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SoberSilence

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[03 Sep 2004|01:14am]
[ mood | confused ]
[ music | A Perfect Circle - Sleeping Beauty ]

Jessica came into Acme today...

*stares at his post*










It's been a long time, since we spoke last. Our last conversation ended with "Just leave her the hell alone."

Why does this keep happening to me... Why do people keep fucking my mind. She appoligized, and told me she was going to stop by some day soon, when I was off work... why?
What is her game.... she knows we can't be friends, she's tried it too many times to once again think things will be different... She can't truly be so sick in the head that she gets off on hurting me... She looked great, lost a little weight, her hair was at a great length... Why, why would she take time out of her day to come in and apologize to me... Even want to see me against her mother's will. Someone who wouldn't even see me before to take a gift I made for her... Dare I run blindly into another goodbye? This time, I'm not going to question. What will save me, no.... I don't need rescuing, I need no hero... I will be that for myself, for a change.

To add another knotch to the stupidity wall, I will ride the current to wherever it takes me, and pray that I don't have to add another scar as well.

This Love [02 Sep 2004|01:21pm]
I was so high I did not recognize
The fire burning in her eyes
The chaos that controlled my mind
Whispered goodbye and she got on a plane
Never to return again
But always in my heart

Oh…

This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
Her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice ‘cause I won't say goodbye anymore

I tried my best to feed her appetite
Keep her coming every night
So hard to keep her satisfied
Oh, kept playing love like it was just a game
Pretending to feel the same
Then turn around and leave again

This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
Her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice ‘cause I won't say goodbye anymore

Oh…

I'll fix these broken things
Repair your broken wings
And make sure everything's alright
(It’s alright, it’s alright)
My pressure on your hips
Sinking my fingertips
Into every inch of you
Cause I know that's what you want me to do

This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
And I have no choice ‘cause I won't say goodbye anymore

This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And my heart is breaking in front of me
She said Goodbye too many times before

This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
Her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice ‘cause I won't say goodbye anymore

This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
Her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice ‘cause I won't say goodbye anymore
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If I can Remember [01 Sep 2004|09:56pm]
[ mood | lonely ]
[ music | Papa Roach - Between Angels and Insects ]

If I can
Remember
To know this will
Conqure me

If I can
Just walk alone
and try to escape
Into me


It seems so obvious to me that what I do is venture out into the fire of an ever burning hell, and I still get surprised when I get burned. Why do I wander back out into the world of relationships and love if I know where that road leads? Am I truly so dependant on companionship that I keep this ignorant hope that one day it will work out? I am so wonderfuly ignorant to what I already know. Yet I can't just accept that cold truth. That night on that couch was bliss, her smile was so warming and pleasant, and her kiss even more. Tis rare to find such a good kiss... But like all things, I was used, and in the end, blamed. But hell, I was smashed and shitfaced, so it doesn't matter, eh?
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[22 Aug 2004|09:57pm]
I know you're reading this. But I guess it realy doesn't matter. Kodos on finding it. I didn't think anyone would check my AIM profile. Why you are stalking me I'll ever understand. If you hate me you shoudln't want to know what I am doing. But like I said, whatever. Read if you want. Maybe you'll learn somehting new.

[22 Aug 2004|11:00am]
[ mood | blank ]
[ music | A Perfect Circle - The Hollow ]

It's a very cold morning. It seems like everywhere I turn I get a slight chill, I wonder if it holds a symbolic meaning about the days events.

It's an intresting feeling to know that you can destroy everything you care about simply by being yourself. I don't fear being alone anymore, but only becuase all of my attempts only crush those that I care about and in the end only causes pain for everyone. I don't fear my sadness either. For all I get for looking for help and explaining it to others is the acusation that I am selfish, and looking for pity. Heh, fuck you. I guess I'll just become the uncaring bastard you all claim I am. What a wonderful life that will be.

Everything has a begining and an end. [21 Aug 2004|11:41pm]
It's taken me a while to decide, but I have decided to go ahead and use this journal as a record of my personal thoughts, as I can no longer bare having to tell them to others. By all means, I hope no one reads this, and if you have stumbled here by accident, do yourself a favor and don't read it.
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