Saturday, May 14th, 2005

Time	Event
5:41p	*I'll Be Seeing You* Why do horrible things happen to such wonderful people....I wish I could turn back time...and not just to my own enjoyable yet somehow depressing times, but to when I was like 6 years old, and I met this amazing friend that was not like any friend anyone could ever have. I seem to block things out in order for me not to hurt or to think about them so much. I am getting great at it becasue for the longest time I have not thought or missed anything....until now...I miss a lot....it is what happens when someone keeps journals of their life and you feel like something happened on this day a year ago and you read back and something did...a turning point in your life....I think I had a lot of turning points in my life last year....I did something last night I have not done in a while either...I do not even know where it came from either...it seems I am back to writing a lot as well...which is good...I think I need to...I have so much in me that needs to come out and yet even with writing it wont...it stays inside of me and eats me up...but I am ok...which is odd...for the first time in a long time I can honestly say I am content...yet parts of me are doubtful...I mean have I ever been content...yes last summer...no one knows....my heart is crying....maybe I am not content but numb? I am ok with being alone at this moment in my life...I do not feel I need a a guy to make me feel happy...so that part is ok...but I am still empty...I will always be missing something from me...when will I find my missing puzzel peice.... Current Mood: indescribable Current Music: "I Want My Life" ~Smile Empty Soul (Comment on this)
5:41p	*I'll Be Seeing You* Why do horrible things happen to such wonderful people....I wish I could turn back time...and not just to my own enjoyable yet somehow depressing times, but to when I was like 6 years old, and I met this amazing friend that was not like any friend anyone could ever have. I seem to block things out in order for me not to hurt or to think about them so much. I am getting great at it becasue for the longest time I have not thought or missed anything....until now...I miss a lot....it is what happens when someone keeps journals of their life and you feel like something happened on this day a year ago and you read back and something did...a turning point in your life....I think I had a lot of turning points in my life last year....I did something last night I have not done in a while either...I do not even know where it came from either...it seems I am back to writing a lot as well...which is good...I think I need to...I have so much in me that needs to come out and yet even with writing it wont...it stays inside of me and eats me up...but I am ok...which is odd...for the first time in a long time I can honestly say I am content...yet parts of me are doubtful...I mean have I ever been content...yes last summer...no one knows....my heart is crying....maybe I am not content but numb? I am ok with being alone at this moment in my life...I do not feel I need a a guy to make me feel happy...so that part is ok...but I am still empty...I will always be missing something from me...when will I find my missing puzzel peice.... Current Music: "I Want My Life" ~Smile Empty Soul (Comment on this)

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