1:23AM - i lose... :-\ but i guess in this field, it's really nothing new..
just tell me one thing..
you can choose which one you answer.. but i just have so many questions.. so many things i want to know..
when did you stop caring?
what made you stop?
did i do something wrong or was it you?
i mean call me pompous, but i really don't think it was me.
how could i have done something wrong when all i did was be myself?
when all i did was care..
i care too much.
i think too much.
i hate time.
it tears things apart.
makes things awkward and suck.k
i don't like awkward and sucky things.
or situations.
and i definitely don't like the kind of change that takes things or people out of my life for good.
i've lost too many people i care about.
i can't bare to deal with this.
i hate this.
seriously.. wtf?
& you wanna know the worst part?
i can't even say anything to you because i'm scared.
i am petrified more than anything that saying something to you is going to cause problems.
or that if i say anything more than i have, i will definitely just push you away.
mostly cos you would never feel that way again, would you?
the thing that hurts the most, is i never stopped.
i just pushed my feelings aside and buried them.
concentrating on everyone and everything else.
anything at all just to avoid thinking of you & the past.
i don't know what more to say.
and i don't want you to read this.
but then again part of me does.
but then part of me goes back to not wanting you to.
cos i'm afraid that it'll just make things worse.
& now thinking about it..
i'm tempted not to post this..
i'm sure by tomorrow, if i remember.. this will be on private.
ughhhhhhhhhh
i hate this.
i'm going to get a labotomy so i can't feel anymore.
yea.. that sounds about right.
and impossible.
and stupid.
ugh.
i'm done.goodnight..
exhausted