04:16pm 29/02/2004
  Everything is okay. Kyle isn't a druggie and he doesn't flirt with a lot of girls. Some people just have to lie to me about crap. Kenny...maybe Teresa, I don't know, but Kyle didn't flirt with Cori or with Treyah or anyone. I felt bad because I doubted him. So, my life took a pretty huge turn on Friday. In gym, playing floor hockey, and somehow I twisted my leg a weird way and I fell to the ground in agony. Pain shooting up my leg. I look down and my knee cap is gone. It's on the side of my leg. Ashley Johnson just looked down and said oh my god, then she yelled at mr cressman, and he came over and said oh my god, then everyone had to go across the room to the other side and just stare at me while I cried my eyes out. I was in so much pain, it hurt so bad. They got the nurse up there, then she said I would have to go to the hospital and crap. I got scared. It took forever. My knee was stuck like that for almost 2 hours. So, I was taken from school in an ambulance and everything. No one really knew what had happened to me. Everyone from my gym class, thought I broke my leg. So they told Teresa, she started crying. And when they told Kyle, he started crying, hysterically. I guess he was so upset the teachers let him call home and his mom almost came and got him, he was so upset. Then later, when I finally got to talk to him, he said something like He was scared his baby was really hurt. I was just tripped out he was crying and he was like no one had even seen me cry before. I felt so loved. And I guess a lot of people were crying. I felt really loved. Lately Kyle has been calling me Lee, so I call him Carter. It's pretty funny.  
09:05pm 25/02/2004
mood: depressed
music: even sadder
I try to only write in here when it's something that is life changing. Well here's something else. Nickey was acting all weird. And she was like something about I have to tell you something but I'll tell you later and then Kyle pulled me away and we started walking to class. I didn't really think anything of it ya know. Then after last block, when we were at our lockers, I asked what she had to tell me. And then she said she heard Kenny and Kyle and that Kenny was going to like "sell" Kyle something. Drugs. I was just irate and about to cry because Kyle had always told me that he doesn't do them. So Nickey left and when Kyle came up, he knew something was up just by the way I looked. So I asked him, and he got really mad and walked away. So I ran up to him, and asked him again. He looked at me in the eyes and told me, he doesn't do anything. So when i got home, I called Kenny and asked him if he sold anyhting to Kyle. No. Of course not, he says. But he told me that during Health Kyle was talking like he was a big pot head and stuff. Then he was telling me about how Kyle flirts with a lot of girls and stuff. So, ya know me, I started crying. We got out of practice at 4:40, so I went down to the Extreme hallway to see if Harris or Warshol had any advice for me. I was able to talk to them and I was okay. I felt a lot better. Ms. warshol helped me a lot more. Probably because she is younger and all. I don't know, this is probably petty. But the guy I was planning on spending the rest of my life with, is a druggie? It's just overwhelming for me. Kyle is my love. I can't imagine a life without him. I can't see myself not with him. I'm just so heart broken. I always thought he was perfect. He would be if he doesn't do drugs. And now I'm feeling like I'm not enough anymore for him, if I ever was? Because I've had 2 people tell me he flirts a lot. One I trust, adn one person, I don't really trust much, but when Teresa can see stuff and she is able to tell me, without hesitation, then I know it's a big deal. I guess he was flirting with Cori. And Kenny said he does with Treyah and Lakeytha. And Teresa just said that we are only in eighth grade and that I should have just known this. But I love Kyle. I dont care what anyone says. I lvoe him. I love him like we were married. I love him more than anything. Im heartbroken.
12:42pm 25/01/2004
  First update...wow, I've had this like forever. I'm talking to Tera right now. Damn, she has changed so much. I had my first real kiss last night. Yes, happiness. I was estatic. Teresa was all happy for me. Then I couldn't wait to tell Tera. She had been the one person who I couldn actually talk to about that stuff. I tell her and welll:

SimpleSaraPlan: i kissed him....
SimpleSaraPlan: ya know?
DcSoftballssc989: OH.
DcSoftballssc989: Coo.
DcSoftballssc989: Was it...good?
SimpleSaraPlan: Yeah.
DcSoftballssc989: Coo.
DcSoftballssc989: Was you scerd?
DcSoftballssc989: How did it happenb?
SimpleSaraPlan: it's a lot to tell
SimpleSaraPlan: phone?
SimpleSaraPlan: [I have to always ask]
DcSoftballssc989: Naw.
DcSoftballssc989: I'm grouned.
SimpleSaraPlan: oh yeah
SimpleSaraPlan: okay
SimpleSaraPlan: We're at the mall and stuff, then me and him went outside like where we were last time and it didn't happen. He was nervous, and I was just anxious.
DcSoftballssc989: It didn't happen.
SimpleSaraPlan: no it did, last time it didn't
DcSoftballssc989: Oh ok? I'm lost.
DcSoftballssc989: Just oh well.
SimpleSaraPlan: and like he was just looking at me [last night] and so I just went closer to him and kissed him. He thought it was just going to be a peck and I wasn't going to do it, but like I started to open my mouth and all.
DcSoftballssc989: Oh.
DcSoftballssc989: Sick.
SimpleSaraPlan: Then we did it for like 5 minutes then had to go. Our teeth clanked and we laughed. BUt otherwise, I liked it,
SimpleSaraPlan: Sick?
DcSoftballssc989: But I guess I am happeh for ya! I mean you DID get what you've alwyas wanted for once, lol.
DcSoftballssc989: Yea.
DcSoftballssc989: Lol just kyle lol I don't kno, I'm not saying a word more abou tit.
SimpleSaraPlan: how? I know for you. but..
SimpleSaraPlan: tit.,..lol
SimpleSaraPlan: I know you don't like him at all do you?
DcSoftballssc989: Why would I?
SimpleSaraPlan: i dont know.
DcSoftballssc989: K.
SimpleSaraPlan: Why does this seem so weird?
DcSoftballssc989: ?

SimpleSaraPlan: us talking, I feel like I can't really talk to you anymore.
DcSoftballssc989: I don't kno.
SimpleSaraPlan: o you feel it too?
DcSoftballssc989: I'm not in the mood to.
SimpleSaraPlan: *do* you...
DcSoftballssc989: Nope.

My Tera, my soulmate sister. Is gone. I cry and I cry and I cry and I cry all the time. Like right now, I'm just so sad. Time to go to my room and drown my emotions in tears. Goodbye, Tera.
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