[nicki]H's journal

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Wednesday, July 30th, 2003
4:14 pm

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Tuesday, July 29th, 2003
6:16 pm - lonely
What's so different about today? Its the same as any other day. i live and breath, i go to work, i eat.

today some thing is missing. I don't know what. i know i miss my Master, i know i crave His touch, His kiss, His company.. so what's different about today?

maybe i'm getting tired. maybe i am tired. i wants so much that things are different in my life, and slowly they are. looking back over the last 2 years i wonder how i made it here at all, but i did. so why this dark cloud over me? i feel the gloom of depression coming back.

That's why today is different. The familiar cloud, that i thought was gone, hovers nearby. Maybe tomorrow it will be gone. Maybe after a night of no nightmares about death and all that i have lost will be gone. Maybe the ache of missing the ones i love will be gone. Maybe, maybe, maybe....

current mood: depressed

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Monday, July 28th, 2003
1:59 pm - The start of a slaves journal
Starting a journal has to be one of the hardest things for me to do. But in my quest to improve myself for service to my master, i hope that learning this self discipline will improve my attitude and make a better slave. Therefore my Master will benefit.

I wonder though if putting personal thoughts, feelings, highs and lows for all to read will affect what i actually write, or if i can be honest enough for it to do any good. Only time will tell.

We have been in this particular relationship for just over 2 years now, and He is planning on moving here as soon as we find a property suitable for a Dutch Master to live in. Moving to a different country has to be hard and i can only pray that He does as He promises. It will be a huge change to both our lives and i sure we will grow from it and be stronger people.

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