Katie Mae's Journal
20 most recent posts

Date:2003-11-01 21:28
Subject:Hurry up Christmas...
Mood: satisfied
Music:"Winter" by Tori Amos

Tonight was great. We went to church, Ron and Jack didn't come to that though, but it's ok. First off, when we got there, we met up with my aunt. Then, we couldn't decide where to sit, it was pretty funny. We were walking all around church. And, I mean, everyone noticed us, because I had my big shoes on with the loud heels, my dad was there and, you know, people haven't seen him in a while, and also he was really loud, but mostly because it's St. Therese. Everyone is looks up when they hear something. But yea, we finally decided on the front row, with my mom. She had to read. She me and my sister were between my dad, and it was just so funny. He was looking up and all around, and my gosh, I was shaking. Then, there was something on the little bench in front of us, and it really annnoyed me, so I tried to scratch it off, well my sister just starting laughing at me, so then I did Duck-Bill Platypus, and she started cracking up. Yea, it was weird. Kyle was playing the paino, and he saw me and my sister and my dad, so he was laughing at us too. Then I was like a foot taller than my aunt, (she's short, and my shoes), and I was standing right next to her, so it was a little...odd.

But after mass, I rode with my aunt to the place, I forget what it's called. Some Mexican joint. But yea, when I first sat down, both my uncles were there already, but the waitress comes up and asks me what I want to drink, so I said a Pepsi, cause that's what I always have when I eat out. She brings it back to me, and calls me sweetheart. Well, I guess it's just what she does. Cause all night long, she called everyone at out table either, honey, hun, sweetheart, or sweetie. It was rather amusing. Then she knocked my sisters boyfriends beer into my dads lap. Yea, she asked how his lap was....and my uncle answered "cold and wet". I was like whoa. But the food was great. The little kid at the table behind us, had this portable mini DVD player. It was soooo cool! I wanted one bad! But after that, we came back to our house and talked about had ice cream cake and coffee. It was a nice evening. We talked, and laughed a lot. It was just damn good.

We started talking about Christmas. God, I want it here so bad. Just a few months ago, I was complaining about how much I wanted fall, and now that it's here, I was winter. And I know, when Christmas is over, I'll be like oh I want fall or something. But during winter, I'll probably say how much I want spring. I just can't ever make my mind up and be satisfied. Eh, oh well. It's a curse. But I guess the weekend ofter the Christmas play thing, me, my mom, sister, and aunt are all going up to Chicago for out annual "Girls Weekend in the Windy City." It's actually only like out third time going, and we've never called it that before, but it's fun. I love Chicago. That's all I've been tlaking about lately. How much I wanna go. Then I said, for Christmas, when we go up to my uncles, we're going to downtown Chicago and looking at the lights. Because last year we didn't go, and two years ago, we only did a drive by. Not the same thing! Christmas Eve is on a Wednesday. I said we're going up on Sunday night! Yep. So, that's all I have to say right now. I'll write more later. Toodles!

Date:2003-11-01 11:25
Subject:November First.
Mood: bouncy
Music:"Happy Song" by Liam Lynch (?)

G'Day to you lot! I hope everyone had a nice Halloween. Yes, that's good. Mine was pretty good. I didn't do anything special, just hung out with my parents. And I must say, it was pretty nice. We watched Hocus Pocus on the Disney Channel. That's such a good movie. I love it. Yep. (I need to get a life, haha). But oh well. October has come and gone. It's November now. That's really weird. It's already November, and just yesterday, Halloween, it was like 70 degrees! Something is really wrong..

Yesterday, we had our planning test things for high school. Yea, those are a pain in the ass! I had the worst headache ever! And before the Science one (it was our last one) I asked Ms. Meyer (I had called her Sister Barbara before! That's just how out of it I was!) but yea, I asked her if we had to take it, and something else. About how I knew nothing in science. Yea, I feel kinda stupid about that now! I hvae NO clue what I said..I think people thought I was drunk or something. Yep.

Well, I gotta go shower now. Tonight, we're all going to church, I mean all of us. Me, my mom and day, Laura and Chris, Aunt Kathy and Uncle Ron, and Uncle Jack. Mom has to lector, then we're all going out to dinner for Ron's birthday, which was almost a month ago...:-\ It should be fun though! I'll get to ride in Uncle Jacks new Mercedes! (Man, I love his car!). Toodles!

Date:2003-10-29 15:47
Subject:Acting Older, When You Should Be Acting Younger
Mood:Mixture Of Moods
Music:Bunch Of Different Ones by A Bunch Of Different People

Alright. Do you understand what I mean by the subject? Acting Older, When You should Be Acting Younger. Well, let's think about it. You hear a person say a 14 year old teen. One of the first things people think of, is, how immature they are, or can be. And yes, most of the time, it's true. Think about it. At school, there is always that group of people, who think they are better than everyone else, who don't know what real life problems are, and flat out act like they are the freaking kings and queens of the world. There has always been people like that, and always will be people like that. They talk shit about people they don't even know, and are just stupid about it. They, will grow up to be the typical high school crowd, that thinks they own it, and believes that the world will just bow down and kiss their feet. But in reality, day after they graduate, they'll be in for one hell of a suprise.

Now, back to the subject. Most teens act younger. But what about those who don't? In school, you have the group that acts younger, and thinks they are all high and mighty. But those who aren't like that? Well, they are the not-so-"popular" people. These kids, in my opinion, are the best. They don't care what you look like, what you wear, or the things you like. All they care about is if you are nice to them. They're the people most of us go to when our other friends aren't there, and we have no one else to sit, or talk with. Myself, being one of those people. But the fact is, if you think about it, do we really respect these kids? Some of us say we do, but do we really? Or are we just putting on a show, so it'll seem like we are these kind and loving creatures, when really, we aren't.
I guess, you could say that I really do respect this 'group'. Some of those people are dear friends of mine, who I love to death. I do respect them. I know that because, I'm not embarassed when I talk to them in public, I accept the fact that they are different, I get angry when other peole talk bad about them. Sometimes, I just hate this whole Jr. High/High School social thing. Who cares which table you sat at, during lunch? Who cares who you went out with or who you like? Who cares if you were Homecoming or Prom Queen/King. No one. It's not going to help you in the future. In 15 years, people aren't going to hir you for a job, just because you were the Prom Queen, or because you went out with 'the cutest guy' in your grade. Things like that don't matter in the future. What really gets me, is how no one can realize that. Some act like that's all that matters. God, how wrong they are.

What really got me started on all that, is my sister said in her journal, "A sister, who is trying to be grown-up." It got me thinking. Personally, I think I am grown up. Sure I have my immature moments and everything. But I know when to quit. Sometimes, I just choose not to. Things in my life make me be older. There are certain things I have to do, or that I might one day have to do. And if I'm busy acting like an immature teen, it could turn the bad, to worse. Sometimes, I just crave danger and wildness in my life. Hence why, sometimes, I just not to stop acting immature. Other times, I crave to be more adult-like. More mature. To be out on my own. In a big city. Doing my job of choice. Having all this, in the past. But I still can't shake that question out of my head.

Am I just trying to be grown-up?

Date:2003-10-25 11:52
Subject:Chainsaws and Angels
Mood: energetic
Music:"Heavy Liftin" by Blake Shelton

Well, yea. Just got home from Gina's birthday party. It was pretty fun. We went and saw The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Yea, I guess it was pretty scary, and gross, and gory, and all that fun stuff. I went, but I didn't look. And I tried not to listen. Seriously, after the first 15 minutes, my eyes were glued shut, and my hands were stuck to my ears! Well, I mean, that girl blowing her head off in the first ten minutes, kinda did it for me! But even with my hands to my ears, I could still hear everything. Haha, yea. Not too fun. I felt bad for Sam, I think I kinda hurt her arm..:-\ Eh, whoops. But yea. After the movie we went and rented Charlie's Angels 2 and Bend in like Beckem (spelling?). Both are cute movies. CH2 is awesome. Damn, I love that movie. Haha.

Yesterday, before Gina's party, me, my sister, and her friend Brooke went and got pumpkins. It was quite fun. A little cofusing though, since my sister was like, "Hey Kate, go get that round, orange one" and I didn't know which one she was talking about, becasue guess what? THEY ARE ALL ROUND AND ORANGE! BUt anyways, after that we went on a mission to get hot apple cider. And we met a guy in line, who was pretty damn scary. But yea. I gotta go do two days worth of Pilates now. Toodle-loo.

Date:2003-10-21 20:22
Subject:The F-Word
Mood: calm
Music:"Somewhere over the Rainbow" by Israel Kamakawiwo

Yes, Well, today was, good. That is until I woke up. I slept good last night/this morning. But when I woke up, I felt like shit. My day went by pretty fast though. I love how much I understand my math now. I still don't like Algebra though. But at least I understand it. English is going fine. I'm still falling asleep during it though. And now we just started some really boring book, where they make you think that the dog is a man. I mean, yes, we all know that they are very close indeed, but they aren't the same. No matter how much we think they are. In History, well, Mr. V is an ass. He was yelling at us because we only had bought one stock. Well excuse us, we hardly uderstand it, we weren't sure what to buy in, we weren't sure how much to by, and also, we bought in TWO things, but one. But also, it kept telling us that we couldn't put our order through when we were done. Gayness. Eh oh well. Spanish, well that is still, and always be crazy. Science and Theology are going fine. Gym is great, and Art is getting much better.

Today, after school. I forgot to turn the TV off, and my sister forgot to put the chips that she was munching on away. Well, when my mom got home, she snapped on us. Said she don't do the fucking dishes, and don't clean up after ourselves. She didn't totally snap, but she said it rather bitchyish. And I don't hear her say "the F-word" as she put it, very often. Then my dad said something and yea. FIGHT! Wow. It's just so blah in here. Oh well.

So, I just got done doing my Pilates. I love those things. This is only my third time doing them, but my ass sure feels a hell of a lot tighter! Haha! Yea, but now I gotta go shower, then fix up my essay. Although, I really can't. I have 398. I'm only allowed 400. A two word sentence? HA! Yea, right. Oh well. Toodles.

Date:2003-10-21 20:22
Subject:The F-Word
Mood: calm
Music:"Somewhere over the Rainbow" by Israel Kamakawiwo

Yes, Well, today was, good. That is until I woke up. I slept good last night/this morning. But when I woke up, I felt like shit. My day went by pretty fast though. I love how much I understand my math now. I still don't like Algebra though. But at least I understand it. English is going fine. I'm still falling asleep during it though. And now we just started some really boring book, where they make you think that the dog is a man. I mean, yes, we all know that they are very close indeed, but they aren't the same. No matter how much we think they are. In History, well, Mr. V is an ass. He was yelling at us because we only had bought one stock. Well excuse us, we hardly uderstand it, we weren't sure what to buy in, we weren't sure how much to by, and also, we bought in TWO things, but one. But also, it kept telling us that we couldn't put our order through when we were done. Gayness. Eh oh well. Spanish, well that is still, and always be crazy. Science and Theology are going fine. Gym is great, and Art is getting much better.

Today, after school. I forgot to turn the TV off, and my sister forgot to put the chips that she was munching on away. Well, when my mom got home, she snapped on us. Said she don't do the fucking dishes, and don't clean up after ourselves. She didn't totally snap, but she said it rather bitchyish. And I don't hear her say "the F-word" as she put it, very often. Then my dad said something and yea. FIGHT! Wow. It's just so blah in here. Oh well.

So, I just got done doing my Pilates. I love those things. This is only my third time doing them, but my ass sure feels a hell of a lot tighter! Haha! Yea, but now I gotta go shower, then fix up my essay. Although, I really can't. I have 398. I'm only allowed 400. A two word sentence? HA! Yea, right. Oh well. Toodles.

Date:2003-10-18 20:09
Subject:Weird things happen to weird people...
Mood:Who knows..?
Music:The sound of my fingers hitting the keyboard..

First off, Happy Sweetest Day! First time I said that all day and the day is pretty much over. Eh, oh well. Got no one to say it to! Also, Happy HomeComing Night! Yet again, first time I said that all day, but no reason to say it. This week was crazy. HomeComing Week is always a weird one. First off, on Monday. Some of the seniors TPed the school. That was fine. It's tradition. You can't break them ALL! Well, after that four guys decided to come back, and they thought it would be fun to slash garbage bags, and but garbage and what not all over the school grounds, then write unnecessary comments. I guess they were trashing some teacher, and using the "F-Bomb" as our principal put it. Yea, when we said "F-Bomb", it was during homeroom, and I wasn't paying attention, and I only heard bomb. So being the goon that I am, I turned to Sam, and was like "What the hell? What bomb?" Yea, had a blonde moment there! JESSICA SIMPSON! But yea. So then, they canclled all of Mondays activites. Which included: Announcing HomeComing Court, Missing 7th period, shortened class, music instead of out gay ass bell, and out 40 minute lunch and cookout. It was dumb. But oh well. The whole week was pretty fun. Got to miss classes, they were short, and Thursday and Friday we had dress down days.

Me and Gina got really close this week. I don't know what it was. But something just happen, between Gina, Katy, and I, and we weren't...us...anymore. I'm not sure what's up with that. Me and Gina were being kinda...different on Friday, but we were a little mad at Katy. We talked about what was bothering us, and it was the same thing. We're both feeling that Katy was only talking to us this week when she needed help with something. It was kinda hurtful. I don't know anymore. I commented to Gina, on how this is so dumb. We shouldn't be having this little sixth grade fights anymore. This is our fricking 8th grade year. If no one has remember, Katy and Sam are going to Tremper, and me and Gina are staying at SJ's. Yea, I KNOW that they know what it means. DIFFERENT SCHOOLS! It's just dumb. I mean, you'd think we'd be trying to have the time of our life, and fit everything that has to do with school in. But nope. What are we doing? We're getting into those little gay ass fights that we got into every other day in sixh grade! I know it was only two years ago, but come on! We HAVE matured SOME! Bah! Things are weird.

Anyways, Laura did Michelle's make up today for homeComing. She looked gorgeous! I loved her dress! My little Chellie is growing up and going to HC! (She's a junior by the way, haha) I've known Michelle since I was born. She is my next door neighbor, and my other sister that I just never got. I love my Michelle! It's really weird, how you can know someone for so long, and just consider them part of the family, isn't it? Yea, well she came over after she was all made up, to take pictures. We took one of just me and her. I felt waaay underdressed! And I looked like shit too. I was in my slippers, pj pants, and a hoodie. And my hair was all curly and thrown up into a ponytail. No makeup or anything. But it's fun. But I'm gonna go now. Toodles!

Date:2003-10-10 21:25
Subject:Take one breath at a time...
Mood:Everything, all in one
Music:"This one's for the girls" by Martina McBride *repeating*

It's been awhile, huh? Yea, it has. Sorry about that. Either I didn't have time to write, or I didn't feel like writing, or I didn't know what to write. But now, I have time to write, I feel like writing, and I know what to write. As you all can clearly see, my life is not an easy one. Nor is anyone else's. I'm not trying to say my life is the hardest. It's from from it. It's just not an easy one. There is a difference.

My sister and I, are speaking. We are on good terms. As matter of fact, we are on very good terms. I don't know what was wrong with us, for that month or so. I just felt totally left out. Like she didn't want me as her sister anymore. We couldn't get along, or even be in the same room, for even two minutes, without snapping on each other or getting into some major fight. It was crazy. And it really made me sad, because my sister and I had been so close before that. She was one of my best friends. We had that special sisterly bond. Sure, we had, had our arguments before that, but they weren't that big, or often. And we always made up. Actually, we moved on.
But now, we are great. Just like we were before. Sure, she gets on my nerves a little. But my sister has a lot going on in her life. And she's taking it pretty well. I respect her for that. We do a lot together now, and I mean, we're friends again. This is going to sound silly, but it's like before, when we couldn't get along, she was oil, and I was water. (Or vice-versa, it doesn't matter. You'll get the point) But we just couldn't, and wouldn't mix. But now, we're water and, whatver mixes with water? We'll just say water. Water and water mixes. I don't know how weird that sounds, but there wasn't any other way to explain it that I could think of. We're good. I hope it'll stay like this.

My family now. Well, today, mom and dad went up to Madison. For the doctors appointment. This was the doctor who was willing to do surgery. They went, and came back. With not much news. There are three things my dad needs to do, before they can do anything. 1) Lose weight. 2) Quit Smoking. (Not a lot, just those little cigars, is all.) 3) Do his back exercises, to stregthen his back muscles. Then, they'll go back, and the doc will consider, just consider, fusing two of the five disks together. Once, and if, they do that, he'll most likely never be able to bend at the waist, and maybe even never be able to bend, period, again. But the pain will lessen.
My family. What can I say about them? When we aren't crying, fighting, or making fun of. We are laughing. We have some great times. And I gotta hane it to us, we are doing ok, considering everything. Some times. Others, we can't keep it together. Some people might get confused by that. Sometimes, we're good. And others, well, we aren't. We take it, day by day....We seize the moment...We take one breath at a time...
Sometimes, I wake up, and expect it to be like it was a few years ago. I remember it all still. On school days. I remember it perfectly. My mom would wake me up at 6:30. I would be acle to still here the shower running, because my sister would be just finishing up in there. I would roll over, and go back to sleep. My mom would try again, and fail. Then, she did the only thing that will wake me up. She took my covers off. That woke me up, for sure! So I would roll out of bed, (literally, sometimes falling), and I would drag my feet to my door, wake down the hallway, open the cabinet door, grab two towels. One for me, and one for my hair. Then, I would wait by the door, until my sister came out. I usually snuck up on her, just to scare her. It was always fun. Well, then, I would take me shower, Practically falling asleep under the hot water. And I would always, turn around or something, or stand p from bending to get something, but I would always get dizzy. My mom would come and shout to me when it was, quarter to seven, ten to seven, and seven. Then I would get out, wrap my towels around me, walk to my bedroom, freezing my butt off. I'd get dressed in my St. Therese uniform, put a little bit of my pink Bath and Body Works eyeshadow on, and some lip gloss. Then I would towel dry my hair, and brush it. Put in my hoops, that I wore everyday, and go downstairs. If I had time, I'd grab a Pop*Tart or something to eat. The four of us would get into the Dodge Durango, and head downtown. My sister would always give me a piece of gum, and we would drop my dad off at his shop. Not in front of the shop, but at the corner of the block. My sister would usually take the front, unless her and my mom were fighting, then I'd get it. We would go to St Joe's, and drop off my sister. Then I would get into the front seat, and look for music. We'd drive to St. Therese and my mom would quiz me for my test/quiz of the day. If it was a Tuesday or Thursday, my mom would come into the church, and sit on the right side, in the back. I'd go to my classroom, go to my hook, which was the last one, on the turn. I'd hang up my packback, take out my books, and walk into the classroom, while flipping my hair. I'd walk to my desk, place my books down, and take my chair off my desk. I would look at the bored, to see if there were any announcements, then exchange words with my friends. At 7:45, my teacher, Mr. Haug would call us to line up for mass. The boys would run to the front of the line. Pushing and shoving to be first. I never understood why they wanted to be in the first few pews of the church. The girls on the other hand, would slowly walk to the end of the line. Carefull counting by fours to see who they would be sitting with. Asking people to switch spots with them, or getting out of line to get a tissue, then going to the end of line next to their friend. We would quickly apply lip gloss, then be on our way to church. We walked in, I would smile at me mom, then we would genuflect, saying 'Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, we Adore you.' Then we would file into the pews, that were assigned for out grade, four by four. Realizing, that we counted wrong, and were stuck next to somebody we didn't like. We'd kneel, and pretend to pray. Then mass would start. After mass, we'd start out day.
I remember the past. But only what I want to remember. I remember my routine, because I want to remember it. I don't remember what our silly fights were about, because I don't want to relive them. I must say, out of all my years at that school. I think 6th grade was the best. And I'm almost sure everyone would agree with me on that. I don't know what it was, but I always felt that there was something special about our class. We all had a special bong, a connection, that made us all so close. I love the St. Therese group. We were a good group of kids, most of the time, but we always had fun. We had our dumb, silly fights, but we made up within ten minutes. I miss those days. And I sure am gonna miss everyone next year. When we all split up. It'll be my first year not seeing them all in the hallways, since third grade. A part of me will be gone.

Now, I've said all I have to say. I feel better. I feel empty, yet I feel satisfied. Why does that sound like something from the Bible? I'm just starting to realize that things are really changing. I mean, really, really changing. As in nothing will be the same. This is my last year, we all my best friends. You'd think I'd be crying by now, but I'm not. My sister said something to me today, that, was very, smart. 'I just need to breath. I just need to take one breath at a time.'
Maybe for you, that doens't mean much, or maybe, it does mean something. But to me, it means that I need to take things, one step at a time. Take it slow, and keep it slow. Don't rush into anything. Just keep it nice and slow. Accept, and if you can't, learn to adjust. We all have to make changes, and accept them. Even if you can't completely accept them, you need to adjust to them. Life doesn't always go the way planned. Which might be a good thing. Then again, might not be.

As I said before, this is my source of freedom. When I write, I feel free. My emotions are let loose. Almost as if they have wings that need to be stretched. I don't know why, but I feel that I just need to say thank you to you all. Thank you to everyone who has ever helped me with anything. I just need to take one breath at a time.

Date:2003-10-02 19:48
Subject:Get Lost..
Mood: angry
Music:"Lose Yourself" by Eminem

BAH! Just got back fomr volleyball, had a pretty tough practice. I wasn't to happy either because I really wasn't moving my feet, nor was I getting the ball where I wanted it to go. Therefore, resulting in my doing bad. Yes. Not fun at all. Anywho, got into the car when I got picked up, my sister asked if I would make her a pot of coffee. Me being, extremly tired, and my back is hurting, and thinking she is freaking 17, she should make her own damn coffee, said no. She got pissed. I don't think she's ever made her own coffee in her life! But that's beside the point. She was all bitchy and was like Well I asked you nicely. That didn't have anything to do with it. It's the fact that I am tired, hurting, and you should be able to make your own fricking coffee. Anyway, got into something, got home, and, SHE DID THE DISHES! Another thing she always makes ME do. So yea, we said something else, about me being lazy and asking if I could turn around and turn on the radio. I gave her a death glare and said that I didn't think I could. Then I don't know how it started, I think she said something and I heard her voice break. I asked her what was wrong. She said nothing and that she was fine. Well, as I said to her, I've lived with her my entire life, I know when something is wrong. I assed everything into my telling-off. How much our relationship has gone down in the past year, how a day doesn't go by were we don't fight, everything. I don't know. Then my dad is in the other room, saying how we are sisters and we should be getting along. It was a little funny. But I didn't laugh, not even crack a smile.
And the ironic thing is, before practice, I had BET my mom that me and my sister would get into it tonight when she picked me up. Boy, do I know my family or what? Yea, I wish I didn't...

Date:2003-09-30 21:18
Mood: irritated
Music:The pounding that is inside me head...

BAH!!! Can I just get a new life? Please. I am so fricking sick of this one!

Date:2003-09-30 15:34
Subject:Ain't Going Down......
Mood: chipper
Music:"Ain't Going Down (Till the Sun Comes Out)" by Garth Brooks

*sighs* Well, well, I don't know what to say. I figured I should say something, but I don't know what. I just had this sudden urge to ramble. I've found, (and been told) that I am more....'hyper' and 'annoying' thi year, than I was last year. I do talk a hell of a lot more. Maybe I am getting a little annoying? Oh well! The year is going pretty good so far.

Eh, well, I seriously don't know what to write (type) or say (type again). I'm yet again, at a loss for words. Tha happens to m waay too much! Ah! Gonna skittle! Toodles!

Date:2003-09-29 18:57
Subject:Wake me up inside.....
Mood: blank

Well, I've gone from doing about two entries a day, to what? One every other day? Eh, oh well. Let's see. I don't really wanna recall the past few days. Last night out game was pretty bad...I didn't come home and cry though. I was just really pissed and was being a bitch. But I talked to Sam for a while, and I felt a little better. I swear, it's like that girl knows what I'm going through sometimes. But yea, I only got like 6½ hours of sleep, so I was a tad bit tired today. I still am, but I got a Science and Theology test to study for. But I don't study for Theology, so basically only Science. Then I have a little bit of math to do, but that's not a lot. It's ok. Anywho, gotta skittle! Sister wants on. She just found out I have a journal..I hope she doesn't wanna read it...yea..somethings I don't want her to see...yea...right then! Toodles!

Date:2003-09-28 21:17
Subject:Damn it all right to hell
Mood: pissed off
Music:Humming of the computer and Katy's singing on speaker phone

Not going to write a lot right now. Just wanted to say that everything is fucking fucked up! Gotta skittle! Toodles!

Date:2003-09-28 08:31
Subject:Oatmeal with Brown Sugar and a Capri Sun
Mood: sleepy
Music:Sounds of my mom getting read, and me eating my oatmeal.

Good Morning! Well, so far this weekend has been very uneventful. Me and my sister go into it again yesterday, then she kinda snapped on me last night. But I don't care. I stayed in my room last night, and did some homework! That was the first time I EVER did homework on a Saturday night! I was a little scared. But I slept great! (I had read part of my History book before I went to bed, it put me to sleep) But anywho, today I have two games. One at 12:30 for the Holy Rosary Tourney, and then one at 7ish I think for the regular seanson game. AGAINST THE OTHER SJ TEAM! AHH! And you wanna hear some really BAD news! Katy Ausse broke her thumb and can't play today! AHH! The day when we need our best girls, she can't play! She's practically our best setter! Hell, I think she is! I told her that, and she was like "No, I'm not Katie! What about Sara, Lauren, and AMber?" So, me being the person I am, I said the truth. "Pesh! Katy, you know you're the best setter on the freaking team! The other three are good, but I think you're a wee bit better!" **No offense to you three if you read this. I just had to tell the truth. But you are all really good at setting! I think each person has their own strengths and weaknesses** Alas, (just figured out what the word meant!) my strengths change.
Eh, I am getting real tired of typing. So, I am off. Toodles!

Date:2003-09-27 07:52
Subject:Things Change...
Mood: blank
Music:"Winter" by Tori Amos

BAHARGHGUMBUG! Yep, that's my word. I use it a lot. All I need to do is figure out how to say it. My gosh. Last night was crazy. I was really done, for god knows what reason, so I decided to write. I wrote like five poem things. I was coping them into a notebook, because they were all on loose leaf, then my mom came in a read them. I was kinda like, ugh, you don't want to do that. And she didn't even ask to read them. She looked down, and must have caught a few words, then she just took them! I was like whoa! I was a little upset that she just took them, but oh well. She said they were really good, but I think she was thinking what they meant. They were all kinda depressing, but yet they had hope. I told her I had written them a while ago. Man, I want to get out so bad! I think I am going to be stuck in the house all day though. Until today. I might be going out. I don't, nor do I care, where. Well, my head hurts. So I'm gonna jet. Toodles!

Date:2003-09-26 20:01
Subject:I'm Lost
Music:"Concrete Angel" Martina McBride

My good days never last long. I suddenly got really depressed. I feel bad now, because I told Gina that I might be at her game, and I'm not going. I know it's not like I promised her or anything, but I just feel like I should be there. I don't think that's what got me upset though. I called my sister, (she's at her boyfriend's house, he's home from college), and I asked if they would bring me for like half an hour, she said no. Because she didn't have her own car, they had just started dinner, and they were all the way 'out there.' (He lives like 20 minutes away). She wasn't at my games last night, although I guess it was a good enough excuse. She had to babysit. But still. Sometimes I feel like she would pick him over me any day of the week. And that can't sound to good, coming from me, her sister, who only wants to see her happy. I just feel left out sometimes. Eh, I need to go calm myself down. I'm going crazy here. I just want to fly away...

Date:2003-09-26 15:32
Subject:Rain, rain, stay today. Don't save it for another day...
Mood: silly
Music:"Help Pour Out the Rain" by Buddy Jewell

Well we got rain! Yep, I was excited. Fits my mood too. Well, I shouldn't say that. I'm not sad, or depressed, or even angry! Which is really suprising, coming from me! I'm in a pretty good mood. A little on the tired side, but it's all good. Today during gym class, (we were playing soccer in the rain), I suddenly felt the urge to sing "It's Raining Men" but I decided that wouldn't be a good one, so I decided on "It's Raining, It's Pouring." The teacher gave me a look, and I said sorry. Then she said something about me standing there. So, I don't know if the look was for singing or standing there. Eh, oh well!

As for our games last night. Won the first one, lost the second. It's ok though. I wasn't that mad about losing. I was more mad at the coach.....AGAIN! There were six games, she played me a total of one game. Half a game, each game. And I wasn't doing that bad either. But it's ok, I guess. What am I gonna do, right? I'm not going to quit, that would just be dumb and gay.

I feel like I should write more, but I'm really not in the mood...so, I'm ending it here. I'll most likely add more later. I'm going to Gina's game tonight, I think, with Katy. Yeah, that'll be fun! Me and Katy cheering like crazy! We are the younger versions of our older sisters at volleyball games...We mad up sounds at our game last night...Yeah, that was something alright! I'll leave you to dwell on that thought. Toodles!

Date:2003-09-25 14:28
Subject:Shivers up and down my spine...
Mood: chipper
Music:"Ultimate" by Lindsay Lohan

Today was a fairly nice day acctually. It started out kinda bad. But then got a hell of a lot better! SHIT! I just remembered that I forgot to bring home my History worksheet and I had to redo them in complete sentences...that's ok. I'll do it tomorrow before class! Haha. Well, we have our tournament tonight. A little scared, a lot excited! I'm listening to every song that ever got me pumped up! I can't wait till we get to wear our new shirts! Two thumbs way up to whoever thought of it.... Yes, well, I should probably go do my homework. I don't have that much....I'll write more after my game(s). Toodles!

Date:2003-09-24 21:51
Subject:This circle never ends...
Mood: irritated
Music:"Three Mississippi" by Terri Clark

Well, here we go again. Yet another fight in the Gregorski house-hold. I don't know what's with us. Like the subject says; this circle never ends. It's a circle of fights. I'm not quite sure what happened, or why everything started tonight, but yeah. Me and my sister just got into it, and hit each other with towels, and she almost threw me into the mirror of the shower door (we were in the bathroom, I had just gotten out of the shower, she asked for a towel, I was standing on it, my legs have been hurting me all day, I can't walk very well, she said everyone else does shit for me, I do nothing, then I said that she did nothing, she hit me, I hit her like four times with the towel, she hit back, said a few words and what not) Then she came to me and said that she was sorry. I said OK. She got pissed because I didn't say I was sorry. I'm really surprised. My sister. My own sister. She should know me well enough by now. I don't like showing emotion in front of other people, and I never say 'sorry.' The only times I ever say are if I get caught up in the moment, or if I really need to say it, like if I don't, something will be ruined, like a friendship. But for everything else, I never say it. Of course I am sorry. If I wasn't then I would just be a heartless bitch. I just can't say it. I don't know why. I'm not afraid to say that I was wrong, or that it was my fault. I just don't like saying it. How many times have I said that?

I'm a little sad that my sister won't be at my game(s) tomorrow. I mean, sure, I get annoyed when she yells "YEAH ST. JOE'S" and "GO 21!" during the game REALLY loud, but I just feel like she should be there. That must sound really selfish. But I know my dad isn't gonna be there, so it'll just be my mom. Maybe my aunt will come, but I don't know. when she figured out that she wasn't going to be able to make it (she has to babysit) she didn't seem too upset. Eh, oh well.

OK, I'm done. I have this mad itch on my leg right now that is just about killing me. And I just remembered that I have two quizzes tomorrow. So I am going to go study for them, then read the last chapter of the Harry Potter book. ONLY TOOK MY THREE MONTHS TO READ IT! Woo Hoo! Toodles!

Date:2003-09-24 15:19
Subject:I want Fall....
Mood: bouncy
Music:"It's Raining Men" by the Talking Heads

Where is Fall? It's September...something. And what is it outside right now? 75! How bizarre is that? It's like having a 50 degree day in July! Just doesn't work well! Anyway. today was a nice day, besides from the temperature. We had the prayer service thingy. Then Spanish, well, that was pretty damn funny! For me at least, I don't know about the teacher. She moved me three times. I'm not bragging or anything, I just thought it was really funny. I wonder if my parental unit #1 will be receiving a telephone call this evening. Hmm, let's ponder..............OK! Done pondering.

I think Gina was mad again today, but god knows why! I'm tired of it, but ya know what? It's not gonna bring me done! BECAUSE! Even if I have lots of homework to do (I'm doing the stuff that's due on Friday too), and I am super-dee-duper tired, and I'm really warm and I'm still in pain in my arm and legs, I'm still in a good mood! See! I am......I forgot the word! I am something. Well, time to go do my homework, then me and my mommy are going to Jo*Ann Fabrics. We gotta get some stuff for my volleyball shirt, my art class, and something else..I forgot what...but I'll think of it! Toodles!

my journal