do you ever feel like you feel like you don't really know where feels like home anymore?
last semester LMC was home. hands down - it was home.
over XMas break, CT was NOT home.. LMC was and there was no real question about it for me.
now it's like..
CT is "home" as you would by definition call it, but i still feel weird being here.
LMC is just weird.
it's a place at this point.
a place that sometimes feels like home
other times feels like a place i'm going to be for a little while but i don't really belong.
i don't really get what changed.
i honestly don't.
it's not like i have less friends - if anything, i have more.
it's not like i'm doing a ton less - and if i am it's honestly by choice b/c i need to focus on my grades.
so i'm not really sure what's going on with this "home" feeling
but right now i feel kind of homeless.
like i'm sitting here in my house
and i hate saying this or even thinking it
but i don't really know what this place feels like anymore.
it's home and i know it is
but sometimes i feel like it's only home because by default that's what it's always been and always will be.
i'm so confused.
SO INCREDIBLY confused.
and i hate it more than anything.
cos i need a place i feel at home.
it's just this thing. i need it. idk why.
but i mean.. how horrible is it to feel like you don't really know where home is?
or to question whether or not you even really have one.
i mean i know i can always come back here.
i know this place will always be here.
so what's the questioning about? why am i concerned with this?
why am i sitting here trying to figure out how i feel about all of these places and things?
i'm sick just thinking about it sometimes.
and i hate all of it - all the thinking, all the considering, and all the questioning.
it just makes no sense.
and of all things to not make sense right now
this is probably the worst one to do so.
ugh..
idk..
i just had to get that out..
:-/
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