||'The Voice Within' Christina Aguilera
I've created a writing Journal, where I post all the stories I write. The current story in progress is called Blinking Sunshine. For more info about the journal visit: http://blurty.com/users/flickeringout
As far as my life has been going....well it's going. I talked with my friends boyfriend on IM last night, I found out things I DID NOT KNOW. Have a look-sie:
TJ: y must u bother me
Melanie: i just wanted to tell you im sorry
TJ: for wat
Melanie: well....about Kris. I told her not to do that stupid crap, but did she listen? no. I guess when I wrote you that letter I didn't really know what I was talking about, I didn't know she would be stupid.
TJ: she realy does tell u all her shit doesnt shee
Melanie: yes, she does.
Melanie: um but about initiation night
Melanie: i didn't know about that really
Melanie: until a week ago
TJ: i knew it
Melanie: i think that was really cool of you, to stick up for her like that
TJ: ur the only one she talks 2 nemore
TJ: not that she eva realy talked 2 me
Melanie: TJ....she misses you, she won't admit it but it's painfully obvious.
Melanie: What she did to Tristan, she did out of spite, thinking that she'd show you all, and I told her that there was no way. There is only one of her, after all. But even when she was doing all that stuff she still said she loved you.
TJ: let her do wat she wants then
Melanie: She's confused, you have to help her TJ< she doesn't know what she's doing. She's going to get trampled on.
TJ: nah she can handal it
Melanie: No, she can't.
Melanie: she's falling apart
Melanie: she doesn't know what she's doing
Melanie: her mom is up her ass
Melanie: kimmy is being her usual...self
TJ: haha kimmy
Melanie: and Tristan, god the fact that he is in the same house...
TJ: that lil chick is funny
Melanie: I hear she's the devil.
TJ: ha she sits around n glares. its not guna take her long 2 hit the top of da ladder
Melanie: God, I thought all of that stupid social crap was just talk until I had to go to a private school. I don't like being popular, it's very, very annoying. How do you live with it?
TJ: always have
Melanie: I'm going to toss myself out the window if I don't quit being admired. But I'm off subject....Kris. She needs you, I'm afraid something bad will happen if you aren't around.
TJ: she did it 2 herself
TJ: bad stuff already happened n shes dealin wit it
Melanie: Exactly. Which is why she needs you. She can't hack it on her own.
TJ: tough shit
Melanie: Oh come on, if something really bad happened would you just sit about and watch??
TJ: im sure u heard all bout this week n i really didnt do nething bout it
Melanie: TJ, she's turning into a whore. Don't let her destroy herself, she's like her own worst enemy and doesn't even know it.
TJ: not my fault
TJ: i told her not 2whore herself
Melanie: I know. It's her fault. I told her not to be planning things because you're not that stupid and she's not that sneaky. But no, I've only always been right, I couldn't be right again, could I? Wrong, and I was. But the point is, forgive and forget, she didn't mean it. She doesn't know what she's doing.
TJ: i knew wat she was doin the whole time its actualy funny
Melanie: But....she loves you. Doesn't that count for anything?
TJ: shed do it again if she could
Melanie: But she CAN'T is the point. She just is so tired of not having control over her life. I mean it was her parents then Kyle then Nicky and then you (I probably skipped some stuff, she has too much to keep up with) she just wants to know that she has a say in where things go, regarding her.
TJ: she just wants 2 die at this 'point'
Melanie: She doesn't deserve that easy of a way out, in my personal opinion.
TJ: which apparently u dont seem 2 kno bout
TJ: she keeps a diary, she thinks she had it hidden
Melanie: TJ, i thought we went through this, she tells me a whole lot of oh...... everything.
TJ: its in her 2nd drawer in the back of the closet
Melanie: you stole her diary?
TJ: under a bunch of shirts
TJ: and inside of it...is a lot
Melanie: ....She didn't tell me all of that
TJ: she has all these notes tucked inside da back of it
TJ: in this little folder thing
TJ: theyre all suicide notes
TJ: n theres this one special one she keeps 4 her brother
TJ: the other ones always change whenever she writes new ones, but not that one
Melanie: ......i knew she was suicidal but....omg
TJ: then theres one another one for ky, but she wrote that one last yr
Melanie: If she died....I don't know what I would do.
TJ: she wont, she cant
Melanie: So she says, if she keeps trying what she's been trying she's likely to push herself off the edge.
Melanie: She's not invincible.
TJ: so she does keep secrets from u, thats funny
Melanie: .....Just that one, I hope.
Melanie: Wow....I thought I knew everything there was to know. I mean, I was assuming she was half way sane.
TJ: she cuts her self all the time 2. she doesnt think i kno
Melanie: I told her not to do that. Once again, she didn't listen.
TJ: and on her ankle she carved in peters name. that was a while ago
TJ: the scars there
Melanie: She told me that. She's mental.
Melanie: You're all she has, you know.
TJ: whenever she gets upset she goes 2 that fuckin treehouse
Melanie: That treehouse is going to get destroyed.
TJ: she sits there in da middle of lightening storms
TJ: in the dark
TJ: she tortures herslef with it
TJ: she hates the dark
Melanie: Well, trust me, it won't be around much longer.
TJ: how do u kno
Melanie: I give it 3 months, after 3 months its gone.
Melanie: You're not the only one who knows things.
Melanie: Don't desert her, please??
Melanie: She needs you, she doesn't know, but she does.
TJ: im tryin to think what else shes probly hidden from u
Melanie: She loves you but she also think that everything she touches gets destroyed, which is why she won't let me see her anymore.
TJ: prolbly all the guys shes fucked, purposely or not bet she hasnt told u bout them
Melanie: mmmmm most of them I think
TJ: she never sleeps, she avoids it at all costss
Melanie: Chris, Carson, You (oh yes, I've heard details), Nicky, guy on vacation...Kyle
TJ: multiply that number by like 2 n u prolly have an acurate numba
Melanie: She's gonna get pregnant and then we'll see how much her mom likes her.
TJ: i dont think so. shes on the pill and i dont think she even gets that period shit nemore
Melanie: Oh yeah, her eating disorder.
Melanie: God, so many problems how is anyone supposed to help her??
TJ: no one can
Melanie: I can. I just have to figure out how. It's nuts, she won't let me see her.
TJ: u shoukld see her @ school
TJ: shes good @ hidind things
Melanie: Your school is about like mine, except our group doesn't function as a unit, or whatever Kris called it.
Melanie: We're all trying to stomp each other out of existance.
TJ: thats fucked up how do u eva get nething done
Melanie: Um, well it's simple if you get used it. Make friends, don't get raped.
Melanie: It's that easy, if you just play it off.
Melanie: Look...help her, please? I mean even if she doesn't die, she could get horribly hurt.
Melanie: Make her listen to you, it isn't like you can't do it.
TJ: as fun as this all is, i gotta jet theres some ppl i gotta go meet n shit
TJ signed off at 10:18:41 PM.
Then he came back online....
Melanie: hey i know im annoying but i got one last question
Melanie: if u knew Kris was doing all this stuff why didn't you make her stop?
TJ: she didnt kno that i knew
TJ: she'd just get mad
Melanie: so you'd let her screw herself over as opposed to her getting mad??
TJ: i watch her
TJ: i always do
Melanie: ....She gets mad at me everytime we talk, we're still friends.
TJ: when shes njot lookin
Melanie: well, whatever happens....I think it'd be better if you were there
TJ: i follow her into the woods all the time
TJ: when she thinks shes alone
TJ: she prays outloud
Melanie: ....prays? i thought she didn't believe in God.
TJ: its fuckin sad when she does that
TJ: i hate watching it
TJ: but i do, i gotta make sure she doesnt do stupid shit
Melanie: OK, for the record, carving someones name in her ankle was pretty stupid
TJ: she did that a long time ago, last spring
Melanie: cutting herself in general is kinda dumb, TJ. you don't realize how much influence you have on her.
TJ: oh well
Melanie: But you wouldn't let her do anything really dumb, right? That is what your saying right?
TJ: probly not
Melanie: oh, thats comforting. I wish you two would just make up, it was so much better and safer when you were there.
TJ: not really
Melanie: But it was, she was different around you. She was happy.
TJ: she did this to herself
Melanie: Yes, I know, and she doesn't deserve you back blah blah blah. Can we skip this part and get to the part where you realize that you should be the bigger person???
TJ: id rather not
Melanie: Oh right, that New York humor, I keep forgetting.
Melanie: well, watch her tonight
Melanie: she's up to soemthing
TJ: wats she up to
Melanie: I don't know, she won't tell me. She's being pissy with me because I am telling her to stop her shit. But she's acting like she's got something up her sleeve that's going to piss me off severely, and that usually means she's going to hurt herself, always does.
TJ: shes so fuckin difficult
Melanie: I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks so. It's like she wants things to get worse and never be easy.
TJ: its because shes never had things the way she wanted them
TJ: she doesnt know wat to do
Melanie: I know where she comes from, as far as never getting to have her own way. I think I got to run my life for all of five minutes in between different people taking control. But she....ugh she puts obstacles in her way on purpose, its annoying.
Melanie: Phone ringing off the hook??
TJ: y, yes it is
Melanie: that usually means pick it up
TJ: id really rather not
Melanie: what? afraid she's gonna jump through the phone?
TJ: no im betting shes pissed about some kinda shit
TJ: i just dont feel like talkin to her
Melanie: She is. She's practically raving at me.
Melanie: Kris: i want to fucking scream right now
TJ: haha she wont scream
Melanie: Kris: tell him to pick up his fucking phone
Melanie: i think she's close to breaking something
TJ: she doesnt break things, only herslef
Melanie: so I've noticed, someone needs to by her like vases to throw at the wall or something
TJ: not her style. ill go ova lata and make sure she doesnt hang herself
Melanie: alright, i'd throw a fit if she died or had to go to the hospital, i almost lost it when she had to get her stomach pumped
TJ: i remember that
Melanie: she didn't bother to tell me about that
Melanie: she happened to accidently mention it and then not talk about it until i made her
TJ: she got in a lot of trouble for that
TJ: her parents want to send her back to england, been telling her since then.
Melanie: yes, because her mom was pissed that it would "tarnish the family name"
Melanie: someone should shove a sock down her moms throat
TJ: they fight alot lately
Melanie: Yeah, her mom is mad because her GPA is only 95.7, which is pretty high, most people don't have that, what does her mom want her to be perfect??
TJ: cuz she was perfect for da longest time
TJ: now shes not answering her fuckin phone
TJ: im out, i wanna shower be4 i go
Melanie: kk bye
TJ signed off at 11:30:48 PM.
::sigh:: the things I do for people.