3:43PM
i found the best friends i could ever ask for in people i only just recently met (within a year before this past summer began). i had a better summer than i could ever have imagined. and yet i find myself feeling left out and forgotten. pushed to the side and uncared about. but not by the people i hung out with all summer, because i love them more than life itself and i know they care about me just as much, but instead by people who i knew for four years longer than i knew more than half of the people who have now come to prove to be the best friends i have ever had.
i spent four years of my high school career acquiring friends.
by senior year, i thought i had the best.
during freshman year, things changed.
completely.
how is it that within only a few months everything as i knew it altered more than anything in my life ever really has?
is it because i went 5 hours away?
if so, that's fucked up.
i don't really understand why, but all of a sudden the people who i used to trust and care about, people who i used to confide in before college, now seem so distant and far away.
i didn't think i missed them until just recently.
screw them, i always thought. i don't need them if they don't need me.
and i guess it's not so much that i need them as it is i feel left out and replaced or something along those lines.
it just hurts to look at pictures and see all my friends from high school hanging out and having fun, but i'm no where in them. i never knew what anyone was doing all summer.
i mentioned "we have to hang out. call me when you guys are all chilling and whatever." but i never heard from anyone.
what especially hurts is knowing that a person i confided in turned around and stabbed me in the back to hang out with these people.
i thought we were all friends, but i guess i was some sort of middle-person.
there to talk shit to and then not say a word to those people when you went off to hang out with them.
hanging out with the people they supposedly did not like.
i was confused. hurt. felt stabbed in the back.
and now because of it, i feel like i've been pushed out and am unwanted.
it's the worst feeling in the world to know that people i confided in, people i loved, people i cared about so much, seemingly want nothing to do with me.
as surrounded as i am by amazing friends. i miss the old ones.
i just wish they missed me as much as i miss them.
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