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so bloody hell [13 Jan 2006|02:54am]
[ mood | aggravated ]
[ music | zilch ]

Ok. So yesterday I ventured to the psychiatrist. I told the doctor my annoying side effects...

Side effects? More like life inhibitors. These bloody depakotes dunt allow me to feel things are funny in my head, they only allow me to still think things are funny. thus i still respond with a bloody laugh or smile or whatever, and everthing appears normal. thus, I'M CURED! only a fucking simpleton truly believes that. Hell, he gave me such a bloody long staring at, hahahaha, you have to watch ur words with these bastards, and ur attitude. they're really quite crap.

Ya know who's really pretty? Michelle Yeoh.

I haven't been reading much. Poo.

At least I'm not a naive goodie two shoes drowning in disillusioned psychosis. that's always a real bitch. although, i'm now an angry belligerant, self destructive recluse...hm...another real bitch.

I woke up at midnight. Who the fuck wakes up at midnight? No one. What to do...

SHE was just on.

Well, I have absolutely nothing to do. Oh well. Get a joib they say...hahaha. Wait, actually, no one's told me to get a job, or go to military, or anything since I'm on drugs. Drugs that make me depressed. That make me tired. That makes me a semi sociopath. All for not being social and becoming a abusive child molesting psychopath like the fuckers I live around. And a few ther bloody things...

So dissent must either drink, and if they get too wild with their drinkingm, or iof it doesnt work, they go on drugs, and if they get rejected because they dunt drink, they go on drugs. Amazing. Just amazing...not. That's a lot of liver damage. Fuckers.

Oh yeahm, I thought I made another promise to myself to truly try to get into and do well in college. eh, the motivation is...pathetic. oh well.

I was once on the cc team in high school, and all the sucky ass thug runners totally dominated over the varsity. it was pathetic. the senoirity bullshit. yet, the varisty refused to use their status and fight the bastard thugs. they just went and hid. it's really fucking retarded. i wish i never ran cc. dumbass bullshit.

my head still hurts.

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... [04 Jan 2006|03:19am]
[ mood | listless ]

MY BLOODY HEAD HURTS. I bought two books today with some money I just left in my wallet. A book on India and an ACT prep book. Yeah, it's just great. The India book was a total impulse buy, haha. I'm actually gonna make an attempt at the bloody act...and the sat. Haha. Damned sat...fuckers pressuring my ass ever since 6th grade about that damned thing. Of course I lived in a demented culture of ranking by sat score. Madness you say? Basically all I know that were in the classes with me are illiterate hysterics that arent aware of their own existence. I'm certainly not suggesting I'm aware of my own existence, that's far too divine. I desperately wanted ONE alternative personality. Gees, and do u know where I found that? THOSE OF INFERIOR RACE AND INTELLECT! Bwahahahaha! Yes, I'm a self labeled race traitor. Hanged with chemical torture to conform to the ostensity of white superiority! No, they call it medicine...help, forgiveness, kindness, morality...

Now I've been on all kinds of shit. Shit that makes ur heart race, ur hands jitter, a general floating sensation, like for some reason, the damned christian god deems u unworthy of receiving the effects of gravitation. Yeah, why didnt my father come up with that one? Ur not worthy of gravitation! It's kinda hilarious, when in a bloody veral sparring match, ur own white father refers to you as "ol' boy" with the expression and intonation representing "nigger." Two white southern parents, and i'm white...and ur putting me on the drugs? Eh...accuse me of hallucinations all u want but u think i'm black? Riiiiight...damned fucker.

Of course every dissident male has been on anti psychotics...I'm no different. One made me binge eat. I couldnt walk for a week due to my stomach being so full. The residual effects are head jerks before sleep. My nightly neck seisures. The other made me pace back and fourth. Of course there's that stuff that makes ya have sexual side effects. Crying is a crime. They'll give you a pill for that. Makes ya stop immediately.

So, here I sit. I wanna talk about the person that's propped me up for the past, fuck, 5 years now...
She's the caringest, sweetest, most intelligent, most beautiful, most straightfoward person. Greatest friend ever.
Only positive influence in my life.

I live constantly missing her. It's not her that makes me angry, it's my impatience to finally get going with my life. I'll have to work on that.

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status entry [03 Jan 2006|02:59am]
[ mood | pissed off ]
[ music | nil ]

so, i felt like ranting. well, shall we rant? Bloody fucking hell. Blah blah. I need a damned bank card again. Fuck. I get to go into the damn bank, have all those dronish uppity hags and fops stare at me wide eyed. Yes, that's right, they look at me as if I'm about to rob the bank. Which oh by the bloody way, gets me off on another topic...

People are fuckers. If you are not wearing state age appropriate location specific attire, well you must be plotting miscreant terrorisms against law and order. oh yes, you got me! I'm caught again. Fucking queers. Obviously people are cultural parasites, they must be spoon fed their customs by other means and/or entities. I went out and discovered mine...so much for all that final frontier bullshit.

Ok, so yes, I do relish the power I have - being able to influence people. Stupid fuckers. Squirm squirm squirm lauded automatons of the free world.

Back to the bank card. Yeah. So I need that because oh silly me, fuck that. I won't say.

I was talking to some girl that went to college in North Carolina, USA. YOOSAH! Psh. I got the classic "ur random, ur not male! ur soooooooo random!" ah, yoosah conservative bitches. what clones.

I'm a bona fide burn out. Yep. So hard to tell...I'm pissed. And to relieve my pissidness...????!!!! Eh...go to college. Pretty simple now. NOW. Fuckers.

I have issues with major depression (nah really?) The yelling? the chemicals in my blood, making me crazier and crazier...my head hurts from this goddamned depakote. I have trouble reading from this shit. It's retarded fucked up shit. I need a posse.

that damned sterile detached socially stagnant fluorescent apocalypse called school. So why didnt i shoot up the place? A friend thought I might. We we're that close, obviously. WELL! Anyways...I can think positively sometimes, actually, wowwy! No of course not, it's because I revert to self destruction in anger from depression. I'm a piece of work.

People arent going to change. Wow...how philosophical of me. Yet I can succeed in making my life pleasurable. THE KARMA!

War and Peace is a damned fine book.

I need to make more changes. I'm going for a walk.

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