2:44PM - why does this *always* happen?
statistics show that when asked, most women would say their goal for life isn't a career-oriented one but a family-oriented one.
mine?
to be married and have a kid by the age of 25.
and now i'm seeing more and more that it's not going to happen.
and that depresses me so much.
i've never even had a serious bf. i'm just that girl who is everyones friend
I HATE BEING THE FRIEND!!
i feel like i'm never going to be "that girl" and it just bothers me.
i'm so sick of letting myself fall for people who aren't falling for me.
or letting myself fall for people who are only around for a little while.
i seriously thought you liked me. i really really did.
you had me convinced. now you've got me confused.
it's not fair how you have so much power over me.
it's never fair how any of you have so much power over any of us.
you can make a day completely miserable and then with just the click of three buttons on a key board to say "hi" you can turn it completely around.
why do we let you do this to us?
fuck if i know.
i wish i knew so i could prevent it.
kendra and i went to get salad last night and we were talking about how we totally deserve for something good to happen to us for once.
no more floozy skeezy boys, but a boy that's going to stick around and not use us to try & get some.
it's not fair.. all my life i have been the good girl, the nice one. the girl who will do anything for anyone - i would be such a great gf and i know it. and i'm ready for it. so why hasn't it come to me? why is it that i always get pushed to the side for some other girl.
or worse yet - my friends.
i'm always the girl guys come to and say "omgh your friend ____________ is so hott."
thanks guys.. thanks.
real confidence booster if i don't say so my mother fucking self.
i'm not trying to sit here and blow up my own bubble, but i know i'm an attractive girl.
and for once i want someone to realize that.
you did. you called me beautiful. and 11 on a scale of 1-10.
you made me feel so amazing about myself. i loved kissing you. i loved having you come over and hang out.
you weren't there for my friends. you were there for me.
and now someone else "intrigues" you and it's not me and i hate knowing that i'm probably losing you.. if i ever even had you to begin with.
i feel so stupid for thinking there was a chance that you liked me in more of a way than just to come over and chill, drink, and have one-on-one chill time.
all you gave me the night of my bday was a goodnight kiss. you didn't expect anything.
you kissed me in front of my friends.
you kissed me at the stupid snowball in front of people too.
i thought that meant something.
people don't normally do something like that unless it means something.
especially not guys.
i don't get you.
& i still have your sweatshirt.
you said to hold on to it. to keep it over break.
it's laying on my extra bed. it'd be weird to have it with me.
i figured by saying to keep it, that you meant you'll come over after break
but i'm not really sure if it means anything if you do anymore.
i want break to be over right now so i can see you and see how things are.
i miss you and that's stupid.
cos i doubt you're missing me.
disappointed