12:42PM - . . . cutting back through time waiting for your line to call & take me far away, & i wonder now will you be there too? with all the time i thought f you, cos i need you more, i need you more than that . . .
so i have this favorite quote & picture from OTH..
it's from the episode where all the seniors get paired with people and have to learn more about that person, whether they actually know them or not. they need to find out their deepest secrets, some of their most personal things, their fears, their thoughts, their desires..
in the episode Brooke talks about not feeling like she's enough for anyone.
for those of you who don't watch the show, she is student council president, captain of the cheerleading squad & all around the most popular girl at Tree Hill High.. so how is it that she's just not enough.. right?
but it's so true - no matter how much you do sometimes you're just not enough for something or someone.
for instance, no matter how much you care about someone you might not be enough for them.. good enough.. enough of what they want.. and, esp in the case of relationships w.someone you like as more than a friend.. not pretty enough.
there are always those insecurities that there is always someone better than you.
so in my fit of overthinking and being full-on emo last night, i made a wallpaper for my computer.. it's nothing too complicated.. i could probably add some psp brushwork to it.. but for now i like it the way it is.
i used two different versions of my favorite shot of brooke from this episode and changed the effects on them.. in 7 diff. ways..
this is how it turned out:
so anyway.. this morning, while i was getting ready for work i see my mom head toward my computer and was like.. wow.. i was getting ready to get really upset with you..
and i was like why? obviously i was confused cos she watches OTH with me.. she's seen this episode.. what's the big deal? besides it's not like it's derrogatory or degrading or anything..
and she goes "because i thought it was you."
uhmm.. what?
idk.. it just kinda made me feel good that like.. for a second, even if it was a tired-eyes moment.. someone considered me as beautiful as a person who i personally think is probably one of the most gorgeous people i have ever seen.
so yea.. i guess there are two points to writing this..
one to say sometimes i really feel the same way Brooke described feeling in this episode..
and two: to say that it felt good to, in a way, be compared to someone who i consider more than good enough.. beyond good enough at acting, far-surpassing good enough looking, and idk.. just overall i think she's perfect.. and that's pretty much good enough.
on that note i'm going to go read Harry Potter & pass out.. i am beyond exhausted.. and i'm still overthinking..
if i could only be good enough for you to keep around. . .
i just don't get what changed.