11:07PM - all i want for christmas . . . (is all i have yet to get)
it's so weird to look at pictures of you and me and think i no longer feel anything.
especially after all the hell i went through to get over you.
but i wouldn't have it any other way.
i love being able to be friends the way we are.
i love being able to look at the pictures of us and you and i with our mutual friends and think about how this is what i wanted last year - for us to hang out and be normal.
for us to have pictures together.
for there to be tangible proof that you are/were part of my life.
because i was so afraid that when it ended - you would be nothing in my life ever again.
i'm so happy i was so wrong.
i love the way things are.
i love being friends.
i love being over you.
i love being free like this.
you could never know how liberating and amazing it feels to feel this free from such a strong feeling that involuntarily had me tied down so tight.
maybe things really do happen for a reason.
now i just have to figure out why the new "you" is being so weird toward me.
i'm pushing away from now on.
i'm not going to be the girl who IMs the boy.
i'm not going to be the one who runs to you.
if you want to be with me, you get to me.
it's not my responsibility.
not anymore.
i did my part.
i invited you over.
told you i wanted you around.
made it known that you were more than welcome anytime, ever.
now i'm just waiting for you to take your opporunity before it's too late.
cos i'm not letting myself get so tied up again on someone who doesn't like me the way i like him.
it's not fair.
accomplished