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Wednesday, May 25th, 2005
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11:54 am - Summer.....
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Life has become dreary for me. Although school will let out in 8 days, I find myself lost in the approaching freedom. What will I do with myself? Maybe I should work and get more money for "college" but that can't be all of it. I must at least get a little crazy with parties and friends; that's what summer is all about, right? I have a feeling that this summer will be differnt from all the rest. Whether it be good or bad, I will have to deal with it.
current mood:  pensive
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| Monday, April 18th, 2005
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3:26 pm
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Mondays are always boring for me and today was no exception. Nothing is really happening for me and to make it worse, my friend, Katherine, and I are growing apart. Of course we still talk but I feel as if she is not a true friend. I can't tell her the same things that I tell my closer friends. I wonder if she has noticed the same signs or if she even cares. Were we even friends to begin with or someone she talked to on occasions?
The weekend was slightly more eventful. I spent the night with an actual friend, Amy's, house. We planned to get some what drunk but we barely drank anything. I had called Katherine up to see what she was doing but her sister had told my friend that she was out and getting pretty drunk with her boyfriend, my ex-boyfriend/her cousin, and a few of her friends. Of course, she never invited me or told me about it. The next morning I worked with her and she told me that she got drunk. That's all she said and I barely spoke to her that day. I feel so left out; not just because of her but of everything.
I'm beginning to feel depressed again. Maybe a nice fast would cheer me up. Losing weight is the biggest accomplishment that I could think about. It's time to make myself happy and stop worrying about others.
current mood:  disappointed
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| Friday, April 15th, 2005
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11:36 am - One Day Ahead
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How can a Friday feel so much like a Saturday? Throughout the day, I felt like I didn't belong in school. My life has become a stalemate. My feelings were hurt earlier this week when a friend of mine stood me up. I am still angry at her but I refuse to confront her about it. Maybe I'm just jealous that she is back with the love of her life and I am not. She's going to prom, I am not.
My fast is not going well, but I received more motivation today. Some advice will hopefully help me overcome this batlle. I can't go on living so depressed. Summer is approaching; there's no time to be reserved.
current mood:  bored
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| Wednesday, March 23rd, 2005
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5:53 pm - Declaration
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Well, it's official. I am a fat ass. Today was finals so of course we had off campus lunch and I ate like there was no tomorrow. What is wrong with me? What happened to my self-control? My weight is through the roof and I have no one to blame but myself. I have to stop dicking around; it's time to settle down and become disciplined. If I ever want to feel beautiful, I have to be the perfect size.
On another note, I am still in love with my ex-boyfriend. People always ask me why I spend so much time worrying about him, but they don't understand. He IS the one I want to be with for the time being. Prom is coming up and I want him to take me, but that is highly unlikely. Eh, a girl can dream, can't she? So much for my plan of losing a ton of weight and making him want me back. One day it'll happen; I promise you.
current mood:  determined
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| Wednesday, January 5th, 2005
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8:03 pm - Self Control
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Well, I actually was good today for once. I had one very small salad and tons of water. God, this feels great but I have to keep it up. I believe talking to people who are in the same mindset as you is a really big help and inspiration. A blurty friend gave this link to a website that really opened my eyes to what I am striving for.
http://anascabana.tripod.com/
Enjoy!
current mood:  cheerful
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Friday, December 31st, 2004
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8:42 pm - It's done
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Well, me and my boyfriend are officially over. Eh, it's been a while since it's been confirmed but I still don't believe it. I did something wrong; I know I did. Although this break-up has been tough for me, it gave me motivation to lose more weight. There's no such thing as too 'thin' especially in my case.
Well, I'm about to go to a New Year's Eve party; I just have to wait for my friend Amy to pick me up. I guess I could binge on some liquor tonight; I'll probably purge it without any help.
current mood:  lethargic
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| Sunday, November 21st, 2004
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6:18 pm - Anniversary
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I know I haven't updated in a while but that was due to the fact of my recent 'depression' period. Although I haven't fully recovered from it, I feel the need to express my discontent. Here goes:
For the past 3 months, actually 3 months exactly today, I have been dating this guy I work with. Things were going fine towards the end of the summer/ beginning of the school year but suddenly he is ignoring me. We talked about it before and he says it bothers him that we don't spend any time together but he makes no effort to change that. He filrts with other female employers right in front of me and of course, I don't do anything. What the hell is he thinking?
Maybe I should consider our relationship over, but there will be a lack of closure. Not like he'll notice... or care.
current mood:  crushed
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| Monday, July 12th, 2004
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2:41 pm
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I'm so excited right now. My best friend, Alex, is coming back from Germany tomorrow. Of course, my other friends and I must throw her a welcome back party to celebrate her return. She is my drinking buddy, so I've missed her.
I am done with making fries. The managers promised me that they'll put me on something else. I don't know how I'll do with interacting with the customers. As long as they don't give me too much attitude, everything will be fine.
The All-Star game is only a couple of days away and I'm a little upset that my team, the White Sox, has only one representative while the crappy Cleveland has 5 or so. It's completely unfair, but that's just the way it is. We get no respect, I say!
current mood:  excited
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| Thursday, July 8th, 2004
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1:50 pm - Sooo tired
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My second day at work was no better than the first. They kept putting me on fries and the stupid things keep burning my hands with all their grease. At least I have no desire of ever eating them again. I also feel so behind since I don't know where everything is; I hate feeling this way. Hopefully I get the hang of things soon.
I'm also in the middle of reading The Da Vinci Code; if you haven't read it yet, I truly recommend it. I'm already hooked.
current mood:  tired
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| Tuesday, July 6th, 2004
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6:18 pm
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Today was my first day at work. This is my first job ever, so I was nervous. I'm still a teenager, so fast food is the only outlet I have to earn some money. Just being around all that greasy food made me feel ill, but at least it gets rid of any temptation to eat any of it.
Although holidays are fun, they do tend to make people overeat and that's the last thing I need to do. I'm just thankful that there aren't any major holidays coming up any time soon.
current mood:  busy
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| Thursday, July 1st, 2004
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11:35 am
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Yes! I have an icon by my comments now. Aww, I love Brian/Justin. They are ultimately the best slash couple out there; hot and sweet all at the same time.
current mood:  awake
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, June 30th, 2004
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8:03 pm
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Hello. This is my very first entry in my new journal. Because I'm not computer literate, it took forever to get the hang of things, but I'm working on it. I just joined a community which I hope will help me with something I've been battling for years.
current mood:  confused
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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