*The Stars Will Cry The Blackest Tears Tonight*'s Blurty

*The Way We Get By*
So the past few nights have been the same--movies, and me falling asleep lol...cant help it...maybe something is wrong with me...I mean I sleep a good 8 hours and I am still tired...I swear if I slept 6 or less I would still be tired....so tonight I realized I am a loser lol...I mean where am I going with my life...hell 17 year olds know where they are going more than I do...I mean lets see I have been scared to ever try anything my how life and now it is like I am in this huge hole of settling...I mean where am I going?....I am 19 and going to TCC but not wanting to but forcing myself to go, and working at a candle shop...wtf?...I have no ambitions no goals--nothing...and it truly sucks...I want more...I want a passion and not a guy I mean but something I truly love and will want to do for years to come...but what am I good at?...I always figured God would tell me one day...like what I wanted to do will just come to me, but it is like...I am not sure anymore. I feel like my life is wasting away...maybe I am due for a talk with Aaron. He always helps...I just do not want to settle and end up in a job that I hate and...well like my mother...I could take this intership with the gov't I think, but when I told Dave he told me not to. He knows me well..He knows I will settle and never try for more and end up like them and be unhappy by doing something I dread....

but on a happier note I bowled a 104 today...I have not broken 100 in quite some time lol

So as I get ready to go to bed at 12:30 as usual I know I will get up late and pretend that this is not happening and that I am still 16 or 17 with no worries of the future but eating at plaza azteca and hoping they do not call me in to work....

Current Mood: worried