fun of me and being so damn shocked that I don't own one. I am still not sure why I got it....spontaneous/compulsive shopping I guess.
Thats about everything to update on. Besides the fact that White Cheddar Pringles are amazing. Does anyone know if they are from mexico? Theres a lot of spanish writing on the container and pringles sounds kind of spanish. I realize that no one really cares...so nevermind. BUT! if you know, share with me.
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| pathetic... |
[18 Jan 2006|02:32pm] |
I guess thats the word to use.
4 years.
It really is pretty pathetic if you think about it...I keep remembering stories that people have told me about their first loves and their relationships that lasted 4 or 5 years before they broke up. I dont understand how I could have thought of myself as so invincible and to think that it would never happen to me. silly girl, I guess.
I dont really think its about being pathetic, actually. Its funny, sometimes, but I guess it's mostly just sad. 4 years of bonding and making life-long plans together (please, try not to laugh) and then just have it all unravel in a short amount of time. It's also sad to realize of how blinded I was to have made such plans at a really young age and have my heart set on them....I guess now I understand that it really is unrealistic to think that you can be with your "first love" for a lifetime with no breaks or pauses in the relationship. Although, after four years (regardless of age), long-term plans just sort of happen I guess. At least that's what I've noticed in both my situation along with others.
I don't understand. If you love someone, that should be enough...too bad that's not really how it works.
We say we'll be friends, and that things might work out, but how can we be so sure? Realistically, you have to understand that no matter how long a break is, or how many promises, its not going to be how it was. And thats what I want...how it was. Obviously this is true from previous breaks. I think I am just noticing that this relationship is in cycles and I really see no way out of it. However, silly girls always have hope.... that's because they don't learn (at least not all the way).
I guess this is the end of my little random tangent. my mind is in circles so I suppose im not making any sense.
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| Hey, ungrateful.... |
[09 Dec 2005|10:23am] |
I won't copy my other entries of how bad other people have it in their lives (i.e. darfur and even katrina victims), but, I think its pretty crazy (and by crazy, I mean ungradeful and selfish) that people pity themselves on every day problems or even problems that are self-induced and really aren't that big of a deal if they would only do something about it. Can someone like this honestly think that they just have it sooo bad off in the world that they put themselves almost on the same level of say, some woman who had lost all of her family due to genocide and struggling to keep herself still alive? At least that woman is still trying to stay alive and appreciate life regardless of what struggles she had to face. A woman like this isn't having hard times (to say the least) because of some petty, self-absorbed or self-induced problem. These are REAL problems. Problems that can't be fixed.
Anyways, I guess I will end my little rant now. But I would just like to understand, once again, how someone can feel they are so worse off than everyone else. I guess I don't see how selfish someone could be to think that (unless maybe they are blind to the problems that exsist outside of their own little world) they have it reallll bad because they have some "bad days" and usually turn every day into a "bad day" because of their own self-pity and over-reacting. If you don't like how your life is, do something about it because these problems are fixable if you want them to be. Stop complaining and bringing others down because its selfish in relation to everything else in this world.
P.S.
Also, don't bother on blaming these sorts of problems on other people, either. Because it's not them...it's you. It's about you and how you deal with things that come your way. No one MADE you act or be a certain way. They may have prompted you, but realistically, it's you that made yourself this way. Get it.
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[07 Nov 2005|11:34am] |
blah birthdays....
lets pretend its not happening this year.
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[03 Oct 2005|12:00pm] |
minus the bear was the most amazing anything that I have ever seen. go see them.
& these arms are snakes are good too..
jamie & me went to greensboro after charlotte on friday and went to see far less & house of fools & drank wayyy too much. fun times.
i go home next weekend for fall break, so holllllerrrr if you want to hang out.
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[25 Sep 2005|09:51pm] |
Happy early birthday for scott!!!!!!!!!
scotties birthday party was awesome last night. Last time I went to that place where the party was, I had a fun time, too. So lets have more parties there, yah? Plus I had an amazing time with my girlfriend----lots of laughs. "tonights the night.....tonight were gonna......uh. fuck?"haha. & damned people who didnt recycle/throw away their trash. Oh, and I almost had a to cut a bitch....but I didnt. Thanks to ais who begged for her forgiveness ;]
This week is going to go by fast. hopefully, anyways. Thursday me and jamie are going to see minus the bear in charlotte! yeahh. im excited. it should be a good time while we are down there.
I guess thats it....i need to go shower since im a huge grease ball.
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[16 Sep 2005|01:32am] |
tonight was much needed, too. although, it was uneventfull. except for scotts. duh. its always a good time at scotts.
Since ais is leaving me this weekend will someone pleaseeeeeeeeee come visit and keep me company if my dad doesnt come up. & that looks like how it will be. thanks. in advance.
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[14 Sep 2005|09:25am] |
last night was much needed.
I guess ill be having my fun during the week since dad is coming up this weekend. & gram might be coming, too. I'm excited to see them, but it's going to be a mad house in boone when they roll into town. thats all i have to say i guess. 8am labs after a night of 2 40s is just stupid.
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| a post just for kate. |
[06 Sep 2005|02:27pm] |
kate is awesome. and an amazing roomie. and she licks my ass while we have picnics. just kidding about the picnics.
seriously. im too gross. i should fix that. but really. kates cool.
PEE.ESS. she also grabs my ass when im stressed. you know, to relieve my tension and junk. yes.
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[05 Sep 2005|07:52pm] |
college is going alright. classes are kind of hard or just boring, i.e. Law. I dont know what I would do if ais wasnt in there to keep me company. its awesome having her up here. more awesome than I thought it would be, or could be. its amazing. i love that girl. she was gone this weekend and I thought about her 94389085 times. i miss you.she's my girlfriend...im her girlfriend. we like it that way. it works. just a few more hours until she gets back. yes.
this weekend was splendid [despite ais missing in action]. these cool kids from charlotte, tom&christina, came to visit. it was exciting...fun....amazing...everything. maybe ill see them later this week for zoso. that'd be cool, they're lots of fun. good times. come and visit on thursday. or else.
everything else is....alright. I miss my mom lots. I think I should go home here sometime soon. I didnt see her much this summer and she's going through a really hard time with some ish. I just need to be with her. hopefully she'll come visit soon, that will make everything perfect..
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[14 Aug 2005|09:30am] |
im home now. well, since yesterday. Its kind of sad that the summer is already over, but at least it was a good time. The internship was awesome and very helpful/motivating...plus kap =)
I'll be heading up to boone on wednesday with the best. Im going up early to hang out with her and such during her transfer orientation, which should be fun.
I just realized that I dont feel like writing...so yah. wahoo for going back to school..<33.
PEE.ESS. I am wicked sad that I didnt get to do some things this summer...like chicago or warped tour. well not so much warped tour since ive heard from reliable sources (haha :]) that it sucked and was mostly just a bunch of trendy bands (i.e. MCR...at least on the main stages) with a bunch of stupid trendy kids that just started listening to a diff. genre of music like a year ago since it suddenly became popular on mtv. so yah...i guess im just sad about chicago, but as long as ais comes back (and you better! the last phone call didnt sound too promising) ill be alright.
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[25 Jul 2005|11:39am] |
um. yah. surfing sucks.
or maybe its just me.
Who knows..maybe I'll get another chance and try harder--or something.
I think I'll stick to snowboarding, which by the way, I am really excited about especially now that I have my snow bunny lover Ace to accompany me =)
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[18 Jul 2005|10:58am] |
so..pretty slack on this thing I suppose.
Everything is going really well. Nick came down to visit for the 4th of July weekend and that was amazing...Ais came down the weekend after and that was amazing as well =)
I just got back from Bald head Island from this past weekend. Its so nice there...lots of fun. thanks lover♥
Nothing else is really going on..just being a busy working lady. haha. Im excited to get back to school...I have a feeling that its going to lots of fun with the best up there.
I suppose I should get back to work now.
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| Just don't breathe and we'll stop time |
[22 Jun 2005|01:35pm] |
Well Im in wilmington now and have been since around the 10th of june or so. I started my Internship at Costal Communities Marketing Department and I love love loveee it. I havent done much this week except for working on my intern project and property value searches, but its still a lot of fun. One of the girls, Katie, is really cool so its nice having someone fun to be around and talk to. Its good that I can kind of see what goes on around here and ask questions about maketing and such. Im also working with a Public Relations rep. which is good so I can get a feel for that, too. Being here is really making me excited for the upcoming semester and im actually excited about classes (haha i know, weird)...but just getting a small peice of everything is making me excited to do well and learn about it all. what have I turned into? haha.
Living with dad and kristy was kind of weird at first since Im not as comfortable around there as I am at moms, but it got a lot better. Also, we have a new assistant, Jeff, staying with us for a little while and thats nice to have another person to talk to. Dad and kristy are actually in florida for this week so Ive been taking care of Tiki and all, so thats fun.
I miss home a lot. I call nick, ais, and my mom pretty much everyday and usually more than once a day. Its nice to talk to them so much, it makes it easier. Im going to try to talk my dad into letting Ais come here this coming weekend. I dont really know how that will go over since they wont be here this weekend and all, but lets just cross our fingers on that one!
hmm.hmm..what else...
My jeep is all ready for me and I should be getting my license towards the end of this month. Ive been practicing driving home from work on my dads truck so its all going well. Its about time..
So anyways..Ive had a lot of time to think this summer and I think that Ive really grown up some since last semester. I know, it sounds weird. Ive realized what is important to me and in my life and what is not. Seperating the two has taught me exactly who/what I need to hold close to me and value. Eliminating the other part is really going to make me an even more less-stressed person.
Realizing the things that need to be eliminated from my life to make me a better person are the following things/people in general:
**Im really sick of FAKE people. Even if you think you can hide behind some facade..you cant. At least not to everyone. And the people that know you lead a fake life are going to be the ones that leave you. Maybe you can convice some people that your front is the "real" you...but eventually, it wont hold up.
**People who hate their life also need to be removed from my atmosphere. If you hate your life, odds are...people hate you (whether they are honest about it or not...some people are more nice than others). Obviously people arent going to just realize this and change for me so I guess its up to me to keep those kinds of people away from me and my life--which I consider very important to me.
**Conforming to something that is deemed "trendy" is not cool. I guess I see this most with music. If you like a certain music, thats fine..I dont care...but when it seems like someone is following the trend, its going to annoy me.
**and last but not least....I am my own person. I dont follow anyone...and I sure as hell dont like to be followed. Now, im not saying that people want to be me and im not saying that people are following me. But please---some people need to get their own lives, tastes, hobbies, interests, etc. I know ive been a victim of stealing ideas from people if I like a song or I think some fashion thing is cute...but that is not what Im talking about here.
okay..well now I can get those thoughts out of my head and be on with my whole task at hand...sorry for the rant.
I suppose that is all for now..maybe Ill write more often this summer.♥
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[26 May 2005|05:43pm] |
Nothing to really talk about...blah week so far. lots of arguements. lots of blahness. lots of boredom. haha oh well...it always gets better. Plus tomorrow ill have a fantastic work day with the bestest..just like old times :].
( lyrics )
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| im booored... |
[19 May 2005|01:11am] |
so im doing a survey thing..and yes, I am 18 haha....i havent done one of these in a while.
( supsurvey?! )
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| I kissed your mouth, your back, is that all you need? |
[18 May 2005|11:03pm] |
another boring day around the house. Guess that is going to be the trend for this week. There was a chance that I was going to wilmington to watch Tiki and the house for dad while he went out of town, but now tiki is going with them so I am not going down there. At least dad called me back this time. He actually said he was proud and what not for making the deans list and talked a bunch about the jeep and how I deserve it. so yay. The plan is that im going down there early june. It seems like im wasting the whole summer just waiting to go down there, but I mean, its still may! This getting out of school early is messing me up. so im chill...no worries.
At least one good thing about leaving in early june is that I'll get to see nick some since he left my ass until june 1st to work in boone. Im bored here boy! get back.
I guess that's about it for now. Oh, except for the fact that I need to get my hair cut again (even though I just did like a week ago). Being bored at home has caused me to take the scissors to my hair and I think I messed some things up.. ha..ha...ha.. er......
♥
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| but once you knew a girl and you named her lover... |
[16 May 2005|09:16pm] |
This weekend was a lot of fun, and it was much needed!! I guess only saturday was fun since friday I sat alone all day and sunday I was just out of it. So correction...saturday was a lot of fun, and it was much needed.
Nick, Ais, Raph, and I went to a kegger in raleigh saturday night and it was very interesting. It was about time that the bestest and I had gone out!! Highlights: boobies, beer, closets, STEAAAMMMROLLER, the "p" word place, secret sex talks, capes, sharpies, choco fish--3 way baby---4 if you count the fish, and the phrase of the night: "do you need some clothes??". haha Oh! Oh! and raph danced!..bahahaha blackmail forever. (jk). Anyways, it was a much needed good night out.
Nick left today to go back to boone until June 1st...so that highly sucks. I have no idea what Im going to do during the days now. Hopefully ais and I will hang out a bunch more before I go to the beach...which by the way, im calling dad later this week to just check up on things.
Alright I guess I dont have much else to update on....later kids♥
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| but still he walked on, amoungst the whales and the waves and screamed "Liar, Liar!"... |
[07 May 2005|11:43pm] |
okay so ive been uber pissed at my dad for the past couple of days since he hasnt called me back about my grades, so obviously I was glad when he finally called me back tonight. I suppose Im not mad at him anymore since I know he's really busy with event month and their biggest event of the year is next weekend, blah. Anyways...so we finally got to talk about this summer a bit more. He is going to try to get me to come down this upcoming weekend but he doesnt know since he isnt for sure if he'll have enough time to meet mom in raleigh (gah, another reason I cant wait to get my car). But he for sure wants me to come down there this summer and I will for sure get my jeep! yay. This probably wont all happen until the endish of may maybe into early june....plus I still have to practice on the jeep and go get my license. Its about effing time. jeez. I guess that's all we got to talk about, but hey, its better than where we were before.
I havent done much since I've been home. Just sitting home. boring. Ais came to hang out the other day so that was glorious! We were going to go to the He is Legend show tonight at the brewery but I guess I dont need to be going out and crashing somewhere other than home since tomorrow is mother's day. Blarg. Oh well.
Anyways...just wanted to get the stuff about dad out of my head. Nite kids♥
pssss- congrats to Raph and Kyle on their gradutation tomorrow. Blarg--stink ass...you better hang out with me before you move alllll the way to San Fran!
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