2:27AM - i can't tell you from the drugs... keep my heart somewhere drugs don't go . . .
i'm so frustrated & so pissed off right now.
i am so fucking sick & tired of getting wasted being people's first priority - ESPECIALLY when they KNOW they're supposed to be waiting for a call from someone - whether it be me or no, i don't fucking care who you are or who the other person is - if you're supposed to be meeting up with someone later on so that they can come fuckin party with you, don't get so fucking shitfaced that you can't fucking function enough to even remember to pick up the goddamn phone for that person.
seriously how fucking self-centered and waste case can you be?
i am sick and fucking tired of this immature "just get fucked up" mentality.
GROW THE FUCK UP EVERYBODY!! it's fucking ridiculous the way ppl act lately.
and smoking - ppl who smoke, holy fucking shit don't even tell me that doesn't effect you.
and i'm not talking about ciggs.
don't even fucking TRY to tell me that doesn't fuck your life up.
YOU COULDN'T EVEN REMEMBER TO PICK UP THE FUCKING PHONE FOR ME!
WHAT KIND OF FUCKING FRIEND ARE YOU FOR CRYING OUT LOUD?!
WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT?!
omfgh i just want to fucking go scream at the top of my lungs.
i want to scream at you.
i want to fucking yell so bad.
i want to fight so much.
i am sick and tired of smoking being such a priority to you that i'm not one at all.
i thought we were supposed to be best friends?
I AM SO FUCKING SICK AND TIRED OF GETTING PUT SECOND TO DRUGS.
i almost want to cry. seriously, i have never been this fucking hurt, frustrated, pissed off, and disappointed in someone in a fucking long ass time.
and you of all people, i thought you were better than this.
i'm beginning to think NO ONE who smokes is any better than the weed they're blazing..
seriously.
fuck drugs & fuck everybody who does them.
fuck everything that has to do with drugs.
i am so fucking done with all of you. every single fucking one of you.
i am sick and tired of losing ppl i care about, who i thought cared about me, all to fucking drugs.
I AM A PERSON WITH FEELINGS, A HEART, A SOUL, A BRAIN.
I CARE ABOUT YOU AND ALL YOU FUCKING CARE ABOUT IS GETTING HIGH.
HOW THE FUCK DO YOU THINK THAT MAKES ME FEEL?!
i knew this was going to happen.
as soon as i chucked that shit outta my life for good i knew i was going to lose you.
but i sat there hoping maybe, just maybe, you were a better person than that.
i'm beginning to think that nobody who smokes is or will ever be.
and until someone proves me wrong, i will continue to think that.
because the majority of ppl who i have been friends with who smoke have turned out like this.
you don't think it does, but it owns your fucking life.
and this is so fucking pathetic.
& i am so fucking done.
how the fuck could you do this to me?
you of all people, who knew how hurt (& not in a high sense) i was over everything that happened this past summer.
you of all people who i talked to and told almost everything to.
you of all people who was there for me when i needed you most.
but apparently only because you wanted someone to chill with you when you wanted to smoke.
well fuck that.
i'm done.
i'm done with it all.
i'm done with being around it.
i'm done with being around ppl who do it.
i am completely done with all of it. for good. no matter what.
i can't do this anymore.
first i almost lost a parent to it.
then i pretty much lost a person i loved more than anything.
now i lost the best friend i thought i had. a person i thought i knew.
who else? whose next? i already know one person slowly going down.
that makes what.. 4 people in my life who have let this shit take over their lives?
& i'm not trying to sit here & be selfish and say "put me before everything" b/c that's not the case & that's not how i am, but honestly... HONESTLY... drugs?! before a person who can love you and care for you and fulfill you more than any fucking stupid substance ever could?
fuck that.
fuck it all.
i hate this.
i hate everything about it.
and i'm done.
all i wanted was to go out after work & see my friends... or who i thought was my friend..
but no. you're too busy getting stoned off your fucking ass to think about someone whose a true friend.
so thanks a fucking lot.
thanks a whole fucking bunch.
makes me feel great.
so much for that friendship, eh?
UGH i just feel like jumping off my balcony right now.
honestly, drugs are so important to all of you that i doubt anyone would fucking notice or care.
i hate this so much.
how the hell did this turn into my life?
this is supposed to be someone else's problem not mine - i had enough of this before i was old enough to remember.
so why put me through it now that i'm old enough to remember every single thing about it, from the hurt to the tears to the heartbreak & more.
this is all so fucked up.
how did i get here in the first place?
i wish i could take it all back.
so badly.
i hate this.
& i'm seriously beginning to hate my life all over again.
maybe it's this place.
maybe i'm overtired.
but all i know is i'm sincerely hurt by what happened tonight.
if this is how it's going to be then honestly, what's the point?
this isn't a friendship. this is bullshit. and i'm done with it.
i can't take this shit any longer.
disappointed