what a beautiful morning. a colorless, somber din hangs over the suburbs between washington and baltimore, and i can't get my hair out of my eyes as i read the following bit of infotainment i found on reuters:

Are We Grown Up Yet? U.S. Study Says Not 'Till 26

CHICAGO (Reuters) - Most Americans believe someone isn't grown up until age 26, probably with a completed education, a full-time job, a family to support and financial independence, a survey said on Thursday.

But they also believe that becoming an official grown-up is a process that takes five years from about the age of 20, concluded the report from the University of Chicago's National Opinion Research Center.

The findings were based on a representative sample of 1,398 people over age 18 surveyed in person in 2002. It had an error margin of plus or minus 3 percent.

The poll found the following ages at which people expect the transitions to grown-up status to be completed: Age 20.9 self-supporting; 21.1 no longer living with parents; 21.2 full-time job; 22.3 education complete; 24.5 being able to support a family financially; 25.7 married; and 26.2 having a child.

'There is a large degree of consensus across social groups on the relative importance of the seven transitions,' said Tom Smith, director of the survey. 'The only notable pattern of differences is on views about supporting a family, having a child and getting married.

'Older adults and the widowed and married rate these as more important than younger adults and the never-married do,' he added. 'This probably reflects in large part a shift in values across generations away from traditional family values.'

The most valued step toward reaching adulthood, the survey found, was completing an education, followed by full-time employment, supporting a family, financial independence, living independently of parents, marriage and parenthood.

OK, let's see how well i'm doing.

age 20.9: self-supporting. i was making peanuts at a college newspaper, and most of those peanuts were going right back to the college as tuition payments.

age 21.1: no longer living with parents. living with parents at 21.1. still live with parents. have resigned myself to the fate that i will probably still be living with parents at 31.1.

age 21.2: full-time job. still with newspaper/peanuts. does that count? probably not. i was 2.3 years late on this, and it wasn't for lack of trying.

age 22.3: education complete. nope. not until 22.9. but it would've been 22.75 if i hadn't gone to summer classes to get that elusive science credit.

age 24.5: being able to support a family financially. is this a joke, or do i just work for the crummiest company ever? or is it a little bit of both with an emphasis on the latter?

age 25.7: married. holy shit. i better get busy! by my calculations, the wedding can be no later than next february. a valentine's day ceremony sounds very romantic. now all i need is someone to marry.

age 26.2: having a child. i don't really want kids, but by september of 2004, that will hopefully change. i mean, god, i wouldn't want to feel like a complete failure at this whole growing-up deal or anything.

hmm. so lemme get this straight. loreen tucker -- who dropped out of high school at 16 (hey, technically, that is "completing your education" by 22.3) to immediately fulfill her dream of working the cosmetics counter at the local bargin (sic) hut, who then got knocked up at by ned mcgillicutty over in yard decoration a year later, who then accepted ned's proposal (symbolized by a lovely zirconia ring [retail value: $8.29 with tax!!!] he purchased right there at the bargin [sic] hut) as soon as the stick turned blue, who then married ned a month before she started to show, who then moved into a brand new double-wide with ned a month prior to ned jr.'s birth to "do a family proper" -- is more grown-up than i am?

actually, that seems ... about right.