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[07 Jun 2003|06:35am] [ mood | calm ] [ music | Something Corporate - Konstantine ] Boredom.... 4 comments|post comment

[06 Jun 2003|03:28am] [ mood | chipper ] [ music | Coldplay - A Rush Of Blood To The Head ] My mom is considering Seattle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! post comment

[31 May 2003|04:42am] [ mood | confused ] [ music | Christina Aguilera - Fighter ] Tonight was.....weird. I woke up at about 1 a.m. and rolled over to look at my cell. I had 15 missed calls and 9 vmails. When I went to press "list" on the missed calls the first one I saw was "Adam Johnson." Now, I had just woken up so, I wasn't really functioning well. I just thought that was an old missed call so, I quickily pressed the up and down buttons...but, it was, indeed, the first missed call. Now, what really freaked me out was that right before I woke up I had a dream about seeing him at the Shell. All this combined just freaked me out. I called Edel and told her and she asked me what time he called...on the missed call it said 9 something and on the vmail it said 12 something...which means he called twice! WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING?! I don't fucking understand! The last time I talked to him was like...a month ago. I fucking hate games. A lil while later, after I was up and all that jazz, Justin McCuthceon called me. WHAT THE HELL?! I didn't answer. Then, Mary Alice comes over and Aron called her cell!!!!! I screamed at her to answer but, she wouldn't. She doesn't understand that I really needed to know what he was doing calling her. Ok, first Adam, then, Justin M., now Aron! I couldn't handle all this..especially Adam. 1 comment|post comment

[28 May 2003|05:32am] [ mood | confused ] [ music | Adelayda - Not Tonight ] That's it...I'm done w/wanting a boyfriend. I just really don't fucking get it. Last night Crissy, Edel, and I happen to ride by Carrie's house and I saw Roger's truck parked outside..well, I just figured people were over there hanging out and stuff cuz someone told me that Carrie just wanted to be friends with him. So, I just didn't think anything of it. Well, we were all sittin at putt putt and he pulled up and hung out with us. And of course, we did our usual flirting and all that good stuff. Well, later on we all ended up at Waffle House hangin out or whatever and Edel grabbed his phone to look at it. Guess what was written on the screen...."ILUVCARRIE" :| She said it out loud and I was like "Hey, Roger...Carrie Woodall?" (even though I knew who it was) and he was like "Yeah, my girlfriend." OUCH!!! Edel looked at me and I just didn't know what the fuck to do. I mean.....shit, WHAT THE FUCK!? WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS WRONG WITH ME? I know I'm not ugly...I mean, guys are always telling me that I'm hot or pretty. And I'm not a bitch to anyone or stuck up or shit like that...I MAY be a smart ass sometimes...ok, most of the time ;P, so why can't I find a guy to date me?!?! It's like they don't mind hooking up w/me but, they don't want to date me. And I'm sick of that shit. I feel so worthless. 5 comments|post comment

[27 May 2003|02:56am] I have coke...enough said... 2 comments|post comment

[24 May 2003|11:08am] My Kim is back from training!!! Me, her, Crissy, and Edel went out last night and got tore the fuck up. We rode around for a lil bit, went to Blockbuster, went to Gregerson's, and then ended up at chicken wing. Oooo we saw Kevin at one point and he said something to Kim about Roger Helms. I was like 'What the fuuuuuuuuuuuck?!' So, I asked her if she hooked up w/him and she said she didn't. I mean, considering how it's Kim I don't know whether to believe her or not. That girl may be my friend but, she is a hoe!!!! I haven't told her about how I know him and shit. When we were at Blockbuster I fuckin busted my ass in front of everyone!! I scraped one knee and bruised the other. I was just laughin it off hahaha I didn't know I was that drunk...I was all walkin around like it didn't happen...I didn't care. And someone was like "What the fuck happened to you?! Bitch, do you know that there's blood dripping all down your leg?!!" I looked down and was like 'Oh.' hahahaha Later, when we went to chicken wing I saw Lovett and he was all like, "Wanna come hit the foil?" My eyes got soooooo big and I was grinnin from ear to ear. So, me, Em, Lovett, and Nunnally got in the car and did some meth and coke. It was soooooo great. Not only did I get to do coke but, METH too! I haven't done that in like, 4 months. My ass was soooo fucked up. *grins* 2 comments|post comment

[22 May 2003|04:08am] [ mood | tired ] WORD OF ADVICE: Don't go mudriding when it's been raining 4 days in a row in an SUV that doesn't have 4WD at 1 in the morning...the results aren't good... So, yeah, I got a little carried away w/muddin and decided I could handle bigger trails...FUCK NO! Crissy, Edel, and I stood out in the rain for 30 minutes callin the entire town of Gadsden to help us. Everyone was either asleep or out of town. Then, we walked down the road cuz we didn't wanna stand out in the middle of the woods and came across some building w/a bunch of lights. So, we stood there cuz we felt safer. Then, I acidentally led Edel and me into a pile of sewage. YUCK!!! We finally got a hold of Todd and he came in the H2. It took about 35 - 40 minutes to get my shit out. My poor baby sounded sooooo bad. Spring Bash is tommorrow.... post comment

[21 May 2003|07:39am] [ mood | ehh ] [ music | The Roots - Seed 2.0 ] Friday - Crissy, Edel, Eric, and I went to City Stages. Saw Bob Dylan and Evanescence. Evanescence was awesome!! Edel and I kept pushing our way to the front and Crissy was afraid we were gonna get bitched at. lol Hey, I paid 30 bucks just as well as the other people I could stand anywhere I fuckin wanted to. Well, we made our way to the very front. Everthing was going good and then all of a sudden these fucktard start to mosh. Now, I have no problem w/it but, when I'm stuck in the middle of a bunch of crazy guys pushin and shovin and shit I'm no happy camper. I ended up gettin pushed to the other side of the stage away from my friends. *shrug* I knew I'd find em later. Now, I'm just rockin out and shit and all of a sudden a damn crowd surfer falls on my head. :| And I'm like 'FUUUUUUUCK!!' I hear my name and it's Eric I guess he saw me sittin on the ground and was trying to come to "my rescue." LOL All in all it was fun. We got back to Gadsden around 2 am. And who were the first people we happen to see right when we get on Rainbow Drive? Kevin and Roger. They saw us and waved for us to come over to the Exxon..but, we got kicked out. So, we drove over to Gregersons. Roger and I were doing some major flirting. It all started when I told him he couldn't carry me...big mistake. He jumped out of the car and picked me up in his arms. The whole time I'm thinkin 'Oh my God, I'm soo heavy!' LOL Then, he throws me over his shoulder, w/my ass all up in his face, and I'm just like kickin and screamin away. He threatened to throw me in this bigass mud puddle and I told him that if he did he was goin in w/me. So, he put me down. But, it wasn't over, unfortunately. He ran up behind me and started tickling the fuck out me. I was on the ground helpless and kept screaming for him to stop. Then I told him I had asthma and couldn't breath (which isn't true) LMAO So, he stopped. Now, I'm laying in the middle of Gregersons parking lot, can't breath, tired as shit. And I was like 'Fuck this...I'm not letting him get off this easy.' So, I ran after him and tackled his ass, which I know had to hurt cuz I had a ton of cuts from the pavement. So, now, we're wrestling. He won...but I'll get him next time. The good stuff came later on...he left Kevin and rode w/us. We went to Sound Concepts to see Todd, Eric got out and we stayed in the car. I decided that we should play Truth or Dare, which basically just ended up being Truth. And considering how Edel, Crissy, and I already knew everything about each other we were grillin the fuck out of Roger. haha Edel asked me and him if we liked each other and all that shit. I was like 'Ummm, I don't know' and looked at him and smiled. He mocked me and did the same thing. Then, he dared me to kiss him. :) Crissy later asked who his best kiss was and he said me. He said I get all into it and I can be aggressive. I was dying laughing on the inside. I'm sure my face was bright ass red. But, like I said, that boy is SKETCHY. So, I don't really know where this is gonna go. Saturday - Crissy and I went to City Stages. It was raining and shit but, my ass was going to see Juliana Theory!! We got there and listened to Pete Yorn play 2 songs then, they shut down the stage for a lil while cuz a storm was coming. fuckers. We were going to the car to wait there instead of out in the rain and I ran into Casey and Scottie and some of their friends. They invited us to wait w/them at their parking deck/hotel/whatever the fuck it was. One of their friends, I forget his name :x, was realllly cute! We were flirting alot. Crissy kept saying he was all into me LOL He gave me his number, but I'll probably just call him next time I'm in Bham. Willie Nelson was the only one that was willing to play so, we watched him. We left about 2 hours later. Sunday - I slept throught the day and missed The Roots and Ludacris at City Stages. :( Monday - I got my license renewed, went to the store and bought some cigs...lol the lady in there was like, "Well, hun, you just turned 19 didn't you? Happy birthday. I'm 54 years old and I smoke and I'm gonna go ahead and tell ya this...put em down!" Her voice cracked me up...I gave a lil chuckle and left heh, then, I took Crissy some food, went to the tannin bed, went to the mall, looked for a bathing suit, and got some dinner at Arbys. Oh yeah, then I took the blaze mudridin later that night LOL 2 comments|post comment

[12 May 2003|09:57pm] [ mood | confused ] Pics from my birthday weekend will be up when I get em developed. Saturday night we were gonna go to the Panic concert for the second part of my birthday but, I just wasn't in a very "panic mood." So, we just stayed in Gadsden. Edel and Crissy were gonna get high for their first time at the concert. But, I wasn't gonna let us not going stop them from their first time ;P So, I called Adam...it gave me a good excuse. We met up and I got the bud. He was acting weird tho. Like, he didn't really even look at me and everytime we meet up he usually asks me to do something later that night but, this time he was just like "Well, I gotta go...see ya'll later." :\ I'm gonna see if he calls me this week... Roger's acting kinda sketchy as well...he goes off and tells everyone that he really likes me and I'm "soo beautiful", and all this shit but, he hasn't really called me but like, twice. I mean, you'd think if someone was interested in someone as much as he is w/me that they'd call! I mean, WHAT THE HELL!? I'm not THAT intimidating!!! And he can't be THAT shy!!! I don't get guys. On a better note...I have coke! 1 comment|post comment

[12 May 2003|12:48am] [ mood | awake ] It's my birthday!!!!! I can buy cigs legally now...woohoo!!! :P 2 comments|post comment

[07 May 2003|11:46am] [ mood | chipper ] OMG! ADAM CALLED ME YESTERDAY!!!! I was soo happy that I was running around the house singing my ass off and grinning ear to ear. And my mom just kept looking at me like I was on something. hehe The convo went pretty well. The reason he hadn't called me all weekend was cuz he had to work and he was really busy. I really, really hope that this goes somewhere...I really want to date him. Damn, he should feel privilaged...I mean the words "Mary" and "boyfriend" DO NOT belong in the same sentence. Out of all the guys I've liked or whatever I actually chose him to date! LoL Anyhoo, me, Jess, Matt, Edel, Crissy, and Eric went over to Todd's last night. I called Eric a fuckin pervert and he got all pissed off and him and Edel got in a fight. Damn, I wish they would break up. I can't stand him anymore. Jess got a lil tipsy...I may have had something to do w/it *grin*...and we came back to my house and acted stupid on cam. LoL post comment

[05 May 2003|02:22am] [ mood | I have cramps >:| ] [ music | 2Pac - Ambitionz Az A Ridah ] + Crissy, Edel, and I have gone out every fuckin night for like, the past month. And to be honest, I don't think I can handle anymore of Crissy. + Eric and Edel are fighting more and more and I WANT THEM TO BREAK THE FUCK UP! + One of Eric's friends, Roger, likes me. + I'm liking the fact that I "have" 2 guys. ;p + Edel asked Adam what we were and he said we're talking. + I got Crissy drunk as fuck one weekend at Todd's...she was falling everywhere!! + The next weekend I got Edel drunk as fuck. haha...I'm such a great friend! + Roger kissed me...and he still kisses me everytime we see each other. + I'm falling harder for Adam. + I fuckin cussed Kevin's ass out...like, I saw him going down Rainbow Dr., pulled up behind him and started blaring my fuckin horn at him and made him pull over, then I went alllll out on his ass. *evil grin* I hate that motherfucker. + I fucked things up w/Adam because I fucked him. I was drunk off my ass and horny. + I don't think we used a condom and I have no fuckin clue if he pulled out cuz I don't remember. + He's only called me twice since then. + Eric says that Adam got what he wanted and I should focus on Roger cuz he's a "good guy." + I like Roger but, not like that. Edel says obviously I do like him in someway or else I wouldn't flirt w/him as much as I do or let him kiss me. + Ok, so, maybe I do kinda like Roger...but, I still like Adam wayy more. + WHY DID I FUCK ADAM?! + I have a gut from all my drinking. ew. + Mom's being a bitch about everything....I'm too expensive. My cell phone bill was $300 and there's still a past due payment of $100; my ticket's gonna be between $200 and $300; we're still paying off student loans for a school that I only attended twice; I only got $30 back from my books that were worth $350; My brakes are shot so, those are gonna cost alot to get fixed; I need new contacts, which'll be like, $250; I've spent like, $200 on food and beer in the past few weeks. + I need some coke. + I don't get it...What's wrong w/me? Why can't I fuckin find a decent guy? + My period came. + My birthday is this weekend and I better have some fucking coke. + I feel like fuckin shit. 1 comment|post comment

[24 Apr 2003|03:37pm] [ mood | cold ] [ music | Something Corporate - Airports ] I've done absolutely nothing today. Woke up, checked vmail, ate a bag of chips, watched t.v., got online, ate some ice cream, layed back in bed and watched more t.v.... I live a sad, sad life... Yesterday is a different story...went to do my community service at about 11, found out I had to stay for at least 4 hours which fucked up my plans for the day. Wanna know how long it takes to mop a basketball gym floor? 2 1/2 fucking hours. Anyhoo, after that me, Edel, Eric, & Crissy went to Todd's and went swimming. I was fucking wired and doing stupid shit w/my towel. I ran around the pool screaming 'LOOK I'M A SUPERHERO! LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME!' and held my towel like a cape...it was fucking hilarious..kinda one of those "had to be there moments." Then I treated everyone to dinner at Applebees..I'm too fuckin nice LOL Ummm, then we rented "Darkness Falls." It was pretty lame. Oh yeah, somewhere in there I talked to Adam. Edel says we're talking but, I don't know. I really don't think we're anything...one more phone call and I'll figure it out hopefully. I have a cold and I'm going back to my heating pad now... post comment

[16 Apr 2003|05:01pm] [ mood | Shit ] I feel like fucking shit so, I'm keeping this short. Sunday - went to Todd's, took 5 klonopins and 3 lexosomething *shrug*, drank some alabama slammers and sex on the beach. Monday - still fucked up from Sunday...Adam Johnson called...I have no clue what we talked about. I don't really remember this day. Tuesday - BOUGHT COKE! Went to Todd's again, gave Edel and Todd 2 lines each...I'm too nice. Came home and just snorted coke all nite long. Today - Bought more coke! I've been up since 4:30 p.m. yesterday and I've been snorting coke since 12 am. Gave Jessica 3 lines. I have to quit...I can't handle this anymore :\ post comment

[13 Apr 2003|01:46am] [ mood | I'm kinda hungry :\ ] [ music | Audiovent - The Energy ] Yeah so last night I got to hang out w/Adam Johnson...I should sound more excited, shouldn't I? Well, I called him earlier in the day and he couldn't remember me at first, but I reminded him and he was all like "We can meet up tonight, call me bout 8:30 or 9." Anyhoo, so 8:45 rolls around and I called but no answer so, I called like an hour later and he answered that time. Gawd, I was so happy... Sooo, we meet up w/him and some dude and went out to F.O.P. Now, I had taken some xannies earlier and drank some beer so, I was feeling pretty good by this time. Anyway so when we got to F.O.P. I lost Adam, well, I pretty much lost everyone due to fact that I wandered off by myself, and at one point Crissy found me and was like "you need to get your man cuz he's talkin to 2 hoes." I didn't care...dude, I was too fucked up to care. haha Well, like 2 hours later we left and Adam rode w/me, Crissy, Edel, and Eric. I think we were on our way to Waffle House cuz Edel needed to sober up..and that's when we first kissed. SCORE! :P When we got there we all got out of the car and Adam was like "I need to call someone..Mary, come back to the car w/me." I was like "uh oh...here we go." I knew what he wanted, and I knew I wasn't gonna give it to him. I'm not like that anymore. So, we're sittin in the car talking and makin out and shit and he was starting to get a bit...well, he was ready to fuck. :x But I just couldn't. I want more than just hooking up w/guys now. And I wanted to know what he was actually doing w/me. Like, did he go out w/me to fuck or b/c he actually wanted to hang out w/me? So, anyway, we leave Waffle House to go to his car and he wanted me to go w/him but, I was like nawwww. lol When we got to his car he kissed me and was just kinda like "bye"...no "I'll call u tomorrow or you call me." That's when I was like oook, now I know what he was doing w/me. Buuuut, like an hour later he called me on his way home and was just talkin bout a bunch of shit cuz he was drunk as hell. At the end of the conversation he was like "well, I'll call ya sometime next week, maybe we can do something." Now I was confused. I mean, WHAT THE FUCK?! I don't know how to take this. ERG why are guys so damn confusing?! Well, I guess I'm just gonna have to play it by ear..I don't really know what to do. :\ post comment

[11 Apr 2003|04:03am] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | OLP - Clumsy ] Tonight there was a thread on PR about suicide, depression, and whatnot. Lately, I've been crying again for no reason and it's scaring me..I'm afraid that I'm going down that road again. I look at the scars on my arm and I want to pick up a razor so bad. I have this feeling that I'm going to die early and it will be from suicide. I'm my own grim reaper. I want all my thoughts to go away, I don't have one happy thought in my head. Someone posted something about how he always try to make other people happy and how the simplest hello from someone makes him happy. Everything he said is exactly how I feel. I've never met anyone else that has had those same thoughts. Everyday I strive to make all my friends and my family happy and I feel like I get nothing in return. Why does no one go out of there way to do things for me? Is that selfish? I just want someone to talk to. I've told my friends how I feel and when they asked me what they could do to help I told them that the littlest things made me happy. A birthday card, a random phone call, askin me to go out w/them, ANYTHING! God, even when a perfect stranger smiles and acknowledges me it makes me happy. I'm so sick of having to be fake around everyone and acting like everything is so fuckin hunky dorey. I wish I could go back to when I was a kid and so naive about life. I want to go back to the days when I was just happy and didn't have anything to worry about. And I could actually spend time w/my parents and enjoy going places w/them and lookin so forward to Christmas. I used to admire my father so much..even w/the alcoholism and beatings. He was so..."cool." Now I fear I'm turning into him. I was sitting at the kitchen table last night just smoking a cig and I suddenly realized how much I looked like him. Were the same thoughts going through his head everytime he sat there? Was he as alone as I am? We're so much alike..living each day in our own world. I'm going to sit in my room now.... 5 comments|post comment

[09 Apr 2003|08:23pm] [ mood | frustrated ] [ music | T.V. ] Hmm...my life is going nowhere...I'm back to my old schedule of sleepin during the day. I have so much to get done and I'm too fuckin lazy to do everything. I have to get a job, go to Anniston to take my shit back, save money for some fuckin coke, do my community service, go to Albertville and talk to my grandmother about shit, FIND ADAM JOHNSON lol, get all this shit planned out for my b'day (why am I the one makin the plans?), convince my mother that I'm not gonna die going to Seattle from all the shit that's going on, AGH and a bunch of other shit...I NEED MORE TIME! post comment

[09 Apr 2003|12:18am] [ mood | happy ] [ music | R. Kelly - Ignition ] I'm so happy! Edel and I are talking about what we're gonna do for my birthday...and it's like a month away haha (May 12th to be exact) Here's the plan so far: Friday, get a hotel room in Bham, get all dressed up and go to dinner, go back to the room, get fucked up, go clubbin...Saturday, get fucked up and go to the Panic concert, prolly just stay in Bham and come back to Gadsden Sunday. I can't wait! So far it's gonna be me, Edel, Mary Alice, Rachel, Eric, Crissy, Kevin, Tiff, maybe Tamiah, Fallon, Emily, and Nathan. I think, no wait, I KNOW that me and M.A. are gonna get an 8 ball for panic. We're gonna have to sneak behind everyones back but, it'll be all good...maybe they'll be to high to notice lol Dude, I just wanna get fucked up for my birthday and it'll be alllll good...heh Rainbow City Hall sent me some shit about that community service I never did. They're given me till the end of May. I HAVE to do this...Mom'll be so pissed if I don't. 1 comment|post comment

[08 Apr 2003|03:34am] [ mood | bored ] [ music | t.v. ] I'm bored... Name: Mary Nickname: -- Birthday: May 12 Birthplace: Killeen, Texas =Now= Current mood: bored Current music: t.v. Current taste: tea Current hair: put up, skank Current clothes: auburn sophies and a grateful dead shirt Current annoyance: noone's online Current smell: cigs Current thing I ought to be doing: sleeping Current windows open: this, picrave, aim Current desktop picture: the sky Current favorite band: evanescence Current book: none Current cd in stereo: a country mix Current crush: adam johnson Current favorite celeb: 50 cent Current hate: my life =Do I= Smoke?: yes Do drugs?: yes Have sex?: yes Give oral sex?: yes Receive oral sex?: yes...but not as much as I'd like Have a dream that keeps coming back?: yes Remember your first love?: I've never been in love Still love him/her?: -- Read the newspaper?: yes Have any gay or lesbian friends?: yes Believe in miracles?: dunno Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: why not Consider yourself tolerant of others?: -- Consider love a mistake?: no Like the taste of alcohol?: yes Have a favorite candy?: yes Believe in astrology?: yes Believe in magic?: not really Believe in god?: yes - 99% Have any pets: yes Go to or plan to go to college: whatever happens, happens Have any piercings?: no Have any tattoos?: yes Hate yourself?: sometimes Have an obsession?: many Have a secret crush?: yeah Do they know yet?: dunno Have a best friend?: yes Wish on stars?: yes Care about looks?: of course =Love life= First crush: Josh something, in kindergarten First kiss: Steven Jones Single or attached?: single Ever been in love?: no Do you believe in love at first sight?: not really Do you believe in "the one?": not really Describe your ideal significant other: I don't feel like answering this one =Juicy stuff= Have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing?: yes Have you ever been intoxicated?: yes Favorite place to be kissed?: neck, mouth, stomach Have you ever been caught "doing something?": yes Are you a tease?: kinda Shy to make the first move?: usually yes =Word association= Rubber: duck Rock: steady Green: grass Wet: water Cry: baby Peanut: shell Hay: bale Cold: winter Steamy: sex Fast: cars Freaky: dicky Rain: man Bite: me Suck: dick Blow: job ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date Of Birth: May 12 Location: Gadsden, Alabama Religion: Catholic --APPEARANCE:-- Hair: Too damn long, dark brown Eyes: Naturally brown, but turquoise w/my contacts Height: 5'8" Weight: 123 lbs. --STYLE:-- Clothing: Nothing special, jeans, cute tops, whatever Peircings: No Tattoos: Yes --RIGHT NOW:-- Wearing: Auburn sophies and a grateful dead shirt Listening to: The t.v. Thinking of: Everything Feeling: Bored --LAST THING YOU:-- Bought: Gas Ate & Drank: Wavy Lays original chips and sweet tea Read: Shit...ummm.....prolly my Audrey Hepburn book Watched on tv: Maverick --EITHER / OR:-- club or houseparty: houseparty beer or cider: beer drinks or shots: shots cats or dogs: cats single or taken: both pen or pencil: pen gloves or mittens: mittens ^_^ food or candy: food cassette or cd: cd coke or pepsi: coke this or that: this --WHO DO YOU WANT TO:-- kill: Everyone get really wasted with: Rachel look like: Britney Spears be like: -- avoid: Jeff Phifer --LAST PERSON YOU-- talked to: Edel hugged: Umm...a bunch of gals at F.O.P. that I hadn't seen in awhile instant messaged: Edel kissed: Some random guy from the bar...I think --WHERE DO YOU-- eat: What the fuck? cry: My room wish you were: Anywhere but here --HAVE YOU EVER...-- Dated one of your best friends? No Loved somebody so much it makes you cry? No Drank alcohol? yes Done drugs? yes Broken the law? yes Run away from home? When I was little Broken a bone? Dunno Played Truth Or Dare? yes Flashed someone? yes Mooned Someone? no Kissed someone you didn't know? yes Been in a fight? Physical? I wish..... Come close to dying? Don't think so --WHAT IS:-- The most embarrassing CD in your collection?: Mickey Mouse Unwrapped...although I'm not embarrased...I'll blast that shit down the drive! Your bedroom like?: <3 Dark wooden walls, plastered w/posters and pictures and a bunch of shit...ceiling's painted like the sky...floor's a mess Your favorite thing for breakfast? Grits, scrambled eggs, a biscuit, glass of orange juice Your favorite restaurant?: Applebees, Pruetts, or P.F. --RANDOM QUESTIONS-- What's on your bedside table?: CD player, pics, some papers What is the geekiest part of your music collection?: -- What do you eat when you raid the fridge late at night?: Ice cream What is your secret guaranteed weeping movie?: Dunno If you could have plastic surgery, what would you have done?: Bigger boobs What is your biggest fear?: Being buried alive What feature are you most insecure about?: Everything Do you ever have to beg?: Yes Are you a pyromaniac?: Only to a certain extent Do you have too many love interests?: No Crushes? Yes Do you know anyone famous?: No Describe your bed: Celestial, Auburn pillow, Teddy bears Spontaneous or plan?: Both Do you know how to play poker?: Not really What do you carry with you at all times?: My purse How do you drive?: I'd say pretty good...but not in the rain What do you miss most about being little?: Innocence Are you happy with your given name?: Sure How much money would it take to get you to give up the Internet for one year?: Somewhere in the thousands What color is your bedroom?: Ummm....walls are dark wood, carpet's brown What was the last song you were listening to?: "Tainted Love" Have you ever been in a play?: Yes Who are your best friends?: Edel, Tiff, Mary Alice Have you ever been in love?: No Do you talk a lot?: Depends on my mood and who I'm around Do you like yourself and believe in yourself?: Not really Have you ever done any illegal drugs?: Yes Do you think you're cute?: Sometimes Do poor, homeless, or starving people sometimes annoy you? No Do you consider yourself to be a nice person?: Yes Do you spend more time with your girlfriend, boyfriend, or your friends?: Friends What is the first thing you think when you see two gay guys or lesbians holding hands?: Shit, I don't know post comment

[07 Apr 2003|07:53pm] [ mood | morose ] I went to Auburn this weekend and guess who was there......Adam Johnson. We were both in a city 3 hours away from home, how random is that? And of course, because it's me and this shit always happens, I didn't get to see him. The next time I do see him he's gonna have a girlfriend...it always works out like that. Why me? This happens w/every fucking guy! How come everything in MY life has to be so fucked up? Is it because of me? What am I doing wrong? It's not just about guys...they're dicks anyway...this is about everything. It's about wakin up in the morning and knowing that my day is gonna consist of sleeping, eating, and watching t.v.; it's about sitting in my room at night dreaming of my future and how wonderful it's gonna be, yet doing nothing to achieve it; it's about looking at my scars and wanting to feel the cool sensation of a razor again; it's about having to be fake in front of my friends so they think I'm this happy person, it's about wanting my father to come home so bad; it's about crying at night for no fucking reason, it's about feeling so alone when there are so many people around me; it's about wanting to be accepted and loved; it's about feeling like I'm on top of the world one minute and then feeling like I'm absolutely nothing the next; it's about me and how I can't figure out why this is what it's all about. I don't know what my purpose in life is. But you know what? I feel as if I honestly don't have one. I see myself dying early, I've always felt that way. I feel like everything I do is a waste because I'm not even going to live long. I don't even know what the fuck I'm talking about right now. My mind jumps from one thing to the next. All I know is that I want some fucking coke right now. post comment

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