it's funny how the subconscious works.
you tell yourself consciously (or so you tell others) that you're not doing something
when in actuality you are - and you're doing the exact opposite of what you said you wouldn't do.
likewise, it's sad that people throw things away after spending so much time on them.
everything at le moyne, from what i have learned over the past 2 years so far, is disposable.
even best friends.
it's pathetic the way people work - for their own advancement. for their own needs.
and the one time one of the only people who doesn't work that way, does something for themselves, they lose all they thought they knew.
i guess it just goes to show if it's a struggle, a constant uphill battle, 24/7 walking on eggshells, and constantly feeling pushed aside and stabbed in the back no matter how much reassurance you get that it's not happening - it is, and it's not worth it.
the only thing i have learned that i can truly rely on are my friends from home.
my SJ friends. and my sup slutters. other than that - everything is/has been fake. everything is/has been bullshit waiting to explode in my face.
i was convenient.
i was there.
i was always nice.
it's easy to toss someone like that to the side.
so i'm done letting people walk all over me and i'm done bending over backward & being there for people who rarely concern themselves with the needs/wants/what's best for people other than themselves.
it's absolutely pathetic that as college students, this is what it comes down to.
this bullshit? this drama? is worse than h.s.
and honestly, lately, i regret changing the person who i was then to the person who i am now. my personality never really changed, per say, but the people i hang out with did. and i regret that.
i miss the down-to-earth people who just don't give a shit.
i miss the people who care about others and do things for other people equally as things are received.
the people who don't just use others because it benefits them.
so i'm going back to those people who actually give a shit about people other than themselves.
because those are the ones worth my time, worth-while, and the ones who will last the longest.
have fun with your little charade.
have a nice life.
and keep caring about yourself, cos sooner or later, after you pull your shit on everyone else, no one else is going to - ever.
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