eeeek. in the immortal words of alicia silverstone's clueless heroine, "i am, like, totally buggin'."

tonight, i am visiting my first gay bar (new from fisher price!), and i am anticipating the experience with equal parts scary anticipation and reluctant excitement. OK, OK, it's actually not a gay bar. it's more like a regular bar that happens to throw a gay gathering every week. (but you gotta use the training wheels before you're ready for a 10-speed, right?) even so, i hear it attracts quite a crowd, yet it's simultaneously quite mellow, so i have no idea what to expect. hence the buggin'. i'm of two minds on pretty much everything. for example: what if someone comes up to talk to me? but what if no one comes up to talk to me? the first scenario would be cool and shit-my-pants terrifying. the second scenario would be a relief and a disappointment. i can't win, but i also can't lose, so i've just decided to go and be myself: a total nervous wreck. salud!

deb-the-rugby-player is coming with, and suzie-with-the-too-cute-pixie-haircut from work is meeting us there, so at the very least, our table should be swarming with lesbians.

OK, i need to think about something else. hmm. perhaps i'll provide an amusing anecdote. at the newspaper today, we ordered chinese for lunch, and there was a bawdy moment where the ladies made me read my fortune aloud with the words "... in bed" attached to the end for extra luck: "you are always welcome at any group gathering ... in bed."

whoa whoa whoa. oh my god. wait. what if that fortune plays out tonight?

i am back to, like, totally buggin'.