I...
Could've been...
The man you see in front of you all...
But he...
Slipped away...
To put this pride in to a place of hiding.
From everyone...

I...
Suffer through...
And push away anyone in love with me, I...
Wish
I could have...
The pretty things you see in me
Underneath.

I've slipped away...
?? feel important to me in the day...
I wish...
I could have...
The pretty things inside of you, understood by anything

I am just a worthless liar.
I am just an imbecile.
I will only complicate you.
Trust in me and fall as well.

Help me understand why
You've given in to all these
Reckless dark desires

You're lying to yourself again
Suicidal imbecile
Think about it, put it on the faultline
What'll it take to get it through to you precious
Over this. Why do you wanna throw it away like this
Such a mess. I don't want to watch you.

the wind's a cheating wife, her tongue a thirsty knife
and she could take your life with one good kiss

Fuck everything I've done in the past 2 years.
Fuck the shit i felt for you and all the tears.
I'd rather be dead then watch you move on.
So hurry up and go

Date:	2007-11-11 05:15
Subject:	...But My Hands Are Busy In The Air
Security:	Public
Mood:	optimistic
Music:	Radiohead, "Nude"

It's like that rollercoaster you really wanna go on and in line there's all that anticipation and nervousness and fear of crashing but the excitedness carries you through and then you're on and you're riding and woah what a rush, that first climb and that scary drop, no hands, but the next drop you're holding on tight....

...and then the rides over, and there's that moment where you wish it would continue, but at the same time you're ready for the next ride. But you're not the only one. No one else wants to stay on the same coaster, going over the same hills, down the same drops, only to start back at the beginning. Sometimes enough is just enough and you gotta get off, not crying, nor upset, but you pass by the picture they took, your mouth screaming with joy, and you just smile.

Don't get any big ideas
they're not gonna happen
You paint yourself white
and feel up with noise
but there'll be something missing

Now that you've found it, it's gone
Now that you feel it, you don't
You've gone off the rails

She stands stark naked
And she beckons you to bed
Don't go, you'll only want
To come back again

So don't get any big ideas
they're not going to happen
You'll go to hell for what your dirty mind is thinking

there's no place to hide
trust me, i've looked
and i've had enough time to myself to see
that there's not enough dreams left inside
to camouflage yourself in

but don't get any ideas
struggle if you must
it's just life
leading to a death just as lonely.
but dont go guns blazin
take your time
it's just death
from a life just as forgiving.

and here i write
like i'm some angel
preaching how to be but don't pity me
i've run out of places to hide
and hope to believe in

Date:	2007-10-16 16:43
Subject:	Disappear
Security:	Public
Mood:	frustrated
Music:	Hoobastank

There's a pain that sleeps inside
It sleeps with just one eye
And awakens the moment that you leave
Though I try to look away
The pain it still remains
Only leaving when you're next to me

Do you know, that everytime you're near
Everybody else seems far away
So can you come and make them disappear
Make them disappear and we can stay

So I stand and look around
Distracted by the sounds
Of everyone and everything I see
And I search through every face
Without a single trace, of the person
The person that I need

Date:	2007-10-01 16:35
Subject:	Blocking My Own Shot
Security:	Public
Mood:	depressed

If it makes you less sad, I'll MOVE OUT of the STATE.
You can keep to yourself. I'll keep OUT OF YOUR WAY.
And if it makes you less sad, I'll take your pictures all down.
Every PICTURE YOU PAINT, I will PAINT MYSELF OUT.
It's cold as a tomb, and it's dark in your room,
When I sneak to your bed to pour salt in your wounds.
So call it quits or get a grip. So you wanted a solution.
You just wanted to be missed. Call me a safe bet.
I'm betting I'm not. I'm glad that you can forgive.
I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget..

-brand new

There's this challenge I can't conquer
and no reason to even try
a path that's meant to lead me no where
obstacles with no alibis

A patient straggler in no hurry
falls behind the road that was
Plauging what was meant to happen
to the man without a cause

Just because I've turned my shoulder
doesn't mean i've disappeared
It however makes me wonder
was it worth counting every tear?

We will find around every corner
a fork where we will have to choose.
One road we think that we might win
the other we will have to lose.

Either road has new experience
some where most of us might cry.
We learn as we go on living,
and teach as we come to die.
-dAN



*There Is No Parasol That Could Shelter This Weather* - Incubus

Meet me in outerspace
We could spend the night, watch the earth come up
I've grown tired of that place, wont you come with me
We could start again

On the eve of bliss, I couldn't help but notice the short temper of the world
and it makes me sick when I care and I'm not really here.


Is it the emptiness that suffocates
or just my hands around my neck?
It's all just poison anyway.
Should I run for cover?
Like we run from eachother?
I'd rather walk, I'll need the strength for later.

I don't belong here, so just let me be.
Plans should go accordingly.
If I could follow through
or if I wasn't sober
where would it take me?

So you think this is it, that you've found a way out.
You've moved on but in time we'll cross paths again.
Then you'll see that you've really not moved anywhere at all
and you'll fall. oh god you'll fall.

The words you choose don't mean anything to me.
They're for show, but who knows, maybe...
It's getting brighter now and I can see you cry
see all the lies.. they were all lies.

It's a long road but ill take it
take it till I die...
It sure beats the pit of sand I'm drowing in
It sure beats the hell out of this life...

Being patient with a temper's
holding back with nothing held.
Waiting on the backs of monsters
while watching heroes go to hell

-dAN

There's a shadow just behind me,
shrouding every breath I take,
making every promise empty,
pointing every finger at me.
Waiting like a stalking butler
who upon the finger rests.
Murder now the path called "must we"
just before the son has come.


Jesus, won't you fucking whistle
something but the past and done?

Why can't we not be sober?
I just want to start this over.
Why can't we drink forever.


I just want to start things over.

I am just a worthless liar.
I am just an imbecile.
I will only complicate you.
Trust in me and fall as well.


I will find a center in you.
I will chew it up and leave,
I will work to elevate you
just enough to bring you down.

Trust me.

Mother Mary won't you whisper
something but what's past and done.

Trust me.

I'm freakin out about life. Almost put in my 2 weeks today at Costco. I don't mind it there, but I KNOW I don't wanna be there the rest of my life. I wanna be free from responsibility(I've never felt that freedom having always gone to school or work). I wanna quit Costco and just leave...pack my things in a backpack, and just start walkin somewhere...see how far I get (with the money I have). Of course I would have to sell my car to get rid of the car payments and car insurance, my cell phone and stop buying food ( these are the three things I've been spending my money on since I started Costco 4 years ago). With no more bills, and no need for income, I could do the travelling i've always wanted to do, before I get too old to do it. I'm so bored with my life and most of the ppl in it. It's not exciting here. My job is keeping me locked up, and I need to ditch it to get away....It's such a hard decision, so I'm trying to think about all the good pts, and the bad pts before I do it....let ya know what happens...

So this is life? Eat, work, sleep, repeat. The constant struggle to find something to do on the nights that you're off from work. The constant struggle to find something that is legal on your nights off from work. Trying to stay sane enough to avoid spontaneously quitting the job you have that's paying all your bills. Cell phones, TV's, clothes, computers, video games, books, movies, and all the other useless crap we spend on with the money we got from the job that we're trying to stay sane enough to avoid spontaneously quitting. Trying to out do eachother with who has the better job, the better girlfriend, the better car, the FASTER car, the most friends, who can consume the most alcohol without getting sick, the most money, the better cellphone network, who travels the most and the furthest, who's smartest, the better sexlife, the most tattoos, who's a better musician, who's better at sports, who's baseball team is better, who's more mature, who's more in love, who's the deepest in thought, who thinks they know more about life and why we're here, when no one has a FUCKIN clue. I'm fed up with this shit. Fuck it. The way I see it is we should all just sleep, and dream, until we're all FUCKIN dead.

I fell witness to a car accident today. A girl my bro's age, head-on collision with a truck, truck on it's side, her car spun around. I swerved out of the way just in case, pulled over, ran nervously to the girls' car. She seemed okay, just scared. I tried my best to get her out of the car after she said she wasn't hurt. I wanted her to be okay. She asked to borrow my fone and i fled to my car and got it for her. She bled from the forehead and arm, but nothing too serious I don't think. Workers everywhere seemed like know-it-all assholes. I wanted to stay with her, so she had someone on her side, but I didn't want to get in the cop's way. He asked for my name and address and told me to leave. I was still shaking from having witnessed it, being only 50 ft or so away. Brought back memorys and I felt her pain and confusion. I have a feeling she's gonna get screwed even more. Her car was a wreck. Her mom called me later that day and thanked me. I'm so glad she called me back and let me know everything was okay. I would risk my life to save another's in a heart beat, without even thinking about it. I'm so glad that's the way I am, and that I found that out today.

this sux...