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SMJ

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heh, yeah [01 Mar 2003|02:50am]
[ mood | awake ]
[ music | Aus Rotten - Fuck Nazi Sympathy ]

I haven't posted much lately. Sorry to all my loyal readers! *cough*

i'll try to start again, but I dunno...

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... [14 Feb 2003|09:02pm]
[ mood | feels like a bastard ]
[ music | -n/a- ]

sorry laura, i suck...

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We're trapped in the belly of this horrible machine, and the machine is bleeding to death... [14 Feb 2003|05:29pm]
[ mood | empty ]
[ music | Godspeed You Black Emperor - The Dead Flag Blues ]

I guess the real reason this holiday gets to me is that it makes me reflect.
start thinking about love and all that, then i remember last VD when i was alone and pissed off..
and the year before, and the year before...

It makes me realize how static and unchanging my life really is. I mean, I have moved a lot, but have I really gotten anywhere? every school, every VD, birthday, whatever, is the same, no matter where I am living. I just... hate this... all of it. I have a hard time believing I have a reason to live when, in my teenage years (my carefree years, apparently), I have never had fun, and have always been lonely...
I'm supposed to want to do good and get a job and die, without ever even feeling good about anything?

I need to find something to distract me... I don't think I will find my peace just by being with someone... hell, I can't even talk to people when I want to... it's quite sad, when i try to initiate a conversation...

well, that is that...

i should start an emo band or something...

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empty [14 Feb 2003|01:31am]
[ mood | empty ]
[ music | Better Off Dead - Torch the Sky ]

yeah decided to go to sleep...
ever want someone lying next to you to hold onto? i'm like that now...

hehe, i'm so fucking HARDCORE! \m/ punk rock!

... what a useless post...

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Valentines Day leads to Venereal Diseases [14 Feb 2003|01:28am]
[ mood | bitter ]
[ music | Rorschach Test - Sex (Berlin cover) ]

Two reasons I hate Valentines Day. One, it is an affront to my socio-econo-political veiws. Secondly, I realize how pathetic/lonely/lame i really am.

I just hate what VD is, ya know. It really is nothing but a fucking Hallmark holiday. Let's see, we have Christmas in December, that's a big seller, then we have 4 long months til Easter, the next big ol cash in. What is a corporation to do with those 4 dead months? Make up a fucking holiday! How do you make sure it is succesful? Make it appear that those who do not take part in the activities of this made up holiday are heartless, loveless, puppy-killing bastards. I mean, you think it's a COINCIDENCE that VD pops up right between those two holidays? This is just another thing that proves the corporate-conglomerates have no heart and dont care about people. They feed off our LOVE and insecurity! that is terrible. fuck the system. I'll grow roses and give them to whomever I want, whenever I want.

But yeah, If I was offered a gift, I wouldn't turn it down... I hate that, I'd even be HAPPY! I'm such a bloody hypocrite... Valentines Day is the day I walk around school all depressed with the urge to stab everyhting... I feel like that every friday though... At least VD is on a Friday... I'll be coming straight home and playing video games (the only thing that loves and understands me [i am so lame]) until I pass out...
Point is, VD is prolly cool when you have someone to spend it with...

And my step-mom is coming to visit next week.... god damn it!

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Yep [13 Feb 2003|10:20pm]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | The Citizens - So Glad We Met (slow) ]

Got to rant about the evil of multinational corporations and an ever-apathetic american population... i'll put it all in here when i am feeling not-lazy...

time to set up my webcam,, well, not time, but soon...

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Celebration [13 Feb 2003|03:14pm]
[ mood | meh ]
[ music | Dead Kennedys - Chemical Warfare ]

Well, back from school for a little bit..

I talked to people today, I suppose that is good for me...
*shrug* didn't say anything of importance... joked around... but whatever, I talked.

*celebrates*

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fucking GO! [13 Feb 2003|06:32am]
[ mood | prepared ]
[ music | The Locust - Nice Tranquil Thumb in Mouth ]

got me Texas Chainsaw Massacre tee, my orange camo longsleeve, and my grey... pants... i dont know what the official term is...

so yeah, i'm ready to go...

got the night classes tonight... that'll be fun... and Hallmark Day is tomorrow...

I HATE Valentines Day... course, if some nice chick gets me a gift, I wouldnt complain... nice double-standard, but oh well...

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[13 Feb 2003|06:19am]
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Frosted Porn Flakes... band from Maine...
they have the nice comedic/satirical edge to their lyrics that few bands (only Dead Kennedys come to mind) can pull off.

I love them much.

You can visit their website to get lyrics, mp3s, all that good stuff.

They are funny, yet dedicated. They play music for the music, not for money. Gotta love free shows.
You can get a shirt and CD from them for 16 bucks, how is that not awesome? Corporate rockers like NIN, a cd/shirt comboe could cost upwards of 50 dollars, and very easily more...

[/advertisement]
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Oh, to be Cavalera [13 Feb 2003|05:52am]
[ mood | ambitious ]
[ music | Nailbomb - Guerrilas ]

I have decided that I want to start a band...

I don't know how to go about this, but I'm pretty sure if I write lyrics and talk about it enough, it will happen...

Nailbomb is one of my favorite bands, but it isn't complex music at all. It's just damn good. Fuck, if I pick up bass or guitar, I only need two other people...

It could happen...

I mean, all Max and Alex did was yell and use the occasional voice-modification thingie...

The church and all it's glory is draining all your money.
No gods - no masters. Religious cancer.
It will teach you nothing about the world today.
So take your belief and throw it away.

Throw it away - throw it away.
Destroy it all - throw it away.


Simple, but I like it...

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Online Tests.. [13 Feb 2003|04:11am]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | Ice T - Cop Killa ]

someone posted these on a message board...

----------Which Angel would you be?

#1 An Angel of Love

#2 An Angel of Healing

#3 An Angel of Mercy

#4 An Angel of Annunciation

#5 An Angel of Wisdom

Geez, I'm so fucking hardcore...

i dislike these kinds of tests because they are based on your own opinion of yourself an, yeah...
You might think you are "aware of many things most are not", but, whatever.

Angel of Love is cooler than an Angel of Death anyway... Christopher Walken played the angel of death, and I ain't fucking Christopher Walken.

The Prophecy movies had an Angel of Genocide...

----------What sex position are you?



i'm not sure if this is an accurate assesment of my personality, but, whatever...

----------Which disorder are you?



:(

meh... boredom

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bloody hypocrite [13 Feb 2003|02:01am]
[ mood | hypocritical ]
[ music | Against Me! - We Laugh at Danger and Break All the Rules ]

i love how i sit here and buy all these records about how shitty the world is and we all need to do our part to change it and make a better life for us all, then i sit in my room night after night writing and listening to music, never doing anything...

i'm just a big fucking hypocrite, i think.
I can blame some of it on my inhibitions and inability to convey what i feel to other people, but that is a fucking cop out.

I have my beliefs, but i never really talk about them, and when i do, i am ignored...

whatever... i need to find a creative way to express my thoughts...

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Score One for the War on Drugs! [12 Feb 2003|11:37pm]
[ mood | appaled ]
[ music | One Minute SIlence - Pig Until Proven Cop ]

You have to love the bullshit our government does.----------

Grieving family blasts feds over claims in shooting of teen


By Maro Robbins
Express-News Staff Writer

Web Posted : 02/12/2003 4:26 PM

As family members arranged today for the funeral of a 14-year-old shot during a stakeout, they lashed out in grief at the federal government's suggestion that the youth was to blame for her own death.
Ashley Villarreal?s uncle, Pete Villarreal, sobbing after he came back from arranging the funeral today, called the shooting senseless.

He said that nothing the girl did was suspicious enough to justify agents opening fire. As he put it, her only crime was driving around the block without headlights and without a license.

"She was killed because she committed a traffic violation," he said.

Ashley died Tuesday evening after her family requested that she be taken off life support.

She suffered a gunshot wound to the head Sunday night when, federal authorities say, an agent from the Drug Enforcement Agency opened fire on a darkened car South San Joaquin Street that had accelerated toward him. The girl was behind the wheel of the car.

The agents were there to get the girl's father, Joey Angel Villarreal, a three-time convicted drug offender who turned himself in and was charged with cocaine trafficking a day after the shooting.

The Villarreal family and friends have disputed the federal authorities? claims.

Villarreal said he was frustrated at how the government emphasized the fact that the car didn't have headlights on. He asked how many people have not driven without lights for a stretch when they pulled away from their home or a parking lot?

"There was no reason for anyone to die," he said.

According to officials, Sunday's incident began when agents watched two figures driving without headlights from the house in a hurry after 11 p.m. As agents tried to block the car's path, the driver accelerated.

Believing the car was going to ram him, an agent on foot opened fire twice. The agent was "clipped" but not hurt by the vehicle. The car went into reverse and an agent standing behind it discharged two additional shots. Ashley was the only one wounded.

Daniel Robles, a 44-year-old friend of the family who was riding in the car with Ashley, claimed Tuesday that a car tailed closely behind their car immediately after pulling out of the driveway. Ashley, who was moving the car behind the house, said she thought they were being followed and sped up.

Another vehicle, a pickup, came at them from the front, Robles said. When Ashley veered right onto Motes Street, they collided.

Robles said the agents opened fire immediately after the crash and didn't identify themselves until afterward.

Officials have declined to respond to Robles' version or to discuss details of the case, citing a pending investigation.

Visitation for Ashley starts at 2 p.m. Thursday, followed by a rosary at 7 p.m. at the Castillo Mission Funeral Home at 520 N. Gen. McMullen Drive.

The following day, a Mass has been scheduled for 10 a.m. at St. Jude's Catholic Church at 130 S. San Augustine St. Burial will follow at San Fernando Cemetery No. 2.

"A 14-year-old girl," Pete Villarreal said, "should not be buried on Valentine's Day."

mrobbins@express-news.net

----------

"It isn't a war against drugs, it's a war against personal freedom. Keep that in mind at all times."
-- Bill Hicks

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Crap [12 Feb 2003|02:40pm]
[ mood | crappy ]
[ music | Frosted Porn Flakes - 2% Milk ]

It sucked.

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Blah [12 Feb 2003|06:25am]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | Dead Kennedys - We've Got Bigger Problems Now (live) ]

Time to go to school...

Today will either suck, or be really cool...
don't know what that means, but it must mean something...

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revenge [12 Feb 2003|01:25am]
[ mood | vengeful ]
[ music | Six Feet Under - Knife, Gun, Axe ]

*burns down Valentines Day*

that is all.

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Art, piercings, tattoos... [12 Feb 2003|01:22am]
[ mood | self-mutilatory (i made it up) ]
[ music | Sepultira w/ Jon Davis and Mike Patton - Lookaway ]

yeha, i'm a little kid who still talks about how cool whatever piercings are...

not really, there are certain things I have wanted, just haven't gotten 'em ... like an industrial in both ears:


I already have my lip pierced off-center (left) for whatever reason.
want to go get the other side done... maybe get some spikes, be an uber-poser...

I wrote the word "AGAINST" on me arm in a sorta cool way... I'd like to have that word somewhere on me... or "Learntoswim"

no tattoos, but i really dont want one just yet...

blah, i'm such a fucking dork.

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Inhibit [12 Feb 2003|01:13am]
[ mood | depressed/optimistic/very tired ]
[ music | Gary Numan - My Jesus ]

I need to start making some friends, I'm getting kind of depressed with this whole only talking to people online, rarely sleeping lifestyle.

Moving a lot has kind of fucked up my ability to just go talk to people, so yeha. trying to work through that. decided that tomorrow (later today, whatever), I am going to go and talk to... someone... anyone that interests me, I guess.

I need to actually TALK to another human being. Someone with my interests, or just someone interesting.
heh, mabe I can get someone to listen to Against Me!...

fat chance, but that would be awesome.

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Random Against Me! Quotes... [11 Feb 2003|11:30pm]
[ mood | sad ]
[ music | Against Me! - I am a Citizen ]

"It doesn't even turn my stomach to see the pictures of atrocities anymore. Going numb in the new order of the new century. And the world still sleeps tonight."

"Marching with god, throwing stones across the ocean. It's this week's topic of discussion, a headline of the past. It won't make an impact unless it's fucking armageddon. Nine shots to the head my god I'm still fucking breathing. Coming at you live on TV "

"You believe in authority - I believe in myself."

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Tired as fuck [11 Feb 2003|10:51pm]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | Against Me! - Eight Full Hours of Sleep ]

wow, i love night school...

gotta do Current Events and Math homework for tomorrow...

i really hate Valentines Day... it depresses the shit out of me...

it shouldn't, it isn't a real holiday, but i always feel empty and... i don' know... something is missing in my life.

on an unrelated matter:

Osama bin Laden and I share some veiws regarding America...

not like, the murder-jihad and citizen killing part, but about how this war in iraq is a financial act, not a military act.

i despise anything done to help the economy, it's all fake. it's money. people dying for little pieces of green paper and black liquid.

Fucking capital gain is the most brutal killer.

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