sentimentality sucks. nonetheless ...

i would just like to say that my eyes feel heavy and swollen right now, particularly the left one.

additionally, i would like to say that blake gave me the title for this entry when i requested one from him, and it fits with the whole title-question scheme perfectly.

i would also like to say that, for some strange reason, i had the weirdest feeling a few seconds ago. i genuinely, sincerely missed working on the college paper. i missed the crazy production mondays. i missed writing stories at the last minute. i missed walking into that glorious shithole of an office, sitting on that disgustingly smelly orange couch and feeling like i mattered. and most of all, i missed the people i met there who i don't get to see terribly often or hardly at all. i missed, and i continue to miss, michelle and karan and tracy and brandon and adam and brett and pratik and bethany and karen and kelly and brigitta and casey and andy and owen and ryan and ben and jen and rabiah and autumn and dave c. and dave p. and jenn.

i miss my bed, too. i think i'll go climb in it now.

in october of 2002, a freelancing writer experienced profound creative block while writing about glen burnie, maryland. one year later, his story was done.

i still need to get this last sidebar done. but since i put deb off to finish the other sidebar on sunday, i decided to put this sidebar off to go out with deb tonight. it was only fair. we met after an uneventful day at work, and we went to the mall, where we browsed DVDs and cardboard standees of darth vader. then, she watched me scarf down popeye's (poor deb!) because of an amusingly seinfeldian bet she has with her boyfriend to see if they can make it through a month without dining out. (save for valentine's day, of course.) then, we went to the movie theater to buy tickets for the student rate with our UMBC IDs. my ID is from the pre-glossy and -color days, a simple black-and-white mugshot that probably looks like a fake compared to deb's. proof: the girl at the box office scrutinized mine and barely glanced at deb's. which made me think: could i go back to UMBC and try to get a new ID? would i get caught? do they catch these kinds of things? would anyone care? is it against the law?

we saw the hours, and now i'm horribly depressed. not that it was a bad movie. it was actually intense and dramatic and powerful and beautiful. just in a mournful, despairing way. and i must note that nicole kidman, though my favorite actress since to die for in 1995 (and i fully admit to my crush and bias upfront), just continues to astonish me with her range. put this movie next to moulin rouge or birthday girl or the others. it's the same freakin' woman. amazing.

anyways, i was so intrigued with the movie that i bought the novel it was based on. i'd love to start it tonight, but i forgot to mention in this space that i completed another of my goals for last weekend: i started reading a new book on sunday. the james dean biography. which, since i'm already depressed, i think i'll go read another chapter of.

eerie footnote: listening to travis cover a great joni mitchell song called "river" right now. i have it on repeat, as it kind of fits my mood right now, but i can't help but think it's a weirdly fitting choice given the movie i just saw.

i wish i had a river
i could skate away on
i wish i had a river so long
i would teach my feet to fly
oh, i wish i had a river
i could skate away on
i made my baby cry

if i play it backwards, i wonder what i'd hear. "virginia is dead, virginia is dead"?