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my living nightmare

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Livejournal [02 May 2004|08:15pm]
[ mood | pleased ]
[ music | "Babies of the 80s" by Something Corporate ]

haha.. i got a live journal. Its at www.livejournal.com/users/moments_lost

So this is probably my final blurty entry. How sad. The good news is my new live journal is so gorgy. It rocks and its got a taking back sunday theme going on. Hehe. I also have a great layout thanks to this girl steph who is laura's friend and who happens to be very cool.

Okay so i'm keeping this blurty on because i can still coment in other blurtys but what ever.

Lies

Boyfriend [28 Apr 2004|02:55pm]
[ mood | discontent ]
[ music | "I'll Be Right Here" by Richard Marx ]

So if you don;t already know, you know now. I broke up with berg today. It was inevitable. I mean i was putting it off for a while. I just stopped seeing him as a boyfriend. We never talked or anything and never hung out and it bugged me. It got to the point where i never saw him and it bothered me and i knew there was nothing i can do to change it. So i've known that our break up was coming, but i felt so bad. Because he is so sweet and nice and does smell good but i started to feel nothing. But i'm hoping we can still be friends cause he is a good person and all.

BestSnCanThinkOf: we will still be friends tho right
SmellyFeetEWWW: i want
BestSnCanThinkOf: so do i
SmellyFeetEWWW: ok good

He is so sweet and now i feel even worse because he is nice and i broke up with him. There is something seriously something wrong with me.

As of right now news i'm on the phone with laura and nick and they are as boring as shit!!! And right now i have reason to believe that nick said some crap to laura online or something because she was laughing and then hes like its not about you w.e.

1 Truthful |Lies

Quiz/Survey thing [22 Apr 2004|05:10pm]
[ mood | apathetic ]
[ music | "Butterfly" by Crazy Town ]

Hehe I was bored and so I haven taken this survey quiz thingy… haha now read on

[.x.] full name: Stephanie Marie Hesselbarth
[.x.] bka: Steph, Blue, Annoying Girl, Teena, and other random thing people think of
[.x.] birthday: august 20th
[.x.] age: 14
[.x.] starting time: 3:13
[.x.] date : 4/22/04

. * l o v e l i f e * .

[.x.] boyfriend: yep
[.x.] crush: ummm
[.x.] how long have you liked bf/crush: well I liked him in 1st grade
[.x.] how'd you meet:: through kim, then again at stage crew
[.x.] what do you like about him: he’s sweet and smells good
[.x.] whats his personality like: boring… haha
[.x.] whats your longest relationship: a month and 2 days (this one)
[.x.] who was your first love: my very first crush was him… haha but there have been many others
[.x.] who was your biggest crush: joe havens.. Laura and joe are just so cute now

. * s c h o o l *.

[.x.] what grade are you in: 9th
[.x.] what school do you go to: howell high
[.x.] favorite year: ugh.. This year I met some great people
[.x.] favorite teacher: mrs. van vliet -> she rocked and had a hot son
[.x.] favorite class: art we have fun
[.x.] rather gym or lunch: lunch.. Duh!!
[.x.] rather guy or girl teacher: who cares
[.x.] what language do you take: italian
[.x.] favorite special: art
[.x.] what highschool do you go to/going to go to: howell high… oh yea!!
[.x.] what college do you wanna go to: don’t care as long as its far away and a good one

. * f a v o r i t e s * .

[.x.] show: angel and that 70s show
[.x.] movies: 10 things I hate about you
[.x.] actor/actress: colin Farrell… he is so hot!!
[.x.] songs: “Butterfly” by Crazy Town and “cute without the e” by taking back Sunday and the saddest song ever “I’ll be right here waiting for you” by Richard marx
[.x.] bands: brand new and taking back Sunday and the lost prophets… all the way
[.x.] singer: whitney Houston rocks
[.x.] rappers: anything with a funky beat
[.x.] candy: starbursts
[.x.] gum: bubble tape
[.x.] drink: Snapple or lipton ice tea
[.x.] clothing store: mandees
[.x.] season: summer
[.x.] month: august only because of my b-day
[.x.] day of the week: friday.. those nights rule

. * t h i s OR t h a t * .

[.x.] tv/computer: is that a fair choice
[.x.] phone/aol: again I need both to survive
[.x.] radio/cd: cd
[.x.] dvd/vcr: dvd
[.x.] plane/train: plane
[.x.] cell/beeper: cell
[.x.] beer/wine: eww both very gross
[.x.] vodka/baqardi: again nasty
[.x.] smirnoff ice/mikes hard: I don’t like alcohol
[.x.] smoke/drink: both horribly habits that can kill u
[.x.] g.a/beach: g.a. Iove roller coasters
[.x.] ocean/pool: pool, oceans got seaweed and jellyfish
[.x.] ghetto/preppy: preppy
[.x.] emo/rap: emo
[.x.] summer/winter: summer
[.x.] spring/fall: fall

. * t h e n. t o . n o w * .

[.x.] color: blue to who gives a shit about colors anyway
[.x.] music: pop to everything, mostly emo
[.x.] food: hot dogs to chicken
[.x.] drink: ice tea to ice tea
[.x.] clothes stores: limited too to mandees and anything in the mall
[.x.] crush: haha not going there
[.x.] live: still in god damn howell
[.x.] school: howell middle school south to howell high
[.x.] things to do: ride my bike to going to the mall
[.x.] grades: A’s and B’s to A’s
[.x.] homework: 1+2 to geometry crap
[.x.] friends: kim to laura
[.x.] perspective: everyone is so nice to everyone is a fucking whore

. * w h a t m a k e s y o u *.

[.x.] cry: my dad screaming at me, my mom or my bro
[.x.] laugh: when people do stupid stuff
[.x.] scared: when my dad is pissed
[.x.] feel better: idk haven’t figured that one out yet
[.x.] comfortable: my bed
[.x.] happy: wheen people are nice
[.x.] confident: when am I not confident
[.x.] sad: ugh… too many things
[.x.] confused: people
[.x.] excited: dashboard tickets
[.x.] stressed: school and not getting a’s
[.x.] pissed off: when jackasses hurt my brother
[.x.] wanna kick someones ass: again when people hurt my bro or my mom
[.x.] wanna die: death is an easy way out
[.x.] embarrassed: when my mom tells my friends to ask me out
[.x.] hyper: anything and everthing
[.x.] wanna get drunk: never
[.x.] wanna grow up: when my dad is an ass (I can’t wait to move out)
[.x.] wanna stay a kid: when I realise everyone sucks ass
[.x.] wanna quit school: I couldn’t my life depends on an education
[.x.] wish you could make people understand things: when I see how niave and bitchy everyone is

Theres my quiz and I hope you now know the inner thoughts of me!!!

Lies

Astrology [21 Apr 2004|02:52pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]
[ music | "I Have Nothing" by Whitney Houston ]

Okay a lot of crap has happened since my last update, but i'm not ready for that update yet!! So i've come here to talk about astrology. I know i can't be the only one who buys into all this crap. I mean its usually dead on. So here is all the astrological crap about me and my bo.

Daily Horoscope for a Leo
Hers - Focus on the future. There are brighter days ahead, but you won't be able to see them if you are constantly stuck in the past. If something isn't working (no matter how hard you've tried) let it go and move on.

Now its me and Bergs Love Match
When Cancer and Leo make a love match, they understand and know how to satisfy basic emotional needs within one another. Both these Signs require dedication and tender, loving care, but while Cancer seeks stability and emotional harmony, Leo craves heartfelt compliments and sincere admiration. Both are strongly loyal, even to the point of possessiveness, Cancer for safety's sake, Leo for the sake of their self-confidence. They are also both committed to an enduring, rewarding connection. Since their desires are similar, a Cancer and a Leo may fill very important voids in each other's lives.Both Leo and Cancer prefer comfort and security, and they prefer both on a grand scale. Leo provides the flair and the passion, and Cancer brings to the relationship a sensitive but intense instinct to nurture. Leo is the bigger and bolder and more vivid of this couple, the picture of majesty and status. Because both Signs are so strong-minded, these two must always work attentively to understand and accept one another.The intense and emotional Moon (Emotion) rules Cancer, while the bright, bold Sun (the Self) rules Leo. The Sun is about ego and self, radiating warmth and light, and vibrant Leo indeed radiates this kind of energy and enthusiasm. The Moon concerns itself with nurturing, with creating and maintaining emotional connections. This combination of masculine and feminine energy is why the Sun and the Moon adore and sustain one another other as they do. The Sun represents life, and The Moon cultivation and growth; as long as they are mindful of their inherent differences, their combination can be a positive one.

Now its the second half to that thing
Cancer is a Water Sign, and Leo is a Fire Sign. Leo strives with an ardent energy toward praise and appreciation, while Cancer yearns more for security and stability. Both Signs like to take charge, but they come at a leadership role from very different directions. No small number of disputes can rise from this difference. As long as Cancer and Leo never take for granted their relationship, as long as they reassure one another in practical and romantic ways that this relationship is important to both of them, they can usually find a happy medium. Cancer is a Cardinal Sign, and Leo is a Fixed Sign. Under stress, Leo becomes opinionated and stubborn, and Cancer can act as a subtle manipulative force. Cancer's the persistent initiator of shared plans, and Leo channels their energies and works doggedly to move plans to completion. If given the choice, the Crab would choose a calm and stable life, having no need for glamour or acclaim. Leo, on the other hand, loves to shake things up and embraces the unexpected and the novel. Though a Leo and a Cancer may commit emotionally to a relationship, each of them can continue to follow their natural instincts AND devote themselves thoroughly and completely to one another. If, however, they haven't made their love intentions clear to one another, they may find themselves on a never-ending emotional roller coaster ride. Cancer, hiding behind that innocent shell of theirs, can be the more quietly controlling of this pair and might--to a degree--manipulate their Leo loved one when it seems practical to do so. What's the best aspect of the Cancer-Leo relationship? Their mutual commitment to a sincere relationship. Together this pair can share a supportive, positive and healthy vibe. People see them as a winning combination, and their mutual desire for a secure, loving relationship makes them strive for harmony.

What does this all tell me, i think i get what all this means but on the other hand i could be completly off.

Lies

Don't Know What To Do [15 Apr 2004|04:05pm]
[ mood | crushed ]
[ music | A Whole New World ]

So far its seems like the only person i can talk to anymore is Laura. I mean i can talk to others but the only person i can tell anything personal too is her. She understands and doesn’t criticize me and she doesn't tell anyone else about my problems. I have an amazing amount of trust in Laura. But its hard, to even talk to her.

I have this problem and i feel one way about it. I know i have to confront this its just a bitch. I rather run away from my problems then deal with them. I've always been like this and i know its not good, but i can't change. I take the easy way out. Its funny everyone keeps saying i can't believe you don't care about "this problem" but you know me. I don't tell people how i really feel and this problem is killing me.

I think i have changed this year. I used to be a very in your face person but lately i've let things pass me by and i haven't made a big deal about things. But you know what i want to do real bad. I just want to confront everything and everyone. I'm just afraid of what might happen if i do. Fear rules my life. I always said if i wasn't to do afraid i might actually have a better life!!

Idk, Laura knows whats this about and she tells me not to worry, but i am and i hate it. Others might know but they won't understand. There is one particular person I’d hope who understands it but they won't and nothing will ever change.

Lies

Chick-fil-A [08 Apr 2004|05:49pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]
[ music | "Circle of Life" by Elton John ]

For someone for a couple months was lucky to get a job once a month at chick-fil-a they can't give me enough now!! I worked there again today, ugh. I worked from 12 to 4 not so bad and there wasn't any rush. I worked with Laurie. Laurie is one crazy cat. Me and her were talking the whole time and i think mike (creepy guy manger) and Diana were like is that working and were like yea!! I did anything but serve people. I tried bagging food, and i would do it and diana would be like don't screw up. She can be very mean!! But i would give the people food and i was all my pleasure. I was extremly hyper! Me and Laurie were like competing and one guy was like try to get along and were just like ooookay. Then Laurie told me that yesterday she thought she was pregnant and Debie made Rick go out to the store to get a pregnancy test. She was like it was embarassing. Thank god Laurie isn't pregnant. I got off work at 4 and wound up being there until a quater to 5. Joe was like what r u doingg here and im like i'm waiting for my mom. Then i went to the denist and here i am.

Kiernan called me and i'm going to see some band crap thing. He had no idea what it was but he said megan knew soo i'm like whatever.

Carina said this to me a week ago and i saved it because i thought it was so cute:
A Midsummer Love: Hey! If I was, and I was going out with someone with the last name Berg, I would give them a pet name of ' My lil' berger'

Isn't that so cute. I am actually going to call him that. I promise. Hehe

Lies

Boring Vacation [07 Apr 2004|08:20pm]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | "In The Shadows" by The Rasmus ]

I haven't updated in awhile because there hasn't been anything to update about. My life has been so incredibly boring... but even if u cared heres an update of the missing days with no updates.

Wednesday
Not much Berg left to London at 5pm. I actually got to say good bye to him. NOt much else. School the usual.

Thursday and Friday
These days only prove the fact that my life is incredibly boring and nothing interesting ever happens. On Friday everyone was like i'm going away i'm going to miss you and a bunch of junk like that. While waiting for the buses Grant and everyone was like have a great spring break and omg and crap. I was like whatever. Not concerning me but i found out something about two of my friends of mine. Lets just say it concerns Dana and someone but i can't say another word!! Also friday night i went to my softball coach's house and made the banner thing. It was cool the girls are nice. I met this one girl who i have to say is a cross between 2 other of my friends, Heather and Fallon.

Saturday
Grant called me like 4 times today because he wanted me to go to the malls and movies with him and people, never found out who went with him, he never told me. I of course missed all of Grant's calls because i was working at the great Chick-fil-A. From 11:30 to 4 i had to serve food to the great people of Howell. ugh people are bitchy!! Then i had about 2 hours to rest get cleaned up and leave again for another job. I had to do the coat check at Southard Fire Departmant it was this thing where all the new chiefs and crap came into office. I was like wow this is so fun. Literally i wound up reading but then i finished my book an had nothing to do. It was good in the fact that they fed me filet mignon (did i spell that right) it was real good. I made $53 in tips and i got paid $50 by the firehouse.

Sunday
It was family outing day. We went to some mall like an hour away because my brother wanted to go to the vans skate park that was inside the mall. Idc because my parent got my brother situated at the place and then i went shopping!! I went to pac sun and got like 2 shirts that go over tank tops and then got this hawaiin like tank top. Then i got a t-shirt at areopostle. Then at New York and Company i got these very cute looking kind of 60ish earings i love them!! Then we left the mall and we went to Longhorn. After Longhorn we walked over to the Verizon store. I was like so close to getting a cell phone but the lady was like its $120 for a phone and she kept trying to get my dad to sign a 2 year contract and he got angry and didn't do anything. After that me and my mom walked over to fashion bug and i bought this oh so cute skirt there!!

Monday and Tuesday
I slept for like these both entire days. I did nothing at all, except watch tv and eat. On tuesday i did wind up reading. I had to read a Tree Grows in Brooklyn for school so i would up reading that for the entire day.

Today
I was just got up and i heard the phone ring and it was Rick from Chick-fil-A. He wanted me to come in to work. So i did. So like 12 to 4 i was at Chick-fil-A. My mom couldn't pick me up until 5 so i hung out there for a while. Me, Rick, Laurie, Megan, and Joe were talking for that time becuase no one was coming into the store. It was mostly Megan talking but she was funny and she was telling us stories about her friends. Idk and here i am. Not doing anything just being boring but i am watching American Idol. So laters

Lies

Sorry Sweetie [30 Mar 2004|07:08pm]
[ mood | sympathetic ]
[ music | "Hands Down" by Dashboard Confessional ]

I have to apoligize to Chris about my last entry.

I feel bad because i wrote that last entry out of anger and now i realise i might have exagerated my feelings a little. Okay a lot. But thats how i felt at the time, and i don't feel that way anymore. So this entry is pretty much me apoliizing to Berg. So i hope no one gets the wrong image of him. He is really sweet and smells fantastic, just ask jamie. HeHe!! No but he is a great guy. We talked today and everything is all better. Oh yea, i am espicially sorry for calling him a cunt bag, its this inside oke between me and Laura, so no one else got it but it definitly wasn;t meant to insult to him.

Everything is all all better

Today we hung out, too. We were al going to go over Jamie's but somehow people all of a sudden realised they had projects to do. Me and Jamie were both like "Since when do they do projects". So Jamie came over my house. Then we were bored and were like okay what do you want to do. So we decided to walk to Bergs. Okay its all you people who make me feel like a stalker, how many times have i walked to chris's house and he wasn't expecting me. Oh whatever. So me and Jamie hung out at Berg's for a little while, but then us 3 we decided to walk to Jakie's house. Unfortunatly Jackie wasn't there so then we walked to my house and hung out. It was fun. I think i can still chris's beautiful smell. Its fabulous!!

Berg smells so sexy

Lies

This whole fiasco [29 Mar 2004|07:29pm]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | "The Reason" by Hoobastank ]

i felt like i needed to update. i think this is my way of procrastenating (did i spell that right?) my homework. But i also there are a lot of things i do need to write about, but i'm not entirely sure if i would want to make it public. I think the major issue i need to write about is ma and berg. I know he is probably read this and he'll probably be like o my god i can't believe she wrote all that crap about us. But i know i have to write it because if i tried to explain it to someone... it somehow gets twisted in translation.

First i should start with Thursday Night
Chris ims me and tells me that he has to make a decision between 2 people. Well then i find out its between me and someone. And imediatly i know its Casey. So the fact was it seemed like he had to choose me or her. Which i had all this anger because how could his friend hate me so much that she wouldn't be his friend if he continued to go out with me. I mean i knew going into a relationship that he was friends with Casey and i never had a problem with it. Its funny the first thing people said to me when they heard we were going out was you know hes friends with Casey. Isn't that ironic.

Next onto Friday
In the morning i was walking down the hallway with Laura and i see Chris. So i go to hug him, so what does he do. He sort of pushes me out of his way, ignores me and continues to walk down the hall to his locker. At first i was lik okay, but then i was kind of like what the fuck. So then 10 minutes later i was talking to Laura, Grant, Lana and someone else. Again i see Berg walking down the hall right past us and he again just keeps on walking past us. I knew that was a bad sign. So then i find Jamie and i'm like you were talking to him last night why isn't he talking to me and shes like, because he wants to take this day to think about what Casey said. So he doesn't want to talk to either of you today. I was like o my god he might actually dump me because of her thats not fair. I hated the way that made me felt.

Weekend to think things over
So over the weekend i didn't talk to him. I was okay with that because i knew he was at his Dads for the weekend so i was like okay, everything will be fine. Once he comes back i'll figure out whats going on and i'll think i was an idiot for getting myself so worked up

Today
So i'm walking to the libary in the morning and i see him and me being the arogant person i am thought why the hell should i say anything to him, he was the one who ignored me last time i tried to talk to him. So lets just say i had all day of school to think about why he still hadn't said anything. After school i was at Kiernan's and were like lets call Berg. So Kiernan is on the phone and he just puts it all out there. Hes like your girlfriend is pissed because you ignored her. Thats pretty much the meat of what he said. Then Grant or Kiernan accidently hung up on him and we didn't feel like calling him back. So Kiernan's like yea hes sorry but he said everything in his boring apathetic tone so you can't tell. So lets jsut say i wasn't entirely secure or happy yet. So at like 5:30 Grant is over my house and were talking to Berg online. So he was pretty much like i didn't realise i ignored you. And he was well i'm not a talkative person so if i don't have anything to say, i'm not going to say anything. I'm like the gesture of hi is just nice to do sometimes. Which i don't believe you won't agree with me. So then i got Grant going this is bullshit and Laura is saying the exact same thing. So i finally got fed up and went whatever.

Afterthoughts
So i'm still not entirely satisfied with everything that has happened so far. And i can tell you my mother isn't either. Its actually quiete funny Nicole decided to tell my mother everything thats been happening and my mom has been cursing up a storm. Its really weird. But anyway, i'm still don't know whats happening. I got a bunch of people telling me to dump him. And i've never been one to listen to other people. But the truth is, i don't want to dump him and people need to understand that. I like Chris even if he is a cunt bag (lol Laura), no but i do like him a lot and you don't turn off your feelings, so i don't know what to do anymore. I want to continue to go out with him, its just this whole thing makes me realize life is a real bitch.

1 Truthful |Lies

Life Is Better [26 Mar 2004|10:30pm]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | Taking Back Sunday ]

I have a feeling i get carried away sometimes. But before i didn't at the time i was so fucking pissed off and i wanted to hurt like everyone, but know i'm better.

Me, Laura and Sarah all went to the mall. We had a cool time. It was kickin bro. HeHe. They made me happy. They let me vent about my anger and once i was able to vent, i was able to feel better. Just proving the fact that it isn't healthy to bottle up your feelings. Who would have none. When i went to the mall i actually bought something. I bought 2 Cds. I re-bought my Lostprophets Cd and the i bought Taking Back Sunday. I bought a pink tank top at Delias. Then I bought a white and pink T-Shirt at Pac Sun and actually used the gift cirtificate that i've had since Christmas.

But i think the best was when we went to rave. We saw these 3 girls over by the thong rack. I saw Sarah looking at them then me her and laura walked a little away from them. And we were like thats funny. So next thing you know it were like lets go shop for thongs. So once those girls left we all walked over ther and were like yes, thongs. HeHe it was great. Then this girl came over with her boyfriend and she was nice. Then Laura was like i don't have a white thong and the girls like white thongs are over-rated, they stain really easy. It was funny. Long story short, thongs were 5 for $12. So Laura bought 5 and i bought 5, but one i gave to Sarah, it had a zipper on it, lol!!

It was a great night!!

Lies

Life Sucks [26 Mar 2004|03:32pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]
[ music | "Cute Without The E" by Taking Back Sunday ]

You know its ironic, i wrote a really long blurty entry about how i'm just giving up on people because everyone is a bitch and a cock sucker and every foul name in the book. So what happens when i'm finished, my crappy computer has a spaz attack and it all goes bye byes!! But i guess now i could some it up real simple. I'm sick and tired or everyones fuck bullshit. I can't even deal with my own fucking problems so how the fuck i'm i suppose to deal with your bullshit. I guess i'd just be happier if everyone just left me the fuck alone and didn't bother me and try to make my life hell and didn't critize me and tell me how horrible i am. I can't stand it i wish everyone would just be fucking nice for fucking change, is that so hard to fucking ask. Its not fair what the fuck did i do to deserve any of this crap. Now people could think its just one thing thats happened, its everything. I've been keeping everything in for this entire fucking year and i think its finnally caught up with me.

If thats too complicated for you fucking morons to understand let me simplify it in 2 simple words timed by 100 over and over:

fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you

I hope you fucking understand that. I'd be a lot happier if you all just left me the fuck alone and let me be happy for once.

7 Truthful |Lies

Beautiful [25 Mar 2004|05:37pm]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | "Amazed" by Lonestar ]

I have decide to change my blurty, as you may have noticed. It is back to pink, but now its not a hot pink but a more feminine pink, which i consider to be beautiful. I have also changed the icon thing. Isn't it adorable!! Not a whole lot besides that going on... The usual crap.

I downloaded a great song before. "Amazed" by Lonestar. The lyrics are real cool:

Every time our eyes meet
This feeling inside me
Is almost more than I can take
Baby when you touch me
I can feel how much you love me
And it just blows me away
I've never been this close to anyone or anything
I can hear your thoughts
I can see your dreams

I don't know how you do what you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I wanna spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby I'm amazed by you

The smell of your skin
The taste of your kiss
The way you whisper in the dark
Your hair all around me
Baby you surround me
You touch every place in my heart
Oh it feels like the first time every time
I wanna spend the whole night in your eyes

I don't know how you do what you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I wanna spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby I'm amazed by you

Every little thing that you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I wanna spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Oh, every little thing that you do
Baby I'm amazed by you

Lies

All Smiles... [21 Mar 2004|06:14pm]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | "Walkie-Talkie Man" by Steriogram ]

Okay well someone told me to update my journal and so i'm going to. I mean i was goign to update it anyway if he said to or not. So it really makes no difference...

As of yesterday i was no longer a single girl. I am now dating Chris (a.k.a. Berg). Omg, i know hes going to read this and think she is such a friut and a spaz, but i think he already knows that and so its alll okay. I mean for heavens sake i stalked the kid in 1st grade.. i think he definitly knows i'm a friggin' spaz. If not he has a lot to learn. Okay he is so sweet. And he is definatly the best smelling guy in the world!!! Me and jamie just run up to him and smell him constantly. Do you think thats weird? HeHe :)

I'm physco and i'm okay with that. Are You???

Okay i have a dilema. I have this o so cute blurty icon thing and it is adorable. But it doesn't match the blue text with my blurty. So this means the awsome blue that i recently changed my blurty too, it would have to be unchanged. And the color would have to change to pink.... again. I already did the hot pink thing. Should i change my blurty to pink and get and awsomly cute blurty icon or leave it as it is?

This mught seem like a simple question for some of you, but for me... the girl who can't make a decision for life, its very very hard!!!

Me and Berg 3/20

11 Truthful |Lies

Braces [11 Mar 2004|11:40am]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | "Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana ]

Today i didn't go to school and everyone else did... hehe!! Yea but the downside was that today i got on my top braces. :( I didn't hurt or anything like everyone said, so it was a lot better then i expected. Its just kind of annoying. I got pink bands on them, i was going to get blue cause i love the color blue. But i thought that would have been weird and it would have only gave grant and them another reason to call me blue and make fun of me.

So now i'm doing my homework and i am so completly bored out of my mind. I think i'm just going to go back to school at this point and help out with crew.. idk

Lies

Smile You've Got Frenches [02 Mar 2004|05:17pm]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" by Cindy Lauper ]

No understands me... i don't even understand myself. Yesterday i was so angry and right now i'm so happy!! idk.. i'm a confusing person. Laura was all upset today and she was so angry and i felt bad cause i felt like i was part of her problem :( and i felt even worse because i should feel sad like her but for some reason i felt great and i can't help but smile right now :) hehe

Today we took those crappy S-Tests... blah... and in school we did nothing of importance. Then after school i stayed after for stage crew. They make me laugh and i'm such a physco.. hehe.. I was talking to Skank and i was telling him about Criag last year.. it was very fun... :)

I hate this feeling i feel so happy and its so weird... i can't stop smiling.. i feel so giddy and strange.. being happy is a new experience for me :) hehe

jump for joy!!

1 Truthful |Lies

............................................................................. [01 Mar 2004|06:15pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]
[ music | "Tainted Love" by Soft Cell ]

I haven't updated in such a long time... there is so much i should have wrote about but didn't... And i'm probably not going to be writing any personal crap anymore because i just can't. Me and laura started writing in notebooks too each other.. its just little notes and crap, so i will be healthy and express my feelings but no one will know my feelings expect laura... so its still private and healthy.

Umm.. friday i went to the mall with lauraC and we ran around it for like 2 hours trying to find Gary (lauras bf) and the whole time i'm there i'm cursing like shit.. it was fun!! At the mall i bought a cd player for $50.. its red!! hehe... on saturday i went to stage crew from 9am to 3pm.. then after that me danna and chris all went over to grant's. We watched spy-kids 3D except not in 3D because it was weird and it was like red and green and not right. After the movie chris left. Then Danna was like all over grant for like 2hours, then we ate chinnese, well actually i ordered chicken fingers, but w.e. then after much debate we watched x-men2... i love that movie!! Me and grant talked about all the x-men stuff and he had this huge book on the x-men and then he showed me all this power ranger toys it was so cool...

Today was pretty much boring, i went to the dentist and yay... talked to laura a lot.. she lets me go on and on about crap and doesn't get bother... it rocks... :)

Lies

Update [22 Feb 2004|04:13pm]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | "Last Train Home" by Lostprophets ]

i am so incredibly bored. No one is home in my house except for my weirdo uncle. He is like a bum for the past week he has done nothing except sit and watch tv and tell me and my brother what to do. Excuse me your not my parents, he doesn't have a right to do that and it bugs the shit out of me. My other uncle, Uncle Frank, just left today to go back to his house. Up until this week i always thought my Uncle Frank was the most annoying uncle i had, but then was until my uncle otto has been living with us. I now can apriciate my uncle frank and well respect him a little more. Any way at least my uncle frank buys me gifts so i like him more, its great. When my uncle frank comes down for weekends he buys me and my brother a dvd, or cd, or a ps2 game. Its great. I got the lostprophet cd... can i say finally, i wanted this cd for like so long now.

Laura is gone to florida for the week. Good for her, i'm back here doing nothing, with 5 porojects do and only one finished!! I've been talking to nicole now more often. Its funny when nicole gets mad at LauraO because LauraO has this way of throwing herself at the guys(aka matt) nicole likes and nicole gets all pissed off. I somehow get pleasure out of other people's failures... i'm weird w.e.

Lies

Today [20 Feb 2004|03:24pm]
[ mood | optimistic ]
[ music | "Shimmer" by Feul ]

Well it was boring enough with just a tad bit of excitement. hehe

Geometry we went to the libary and i did abslutly nothing productive just joked around and hung out with shannon and chris. Then Danna was on in the libary with her class and i talked to her for a bit. Then i pulled up this site, yes my wonderful blurty and shannon started reading the prude entry and she commented in it. It went something like everyone thinks i'm prude too and w.e... Shannon gets me which is cool :) then me and her were taking quizes on quizilla.com and we took which celebrity will we marry and we both got josh harnet.

lunch i went and i got those iflurtz things and i wanted to see how full of crap it really is and well it is full of crap. My #1 match is jimmy milonas. Hello me and that kid hate each other.. w.e. it was pretty funny how stupid it was.

So far nothing intresting really has happened but i want to do something tonight someone should call me...

Lies

SUBJECT: i don't need no stinkin subject [19 Feb 2004|03:28pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]
[ music | "Come Clean" by Hilary Duff ]

First i'd like to give a shout out to Laura. She wrote this awsome stuff on her blurty on saying how were super tight and how we will be best friends forever. :) So i'd like to say that Laura knows that i can tell her anything and i do tell her everything. Even the stuff which is really embarssing. I think if anyone knew me the best i'd say it had to be Laura just becuase we understand each other. I me and LAura have a lot of the same problems (not that laura has problems) its just that we can relate... so thanks laura for being an awsome friend.

Next, i don't know what to say just omg.. and yea!! I think laura and Gabby know what the omg is about and if u want to know just ask me and maybe i will tell you but maybe i won't so haha. But i'm just going to say omg and omg and omg and who does that?

Lies

Prude?? [17 Feb 2004|03:39pm]
[ mood | confused ]
[ music | "The Red" by Chevelle ]

I have been feeling very self-concious lately... idk. Espicially on the matter of relationships. If anyone knows me at all, then they know i've never had a boyfriend, nor kissed anyone. So everyone assumes that makes me prude..

Defintion of Prude according to dictionary.com:
One who is excessively concerned with being or appearing to be proper, modest, or righteous.

Now i don't think any of these qualities represent me. So i have taken the liberty and i am telling everyone who believes i am prude, that the fact of the matter is i am not!! I just believe that saying i am prude gives an easy way to explain why i never kissed anyone or did half the crap that it seems like everyone else has done.

I have to admit i do have some prude like qualities. I mean i can't imagine me giving head to someone or sleeping with them. Its just the way i am. But being prude i think means no physical contact. See i could like make out with someone. Also i really don't have a problem with people who do stuff with there bf or gf (but this puts emphasis on bf or gf). What grosses me out is the idea of a whore in New York who desen't even know the guy and doesn't care she'll just fuck any guy for money.

I talked to Laura and she said she totally got it. She even told me i wouldn't be a virgin by the time i marry (thats actually saying any guy would want to marry me). I mean i don't know if her saying that was a compliment or not but whatever i will take it as one. I think Laura really does get how i feel, i mean i don't like being like this. She gets that.

Although i say i am not prude and can tell you that, i still think you will believe i am prude. I give off this sort of innocent vib and i don't usely get dirty jokes that people tell. Matter of fact usually someone has to explain the joke in very slow detail so that i do understand it. But this is me and innocent or not, i just believe i am not prude. :(

am i prude?

3 Truthful |Lies

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