i saw three shooting stars tonight.
it was a good night overall..
but i keep getting so depressed late at night lately.
i feel so alone and so lost and i'm so sick of being this lonely and confused.
all i wanted was to talk things out with you, but you couldn't even be decent enough to grant me the satisfaction of having closure.
i'm running on a false hope that maybe one day you'll come back.
but i don't want to be that girl you fall back on after everyone has come and gone.
i want to be your first choice, because you always have been mine.
i feel like the most single person in the entire universe.
and it's upsetting me to the point where i dont know what to do with myself.
i don't want to be single anymore. i want someone to like me for once, the way that i like them.
i want to be normal and have people attracted to me.
but no one is.
and i feel like no one ever was.
and sometimes i honestly think no one ever really will be.
i see reasons why people would be attracted to me, but i don't get why they aren't.
i have a great personality, i'm fun, nice, caring, sweet..
maybe i'm too much of a good person?
i don't know.
i can be attractive at times.
other times i can be scrubby.
i'm human.
i'm normal.
but that doesn't make me physically unattractive.
i've started to feel better about myself, and i feel more confident and more satisfied with myself than i have in a long time, and yet that changes nothing.
everyone said it would.
i guess everyone just lies to make people feel better.
what is it about me that i can't get anyone i want, ever?
what is it about me that makes it so that everyone else around me gets someone but i'm never nearly as good looking or as awesome as my girl friends are?
that's what bugs me the most, is every one of my girl friends has someone.
or has someone who finds them attractive enough to like or something.
me? i have guy friends. a ton of boys who i consider friends. who consider me a friend. but no boys who consider me anything more than a friend.
nor would they ever do so.
i constantly hear that my friends are hott.
and how much my guy friends would like to get with them.
i never ever hear from my girl friends that guys say that about me.
i feel like i never will.
if someone could just give me a little insight as to wtf could possibly be wrong with me or something, i'd really appreciate it.
cos i can't do this being alone for the rest of my life thing.
i've been alone long enough and i just want it to change.
i want you to come back.
but i don't want to be used.
and then there's you..
i feel like i bother you.. so do you want me to just lay off? idk.
how am i ever supposed to know?
i just don't. and i won't. i don't think i ever will. and that sucks.
i just wish you were interested.
i just wish you would chill.
either of you.
but most of all i just wish i wasn't so....
invisibly alone.
i guess that's how to put it...
:-/
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