the last time i'll try to reach you's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar] the last time i'll try to reach you [ website | how i spent my summer vacation... ] [ userinfo | blurty userinfo ] [ calendar | blurty calendar ]

got asian? [02 Apr 2004|10:56pm] [ mood | bored ] [ music | Head Automatica! ] i need to devote an entry to the last couple days. but this is not the time. i cannot breathe thanks to chasing/catching a kitty for half an hour. well worth it. anyways, since everyone else is doing it, i want to as well. 0.What is your full name? Trogdor. or the artist formerly known as prince. 1. Nicknames? rumplestiltsken 2. Birthday: misery. oh wait, this isn't word association. 3. Age: still a minor (sorry to noah's mom) 4. Sex: never in the backseat of your parents car. 5. Where do you live? in my house. fools. 6. What school do you attend? i attend a secret al-qaeda training camp. oh crap, patriot act, someone's monitoring my internet use from that other school too. 7. Siblings? either i have a brother, or when your mom tells you stuff will grow out of your ears if you don't clean them, she ain't kidding. 9. Zodiac Sign: bunny-rabbit. no, wait. i know this. zombie. or one-way. 10.Righty or Lefty: for what purpose? i need both hands. what has 39 fingers and three chords? hatebreed. (the lead singer has one thumb, and he's a raging homophobe, so it's okay to make fun of him) *********YOUR LOOKS********* **i have a look** 11. Hair color: i have no hair, i live too close to the nuclear plant. 12. Eye color: well, my first two eyes are brown. the third glows a radioactive orange. strange, ain't it? 13. height: somewhere between 5'8" and 5'10", i don't even know. 14. Do u wear contacts or glasses? no, monocle. i win. 15. Do you have any piercing? my bellybutton is pierced, i did it in my basement and it's like omigod soooo cute! 16. Do you wear any rings? on my toes, cuz i'm a dirty dirty hippie. 17. Do you have a certain fashion you follow? all i ask is for no wardrobe malfunctions. (topical humor, people) *********JUST LATELY*************** **prepare for the dumb.** 18. How are you today? the real question is, what are you doing for your country? oh me, i'm fine. 19. What pants are you wearing right now? heh..heh...pants...yeah i'll get on that one. 20. What shirt are you wearing right now? it has a ninja. that's all you need to know. 21. What does your hair look like at the moment? messy. i need to spend two hours fixing it. and i need a perm. 22. What song are u listening to right now? head automatica-zack morris is my hero. 23. How is the weather right now? acid rain. or is that nuclear waste? 24. Last person you talked to on the phone? my mom, when i got a ride home from the big house. aka jared's. 25. Last Dream you can remember? It involved ice cream and a city bus. 26. Who are you talking to right now? myself 27. What time is it? happy hour somewhere, 11:11 here. **********More about YOU!************** **yay. me. remind me not to fall asleep** 28. What are the last four digits of your phone number?: 0981 29. If u were a crayon, what color would you be? pink. no, fuschia. no, super-fuschia. 30. Have you ever almost died? no, but i was almost born once. 31. Do u like the person that sent u this? i pirated this. and to whomever made this, u does not equal you. stupid internet grammar. 33. What's the next CD you are going to buy? britney spears-toxic. because i think i speak for everyone when i say she's a bit intoxicating. aka she's so drunk that whenever you look at her, you get tipsy. who gets tipsy? now errrbody in the club get tipsy. 34. What's the best advice ever given to you? if it doesn't fall off by tomorrow night, you'll be okay. 35.Have u ever won any special award? most likely to succeed at boring the shit out of people with dumb surveys. but then again, there was no competition. 36. Worst sickness u ever had? one time i watched american idol, and threw up for hours on end. 37. What's the stupidest thing u ever done? you mean besides this survey? 38. If u could change one thing about yourself what would it be? i would have taken the blue pill. or was it the red pill? actually, i'd just sit through the matrix without falling asleep. 39. Where do you shop the most? charlotte russe. 40. How many kids do you want to have? seventeen. but i am going to be the pregnant one, and that's all there is to it. 41. Son's name? either eduardo, or juan carlos. whatever sounds more pool-boy. 42. Daughter's name? starlight, nibbles or kermit. that's what i wanted to name my hamster, except i never wanted a hampster. 44. Shampoo? tastes strange. 46. What are you most scared of? in descending order: 1) death 2) money 3) getting old and realizing i ain't shit 4) the french 5) orange sherbet. 47. How many TV's do you have in your house? 3 48. Do you have your own tv? yes, i rock out whatever channels capable with bunny ears. i pretend i live on a farm. i even tried to milk my brother. that didn't go so hot. 49. Do you have your own phone line? sometimes, i snort a line while on the phone. does that count? 50. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? huggles the bear. he's seven feet tall and eats kids from south korea. 51. Have you ever broken/sprained/fractured a bone? i didn't know you sprained bones. yes. sprained. 52. Who do you dream about? cookie monster, martha stewart and al capone on jeopardy. 53. Who do you tell your dreams to? no one, because they don't even make sense to me. 54. Who's the loudest friend you have? i am my only friend. so you are my loudest friend. actually, i am the loudest person i know. 55. Who's the quietest friend? my friends realize they can be quiet when they are dead. 56. Is cheerleading a sport? can you injure your sensitive regions while participating? if so, it's a sport. if not, it's a pastime. 57. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? -4 58. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? the animals marched on the ark by twos. therefore, the egg. ************YOU and LOVE************** **i can't really joke around in this section, for fear of being an asshole.** 59. Do you have a girlfriend or boyfriend? yes 60. Do you have a crush? yes, see girlfriend. 61. Who is your crush? does girlfriend count as crush? this english language is so confusing. i want back to china. 62. Did you send this to your best friends? no, but i did send them all the most important advice ever: don't be a fool, wrap your tool. now THAT'S from the heart. 63. Where would you like to go on your honeymoon? where ever my wife wants. pick your battles, men. uh...somewhere warm, but not...corrupted by people. somewhere secluded. like really secluded. 64. What do you like most on someone of the opposite sex? is this clothes? or like a smile? let your smile be your umbrella. everyone needs an umbrella. 65. Do others find you attractive? everyone says i'm special and pats me on the head. i don't know what that means. *************ON GIRLS FOR GUYS TO FILL OUT (for guys only)************** **pick me! i'm a guy!** 77. Sandals or shoes: shoes are fashionable. fashion rocks. 78. Painted nails or not: yes. 79. Cute n' mysterious or wild n' sexy: nothing with a freaking 'n in them. the mysterious one. no one likes a whore. oh wait, yes. stupid people like whores. i don't consider myself stupid. 80. Dark or blonde hair: opposites attract. so i'm gonna go blonde. 81. Long or short hair: it REALLY depends on who we're talking about 82. Curly or straight hair: as long as we're not talking keith's faux-jewfro, then i'm cool with whatever. (sorry man, not on a girl) 83. Dark, light, or crazy cool eyes: crazy cool. is that like crazy sketch? i don't know. 84. Long or short nails: long enough to punish me when i say something dumb, not long enough to get to the jugular. 85. Hat or no hat: free hat! free hat! no hat. we're talking girls, not baseball players and frenchmen. 86. Good or bad girl: i just like to be surprised. 87. Hair up or down: down. definitely down. i know it's annoying sometimes...but i just like it so much more. that's just my opinion. 87. Bangs or No Bangs: she bangs she bangs! the concept of bangs escapes me right now 89. Tall or short: Short, definitely. i don't like to be towered over. unless she's extremely tall, i'm not scared because average for girls is like 5'4" so a tall girl can still be shorter than me. 90. Accent or no accent: accents are really cute as long as they don't hinder communication. 91. Pants or dress: pants 92. Tan or fair: not "pseudo-tan" dark, not albino pale. there's room on this one. 93. Glasses: uh..emo style preferably. i mean, if you're particular about this, you're an asshole. 94. Freckles or none: nah none 95. Shy or outgoing: surprises rock. 96. Funny or always cool: funny people never get boring. 97. Talkative or shy: Talkative, they need to keep up with me. 98. Make-Up or No Make-Up: as long as she doesn't wear more make-up than me. (joke) ***********Pick One: THIS OR THAT********** 98. Lights on/off? off 99. Sun or rain? sun 100. Mickey D's(McDonalds) or BK(Burger King): have it your way owns i'm loving it. 101. Do u like scary or happy movies better? happy. i'm a sucker for a bad or good chick flick 102. Backstreet Boys or NSYNC? backstreet boys, because none of them have "serious" solo careers like justin timberlake. now there's a case for birth control. 103. On the phone or in person? over the internet, because dating rox that way. not. in person, hands down, if possible. 104. Paper or plastic? paper cuts are better than suffocation. paper is safer. and it bugs people at hannafords. 105. Sausage or pepperoni? egasuas, inoreppep. i love backwards. meat is meat. 106. Summer or Winter? summer. because it's more time to do less. 107. Hugs or kisses? whether in real-life or hersheys form, kisses are better, even though hugs can be given to most everyone. 108. Chocolate or white milk: white. (racism noah, i know.) 109. Root Beer or Dr. pepper? dr pepper. because root beer sounds too intoxicating. 110. Glass half full or half empty? half empty, because i spilled half on my pants. 111. Tape or DVD: Digital audio and video is superior. but i can make tapes. pirating rocks, so tapes win. 112. Cats or Dog? cats make me sick, as tonight as shown me. dogs win by default. and because they're lovely. 113. Vanilla or Chocolate? vanilla if i want to feel sophisticated, chocolate for a good time. 114. Skiing or Boarding: winter sports suck. end of discussion. pave the mountains! 116. Cake or pie? i ate cake out of my hands today. i love romans. pie has more variety. it wins. 117. Diamond or pearl: diamonds are a girl's best friend. and more likely to be the name of your stripper, pearl is your grandmother. i bet diamond smells better than pearl. diamond wins. 118. Sunset or sunrise: swiftly go the days. both signify sadness sometimes. sunrise-you have to subject yourself to a subpar day. sunset-a great day is closing. sunset is better and prettier and it's generally happier. ****************Your FAVS**************** what the hell is a fav? 119. Color: none. 120. food: ritz crackers. 121. Fast Food? you can't top a good slice of pizza. 122. Candy? 3 musketeers. 123. Beverages?: cherry pepsi. oh wait, WILD cherry pepsi. 124. Ice Cream Flavor? mint chocolate chip. 125. Sport? curling. or run for fun. 126. Animal? llama. 127. number? Pi/2 128. Radio Station? 99.9, college radio is too hit or miss 129. Band or singer? avril is a rawk goddess. i hope she goes on tour with good charlotte. i would go. i really would. 130. Fav. Actor or Actress? the song i'm listening to is called "tara reid is a whore" so tara reid. 131. Fav. day of the year? April 31. 132. Fav. month? June 134. Store? costco. you know you love that place. 135. Scent? rain 136. Teacher? Confuscius say, he who teach self cross many bridges. 137. Board Game? Monopoly. or the great snail race. if you've never played the great snail race, what the hell are you waiting for? 138. Saying? keith's handshake brings all the girls to the yard. **************HAVE you EVER************** 139. Ever gotten dumped? yes 140. Broke the law? yes 141. Ran from the cops? nope 142. Stole something? music. i'm a pirate. 144. Made yourself throw up? nope 145. Made yourself cry to get out of trouble? no, it used to happen without trying, now i suck it up and take it. **********oN a FiNal NoTe*********** 146. Do you like filling these out? nope 147. Do u want your friends to write back? i want my friends to laugh at me for filling this out in a slightly humourous manner. on a final note--Kyle, don't belittle your own people! 2 made it shine for everyone| take the moon?

the illusion of safety? [29 Mar 2004|08:54pm] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | thrice-the illusion of safety, mineral-the power of failing ] warning: my ADD kicked in through this, so it's meandering and written over a fairly long stretch of time. i don't even know where to begin. without being melodramatic. which for me, means not speaking at all, because whenever i'm upset or scared or angry or anything, it comes out melodramatic. the last few days have drilled that pathetic fact into my tiny guy-brain. well, in the last three days-week, i've been to new york, i've been to some pretty fucked up places in my mind, and i've been in both at once. i've invented stuff and let some of the best things ever to happen to me deterioriate. right now, i feel like i'm letting most of my friends down. i just wish i had more time for everyone. if we all make it to the summer without hating each other's guts, i am hoping i get to show everyone a good time and maybe someone will surprise me and make me have fun too. this is going to be one of those unruly rants. i don't even want to be held or feel loved or anything right now. what would be enough for me is to just feel like i haven't alienated anyone i care about. i desperately want that affirmation. i'm not going to get it. i guess i'll just have to live with that. so what's there to say about my life? running is a big part of it now. i'm not sure how i feel about that. today, the two people on the team i really consider friends were both in driver's ed, so i didn't talk to anyone. everyone must think i'm such a dork. oh well, it's not worth caring about. jenny called me today, and even though we only got to talk for like ten minutes, it was good. it wasn't anything like...deep, but catching up is something i've needed to do so badly with her. i felt really bad telling her i saw her brother. anyways, i'm totally ignoring my thoughts on the new york trip. it was an emotional ride. it involved waking up and returning home at an ungodly hour. it involved pretty much an entirely different group of people than those i consider friends. maybe that will change soon. i don't even really know who my friends are for the most part. does anyone feel like that? i can't even fucking define friend. going outside today made me glad to feel alive. stealing glances across the room today made me realize i should be so much more than that. i need to be so much more than this. i don't like to be reduced to whatever this is, because soon enough, i'll forget why i wake up in the morning. i'm already so absent minded. wait, that's a lie. i can remember everything i love and miss about people, and i can't forget the void when they leave. i want to talk more about new york, but there's nowhere to fit it in. i guess if it was fit for posting, i'd share, but you can just ask me. if you care, and i hope you do. i guess if i had to sum everything up in a few words, it would be: please don't hate me. but that doesn't do anything justice, just like i can never do so many things justice. when april break rolls around...i'm going to forget everything that has made me sad or scared or anything. and it's just going to be all right because i'm going to be enjoying time with good company. i hope. .hopeisallthatsleft. 3 made it shine for everyone| take the moon?

i'm not lazy, i'm in love. [25 Mar 2004|09:23pm] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | smashing pumpkins, the descendents, matchbook romance ] i feel so above it all. above the bickering. above the advancement. above the drinking and above the hiding. above the caring. well, maybe not above that. but right now, there are people out there that i just don't care what they think. and people i see no reason against disliking. frankly, i don't want to make the effort to be as nice as i can. because right now, i'm above it. i don't need the extra drama or effort or whatever. i'm fine! and as i just said, there's already too much "meh" in the world. so why make more? if you just feel "meh" about doing something and you don't have to, why do it? there's so many things required of a human being that by choice, we should follow our passions not our fabricated and fruitless "obligations" we got read a letter in school today. i found it utterly disgusting. as did most people. i understand the need for part of it. but big brother is now watching. or the school is encouraging big brother. sick. downright sick. i hope they can take a good look somwhere down the road at this and figure out just how idiotic it is to spew garbege because you're fed garbege by a small small minority. a few people have to wreck things. well, a few people try to wreck things. but that doesn't mean you have to react. institutions would learn a lot of things if they acted in human nature instead of in the pseudo-business like manner in which they act. if they acted in a businesslike manner, there would be much more under-the-table dealing, sexual harrasment and other scandalous activity. in the words of ABC's not-so-immortal John Stossel, give me a break! i'm sorry i feel above you right now. it's a bad bad sign when you're petrified to call someone in any case. i guess i fear having nothing to say, i have expectations of myself. but i guess whether i like to admit it or not, i have expectations of this person too. but if i don't let them try, they can never meet, exceed or anything. it'll be nothing. that's worse. i'm helping something turn into nothing. i'm a fool. i'm sorry. fuck, that's depressing. i'm on a smashing pumpkins kick. disarm, 1979, zero. billy corgan's voice is really kinda soothing. i started packing for the trip saturday, except the timing of it all is beginning to suck. guys, i'm sorry. but we need a boys time. the four of us. i hope you realize who i'm talking to when you read this. you three influence me so much, and i don't even know if you realize it. i'm not too proud to say i'm going to seriously miss you whenever we have to move away. fuck, that's depressing too. the word "fuck" is not depressing. track is not depressing either. when i do well, i feel really proud. but running on flat ground makes me feel left out, because everyone either knows each other or acts like they know each other a lot better than i do. i don't like acting in that sense, and i don't know most of the people. i guess that's okay. but when...oh fuck, nevermind. everyone knows who and what i'm talking about when i talk about wanting something always. i'm predictable. read me like the book i am. i dare you. it's not going to help, and it's not going to hurt. because this hurts anyways. Intoxicated with the madness, I'm in love with my sadness.. the sad thing is i'm in an overall decent mood, and my writing wouldn't tell you that. there's just too much i can't say to people. i hate being scared. 9 made it shine for everyone| take the moon?

i'm scared, and i can admit it. [22 Mar 2004|06:44pm] [ mood | melancholy ] [ music | jawbreaker-dear you ] i don't know if i'm on hiatus, or if i've just found a better outlet, or what. but there's not much to say in here. i mean...there's a lot to say. and i guess i like the audience this reaches. i guess instead of expounding on my thoughts, i'm just going to list some of them, and if you want to hear about them, you can ask. --what the hell is going to happen in two years? --why does anyone want to leave right now? --how am i going to balance preparing for the future i don't care so much about with the friends i deeply care about? and how do i balance responsibility with all that? i guess the thing is that these are things that you sort of know are there, but once you really realize that in a couple years things are going to be thrown into upheaval...it hits you. it hit me that my friends are going to start leaving this year. and it will only get worse from here on in. --i miss people that i see every day not because i don't see them, but because i can't bring myself to use whatever time there is left in the best way. i'm sorry. sorry to them, and sorry for myself. i haven't told anyone that i loved them in a long time. and that's a hard thing to think about, but not be able to do. --all i can tell people is that i'm sorry and that i love them and that no matter what, the people in my life right now are not going to be people i will forget. ever. if i'm this...emotional about this right now...i'm probably not going to stop crying my senior year. i guess that's okay. there are so many things i need to do before then...it almost feels like i'm dying (what keith, i'm "making fun" of kids with cancer again? a hex?) but i know i'm not. it's not that anyone's terminal, it's that...to a point...when everyone you love is taken away, it's almost like you've been terminated and reincarnated. and i see whatever happens after senior year as a subtraction, not an addition. i really wish i wasn't robotic right now. i need to compose some poems. ben folds wasn't helping me cheer up, but it sure hit home. 2 made it shine for everyone| take the moon?

[20 Mar 2004|08:29am] take the moon?

pictures of a happy yesterday [16 Mar 2004|09:57pm] [ mood | apologetic ] [ music | keepsake, saetia, joy division, the smiths, SDRE ] are nothing more than sweet white lies. no they aren't. but hate is not the answer. it never ever is. the answers are infinite. they can involve knowledge, they can involve compromise. they do not involve war, they do not involve senseless punishment, they do not involve alienation, they do not involve making someone feel unloved. they do not involve making someone choose between two things or people or ideas that they love. that never solves anything. forgiveness does. i forgive everyone who leaves due to the last week, and i forgive everyone who actually played a role in it. things can't be perfect the time, that i know. sometimes we just have to let some things go. to those who can right now...ignore any negative feelings from the last few days that aren't directed at you. people should take care of others, and take care of themselves, never one at the cost of another. i want to be able to go up to my friends, and my friends friends, and even if i can't have a meaningful conversation, i want to be able to look them in the eye without fear, without questioning and without feeling dirty and dishonest. because i didn't do anything, and most likely, they didn't either. this can't be an easy way to grow up. i want to talk someone i haven't yet. and hope they feel like i do. amelia...can we? hostility breeds hostility. those who are sick of this environment and are abandoning it....i say don't. it may be more work to reclaim this space as positive than it is to run from it, but this means something to me. i can't speak for you. the best way to show you are affected by something is to be silenced. should we all stand silently? i used to believe in speech, and i still do. an injustice is bad enough. but to lose one's ability to speak for their beliefs is worse. now respect is something that i have found lacking. not from everyone, i think some people in this pseudo-cyber world have not lost the ideas of respect and common sense. to those who have...i really hope you find it for your own sake. the fate of those whom i care about does not lie with us anymore. but the fate of this space does. i loved it. i really did. back when it was smaller, back when we were stronger, tighter, united. but love, love will tear us apart again... 3 made it shine for everyone| take the moon?

i have no right to speak, but i do so anyways. [15 Mar 2004|07:52pm] [ mood | distressed ] [ music | poison the well-slice paper wrists ] i have a couple things to say. the first thing is that i need a new screen name, meaning i should get a new blurty and a new e-mail, etc. i hate parting with things like that. the second thing is that some of the fonts on my IE are screwed up, bigger than they should be, and it's really annoying me. the final thing has to do with the last few days, which totally have not and should not involved me. all i can say is that i hoped that this would be something people could look at 6 months later and say "wow, this was silly." i find myself saying that often times when i am in conflict. however, as of today, i don't see that happening. although it is not my life we're talking about. all i want to say is that i hope you know what you've done. people need to smarten up and to grow up in general, and lately lots of people have proven that to me. this isn't singling anyone out because...this is a general issue for the people i know. probably me too. i hope everyone realizes that if they ever get in a similar situation as this, they should do the exact opposite thing of what they have done. because it's so messed up, and i'm so glad that none of it involved me. you all ought to take a look, and be a little ashamed in how far this has gone. .cantdreamwithoutshowingintentions.

I'm tired of looking out from blank eyes [11 Mar 2004|06:00pm] [ mood | angry ] [ music | strike anywhere, the blood brothers, saetia ] hate is a funny thing. i find it quite ironic at some moments. like when someone thinks that you hate them (even though you didn't) so they act strangely better than you, making you hate them. or at least in a manner that seriously pisses you off. i think seriously pissed off describes my mood right now. like, pop a balloon, punch a clown, beat up a pop punk kid mad. and it's all over some things that i guess are small and annoying. things like the rotation of a biology test that i cannot control anymore. things like having minor problems on a test and a quiz. things like having to compete. i'm always competing in situations i don't want to compete in, and i can't compete in the things i want to compete in because i'm just not good enough at them and i doubt i ever will be. i hate having people not let me have a part in a decision, but i hate having to make my own decisions all by myself. therefore, i don't know what i want. now that's comforting. i'm just so sick of people thinking i should be happy. no one has any right to say that, because they want different things than i do. so maybe they would be happy if they had some of the skills i had, but if they had some of my faults, or if they thought like me and didn't care about whatever it is i'm "supposed to" care about. i hate your opinions. i hate when my friends treat me as less than a friend. i got a lot of that today. i'm not happy about it, and i'm not going to let it go. because i'd rather be pissed off and true to myself. basically, today gave me a giant middle finger, and now i'm giving it one back. so there. .closemyeyes.pullmyheartstrings.pourmytearsfromyourhands. 3 made it shine for everyone| take the moon?

a movie script ending [10 Mar 2004|07:57pm] [ mood | restless ] [ music | elliott smith, death cab for cutie(x3), moneen, ben folds 5 ] i'm not really sure what i mean right now. i know that this is the time of year when bad things are more likely to affect people. i know that this is the time of year when i want to give people a big hug and tell them exactly what they mean to me. because i know that's what i need to do, and i hope that it could help some people. except lately, i've thought about doing it a lot more than i have actually done it. is that safer? yes. is that what i want? not at all. does that scare me? definitely. school is getting harder and harder, and yet i feel like i'm suspended in liquid, surrounded by glass. i'm in a fishtank, watching the world. but i have gills, i'm not drowning. except i'm not quite used to them, so i feel panicky. some things just don't feel right at the moment. reading bukowski seems awkward because i'm not in the mood to look at things through his point of view, i'm more upbeat than that right now. drama is nothing i really want, i feel like i've paid my dues to dear chuck. but i guess the middle schools want us to perform for them. meaning my plans for track are screwed up. meaning i have to practice for drama again, and meaning i have to miss the track meeting. i thought hunt middle school was done screwing my life up! god, i hate that place. i posted a poem of mine in an absolutepunk forum, and i'm very proud of myself. it's one step closer to being able to share my poetry with more people. maybe soon i'll feel okay submitting something. i think i can deal with rejection. i'm very frustrated with myself that i was convinced to go to the meeting about peru. i really hate doing fund raising activities. and i really hate feeling like the new person. i suppose this could be a good thing for me, but i guess i'm mad that i'm not quite as stubborn as i thought. or proud. or maybe both. i have a strange feeling this is a really bad idea. i can coast through school. i am proving that to myself. i prove that to myself every year at this point. i'm kind of resigned to knowing that either a) things feel easier because they are easier, or b) things feel easier because i've stopped fighting them. but i feel okay with it i guess, i just feel like school is progressing too fast. i'm still stressed out, but i feel like doing less about it, which is kind of comforting i guess. i don't leave bhs for longer than i've been there, and yet i already have to think about what i'm going to do after i leave, and what i want to do after that. that just isn't fair. because i couldn't say what i wanted to do when i was 15 at the time i was 8, so why should i be able to say what i want to do when i'm 22 right now? learning should prepare you to do something, not pigeonhole you into something that you won't want to do in a few years. so until something or somebody proves to me that's not how things work, i'm going to be soured on the idea of college. one of the things i am interested in doing right now is learning some new words. when i write poetry, i like using big words. i find that even though less people understand what i'm trying to say, even if my poems suck, people will learn new words, and i can use elegant and powerful language. so everyone wins. today, i learned the words: iconoclast, libertine, austere, hedonist. feel free to post some good words and their definitions in the comments. today i realized that people do not know when to use to/two/too and they're/their/there. i felt smart because i knew how. wow i just saw a huge, black spider and jumped. so i killed it with a ruler. basically, i've said all that needs to be said that i can communicate through this particular medium. .endtransmission. 1 made it shine for everyone| take the moon?

she's on her eight of nine. [04 Mar 2004|09:50pm] [ mood | listless ] [ music | punk goes acoustic ] maybe that's why i can't form a sentence tonight: for some strange reason, i feel empty. that would make sense. nothing traumatic happened to me today, but i arrived home and wanted nothing more than to be alone in the dark, or out in the cold or both. i've got this sick feeling and i can't explain it, but it's been there for many hours now. and it's not like actually illness sick, it's like, that physically sick feeling you get when something is wrong and you can't put your finger on it. i don't even know how to explain it, i guess there's just lots of pent up stuff, or at least i've been telling myself that, worrying myself sick. sick, i say, maybe that's it. maybe i'm worried. but not really for myself. it's just so hard to feel like you can't speak your mind, and i'm always speaking the wrong parts of my mind at the wrong time if that makes any sense. i guess that mixed with other things doesn't encourage me to speak. lately i've been thinking about how many of life's struggles are self-inflicted. and i'm not talking about the obvious things like drugs and cutting and that kind of stuff. i'm talking about people who push themselves too hard. i'm talking about the times we push ourselves to do things that we honestly don't want to do. i guess everyone needs to ask themselves more often: what's this all worth? take me going to kentucky for example. i mean, if i don't want to go this bad, it takes a couple of conversations, one with my parents and one with the people at my church, and i'm all set. it's not like i can't get 10 measly hours of community service done on my own time. but by not going, i free up a week of summer, and instead of spending it with people i don't like, i can be with the people i care about, or at least be able to communicate with them. which beats the hell out of miserable 15 hour bus rides. today i worked myself too hard in school, and for what? i did an entire spanish class worth of work in about 35 minutes. i had an entire weekend, i've even got that stupid project almost done. i took that hard math test, and strained myself over it so badly, and it was all self imposed. i never expected that i'd be one of those top finishers, and that wasn't my motivation, so what was? i really want to go on the broadway trip this month, hopefully mis padres will like that idea as well. i need to start being more honest, i mean, i thought i was good at that, but i guess i need more honesty than everyone else. there's no point in being so scared to be honest. but for a lot of the things i'm not honest about, it's because i'm scared in the first place. maybe if i'm honest about it, both kinds of fear will go away. so, hopefully tomorrow will hold the start i need, and if not tomorrow, it's the weekend. i can't be honest if there's no ears to hear me and no hands to hold onto. is it weird that the people i feel like i to talk to concerning this stuff are always the people i just talked to? i think it's because i'm not satisfied with myself when i don't say everything, and i realize this once i talk to them. so just so long as this thing's loaded... 6 made it shine for everyone| take the moon?

I copy noah, therefore i am half azn. [29 Feb 2004|01:02am] [ mood | bored ] [ music | poison the well-slice paper wrists ] one of the things i've learned in life is that when noah posts a survey, it's time to steal it from him. so here goes. Favorite restaurant? Fire And Ice Last time you swam in a pool? Appletree this summer. Have you ever been in a school play? My mom bakes. How many kids do you want? none, because procreation is not a right i should be allowed. Type of music you dislike most? Sublime, Phish, or when my little brother sings along with Thursday Are you registered to vote? nope Have you ever ridden on a moped? No but if i did, i swear i'd get all the girls. Ever prank call anybody? Uh...not me, i just go along for the ride. Ever get a parking ticket? no, i was good on my one time driving. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving? yes. Furthest place you ever traveled? Virginia or Toronto, whichever is farther Do you have a garden? no, but i'd plant my seed in steph any day. keith, it's a trend! What's your favorite comic strip? Fox trot. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem? Yeah. damn you baseball games. Bath or Shower, morning or night? Shower in the morning. Best movie you've seen in the past month? Big Fish, various reasons. Favorite pizza topping? Black Olives Chips or popcorn? Chips, any kind but ketchup. stupid canadians. Have you ever smoked peanut shells? What the hell kind of question is that? No, what the hell does that mean? Have you ever been in a beauty pageant? nope. Orange Juice or apple? either. both provide liquid nourishment and taste like fruit. Favorite type of chocolate bar? 3 Musketeers When was the last time you voted at the polls? BHS elections represent. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato? Summer Have you ever won a trophy? Yes. I am the MVP of our shit soccer team. i currently have my coaches trophy. i've held it for five months. literally, my coaches trophy. he hasn't given me mine yet. Are you a good cook? Nope. My mom bakes for me. Do you know how to pump your own gas? Yeah. Ever order an article from an infomercial? no i have never ordered from an informerical. but miracle blade rocks. Sprite or 7-up? Sprite. obey your thirst. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work? Maid Apron. wait, no i don't work. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy? probably the trip where we got keith some LUBRICATION! Ever throw up in public? Probably. Would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love? both are actually quite hard to lose, when i think about it. so, if i get to keep it forever, true love. i'd probably be sadder to lose true love than a million dollars too. since money is safer, i'll take true love. Do you believe in love at first sight? in the same sense i believe in aliens. there's always a possibility. Ever call a 1-900 number? nope. what's the use? Can ex's be friends? yes Who was the last person you visited in a hospital? friend of the family Did you have a lot of hair when you were a baby? yes What message is on your answering machine? me pretending to have an inflated ego. yeah i'm sure it's really convincing. What name appears on your birth certificate? the same one as i have: Daniel Ryan McBee. What was the name of your first pet? Peanut, the dog. if i only remembered her. What is in your wallet? A few school ID's, my permit, downtown discs frequent buyers card, $15.16, library card and a couple random cards. What's your favorite thing to do before bedtime? listen to music and talk online Nicknames: danny the emo boy. Number of candles on your last birthday cake? 2. a one and a five. damn my birthday sucked last year. Pets: none Hair color: dark brown Piercing: none Eye color: brown Favorite foods: ritz crackers, pasta, peanut butter, meatballs Ever been to Africa: nope Been toilet papering: no Love someone so much it made you cry? Replace love with loathe. either way, it's a yes. Been in a car accident? nope Croutons or bacon bits? croutons. Favorite Sport to watch: on tv? football. live? hockey. Favorite day of the week: Saturday Favorite drink? Skim Milk Favorite ice cream flavor? Mint Chocolate Chip Disney or Warner Bros.? Disney Favorite fast food restaurant? Burger King What color is your bedroom carpet? gray How many times did you fail your driver's test? none. i rule. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? hannafords. because i would love to own that much food. and then give it to random people. What do you do most often when you are bored? slime volleyball. Most annoying thing people ask me: are you emo? What is your favorite color? blue Bedtime: about an hour ago. well that's self imposed. take the moon?

forgive and forget whatever was said, because we're growing up by the hour [28 Feb 2004|08:29pm] [ mood | pensive ] [ music | The Ataris-So Long Astoria CD, The Get Up Kids-Eudora CD ] vacation can be a dissapointment. it can also be welcome. usually, it's both. that is the case this time. there have been some good times (just like that) and some boring ones where all i did was lounge around my house, wondering what cool stuff my friends were doing. i mean, i went on an adventure to the mall and ended up on a bus to the airport sitting behind a fat lady that smelled like bad milk. on that day, i learned that kids from noah's church like the windshield world song as much as i do. i went out on the lake with jared and amelia, and learned that kicking snow hurts more than you'd think, and just how many stars come out when you really look for them. that's a lot of stars. i learned how fun my friends are at hockey games, even if you have to explain things. i learned that sometimes it's just as easy to stop a bad thing as it is to keep it going if you've got the right people around. i learned how incredibly good it feels to know people who don't stop thinking of you once they leave city limits. i found some sort of writing inspiration. i went to an educational sleepover, and learned many things about pimps and sex. and that you should never let noah make you nachos. i also learned how fun it is to mute mtv, have the closed captions come on, and have your own G-Unit karaoke party. now e'erybody in the club gettin tipsy. i saw bright eyes for the second time, and it was a musical experience like none other, although i wish they had played different songs. i was really excited to hear waste of paint again. here is the setlist: Train Under Water, going for the gold, we are nowhere and it is now, i’ve been eating for you, lua, waste of paint, june on the west coast, amy in the white coat, one foot in front of the other, laura laurent, metal firecracker. i wish i got to see certain people more this week, i wish i had ice skates, i wish i had written more, i wish i had read more than one book, i wish i was around when people called me, i wish there were some things i didn't have to know were looming for other people. i wish there were things i was never told, so that i don't think about them. i mean, ignorance is bliss. and when you forget what you had worried about and are just left with the panicky feeling of knowing something is wrong, it's even worse. that's partially why i tried to make a phone call tonight, but prerecorded statements don't ease an upset stomach, an upset person, or a vision of serenity that has been upset by a single pebble. my windows media player stopped working, and my cd drive sounds like a dustbuster. oh shit. damn you media player, now i have to fix you. and you killed my creative flow. but at least i have my get up kids. today was really special because it was filled with things i haven't done before. exploring the south end, exploring the pier and all that lies under it, exploring the edmunds playground equipment, exploring burlington bay market. it was just a really good afternoon that went too quickly. i wish i didn't speak so quickly without thinking sometimes, and sometimes i wonder if people notice when i mess up when i talk, and i just need to slow down because i make no sense when i talk so fast and it seems like i'm stuttering and i sound so pathetic. this deserves so many more positive words. it was definitely a positive experience. so i guess i'm going to try, and sorry if i fail miserably, it wouldn't be the first time. i was productive in borders and found my mom a birthday present. my thinking behind this: if she doesn't spend much time conclusively telling me what she wants, i'm not going to spend much time picking it out. but i bought it myself. dear god, i'm going to be broke so quickly. i wish i could get a job that i would actually not hate. but i guess i might not have that choice much longer, summer's coming up and all that. i think about how much it costs to live a typical life way too much for a kid. wow this is a tangent. kind of like the millions i went on today. but yeah, i haven't seen something so picturesque and naturally beautiful as that ice today. i'm not really sure how it got like that, but it seemed like a logical place to sit. so we did. except i kind of feel like we (or i) ruined it, even though we didn't have too much of an effect on it. some things are just meant to be looked at. all my words have been stolen because of my stupid computer and this stupid thing on my mind. so...until the next time i guess. unless some broken things are easily fixed. some things are easily fixed. i love the power of a restart. if life had a restart button, everyone would push it too much. it's kind of viewed as a cure-all. like when you're playing video games. i don't know about anyone else, but when something doesn't go perfect, i automatically restart. i might be losing, i might be winning. if something gets me a little angry, it's finger to the restart button and time to repeat the process. life would be miserable with a restart button, or so i think. well, not miserable, but uneventful. so much of life is learned from anger, dissapointment and all those other things we wish we could do over. There's kids playin guns in the street, and ones pointing his tree branch at me. So, I put my hands up I say "enough is enough. If you walk away, I'll walk away." and then he shot me dead!--Bright Eyes 3 made it shine for everyone| take the moon?

deception [23 Feb 2004|11:37pm] Monochromatic, generic horizons hide crumbling empires A deceiving defense against chloroform sleep. Failed attempts for renewal, the avoidance of surrender Observe the outstretched hand with nothing to give. Silken threads of royal robes unravel, the throne not abandoned. The vulnerable occupants with castles for coffins Hear subconscious footsteps of deception That cause frantic paralysis, whirling psychosis. They buried the scarab and swallowed the treasure. Hidden eyes document abduction of a witness. Their powerful sketch faintly frozen on a windowpane Viewed backwards through fog to reveal a surprise. The mighty survived and are clutching the trigger, Pointing the barrel downriver, using the sight Tracing the footsteps of those next in line. 3 made it shine for everyone| take the moon?

i love you...not. [23 Feb 2004|12:31am] [ mood | amused ] [ music | jawbreaker-accident prone, bad scene everyone's fault ] fuck off. there are some trendy rich kid flakes from certain other schools out there who need to fuck off. and there are some two faced assholes out there who need to fuck off. and there are some bully dirtbags who follow my little brother around who need to fuck off. there are some closed minded individuals out there who need to fuck off. there are way too many people out there who need to fuck off. 4 made it shine for everyone| take the moon?

the perfect day, oh how i feel infinite. [22 Feb 2004|12:41am] [ mood | sleepy ] [ music | yellowcard, the jealous sound, spitalfield, maxeen, limbeck ] the past couple days, i felt like i was being a whiny idiot to someone who i really liked. so i said something. i guess there were way too many things freaking me out at once. things like someone going to the plays i would have rather not seen. things like getting some new lines mere hours before showtime. things like not speaking to someone and not really knowing why you aren't, or if you aren't speaking because they don't want to speak to you. once friday at four rolled around, things changed. i started having good conversations with people who usually bother me. i ran and missed the bus and my daddy was there to save the day. i saw this person i wasn't speaking to when they were driving, and instead of making me sad, i was just so happy because they were smiling, i don't know if it's because they saw me or not. i wrote a note apologizing for my behavior during those previous days, and we went for a wonderful walk in the most beautiful snowstorm i've had the pleasure of being in. except the snow wasn't the special part. the night came around, and the play went just as well as it did before. nobody laughed during baking, and i nailed my new lines. the cast party was next, and i heard so many good stories. including one i'd like to think i played a part in, which was even more entertaining. the ride home was even special. actually, it was one of the more special parts of the night. i got home early saturday morning. i went online and found some awesome news/rumor: thursday is coming back to burlington with spitalfield, engine down and poison the well. and i talked to this special girl that hasn't left my mind when she left my side for the last while. i slept until noon and woke up to snow, which i didn't even mind, nor did i mind shoveling it. i was kind of sad to see how the stage makeup sort of made me break out, but i barely noticed after awhile. mardi gras was a great experience, because of the company, not the actual event. i think that's what i learned during the last couple days: the company you keep matters a lot more than what you do or don't do. anyways, at mardi gras i saw some people i haven't seen for awhile which was good. and towards the end of that section of the day, i finally found the courage to do something i had been wanting to do. and that felt really really good. and just as i was settling back in to do some homework, which i didn't even mind, i was invited back out. so i sat at muddy waters with josid for a couple hours and talked about girls, insecurities, music, school, love, chains of events, drama, and many other things. i ended up arriving home at 11 feeling even smarter and relaxed. but the night wasn't even over. i got a message from someone who i had just talked about in a nostalgic manner, which would have cheered me up if i wasn't cheerful, but it added more cheer to the cheer pile. finally, i had a couple conversations that made me feel really good about myself and more secure and silly and stupid at the same time, but i know i deserved that much. and now it's an hour into sunday, and i feel like there's just as much of a chance for today to be great. i guess all that's left to do is to tell people how great i think they are, maybe it's because they're a freshman and i met them through the play i almost didn't do. maybe it's because i can talk to you now, making you an even better friend than you were. maybe it's because you seem more humane and less intimidating. maybe it's because you did me a huge favor in the last while. maybe it's because you stuck by me. maybe it's because you never left. maybe it's because i love you as much as i love life at this moment, and i can't tell you. and after today, i can proudly say that life is great and be genuine. i just wanted to tell you my story. 5 made it shine for everyone| take the moon?

[19 Feb 2004|04:04pm] [ mood | lonely ] [ music | days away. from first to last. northstar. river city high. ] there isn't much to say right now. my voice is getting raspy, and i'm getting sick. and my timing is awesome. i have to make it through one more day and two more nights. i'm really sad that i have to miss the class clown/static age show to perform, but at least i get to spend a few hours with some special people i'm scared i won't see as much of after this week. well, i know i won't see as much of them, but the questions are, how much will it matter? how much will it hurt? and what will we do about these issues? but i feel strangely optimistic. if only i didn't feel like there was a bloody limb in my throat. why do i feel so affected by little things? i was watching these sophmore girls in my lunch, and how they mistreated each other. it really reminded me of my lunches in middle school, with the whole table-switching. at least we were open about it. i dunno, i really doubt it mattered much to them, but to see someone dealing with something that hurt you everyday for a year...well it's odd. although i'm a little annoyed with...well that's not fair because for some strange reason, i'm annoyed by so many people right now. so it's probably me. but god damn, don't laugh during baking...idiots. i dunno if anyone noticed from offstage, but i bled for the entire show last night, someone dug me with their nails i think. and it didn't stop until after we got offstage...so i have to make it through the next 30 hours. and then, then fun begins. or ends, depending on what you're looking at, and what you're bypassing. i'd like to bypass nothing and accept the world for what it is, or isn't. so i'm going to shower, choke down some food, tea, vitamins and pills. i miss you guys, life is going to return to normal after this week, i promise. we're going to mardi gras and that's all there is to it. in fact, there are a lot of people and things i miss. but i don't know if things are ever going to be like how they are for the next two days. and i'm going to really enjoy these next couple days i think, so everyone might just have to wait for me. if you're going to have a late night, wouldn't you want to enjoy it with someone you care about? 2 made it shine for everyone| take the moon?

Glad that you can forgive, only hoping that as time goes, you can forget. [16 Feb 2004|08:07pm] the dreaded emo tears mixtape... 1) Silverstein-Giving Up 2) Thursday-Steps Ascending 3) The Ataris-Hello and Goodbye 4) The Jealous Sound-Hope for Us 5) Copeland-Take Care 6) Further Seems Forever-New Years Project 7) Yellowcard-Something of Value 8) The Format-On Your Porch 9) Bright Eyes-If Winter Ends 10) The New Amsterdams-Picture In The Paper 11) Dashboard Confessional-Hands Down 12) The Get Up Kids-I’ll Catch You 13) Brand New-The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot 14) Thursday-A Hole In The World 15) Saves The Day-Nightengale 16) Hum-Stars 17) The Cure-Pictures Of You 18) Death Cab for Cutie-Transatlanticism 4 made it shine for everyone| take the moon?

remember all the simple things you know. [14 Feb 2004|09:36pm] [ mood | mellow ] [ music | all american rejects, jets to brazil, coldplay, mineral ] well, today basically went exactly like i thought it would. which i suppose is a good thing. although i guess more pleasant surprises happen on holidays like this one than on a typical day, but whatever. church was exactly like i expected, seeing roxanne for the first time since we broke up. so i'm glad i had no expectations. i'm fully prepared to deal with things like this though, which is good. i guess i do learn from experience. i have to be at church at freaking 7:30 tomorrow. between that and the five-six hours of homework i had, that's about 12 hours this weekend shot by church and school. to which i say: bullshit. my thoughts on valentine's day can be seen by amelia, i guess i don't care that she posted that for the world to see. i miss human contact some: i kind of feel like a hermit on the weekend because nobody really calls much anymore. and it makes me think about no one noticing if i kind of wandered off one day. like, i always wanted to just randomly disappear, and live among those who i once cared for to see if they'd notice. i think that would be a good movie. i think i'm starting to like someone. except it's kind of pointless, because the only way i see them is over in about a week. coincidentally, you people should go to the one acts on wednesday or thursday because my mom bakes...if you get that joke, then you win. this whole hermit thing doesn't work. i feel really bitter right now. and i wish i had something to do. i guess what i tell myself is that i need a hobby to contain myself, but what i really need to do is burst out and get out and talk and junk like that. today i cleaned my room, and found some old notes. i got really sad because i realized i saved all the notes from the wrong people. so i shredded the ones i had. later i ended up looking at old e-mails. and since it was valentines day, they made me think about "the one that got away" or whatever. i know that sounds like i'm talking about a fish, but i'm not. it's sad, because i remember discussing with myself the type of girl i wanted to date right now, and she then i realized she was it. but i don't have that opportuinity anymore. so i'll just forget about it. it's not like i like her or anything, it just i wonder what could have happened. and i think it's...well the fact i'm wondering this much after the fact is not a good sign, i mean, six months should be long enough right? or is it okay to at least wonder? it's funny though, i look back at the people i've dated, and since i'm not blinded by the prospects of getting some, or infatuation or anything like that, i can honestly figure out who was fake, who was a flake, who was really lost, and who is genuine. and that's a powerful feeling. but it doesn't replace love or anything of that sort. i wonder if my friend's valentines' days were typical days. for some, i highly doubt it. i don't know what's going on right now, i can't write still. i think i kind of well...lost the power to do so, or i became so self-conscious of how what i wrote wasn't perfect so i can't do it at all. yep, knowing me that's probably it. i really just wish i could so something special right now. i'd like it to be for someone, but i'd also like to make something special in general. or maybe just be told that i was special. i really don't think i hear that enough, which is probably my fault. but most of all, i want to have something special. i'm sick of being the bitter one. i don't even know why i come off so bitter, or why i am so bitter, if indeed i am bitter. i think people are overly sensitive to what i have to say. maybe that's because i just dish out what i get, and because i'm used to handling it and they aren't...oh i don't know. i know what i want right now. i want to know what people think of me both when i'm at my best and worst...and if i know what my best is, i'll know what i'm doing right, and what i'm doing wrong and that would make nights like these less frequent i hope. thanks for listening and goodnight. and i hope you enjoyed your day, and that he bought you roses and all that. 4 made it shine for everyone| take the moon?

sunrise, sunrise, sunrise, sunset, swiftly go the days. [05 Feb 2004|09:59pm] [ mood | calm ] [ music | bright eyes-fevers and mirrors ] i don't really feel a need for privacy at the moment, partially because there's a fine line between privacy and hiding. and i've been doing too much hiding lately. hiding, running, avoidance: all things that i see too much, especially concerning the things that make our hearts ache. things have been weird lately. nothing feels like mine anymore, which is not bad, just a different feeling. i suppose i get used to this not being an original individual thing, because struggle and try as we might, it's just not something one can achieve in a satisfactory manner. i feel less burdened by myself and just generally not as sad, but it hasn't really been replaced by elation, just inspection of myself and of the world. i don't know what there is to really attach to right now, so i'm hunting i guess. but enjoying myself nonetheless. there are so many things i am going to try as soon as i get the chances, like i'm looking forward to a whole new set of extracurriculars and the people that come with them. skiing was really fun...maybe with some practice i could be good. it doesn't make me sick like running in the cold, which makes me happy. the concert on the 31st was pretty good, except i am a little annoyed with the sudden love for the format...but whatever. they're not mine to have. they definitely were a lot better than YC. but bright eyes IS going to be a boys night if there's anything i can do about it. there's nothing to worry about when there's three best friends and that's all. sometimes things just need to be simple. and that last show was not simple...i just feel like everything i have to say right now won't hurt me like the things i said before. maybe i'll make all those old entries public, if people promise not to bitch at me. school is okay, but it's still school and it doesn't make me happy, and i doubt it ever will. i mean, if you succeed at something you should always appreciate it and i do, but there are so many things i'd like to be good at that i would at least rather experience for a few minutes than always be good at school. and those things change. i wish i could really act, like ben van buren can. i wish i could have the drive to do sports just because they like them, like jared does. but i'm working on that. i really wish i knew what i liked. saying that makes me think i'm just like everyone else, which i actually find comforting. in fact, i think this originality stuff is bullshit to a certain extent. no matter how badly you resent someone for being like you or for being different than you, everyone pretty much experiences the same emotions for the same types of reasons, just not in the same way. that doesn't mean you have to accept everyone, it just means that someone else is probably dealing with what you're dealing with, you're not alone. you never really are alone. sometimes i do things that i don't understand, like i'm mean to people i try to be especially nice to. i want to be that person who people can always count on to be impartial and cheer you up. but then i realize that everyone has their own person/people for that, and that shouldn't be a driving factor to be a good person, right? i mean, i just want to be kind hearted. and that isn't impure i don't think. this has felt good, and i did it without really diving into some deep feelings that no one really cares about because they're passing and even i'll laugh at them soon enough. so why complain if you don't want to hear yourself? i don't know whether i miss you or not, and that's okay. 3 made it shine for everyone| take the moon?

acoustic rocks you. [29 Jan 2004|10:26pm] Rise Against-Swing Life Away am i loud and clear or am i breaking up? am i still your charm or am i just bad luck? are we getting closer or are we just getting more lost? i'll show you mine if you show me yours first lets compare scars ill tell you whose is worse lets unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words we live on front porches and swing life away we get by just fine here on minimum wage if love is a labor i'll slave til the end i wont cross these streets until you hold my hand i've been here so long i think that its time to move the winters so cold summers over too soon lets pack our bags and settle down where palm trees grow and i've got some friends some that i hardly know weve had some times i wouldn't trade for the world we chase these days down with talks of the places that we will go we live on front porches and swing life away we get by just fine here on minimum wage if love is a labor i'll slave til the end i wont cross these streets until you hold my hand swing life away, swing life away, swing life away, swing life away take the moon?

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