i got the living piss scared out of me this morning when i got to work. my boss informed me my mother had just called for me, and that she sounded very upset. i rang back, and before i could even say "hello," she just started sobbing. like, really sobbing. sobbing like i haven't experienced since she and my dad got into this huge fight circa 1998, and she cried so hard she threw up taco bell all over the kitchen table.

my first thought was that my grandfather had died. he's been through multiple bypass surgeries and diabetes complications, and lately he's undergone all kinds of stress related to the plight of my chemically-imbalanced uncle, who recently pulled a machete on him and my grandmother. but that's a whole other journal entry.

i chewed on that scenario for about three seconds as my mom continued to gurgle, and that's when the second thought hit me: she found out ... she knows. and it's a little funny, because i was almost relieved. granted, it was pseudo-reluctant relief with a side order of "i might be looking for an apartment sooner than i thought," but it definitely cleared my sinuses and inspired a big old mental phew.

and then she found the words that were eluding her, and she explained to me in very halting phrases she'd just gotten in a bit of a tiff with one of her daycare moms. but it's probably not fair to her to leave it at that. she was in another tiff with another daycare mom last week. and this morning, before i left the house for work, she was already pissed because she'd just learned that all my dad's siblings went in on some diamond pendant for their mother's 80th birthday last week, and once again my black-sheep pops was left out of the loop. so it was very likely everything put together that made my mom do her own little cover of linkin park's "one step closer."

i felt weird, placated but strangely disappointed. like i had just been kicked in the nuts while receiving a really nice back rub. the range of emotions i went through in all of 90 seconds kind of left me stunned, so when my mom quieted down, i didn't know what to say. besides "stop crying," of course. we hung up shortly thereafter, and i went back to my desk and began looking at the apartment-rental ads. just in case.