After not having steve answer my calls for a week....(i didn't call every day or anything) he randomly called on Tuesday and came over. He was drunk. really drunk. (i didn't realize it at the time)
Sometimes I take things to personally, which has been the root of my problems this past week. I need to calm down, and take people for who they are. because he's the most real person I know...and I dont want to lose him because my insecurity. (not talking about steve here.)
What I learned this week: If you say you are a pro at drinking because you take alcohol like a champ. Be prepared to THROW UP>A LOT. My forehead has a bruise on it from hitting the toilet seat.
School is okay. English is the only class I have with a decent looking guy in it.
I had a christina sucks at her new job meeting with my boss. I guess my coworkers told her that I was lying on the ground reading magazines. LIE. and blamed me for a messy bathroom. WASN'T MY FAULT.
and honestly, I really didn't do it.
so i think its over with steve and i...and it doesn't even bother me.
because i know i could be treated better than that.
i highly doubt he even knew my last name.
what kindof relationship is that?
a comment on livejournal has turned into this catastrophe...it's kindof amusing and sad all at the same time.
i'm trying to put all of my heart into someone...but not all at once.
i think i've found someone who is worth my time.
no matter how many times I get let down...
I still can't get used to it.
and then I wonder...
why do I deserve this?
boozing and losing.
smoking to much.
kent state university.
boy from new jersey. brett.
various co-workers from dover lake. brandon. dan. brian.
ending a conversation with "whatever" makes me angry. but i forgive.
walking walking and more walking.
sleeping on a futon.
wanting someone to kiss.
being very vague here....i know.
well the livejournal is great.
i <3 it more than this blurty shit. however, you can't start new accounts unless you have a code
so i decided to write about what i do in this journal...and more of my personal feelings in the other one.
here we go...
another great day at the enrichment center
trevor busted me in my lip bringing tears to my eyes...
the boys were running around like wild animals and it was really hard to control them
danny is this little red headed boy, he's my favorite...
he's got the diaper rash lol. so he layed in my lap and we hid under his blanket.
i am determined to get this boy potty trained if it kills the both of us.
listen to me talk about little kids....
after work i called steve.
no answer. no call back.
i just need someone to talk to that i trust and someone i can touch
then zach let me down...
i don't know what i expect.
so i did my homework in my car.
and took a drive to the brick wall with the view of a city.
cried my lonelyness tears got my frozen coffee....
and i am trying to move on.
however, to top off this wonderful day
i got a guilt trip...