1:29AM - used... [..i.guess.i.should.be.USED.to.this.by.now..]
i'm not sure where i b e l o n g
nowhere's home & i'm all wrong
truest lyrics ever written.
i just want to find a place i can call home
and feel right there..
i thought here was that place..
but the truth is.. nothing here is concrete
and everyone is apparently disposable to everyone else.
you're only as good as the resources people can use you for..
then you're no good at all.((taken from my lovely away message tonight..))
i'm sick of it.
sick and fucking tired of all of it.
i can't deal with going through "friends" like this EVERY FUCKING YEAR.
there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong with me whatsoever.
other than the fact that i let people walk all the fuck over me.
and then when i confront them about it, i'm too fucking nice cos i don't want to start a fight.
i was the link between all of this, so how is it that i'm the one getting pushed away and pushed out. pushed completely to the side.
i am NOT going to look like that mindless girl who follows people around cos i am so the exact opposite.
i have strong opinions, i have a great mind of my own, and i am my own person.
i am unique, original, intelligent, caring, compassionate, opinionated, strong-willed and strond-minded young woman.
i am not some college student stuck in h.s. who needs a clique to belong to.
yes, i like to have friends.
yes, i like to have a lot of people to talk to.
but i don't need some stupid fucking group to identify myself with.
even when i label my friends and i as a group, it's always been as a joke.
i can't deal with this shit anymore.
and i am completely sick and fucking tired of getting used and fucked over.
and i hate the fact that i'm too nice to everyone to the extent that i allow it to continually happen.
from the same people, in fact.
over and over and over again.
i'm being worn down and beaten mentally and emotionally and i can't take much more of it.
i just can't take it.
so much for "you're seriously my favorite person here. i love you so much. i don't know what i would do without you."
so much for caring. so much for all of it. i feel so used and so stupid and so fucked over.
why can't people just get over themselves and see that other people have needs as well?
i can't take this anymore.
i really can't.
and if it keeps up, i don't know what i'm going to do.
i don't even want to think about where it will drive me to..
i shouldn't have to feel like this.
it's not fair. and it's not right. at all.