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Locker, Shower and A Plan-Filled Barrel [03 Jun 2006|06:54am]
[ music | Jamiroquai - Seven Days In Sunny June ]

June is probably the busiest month when it comes to plans.

First plan was to go to NY, but that didn't push through because the visa application will take at least a month and the invitation expires in 3 weeks. And Derrick won't be able to come because of work; consequently, I can't go without him because I don't personally know his cousins, Andreas and Miguel.

Damn, I wanna see the Mac Store so badly.

Apple In Big Apple


Apple In Big Apple


Apple In Big Apple


Thanks J for sending me the pictures. I live in NY vicariously through you.

Andreas and Miguel (and Tita) I appreciate the sweet thought, but it's probably not the right time to visit you and meet you in person (and see your new house at The Hamptons). Hope the invitation is still open though in the future.

Second plan is to take Capoeira classes. Check. EBC Philippines offers beginners classes every Tuesday and Thursday at Manila Polo Club for 350 bucks. Oh boy, it was oh so fun! But it's also hard. Having weak arms is a clear disadvantage because I need to be able to support my body weight in hand stand. So the third plan is to go back to the gym, and buff up.

Check. June 1st was my first day in Fitness First in the Fort, and boy it was oh so memorable. Or more appopriately, embarrassing. After working out, I went to the steam room to relax. After a good 10 minutes, I went back to the locker room to get my bath essentials. To my horror, the locker was kind of rusty and it won't open. I spent a traumatizing fifteen minutes turning and twisting the key to open the locker. Having a rusty locker is fine but not when you're on your wet underwear. The worst part is, I couldn't go down to go to the reception area and ask for help because of obvious reasons, and I couldn't ask help from the people passing by because I was too embarrassed to even look at them. And the sports towel didn't help either because it's too small to even cover my face from embarrassment. When I finally got to open the locker, I hurried to the shower room. I thought that it was the end of my embarrassment, but to my surprise it had just begun. Unaware of what's about to happen, I stripped naked and started showering. Then much to my surprise, somebody opened the door. And when I thought that it was the end of mistaken empty cubicle case, it was not. While I was lathering up, another man opened the door and this time I was facing him. You see, the shower doors have no lock, and I didn't know that to indicate that someone's occupying a shower cubicle, one has to hang his towel by the door (or so as far as my observation proves). And since my trusty Speedo sports towel is too small to have its plastic case, I didn't hang it. Had he been the model I saw in the BodyPump class, I would have smiled, and forgave him, but he was the furball who talked so pompously loud about his new car. I just yelped a big "Hey!"

Fourth plan is to change my work. On the fourth week of June, I will be joining a team of tenured Senior QAs and I will be assigned to a different supervisor and that means I have new tasks and I will probably be back in Ortigas. Hope this one turns out well.

+ + +


In other news, I am officially a grandfather. The wife girlfriend of my oldest nephew gave birth to their first baby last week, and I just aged 50 more years! Pfft. Since when is 24 the new age of grandfatherhood?

+ + +


Since we're not allowed to take pictures of our Capoeira classes, I can not show you how fun it is not only for the heart and for the eyes. Fortunately, J sent me pictures of his Capoeira class in NYC. I must say, you have a lot of cute boys in your class. And my heart is fixated on him:

Brasilian Capoeirista


I miss you J!


Happy weekend everyone!
12 set · me · free stab · my · heart

I Heart New York [15 May 2006|11:58pm]
[ music | Phil Collins - Do You Remember ]

When one talks about loneliness, one usually talks about finding and losing, hoping and failing, remembering and trying to forget.

I have a story to tell, and it’s not about loneliness --it’s something similar.

What I feel is not something new to me; as I’ve always settled to be the third party. I had twisted relationships with the attached, the committed, the unavailable --many many times.

It’s not like I have lost them; they were never mine to begin with. It’s not that I hoped for a better situation, for more time, or for love to be eternal; I’m fine seeing them on a Saturday night and saying goodbye on a slow Sunday morning. I don’t need to forget about them, I find no reason to.

The weird thing about it is that it all starts with the same pattern --a simple conversation, a mild attraction, then as the night progresses, intimacy would bind us. I find it in my nature that I like intimacy with another human being. Too many times though, I find myself intimate with a committed man. One guy has been in a relationship for seven years; I’d like to think he’s just breaking the monotony. One was married and has a kid; I’d like to think he was kidding –but he wasn’t. Despite them having real relationship with real people, I maintain my paradox to be their fantasy, to be an escape, to be their temporary world. I prefer that I’d be that, rather than their real world. And so I learned well to forget about the outside world, to control my emotions, sometimes to not feel at all. And it’s not sad at all to not feel anything. It’s just safe, and nothing is ever sad about being safe. I just feel sorry that I had to escape too from my own reality.

My last escape was probably the most memorable. Allow me to share the story.

He came in when I was starting to lose everyone, including my friends. My mom left for Ireland so that makes me the only person in the family left in the country. RD and I were fighting crazy, and mostly it was my fault. Marjo and I were starting to have issues, and I find it hard to talk to my friends without feeling being judged.

He was here for a three-week vacation, and he got two weeks left before he returns to New York, so we thought of meeting up. It was like all other eyeballs with the most typical setup –in a coffee shop near the cinema, so we could see the next screening of Silent Hill in case we run out of words to say (contrary to that, we didn’t run out of words to say). After the movie, we walked and talked and since the moment felt right, I asked him to hang out with me at the pad (or should I say sex on the first date). Despite him admitting he has a Romanian lover back in NY, that didn’t stop us from being intimate with each other. We ended up talking about the most intimate details about ourselves, even to the point of feeling too vulnerable. We even found comfort in silence. Maybe I was lonely, maybe he’s lonely too (probably not), but that was not an excuse to justify what happened to us. We simply connected, and that’s all I need to know.

We continued seeing each other many time after that, I even slept over at his place, learning more and more things about him. And the more I knew about him, the more I felt strongly for him. And the stronger it got, the lesser the time we got before he had to go back to NY.

He showed me his pictures back home, the pictures of his friends, his family and it occurred to me that this guy was really something. He has a kind heart, a beautiful mind and soul, and a perfect life; I couldn’t help but felt humbled. Just when my insecurities would surface, he’d say something incredible that had it been from other people, I would not have believed it. He’d say the most common compliments with the most extraordinary sincerity. And once again, I felt like someone could really see through me.

He’s just a friend, that’s what he was, like all other men I slept with and gotten to know. And although he kept saying that it was just the beginning of a beautiful friendship, I felt something beautiful was about to end.

He left yesterday, and I was actually touched that it didn’t end there. As soon as he got to NY, he called me up and checked on me. The thought was very sweet but it made me miss him more.

And somehow, like all any patterns, it comes to an end. Slowly. Without explanation, without apology. You just know, because you feel it. You just need to accept. Good thing for me, I don’t find it hard to accept that the happiness I feel with them is ephemeral. It’s just a matter of perspective, in the end.

10 set · me · free stab · my · heart

I Got Soul But I'm Not A Soldier [27 Apr 2006|05:22am]
[ mood | The Killers - All These Things I've Done ]

Puerto Galera, April 2006


Puerto Galera, April 2006


Puerto Galera, April 2006


Puerto Galera, April 2006


Puerto Galera, April 2006


Puerto Galera, April 2006


Puerto Galera, April 2006


Puerto Galera, April 2006


Puerto Galera, April 2006


Puerto Galera, April 2006


Puerto Galera, April 2006


Puerto Galera, April 2006


Puerto Galera, April 2006


Puerto Galera, April 2006


Puerto Galera, April 2006


Puerto Galera, April 2006


Puerto Galera, April 2006


Puerto Galera, April 2006


Puerto Galera, April 2006


Puerto Galera, April 2006



I can't hear you well.
28 set · me · free stab · my · heart

Shoot The Moon [01 Mar 2006|02:21am]
[ music | Tracy Chapman - Never Yours ]

Manila, February 2005


This picture was taken on February 11th, 2006 at 6:31 pm. Why does she hide in the breast of the clouds when her beauty needs no veil?
4 set · me · free stab · my · heart

The Last Two Two Weekends Of February [28 Feb 2006|07:01am]
[ mood | Smile Like You Mean It ]
[ music | Belle And Sebastian - If She Wants Me ]

I hope I'm old before I die.

Baguio

Baguio

Baguio

Baguio

Baguio

Baguio

Baguio




With Marc Abaya

With Boy Abunda


Cam-whoring is a bad habit to break, ladies and gents.
26 set · me · free stab · my · heart

I'm · Going · Back · To · The · Stars
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