1:45AM - the hardest confession i'll ever have to make and i'm not even saying it to you...
how can you call telling me to hit you up closure?
how can you justify all of this by saying "i still want to kiss you" or "you still make me hard" and not think that i won't think anything more of it.
how in the fucking hell could you possibly think that all of this was supposed to help me get over you and forget about us?
it's fucking BULLSHIT
i can't take this. i really just can't.
you had my hopes up so high that maybe things could get back to normal between us.
but nothing can ever be normal between us ever again after all of this. ever.
and i hate that.
i just want to go back to last year when you made me so happy.
when i never once shed a goddamn tear over you because you never gave me reason to.
when i trusted you so much and knew that you were there.
knew that you were there for me. knew that you were around and my friend.
i miss knowing i have someone to kiss. someone to cuddle with.
someone to count on to be there. someone i could call and say "come over" and you would.
someone who would call me 5 times within an hour when i'm passed out drunk because he promised me he would see me later that night.
someone who wouldn't "feel her more" than you're "feeling" me.
i let myself fall so hard.
i gave in to something i should have held on to.
someone asked me last night if i fell in love with you...
and for the first time in my life..
the first time ever..
i admitted it.
i did.
i had.
and i do.
and it hurts so much to admit it and know you will never ever feel the same way about me.
i love you.
and i'm sorry.
crushed