note to self: when making the seven-layer dip, please remember to use salsa instead of picante sauce. you've done this three times now, you fucking cretin, and then you always wonder why the base starts to melt and the lettuce wilts and tastes all minty and shit.

my folks are gone. they left last saturday, and they'll be back this saturday. i think this is the first time in several years that they've gone on vacation and i haven't taken the opportunity to throw a "huge" party. (and by "huge" i mean in conception, never in turnout.) i'd planned on having a late soiree for my 25th birthday at some point, but their departure/arrival schedule didn't leave me with much time to pull anything off. plus, i'm kind of not down with getting frustrated with people who don't show, or with wasting an obscene amount of hard-earned money on food and drink because of people who don't show. the last two or three parties i've thrown have been rather irritating. yeah. just generally disinterested in the merriment department right now.

anyways. speaking of saturdays, i took saturday off. it was my first day off in 41 days of straight working. of course, i mostly just slacked around. but i did stop by john and zofie's to return their keys. they approved of my housesitting performance, which made me feel relieved. i was sure i'd somehow done a horrible job. (in other words, thank god they didn't use blacklight to check for bodily fluids on the hardwood floors!)

i'm catching up on the movies. i viewed american wedding and charlie's angels: full throttle in the past few days. i enjoyed both. the former featured oodles of seann william scott, which is always a good thing. the latter, however, is essentially a big old T&A jigglefest, which sorta made me wish i was straight. and 12. (yeah, if i was straight and 12, this would've been the coolest movie ever made.) but everytime i started to feel even a smidge of guilt for not digging the whole scantily-clad-chick-thing, luke wilson or justin theroux would pop up, and i would instantly feel validated.

so autumn has talked me into watching this show called totally gay on VH1, which apparently charts the homosexual community's permeation into pop culture since the early 1990s. sounds fascinating; really, it does. but i'm actually going to tune in to see our house's chad allen, who is one of the panelists. i didn't know he was gay. additionally, i thought who's the boss?'s danny pintauro had filled the decloseted-'80s-kiddie-actor quota.

i love autumn. this is the kind of creativity that ensues when we talk.

autumn: [afterschool special] jamie, being gay doesn't mean fucking or getting fucked up the ass. being gay is just you being who you were all along. [/afterschool special]
me: [afterschool special] autumn, i'm just so frustrated! *jumps out of third-story window* commercial break. [/afterschool special]
autumn: [lifetime movie] i can't believe he just did that ... now i will go to counseling to rid myself of the vision of jamie's bloody body lying lifeless on the sidewalk beneath the office building. there i will meet other women who, like me, have experienced grief and loss. but by harnessing the power of our pain, we will all learn to forgive ourselves and forgive one another. brought to you by pine sol. [/lifetime movie]
me: [spice network] autumn: hello, i'm here to talk about my pain and grief and loss? mistress veronikka: GET ON YOUR KNEES, BITCH! gertie the slave [holds up anal beads]: do these go in her ass or mine? [/spice network]
autumn: [trinity broadcasting network] preacher: these are anal beads. and they are tools of the devil, my friend. you are not just putting these up your ass, you are putting them the ass of the lord. jamie flung himself from that window because he knew he would go to hell for being gay. if only he would have found our lord jesus christ, he might have learned to repent his evil ways and like pussy like i did. [/trinity broadcasting network]

i couldn't top it then, and i can't top it now. g'night.