soul doubt's Blurty
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Saturday, May 10th, 2003

    Time Event
    cant think of 1
    im in such a good mood! last night at dr was a lot of fun. i was a little bit shy though cuz i didnt know like anybody there, lol. i met a lot of ash's friends and they r all so sweet! i love them, they're darling. and they're a lot of fun too. and ash got asked out by paul, go ash! u guys r so cute together, and i love how he has to like squat to hug u, its great =) but the end of the night got screwed cuz my dad told me to call him at 7:30 so i did but nobody picked up the phone, and then i called at 8:00 and he was really hella pissed off. i mean he was fucking screaming at me, i almost started crying while i was there. it was awful. and then when he came to pick us up he was ok for like the 1st minute of the drive and then he was like "so what did u buy" and i was like "i bought some really cute pants and a shirt" and he got all fucked up again and started yelling at me and cussing at me for buying that and then he started screaming at me about stupid crap like how he hasnt had lunch and i was like wtf i dont care if u havent had lunch, its not my fault! and he was screaming at me about how he doesnt want ash to spend the night and how im always wasting his time and how he doesnt even want to be doing this and nobody ever asks him about anything and i think i can just walk all over him dont i and lots of really fucked up crap. so i broke down crying in the car and he just kept on screaming about it when we got home so me and ash had to go hide in the backyard bcuz he was being such a jerk and i felt so bad for ash cuz i mean im used to this, my dad is like that almost every day, but she had to put up with my dad and he was being so fucking rude and she like didnt even do anything. it was awful. but yeah so i called my mom cuz my dad will do basically anything my mom tells him to bcuz my mom is the boss of the house. so he shut up for the rest of the night cuz my mom came home and he wont be nasty to me when my mom is in the room cuz he knows that if he is he'll get his ass kicked by her. but everytime she would leave the room my dad would whisper really mean things to me and the moment my mom would come back in he would just pretend like nothing had happened and would just shoot evil glares at me every now and then. but then i would tell my mom what he just said and then she'd be like "god damn it chuck!!" and he would like glare at me like "thanks a lot" and i'd flash him a really sweet smile and be like "ohh, ur welcome!!". it was ok for the rest of the night though, and i guess it was pretty fun. but i felt really bad that ash had to put up with all that.

    but besides my dad, last night was really fun, and ash's bf is pretty hot and im so happy she has another good bf cuz ryan was such a jerk. and ash was kind of nervous that alexis wouldnt like me, and i dont really know what she thought of me, but i love her, she is such a sweetie =)

    i dont think i want to hang out with bri anymore. and i know shes probably gonna read this too, so i feel kind of bad writing this. but shes just way too clingy for me. like its good to have a best friend but she went EVERYWHERE with me and she would wear the same clothes as me and she always took my opinions. cuz she would be like "oh i hate so-and-so" and i'd be like "really? shes awesome, i love her so much" and she'd be like "oh, yeah, me too" and i was like "wtf?". cuz i dont want to be friends with someone who copies what i do. if i did then i could just friends with myself. and plus everything that i used to think was funny, like all her jokes and stuff, i dont think r funny anymore. they're just weird now. i think that i've changed and she hasnt, u know? like i've kind of matured and shes still the same. and it annoys me that she doesnt flirt with guys at all. cuz i do it a lot and she was saying how she doesnt even know how to flirt. and the 1 guy that she does like she wont even tell him. it annoys me so bad when people do that, u know? bcuz telling them really isnt that big of a deal. i always tell the guys i like that i like them. i used to not do that cuz i used to be kind of shy but now im not at all. im a lot more open now. and shes all like "PROMISE u wont tell anyone, cuz i would DIE if any1 knew, but i like so-and-so." cuz i'll tell any1 who i like. if they ask, i'll tell them. and im just a lot different from bri now and i just dont like her very anymore. which is an awful thing to say cuz i called her my best friend and stuff, but i dont want to stay in something that isnt working for me, cuz shes just not my best friend anymore and i dont really want to hang out with her anymore. and when i tell my friends how i feel about this they're all like "yeah thats really nice, so r u gonna get tired of us and ditch us too?" but it isnt like that. its not that i just got tired of her. ive just changed and she hasnt, and i want to just like move on. haha i sound like im breaking up with her. but its true though, i love all of my friends soooooooooooooo much and i wouldnt just ditch them bcuz i love them with all of my heart, but when u just dont have a lot in common anymore, theres no point in staying with them. so yeah. im breaking up with bri. hehe.

    i have to go put some sleeping bags away, i'll probably write in this again later today, if i have anything else to say, but for now, i love ya!

    Current Mood: cheerful
    Current Music: bring me to life by evanescence (i love the video to it!)

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