| Saturday, November 19th, 2005 |
| 4:56 pm |
i am a total loser
wow...this whole on line journal thing...i'm afraid to say isn't what it's cracked up to be...but i suppose it depends on te person...cuz like for exmp...i was surfin for some random users and i found a someones website which was totally decked out... which was amazing to see...some really get into this...it's great...but i've basically decided that i'm a total ass and deserve to get mine kicked...why is it that girls (myself included) are totally okay with dating assholes. and why is it that we're attracted to them??? somone told me it was the chase...which i agree to to some extent however, i also beg to differ...so what is it??? i dont' understand...if dating were only logical like math or science...it would be so much easier...love or even "llike" is such a Catch-22...... |
| Thursday, October 27th, 2005 |
| 4:38 pm |
echoed pain
geez...why am i so dumb? okay first of all i havent talked to dave in like two months...and just for some back ground for my own piece of mind dave and i met at chilis' the resturaunt in july...he gave me his number as i left the resturaunt and i had secretly left mine on the table...we started hanging out the next day and remained together until the middle of august...so for almost a month i was loyal to him...kinda and was worried incessently about who he was with...what he was doing...dave is good lookin' and he totally knows it...but ya anywho...so he stopped talking to me and responding to my calls in late august...then last sunday out of no where he calls...i don't understand...when i'm with him i feel so important...so valid...so big...but when he doesn't call...when i don't see him for days...my mind goes nuts....and i've never done this before...i'm not the type to date...i don't like the committment or the hours that go into a relationship...cuz frankly i dont' have time...but with him... i would...i 'd be perfectly satisfied just chillin' with him constantly...isn't that totally fcked up? i dont understand..and whats worst is that i know i shouldn't go "back to him" but i can't help it...how sick is that...it's like the wife who swears she fell down...or ran into a door...i can't escape him...he doesn't hit me...but geez...he can be kinda physical...i don't know...i'm so confused...and friends are now help...they all hate him...tell me i'm stupid for going back to him and that if i get hurt...well then i deserve it...so sunday we hung out for like five hours...kissed a ton..and then he told me alll this crap bout how he really missed me and how much he likes me...then that i should call him ...so monday i did...and nothin'...wednesday i called and left a message...and nothin...what the hell??? any advice??? be kind please??? |
| 12:42 pm |
high school
whoa!!! where did october go??? it's totally crazy that in one moment in your life you are totaly ready to take off from home, take flight and jump...that spread your wings crap...and the next you want to never leave...gripping your teddy bears and listening to your old nsync cd's ....its' so horribly beautiful how random your life can be and what an emotional roller coaster it can be...am i the only one who understands that life isn't what you are...or who...but rather what you do...further more am i the only one who understands that it's crap...and that life after highschool isn't life..but rather 9 to 5...kiss on the cheek and good night 365 a year??? |